I think your response to humdog probably confirms what I more or less suspected all along: on the issues of intimacy, relationships, and BDSM you and I are vastly different people who are probably incapable of reaching any sort of mutual understanding. No big deal. After all, it’s not as though either one of us gets to have the final say on what is or isn’t deemed appropriate human behavior. They’ll still be fighting that battle long after our bones have turned to dust.

Reading some of your other articles and posts on here, I find a lot to agree with whenever you’re not talking about BDSM. I’m not here in some misguided attempt to change your mind about the lifestyle. Whatever you might think, we’re not a cult looking to recruit new members and convert them into drooling brainwashed slaves. And I’m not going to suggest you keep your opinions to yourself. It would be hypocritical of me to ask anyone else to do something I’m incapable of doing myself. So, why am I responding at all? Because you seem eager to speak with certainty about the motivations and mindset of a group you’re not a part of and have no real sympathy for. And, like most people who engage in this pass time, you’re way off base and need to be called on it.

No matter what you think or how authoritatively you state it, BDSM is not “an ideology based on breaking down and negating the human will ostensibly in the name of intimacy and connection.” It’s not really an ideology at all. Not in the sense that Communism or Socialism or representative Democracy are. Nor in the sense that Christianity or Islam or Scientology are. It’s a preference. A kink. Something that a percentage of the human race likes for no clear rhyme or reason. For those of us who enjoy it, it’s a visceral thrill that heightens intimacy and sensuality. A thrilling illusion of danger experienced in a consensual setting that’s safe and controlled. Like riding a roller coaster, skydiving, or watching a horror movie with your eyes half covered but unable to look away.

And believe it or not, BDSM isn’t the be-all and end-all of our relationships. No Domme that I know wants a submissive who’s broken, beaten, emotionally drained, and dehumanized. You’re confusing BDSM with domestic violence, but if you’ve ever watched an episode of Cops you’ll already be aware that most abusive husbands don’t have a closet full of ballgags, floggers, and gimp masks. Nor do they use safewords or have long discussions with their spouses about mutually acceptable boundaries. In contrast, those of us in BDSM love and cherish our partners as unique and special individuals. When we’re not in the bedroom enjoying a good spanking, we’re apt to be talking about the successes and frustrations of our day at work, the cool book we just finished reading, or where we’d like to go on vacation next year. In other words, all the things normal couples share on a daily basis.

Alright, I do tend to ramble! My point is this: maybe the next time you’re preparing a rant condemning the evils of BDSM you’ll stop and think about what I’ve just said before you invent motivations and desires that don’t reflect the actual experience of those engaged in the lifestyle. BDSM isn’t for you; we get that. You feel it’s important to express your concerns; by all means. But try to play fair. You can talk with absolute certainty about your own feelings and emotions (after all, who could possibly know what you’re thinking better), but when it comes to what’s going on in the minds of others you might consider showing a little humility. Love and sex really aren’t a one-size-fits-all deal. Honest. If you truly respect the dignity and integrity of the individual, please don’t try to tell us what the meaning of BDSM is and why we like to engage in it. In return, we’ll try our best not to speculate on the motivations of fundamentalist Christian foot-washers. Unless of course we ARE fundamentalist Christian foot-washers…

Cheers,

Trixie Belden Batz

Washing feet is something that Jesus did with His disciples. It’s not an act of submission, but a service, a kindness. Jesus said His followers should wash the feet of the poor, that is, not be too proud to perform services of kindness to those they felt beneath them. In those days, feet-washing was a bigger deal because they walked around in the dust in sandals and had to wash their feet more.

So Christians take this symbolic act from the Bible and the fundamentalists do it as a literal ritual. How you can compare something that is not involving violence, coercion, pain, or bondage, is beyond me.

Whatever the “service” or “kindness” you think exists in BDSM, it is an ideology based on breaking down and negating the human will ostensibly in the name of intimacy and connection. There’s another way of course: accepting the will and dignity of another person and restraining oneself in spirit to achieve intimacy not through coercion or pain but through communication. BDSM is really the antithesis of the Christian idea. That’s why you hate it, because you feel it somehow tramples on your freedom. But it is about the very voluntary consent that you claim is the basis of BDSM.

Many of your ideas are Marxist and are extreme and since you don’t appear lacking in intelligence, I have to call you on them, as they make you appear stupid. I just called you on them in the other thread; you couldn’t reply. You made a knee-jerk anti-American rant, when it’s in fact the EU that we have to thank for this current state of affairs.

the fact however is that bdsm is not in and of itself any weirder than anything else in life. just the other day i was reading a marie claire magazine and it featured an article about a family in colorado springs, fundamentalist christian people, who had raised their daughter such that her first act on her wedding night was to wash her husband’s feet to show her submission to him. now my question is: how is that different from somebody washing the feet of their master or mistress? to my mind it is not different. it is just that if i put the BDSM letters in front of submission then it is bad. if i submit in colorado springs under the authority of Focus on the Family or whatever, well then it is good and holy.

so basically what i think is: prok. go home. you been writing the same essay since 2004 and it has not aged well.

thank you,

humdog

I’m confused. On one hand, you seem to be mocking the BDSM crowd for crying wolf when there’s no clear, immediate threat to their lifestyle on SL. On the other hand, you’re tossing about comments like the following:

“I don’t wish to live in a society in RL, or SL for that matter, in which I have to leave it to a BDSM mom to protect both her own kids — and mine — from her objectionable lifestyle. It’s my right to continue to condemn this practice. I don’t at all accept the argumentation of BDSM apologists for what is legal or illegal.”

and:

“BDSM is antithetical to Christianity, to the Christian notion of free will and the dignity and integrity of the individual.”

Now, I realize you’re just stating your opinions, not advocating for the full-scale abolition of BDSM on SL (or at least that’s how I read it, correct me if I’m wrong as I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth). But they’re clearly opinions you hold VERY strongly. Given your own personal distaste for BDSM, do you honestly believe there aren’t a LOT of people out there who would like to see it banned from SL? Of course there are.

And given the ambiguous-at-best post from Daniel Linden stating “real-life images, avatar portrayals, and other depictions of sexual violence including rape, real-life images, avatar portrayals, and other depictions of extreme or graphic violence, and other broadly offensive content are never allowed or tolerated within Second Life,” do you really believe it’s foolish and misguided for those of us who want BDSM to remain a part of SL (in mature areas) to act now, in a preemptive manner?

Maybe it’s all a tempest in a tea cup. Maybe nobody at SL has any intention of ever shutting down the BDSM and Gorean areas. But experience teaches that it’s far easier to prevent bad policies before they’re ever instituted than it is to repeal them after the fact. That’s why there’s so much activism going on right now; many of us feel this is our best chance to nip it in the bud.

One closing observation. You really seem to have it in for poor Jazhara. You accuse her of “…using the time-worn BDSM method of humiliation and mind control.” and follow that up with an invitation to “Fuck off with that shit, I’m not in your RP.” Let’s take a look at what the mean old Domme actually said. To quote: “Please, I ask of you all, focus on the matter at hand: make sure you have the freedom to express yourself on the next generation internet, regardless of personal preference, lifestyle and opinion.”

“Please.” “I ask”

If that’s what you call humiliation and mind control, you might want to look into purchasing a thicker skin. By far the worst name calling, intimidation, and outright rudeness that I’ve seen on this thread is coming from you. And, having said that, perhaps I’d better add my own name to the list. I try not to be a hot-head, but it’s a struggle at times. Especially when I’m being called “antithetical to…the dignity and integrity of the individual.”

Sincerely,

Trixie Belden Batz

I’m asking why you feel it’s such a threat to you that I am almost see the smoke coming out of your ears behind your red glowing face every time you post about it.

Lewis

Second Life – as proven by all current scientific criteria – is not Real Life. It is your opinion – however deluded it may be – that it is the same as Real Life.

I am still waiting on your scientific, irrefutable proof showing your claim to be anything other than an opinion.

Just so you know dear … In cases like this you are the one who must provide proof (despite the fact that I know you cannot, as such proof simply does not exist anywhere else than in your mind).

I don’t wish to live in a society in RL, or SL for that matter, in which I have to leave it to a BDSM mom to protect both her own kids — and mine — from her objectionable lifestyle. It’s my right to continue to condemn this practice. I don’t at all accept the argumentation of BDSM apologists for what is legal or illegal.

What I do say is that we should refrain from abuse reporting based on judgements that will be subjective no matter how you parse them, and that we need to deprive the Lindens of their police informant state.

Lewis, BDSM is antithetical to Christianity, to the Christian notion of free will and the dignity and integrity of the individual. I’m surprised I’d have to give you a lesson that, but ask your pastor, who knows, there are all kinds of sects out there, perhaps he can find a way to approve it for you.

Lewis