The Alphaville Herald

Reality is Such a Buzz Kill

by Pixeleen Mistral on 05/01/07 at 10:41 pm

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

HEY HEARTUN~ I guess you could say my online fantasy relationship ‘worked’. At first we sent each other fake pictures and revealed fake ages, but as the months went by the confessions came out. I am a 19 year old girl and my online boyfriend (now my ‘RL’ boyfriend) revealed he is 18. Only a year younger, but he was not the “Mr. Hotshot” he showed me pictures of. Instead he is a normal guy. Athletically figured, normal face, normal scruffy hair and some vague morning shadow.

And I am not the raven haired, pierced up, buffed and big breasted “Ms. Playboy” I’d claimed to be. I’m a normal girl with your everyday insecurities, slim figure, blond hair.

Somehow after 2 years of being with him and meeting up, showing our affection.. I kind of miss playing the role of the whorish beauty I used to be. I fell in love with the man of my dreams, and so many people envy our love. and I know how much he means to me with all the new-found honesty and how he treats me with such a gentle touch… but.. for some reason… I feel strange.

Sometimes I get jealous when he is around other Playboy Hottie girls in-game. I feel like if that’s how we met, then he could find someone else too. I know in my heart he is not interested, and he knows it too. We trust each other with everything inside of us, but sometimes I find myself lying to him about little things. I’ll say, “Gosh, my thong is on too tight!” and little things like that to turn him on — when I really don’t want to — but I feel I “need to”.

It’s like sometimes I DO want the fantasy relationship we had, but I am so in love with who he really is… but I was in love with who I was as well. The sex-craved girl with the perfect body. What’s wrong with me? ~INSIDE OUT

DEAR INSIDE~ So. Um. That’s what a relationship is like when it is ‘working’ for you? Well, congratulations. No need to read further. You are a winner and it would be cruel of me to tell you otherwise.

Then again, I have been accused of being rather harsh so ITS ON!!.

The problem is you’ve got two relationships rattling around in your little head and there’s only room for one. You’ve got this fantasy relationship where you are sexy and powerful and your stud is and alpha male with a six-pack. Then there’s this real life relationship where you’re both kind of geeky, but in that nice way where you are sweet to one another and try to make your lives fit around the other person in a loving way.

You’ve mixed these two realities. The tone of your voice in your first sentence tells me you don’t think you have been successful, but you have. It’s a tall order to make things work on any level both online and in the real world. Especially if you meet online first, then ventured into the world. But you have been successful at it — even though it is also obvious that you want more. Don’t beat yourself up about that, you are normal in that regard.

The way I see it you’ve got a lot going for you but the duality of your expectations could leave you, well, wanting. You need to incorporate the fantasy you two had in your online relationship into your real life relationship. Try talking to him. Tell him how you used to feel when you played Playboy Bunny to his Stud Muffin. Ask him how he felt. See if you two can set aside a special setting in your home (even if that is just throwing a special ‘love-blanket’ over the bed and lighting some smelly candles) where you both get to take a little fantasy vacation. Put some fantasy in your real life, and find a way to feel sexy and powerful, or knuckle down and be happy with what you’ve got… for as long as it lasts. ~HEARTUN BREAKER

Cyber-Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

HEY HEARTUN~ Can you still be friends with someone after you’ve cybered. Even if you don’t want to cyber with them any more? ~FRIENDS FOREVER

DEAR FRIENDS~
The short answer is ‘no.’ But it’s more complicated than that.

Cyber sex is the safest thing out there, and lets face it… it is convenient. Assisted masturbation can be very exciting, but if that’s all you’ve got with your partner that partnership may fade with time. It sounds like that is what happened here — from what little you gave us to go with — and I’m guessing you just don’t want to be a jerk and drop your boreing lover like an adult. So you’ll pull the ‘lets be friends’ routine and meet with the predictable results. Your lover will know they are being spurned, get pissed off or clingy, and give you a reason to drop them where you can blame THEM for the breakup.

After all, you still wanted to be friends and they got all weird on you. Right?

Be an adult. Just tell them you are no longer getting what you want out of the relationship and need to move on. After a cooling off period, if you run into them again, try being friends with them. And as for your next conquest, try being friends first. See if you have something in common besides mutual masturbation and one handed typing. ~HEARTUN BREAKER

‘Scarfing’ Furry Fears For Lover

HEY HEARTUN~ My boyfriend and I are gay furries, but I’m not going to say what kind of animals we are cause I don’t want people to know who we are. But I’m worried. My boyfriend and I are also into scarfing. The last time we were fucking, a week ago, his avie went ‘Away’ and he stopped typing and he eventually logged off.

I’m afraid that he died. I have emailed him and AIM’d him and he hasn’t responded. What do I do? ~SCARFING FURRY

DEAR SCARFING~ I’ve gotten several emails from people who worry their lover or friend may be dead because they don’t log on any more, and in most cases I expect that their lover just moved on. But auto erotic asphyxiation, or ‘scarfing,’ is a different story. It is very deadly.

I understand that cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain at the time of orgasm can intensify that orgasm. I’m told it does this because as the brain approaches asphyxia it kicks out more endorphins. Some people put a plastic bag over their head, others self-strangulate manually, and many us a ligature — a scarf — to cut off the blood flow at the neck.

Dear Scarfing, I really wish I could tell you that your lover just got busy or ditched you. I wish I could tell you what to do to find out if they’re ok. In your case, there’s a good reason to believe that your lover may have died… and worse, you may have witnessed it, in a Second Life way.

But Scarfing, and this pains me to say this, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m going to turn this one over to my readers, and ask that they post their advice in the ‘comment’ section of this site. Perhaps they have an idea you can find useful. Meanwhile, you have my sympathy. ~HEARTUN BREAKER

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