The Alphaville Herald

Breaking: The Herald is Back!

by Urizenus Sklar on 20/09/16 at 9:35 pm

After a long hiatus, the deciders at The Alphaville Herald have opted to resume publication of the Internet’s most fairly unbalanced © news source. Netizens will of course rejoice at this news, but some, lost in their 2016 cynicism might ask “why?” The Herald, of course began as the Toto-too of virtual worlds, pulling back the curtains on the hidden workings of virtual worlds and virtual paramilitary organizations – detailing the dark furry underbelly of virtual world culture, including its griefers and memes and politics and dark dark places. What has changed? Why return now?

Longcat was long in Second Life

Well, virtual worlds have not changed, but so-called Real Life has. In fact Real Life has become a virtual world – not The Spectacle, as foretold by Guy Debord, nor a simulacrum, as Baurdrillard imagined – but a straight-up video game.

All the trolls and memes and griefers and the whatthefuckedupedness of Second Life have spilled out into so-called Real Life and turned the 2016 election season into an endless parade of fort longcats. Pepe has replaced Pool’s Closed, and weev has replaced Grimmy Moonflower, but these changes are cosmetic.

Pepe comes to real life

We could have sat this one out, but that would be irresponsible to our loyal readers and jealous haters. They *could* make some popcorn and pull up a lawn chair and watch as the Bowsers of American politics sling poo at each other, but without the Herald’s thoughtful analysis, the popcorn would not be as tasty, the lawn chair not as comfortable, and the poo slinging would appear less artful.

No, you need the Herald to help you through this, and we aim to deliver. We are here for you. Because we care. And remember: The Ban Hammer (tm) now works in Real Life too, so be careful, because it can come down on you “for any reason or no reason.”  Meanwhile, stay tuned.