Get A Life

by Pixeleen Mistral on 30/10/06 at 8:48 pm

Get A Life is the most popular and widely syndicated advice column in Second Life — known for Heartun Breaker’s down to earth common sense and witty reason.

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.
Heartun Breaker is here to help

HEY HEARTUN: I’m new to Second Life but not to Role Playing. I’ve heard about Gor, but haven’t read the books but based on what I hear I’m very intrigued by the idea of totally submitting to a Master (blushes) and sharing Him with several Sisters. The thing is I’m worried about what to do if porn is involved. It will need to be soft — very soft porn — I dislike hard core stuff. What should I do if my Master is into hard core kink, but I’m already collered? ~ GOREAN GOOD GIRL

DEAR GOREAN: When you were in the back seat of your first RL boyfriend’s Chevy, did you tell him to “Just stick in the tip”? Get off of it… if you’re into ‘total submission’ like you say you are then you want someone to push your boundaries. Your question just tells me that you don’t want to later have to admit to yourself that you are the whore you know you want to be. Embrace your inner whore, or stay out of Gor. There isn’t a half-way approach to ‘total submission’ when you deal with those freaks.

HEY HEARTUN: (Note: This question came in Spanish and was translated by Altavista Babelfish) I played the Second Life by two days and does not speak English good. I am Hairy. I play the Fox. How do I solve chickens hot you? ~ CHILI CON FURRY

DEAR CHILI: No speak-ah da English? No problemo! You can ‘solve’ those hot chicks in your new Fox avatar by saying as little as possible. Learn and use emoticons like :D , :P and ( * ) ( * ) and those pleasantly plush pullets will be pecking at your pelt! And be sure to say “Yif” and “Yaffle” a lot as well as get that ^V^ Hoooowlzzz ^V^ gesture from some other Furry so you can spam the hell out of Second Life all the time. Furry females love that. It’ll be months before they realize you don’t speak English.

HEY HEARTUN: I find that relationships on Second Life can be tricky when people want to tell you about their real life lives — and ask about yours. How do I keep SL in SL and RL in RL? ~ BURNED IN SL

DEAR BURNED: That’s what the “My Notes” section of other people’s Profiles is for. You keep track of all the lies you tell them about yourself in that section. I am assured by Linden Labs that they will not be able to access this information, so you will always be able to keep track of your lies. And use Google Images to find a picture of someone hotter than your fat, old, married self that you can pretend to be in your First Life section — then all you have to do is create a series of gestures conveying how interested you are in what they say about their alleged “Real” lives and you are set. If something goes wrong, just Mute that person and find another.

If you have a question for Get A Life just IM it to Heartun Breaker. All submissions become the property of the Heartun Breaker. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No ‘real’ SL names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.

One Response to “Get A Life”

  1. Mary Meek

    Oct 27th, 2007

    I don’t understand. How haven’t thousands of people review this article praising you on your sparkling wit and thanking you for sharing your humor with the world?

    When you see the number of comments some articles here get, the fact you have none is a complete outrage.

    Don’t give up though! Your writing really made me chuckle. I especially liked the reference to the Notes section …. I usually just fill that with things such as “A real tard. Avoid if possible.”

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