Get a Life – Crying Game Moves to the Isle of Lesbos

by Pixeleen Mistral on 17/11/06 at 5:01 am

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

Heartun Breaker might really help you!

HEY HEARTUN: In real life I’m a 26 year old married man with a wife and a three year old daughter. I’ve played Second Life for the past six months, mostly learning how to build stuff and script because I work in the information technology field. About a month ago, for kicks, I made a female alt. It made me laugh hanging around in the Waterhead Welcome Area seeing the stupid things guys say when they IM girls. I had no idea! Then a female acquaintance invited me to the Isle of Lesbos and I’ve been hanging out there a lot ever since because I fell in love. Do I let my new lesbian ‘girlfriend’ know that I am really a man? ~ HANGING IN LESBOS

DEAR HANGING ~ Sure. Tell her. I’m sure her sexuality up to this point in her life is merely the result in not having met the right guy. While you are at it, you should broaden your horizons too. Start hanging out at the Rainbow Tiger Club so you can meet the right guy who will change your orientation. Be sure to take a lot of pictures as you take it up the ass so you can show your real life wife. I am sure you’ll want to show your daughter too, but you should hold off on that because it’s icky. About as icky as hanging out on the Isle of Lesbos when you are a dude. (sighs) Someone should find a way to fuck some sense into you and every asshole like you. If I didn’t have any journalistic ethics I’d out you right now. I sure want to. But I won’t.

HEY HEARTUN: I am a good Sub, and I love my Master but He has gotten involved in some game called Dark Life. It’s like a game inside of Second Life. You put on these packs and use swords and magic to kill these stupid monsters. It is the most boring thing I’ve ever seen, but my Master loves it. He wants to go up levels really fast so He has me play too, as a mage. My only job is to stand behind Him and heal Him. I get so bored that sometimes I do other stuff in another window so His guy dies and He gets mad at me. ~ BORED SUB

DEAR BORED ~ I know that he is the boss and you like doing his bidding, but he’s not paying attention to you. He’s just using you, and not in a good way — like you want. You need to talk to him outside of the role you have established. Put on a completely different avatar. Let him know that you are talking to him as you, not as the role you have shown him. Then discuss with him what you need out of your relationship and what you find lacking right now. He will probably want to play the game some times too but he can’t do it all the time and he can’t be mean to you if you get bored with something that you do not enjoy. Then switch back to your regular avatar and kiss and make up.

HEY HEARTUN: I am new and have no money and my skin is ugly and my hair is ugly and my clothing is lame and I don’t have no land and I don’t get any women. Help me. ~ WANTIN SOME

DEAR WANTIN: The good news is that there is someone for everyone in Second Life. The bad news is, the woman you want may not be the woman who will settle for you. I can’t fix you. I can, however, get you started on a road of fixing your self. Lets start with the easy stuff. Go to a Welcome Area, like in Ahern or Waterhead, and ask the people there (just once, or you are an annoying beggar) if they have any freebies — especially clothing, hair and a man skin. There are some nice male freebie skins, but you may have to ask around. That’s it for the easy stuff. Next up, you jumble all your thoughts into one long stream. Don’t do that. It confuses stupid women and is a turn off to the non-stupid. You need to target stupid women. To do that it only takes two things. First, don’t ever say anything that Tarzan couldn’t say. Second, for every question or statement you make about yourself you should ask or make two about her. Here’s an example.

Wantin Some: Hi. You look good.
Dumb Girl: Me?
Wantin Some: Yeah. :D
Dumb Girl: TY :)
Wantin Some: V^vv^V Howlzzzzz V^vv^V
(uncomfortable pause)
Wantin Some: You smell good too.
Dumb Girl: Oh! You are so clever. Can I be your sub?
Wantin Some: Call Me Master.
Dumb Girl: Yes Master!

Get A Life is the most popular and widely syndicated advice column in Second Life — known for Heartun Breaker’s down to earth common sense and witty reason.

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7 Responses to “Get a Life – Crying Game Moves to the Isle of Lesbos”

  1. Boadi Rigaud

    Nov 17th, 2006

    Hanging – There are exactly two options for what is going on in Lesbos. The second option answers the first.

    1. You are in love with a woman who is a lesbian. What would happen if she found out you were a man? (see 2)

    2. You are in love with a man who is also pretending to be a woman. Consider yourself lucky. I know you didn’t think you were attracted to men, but you just hadn’t met the right man until just now! Which makes you exactly like the hypothetical lesbian in #1. Time to run away with your man and live happily ever after! What’s that? You don’t like men? Well neither does the woman in #1.

    Sorry to sound so harsh. But my problem here is that you broke out the “L-word” in your email. That makes me think you’re taking this fantasy relationship seriously.

    Even online relationships that are based on truth and common experience are on shaky ground to begin with. Believe me, I’ve been thru a couple. But online relationships benefit from the element of fantasy… You can fill in all the little details (the burps, farts, and annoying habits that would normally turn you off) with the picture of perfection. Anyone in an honest online Love-affair with the “ideal” partner should rush to meet the person as fast as possible, to make sure you’re in love with the actual person, and not just the prince charming in your mind’s eye.

    Which brings us to you. Your relationship is *not* based on honesty. Which isn’t to say it’s a lie… but at best it’s based on a fantasy. Your lesbian fantasy.

    It will not work to tell her that you are a man. If she is a lesbian, you will be a liar in her eyes. If she is a man, like you — with a lesbian fetish, you will only ruin the fantasy for the both of you.

    So my advice to you is this: if you see your relationship as a fantasy then continue on in that mode.

    If you are “in Love” with a capital “L” and feel guilty and some obligation to her… then end the relationship… because you have started a relationship on the wrong foot, and it is based on a lie. For your next relationship, be honest from the outset… and *maybe* your online relationship *might* work.

    Then again, your next relationship will still be based on online fantasies. Any love and obligation you have to your wife and daughter is probably 100 times more real. You might try saving your love for them, and quitting SL. Maybe try exploring your sexual fantasies with your wife through roleplay and whatnot.

  2. Artemis Fate

    Nov 17th, 2006

    Sounds made up.

  3. Cheekie Aero

    Nov 17th, 2006

    Hello, Heartun,

    I guess you could say my online fantasy relationship ‘worked’. At first we sent eachother fake pictures and revealed fake ages, but as the months went by, the confessions came out. I am a 19 year old girl, and my boyfriend [ who is now my 'RL' boyfriend] revealed he is 18. only a year younger, but he was not “mr hotshot” in the pictures he showed. Instead, he looked a normal guy. Athletically figured, normal face, normal scruffy hair and some vague morning shadow.
    I, however, and not “Ms playboy” I’d revealed to be. But I look a normal girl. a girl with your everyday insecurities, slim figure, blonde hair. [ as oppose to the black hair, pierced up, big breasted 6-pack ab girl with her back arched on a bed]. but somehow, after 2 years of being with him and meeting up, showing our affection.. i kind of miss it being like that, and playing the role of the whorish beauty i was. I had fallen inlove with the man of my dreams, and so many people envy our love. and i know how much he means to me, with all honesty and how he treats me with such a gentle touch… but.. for some reason, I feel strange.
    Sometimes i get jelous of him around other girls in-game. I feel like if thats how we met, then he could find someone else, too. but i have no “playboy hottie envy me” pictures to show them, and i feel i am “no competition”.. but i know in my heart he is not intrested, and he knows it too. we trust eachother with everything inside of us. but sometimes i find myself lying to him about little things about myself. “gosh my thong is on too tight” – little things like that to turn him on, when i really dont want to, but feel the “need to”. Its like sometimes i DO want the fantasy relationship we had, but i am so inlove with who HE is… but i was inlove with who i was as well. the sex-craved girl with the perfect body. what’s wrong with me?
    - cheekie Aero

  4. killyourself now

    Nov 27th, 2006

    you should kill yourself…not only are you being unfaithful to your family by wasting your life away in such a stupid game, but you’re lying about it too. How could your life be so sad that you care enough about FAKE worlds and your problems there. I only hope you care enough about your real life, even though you don’t deserve the air you breathe.

  5. Urizenus

    Nov 27th, 2006

    I think someone here might be ready for an anger management class.

  6. Mike Reason

    Nov 29th, 2006

    Give me a break Heartrun, you and I both know that every alt on the isle of Lesbos is a horny guy pretending to be a lesbian

  7. Mike Reason

    Nov 29th, 2006

    sorry, about the empty post. I don’t know what happened there.

    But anyway, give me a break Heartrun. Everyone knows that every avatar on the isle of Lesbos is a horny guy pretending to be a lesbian.

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