by Pixeleen Mistral on 17/11/06 at 5:01 am
by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.
HEY HEARTUN: In real life I’m a 26 year old married man with a wife and a three year old daughter. I’ve played Second Life for the past six months, mostly learning how to build stuff and script because I work in the information technology field. About a month ago, for kicks, I made a female alt. It made me laugh hanging around in the Waterhead Welcome Area seeing the stupid things guys say when they IM girls. I had no idea! Then a female acquaintance invited me to the Isle of Lesbos and I’ve been hanging out there a lot ever since because I fell in love. Do I let my new lesbian ‘girlfriend’ know that I am really a man? ~ HANGING IN LESBOS
DEAR HANGING ~ Sure. Tell her. I’m sure her sexuality up to this point in her life is merely the result in not having met the right guy. While you are at it, you should broaden your horizons too. Start hanging out at the Rainbow Tiger Club so you can meet the right guy who will change your orientation. Be sure to take a lot of pictures as you take it up the ass so you can show your real life wife. I am sure you’ll want to show your daughter too, but you should hold off on that because it’s icky. About as icky as hanging out on the Isle of Lesbos when you are a dude. (sighs) Someone should find a way to fuck some sense into you and every asshole like you. If I didn’t have any journalistic ethics I’d out you right now. I sure want to. But I won’t.
HEY HEARTUN: I am a good Sub, and I love my Master but He has gotten involved in some game called Dark Life. It’s like a game inside of Second Life. You put on these packs and use swords and magic to kill these stupid monsters. It is the most boring thing I’ve ever seen, but my Master loves it. He wants to go up levels really fast so He has me play too, as a mage. My only job is to stand behind Him and heal Him. I get so bored that sometimes I do other stuff in another window so His guy dies and He gets mad at me. ~ BORED SUB
DEAR BORED ~ I know that he is the boss and you like doing his bidding, but he’s not paying attention to you. He’s just using you, and not in a good way — like you want. You need to talk to him outside of the role you have established. Put on a completely different avatar. Let him know that you are talking to him as you, not as the role you have shown him. Then discuss with him what you need out of your relationship and what you find lacking right now. He will probably want to play the game some times too but he can’t do it all the time and he can’t be mean to you if you get bored with something that you do not enjoy. Then switch back to your regular avatar and kiss and make up.
HEY HEARTUN: I am new and have no money and my skin is ugly and my hair is ugly and my clothing is lame and I don’t have no land and I don’t get any women. Help me. ~ WANTIN SOME
DEAR WANTIN: The good news is that there is someone for everyone in Second Life. The bad news is, the woman you want may not be the woman who will settle for you. I can’t fix you. I can, however, get you started on a road of fixing your self. Lets start with the easy stuff. Go to a Welcome Area, like in Ahern or Waterhead, and ask the people there (just once, or you are an annoying beggar) if they have any freebies — especially clothing, hair and a man skin. There are some nice male freebie skins, but you may have to ask around. That’s it for the easy stuff. Next up, you jumble all your thoughts into one long stream. Don’t do that. It confuses stupid women and is a turn off to the non-stupid. You need to target stupid women. To do that it only takes two things. First, don’t ever say anything that Tarzan couldn’t say. Second, for every question or statement you make about yourself you should ask or make two about her. Here’s an example.
Wantin Some: Hi. You look good.
Dumb Girl: Me?
Wantin Some: Yeah.
Dumb Girl: TY
Wantin Some: V^vv^V Howlzzzzz V^vv^V
Wantin Some: You smell good too.
Dumb Girl: Oh! You are so clever. Can I be your sub?
Wantin Some: Call Me Master.
Dumb Girl: Yes Master!
Get A Life is the most popular and widely syndicated advice column in Second Life — known for Heartun Breaker’s down to earth common sense and witty reason.
If you have a question for Get A Life just IM it to Heartun Breaker. Or send e-mail here: HeartunBreaker@hotmail.com. All submissions become the property of the Heartun Breaker. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No ‘real’ SL names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.