The Alphaville Herald

Get a Life – Girl Gets Grossed Out By Boy

by Pixeleen Mistral on 10/11/06 at 1:30 am

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

Heartun Breaker can help you!

HEY HEARTUN: I met a nice boy that spends time with me and talks with me a lot but every once in a while his typing goes all crazy and he only uses short words, and not many of them. I asked him about it and he said sometimes hanging out with me turns him on so much that he starts playing with himself! EW! I haven’t been able to hang out with him since and I can’t get that image out of my mind. I am considering killing his friendship and muting him, but we’ve been good friends for a long time. He keeps trying to IM me about how sorry he is. I don’t know… ~ GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED: Men are pigs. I don’t think they can help doing stupid things like that. The thing is, he should have kept his secret to himself. He knows it, that’s why he’s saying he is sorry and isn’t stalking you. I am not one of those people who believes that anyone can ‘fix’ someone else but if this is his first offensive behavior, he has been a good friend, and if you think you can get that image out of your mind (or get used to it) I say you should give him another chance. After an appropriate length of time, say a week, thinking about his error by himself. B.F. Skinner would call the cold shoulder act you are giving him right now an ‘extinguishing technique’ and it is worth a shot. Let him know that if he grosses you out again you will delete and mute him. Then if he does, do it.

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HEY HEARTUN: I love my boyfriend, and sex with him was great from the start. One day while we were drunk I stupidly asked him if I could borrow his PlaySexy Cock. Well, now he likes me to strap on his cock and fuck him up the ass all the time. Freaks me out! Is he gay? ~ PANDORA’S BOX

DEAR PANDORA ~ No, he’s not gay. He just likes it when you strap on his prim cock and fuck him up the ass. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem here is that while the action may have been fun and games once, or once in a while, it appears to be a kink meal you served him that he wants a steady diet of — and its not to your taste. Let him know that you don’t want to do that all the time. Tell him that you’d like to get fucked with that cock once in a while too. Be careful, because he obviously likes having you shove his cock up his ass — and since he’s straight he know’s its freaky. Don’t show your intolerance or you’ll embarrass him. Then again, if you really can’t stand playing the transsexual once in a while break this relationship off a.s.a.p. While his appetite may ebb and flow with time, if you ain’t fucking him up the ass once in a while he will eventually find someone who will.

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HEY HEARTUN: I’m new to Second Life and to the whole online thing. I got a computer after a real life divorce, and like the idea of having a relationship that is safe and at arms length. I was married to my now ex-husband since 1972, and have not been with anyone else. We were high school sweethearts. My problem is that I’ve been sitting on a bench in the Ahern Welcome Area and the only ‘men’ who IM me are young, horny and abrasive. What am I doing wrong? ~ MATURE BUT INEXPERIENCED

DEAR MATURE: There’s nothing safe about a Second Life relationship. Be prepared to have your heart broken. It will happen, over and over, and the whole mess is still a beautiful thing. That said, your immediate problem is two-fold: your “love product” is badly packaged and poorly marketed. Love is a product, you ask? You betcha babe! In real life and in Second Life we all judge books by their cover. I bet you try to tell yourself how beautiful you are on the inside, and how that ‘special someone’ will see it by some magical means. Stop the fairy tale, it doesn’t work that way sister! For Second Life you should pony up some bucks for a custom skin, some nice hair, and a hot outfit. Then get out of the Ahern Welcome Area; it is overpopulated by griefers, freaks and tards (with about four or five nice, helpful people). Do what other noobs do, and hang out at a dance club for a while. Don’t stay in the clubs forever or you’re lame, but its a good way to meet people when you are new to all of this. And in real life go join a health club or the YMCA and spend the next six months sculpting that body of yours into one that draws the eyes of a sexy senior. Invest in some new clothing too. And not more of the same sacks you’ve been covering yourself up with since the ’70′s.

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Get A Life is the most popular and widely syndicated advice column in Second Life — known for Heartun Breaker’s down to earth common sense and witty reason.

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