Get A Life – Jilted Lesbo Fears Cycle of Tears; Longs for ‘Drag King’
by Pixeleen Mistral on 06/11/06 at 9:30 pm
by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.
Heartun Breaker can help you!
HEY HEARTUN: I recently broke up with my long term girlfriend. Me and her were like family and I know we’re supposed to be together, however dumb that sounds. I know if someone told me that, I’d say ‘get over it.’ I’m sort of in a place where I don’t want to be in a relationship but I still want companionship, you know? I have two big concerns. First, I don’t want to fall into the rut of dating within the same circle of friends. It seems like all the lesbians I know have dated each other and I don’t want to do that. Secondly, I don’t know if I should take the time to explore my lesbianism. I accepted my sexuality rather late so I haven’t had too many girlfriends (RL or SL). She’s bisexual, and has a lot of maturing to do alone to find out who she is. I seem to always fall for the bisexuals or abusers. Anyway, I am attracted very much to drag kings and the old-school style lesbians, but I’m always too scared to approach them. ~ ALL OUT OF LOVE
DEAR ALL: Wow. You seem all over the map, emotionally! Lets take these issues one at a time, and lets start where you want to go rather than where you’ve been. Famous New York drag king Mo B. Dick says there are four kinds of lesbians who dress like men: the cross-dresser, the butch dyke, the male impersonator and the drag king. The thing that distinguishes the drag king from the male impersonator is that the male impersonator is trying to look like a specific person — like Kerry Grant, James Dean or Brad Pitt — while the drag king dresses as a man type, like cowboy, welder, businessman. The difference between a drag king and a cross dresser — who also wears mens clothing — is that the drag king has a touch of humor in her approach.
Mo B. Dick, New York Drag King
So something in the drag king scares you away, and you end up with bisexuals or abusive women. You need to get over your fear of rejection. You’re settling for lovers who have obvious flaws (for you) so that their ultimate rejection carries less impact. You sound like you are shying away from the drag king you want because you fear her rejection, and you don’t want your idealized version of them shattered by reality. They’re people too. You’ve got to take a risk and break out of the relationship rut you have so aptly identified. That said, your fear of dating the same people from your social circle is a valid one. Time to take risks and find a new social circle. That’s scary too, but its the only thing you can do to break the cycle. Taking the socially comfortable route will only lead you to more of the same pain.
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HEY HEARTUN: When my Second Life wife and I get frisky I really like to use a lot of different sex balls. She just wants to cyber! What’s up with that? ~ GIT ‘ER DONE!
DEAR GIT: Tired of typing with that right hand? Too bad. If you just want to get your rocks off go to a porn site like www.thehun.com and seek your happy ending. Not satisfying? Good! Show’s you’re human. But if you want the pleasure of a good woman’s company you’ve got to make her happy. Momma not happy, ain’t NOBODY happy — and that extends to the bedroom. Take a typing class. Learn to engage her mind in fantasy. Tell her your every move, in detail, that you would do to her if you could. And don’t just dive in to the deep end of the pool either! Start with a kiss, rubbing, nuzzling. Take your time and at least ACT like you’ve been there before! Go read the poem “She Being Brand New” by e.e. cummings. Notice that he gets her engine really warmed up and purring before he slips her into gear and really gives her the gas. You need to do the same. Then she’ll hop on any sex ball you want.
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HEY HEARTUN: I’ve got a bunch of alts, and I’m really flirty with people in all of them and I have many, many lovers. Recently, though, while I was in the guise of an alt he doesn’t know, I got hit on by one of my other alts partners. Now I’m really pissed off that the asshole would cheat on me! Do I let on? ~ ANGRY ALT MAN
DEAR ANGRY ~ Are you serious? Someone you are stepping out on is stepping out on you and you think this is somehow unjust? Buddy, you don’t have a problem. You ARE the problem. Go to the library and start reading ‘self help’ books about healthy relationships and join a 12 Step program. Seriously consider frequent counseling too.
Get A Life is the most popular and widely syndicated advice column in Second Life — known for Heartun Breaker’s down to earth common sense and witty reason.
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