Crowd Sourced Fun at the Herald!
by Pixeleen Mistral on 19/03/07 at 7:55 pm
by Onder Skall
Game Set Watch recently posted “Perpetuating Game Naming Stereotypes For Fun/Profit“. It was a contest to come up with the world’s most stereotypical game name. The results were pretty awesome. I think “WWII: World War II” was my favorite. Of course, these things never stay contained, and soon Kotaku commenters were coming up with gems like “Guns of Fighting 2: Still Reloading!” and “WWE Megastars: Smackfist Spandex Deathpunch (The MMO)“.
That’s all played out now, but it got me thinking that we really should be having more fun at the Herald. The comments here are really active, but rarely get to play. Let’s give this a shot, but instead of game titles, we’ll go with mistakes newbies make.
Tips:
1. Keep it brief. Lengthy missives are boring.
2. We’re going for funny here, not common. If you type “try to strafe by holding the Alt key”, you LOSE!
3. Don’t say the newbie mistake is “they read the Herald.” It’s taken. By me.
Leave your “All-Time Most Stereotypical SL Newbie Mistakes” in the comments. Winner will be chosen completely unfairly by a secret cabal and awarded something worthless but real shiny. [should first place be a private cruise with an editor on the Herald yacht? second place could be two private cruises - Editrix]
Lillie Guildenstern
Mar 19th, 2007
The phrase “That looks so easy.” comes to mind, now that the ubiquitous “box on the head” is gone.
cHex Losangeles
Mar 19th, 2007
Attaching their giant penis to their head and their hairdo to their crotch.
Urizenus
Mar 19th, 2007
Instead of picking on noobs, I think we should put readers to work writing future Herald headlines. You know…
“Beheaded Furry Found in Topless Bar”
“Mayhem in our Sim”
etc.
Prokofy Neva
Mar 19th, 2007
Ok, this one’s cruel but, here goes….
When I tell newbies they can break into their apartments (I feel they need to learn this early on) by zooming in, rezzing a cube, and sitting on it to get through the door, I often find that they miss the camera-zoom-insider part and rez a cube right there, sit on it…and wait…and wait…for something to happen…and IM me and saying they’re still sitting on the cube…something should happen…any minute now…
Nacon
Mar 20th, 2007
Hey prok… that’s the best tip for ya “Tips: 1. Keep it brief. Lengthy missives are boring.” try to keep that one in mind for all of your posts, noob.
…and going for the kill.
1: Noobs ask what should they do now after rezzing inworld for 5 minutes.
2: Noobs ask if you can have sex in SL.
3: Noobs misunderstood Prok for a guy in RL and SL.
4: Noobs ask how they can build something while they had “build” button at the bottom of their screen.
5: Noobs often wonder how they take their clothes off after being banned for nudity.
6: LL trusts their people to clean up their inventory and empty their trash when they don’t.
7: Noobs always thought rezzing same scripted junk over again wouldn’t cause lag.
8: Noobs wear their cars and bike while they rez their prim-hair down on the ground.
9: Noobs thought being a cop would help SL a better world.
10: Noobs thought ladies in SL are actual 100% female.
11: Noobs thought all sim islands are for public use.
12: Noobs thought being minor is actually age of 10 and down.
13: Noobs thought Philip Linden is actually spelled Phillip Linden and still misunderstood Governor Linden as their leader.
14: Noobs thought they could make physical chain with bunch of torus linked up. (yeah that was me, shut up)
15: Noobs thought they could take over sandboxes with their own stupid little armies group, supplying them weapons.
16: Noobs thought any Lindens were just another sex escort when people gathers up around them.
17: Noobs thought SL Herald is an actual herald news for SL.
18: Noobs thought they can pick up a date in their newbie outfit.
19: Noobs thought they can create an Alt account and wear same outfit, group, and gestures, pretending to be someone else.
20: Noobs thought all furries are only friendly as they can be.
21: Noobs buys freebie …from another noobie.
22: Noobs thought they can do anything up to their own country’s law while it may be against USA’s law due to LL’s location ground.
23: Noobs thought it would be fun to crash a sim with party hats.
24: Noobs thought they could ask for a copy of your money.
25: Noobs thought they could lend you a copy of your own money.
26: Noobs thought they could ask for a copy of your own products.
27: Noobs thought they can wear blings to be apart of mafia gang.
28: Noobs thought spending money that you never get anything back from a casino would be a great thing to do everyday.
29: Noobs thought selling prim-foods would be a great success.
30: Noobs thought they could use SL Mentor group chat for a linden help.
31: Noobs thought it’s ok to use group chat to IM one person for personal question.
32: Noobs thought it’s ok to rez their green BMW bike to join an event race at Fairground (Garage).
33: Noobs thought they can add you to their friends list without saying hello first.
34: Noobs thought they can steal your car by getting in and drive away.
35: Noobs thought they can change their story in a forum to get away from a drama they caused.
36: Noobs thought rezzing a house on a racing track wouldn’t be a bad idea.
37: Noobs thought l33t is an awesome language to go by.
38: Noobs thought repeating gestures are neat.
39: Noobs ask how to leave SL.
40: (and finally) Noobs doesn’t think dating your best friend’s ex is a bad thing.
Good luck trying to think of something new for this boring game.
Angel
Mar 20th, 2007
“awarded something worthless but real shiny.”
/me eeps
But I don’t need a shiny newb penis :/ Luckily I have no chance with “Why are you a cat?”
PaulFive Zymurgy
Mar 20th, 2007
Read the Blingsider?
Hexx Triskaidekaphobia
Mar 20th, 2007
Newbies believe that making L$ is the most wonderful thing to do so they sit in camping chairs or on toilets all day and night, boring themselves into oblivion.
Anon
Mar 20th, 2007
“I’ll just go AFK for a moment. I’m sure NOTHING will happen to my avatar in the meantime!”
“Cool! Something is trying to animate me! I’ll just click Accept and… um… why is my avatar… oh god stop it stop it stop it!” (Banned shortly afterwards.)
“I’ll just post my opinion about this in the comments. I haven’t really thought it through but I’m sure everybody will be understanding.”
“If I’m PROUD of pissing everybody off they’ll think I’m cool for it!”
“All the girls must be so impressed by my cool moves on this dancefloor.”
“Ok so I just go to a crowded area and start shouting out what I’m selling and for how much, right?”
sickofnacon
Mar 20th, 2007
holy shit Nacon do you ever shut up? (that’s my entry)
Nacon
Mar 20th, 2007
Heheheh, sure. Can’t talk while I sleep.
Assman Holder
Mar 20th, 2007
I once saw a total noob-head that didn’t even know that you need to change Groups Tag to see people around you, Pffft.
Then there was the completely clueless noob that didn’t even know how to select WORLD->REGION/ESTATE window to make the water appear! Haha!
And another born-yesterday simpleton that just COULD NOT latch on to the concept of making an SLURL to IM someone they don’t have on their friend’s list to try and attempt to TP them and failing that they didn’t even know they could make an LM, locate it in their inventory, access the FIND window, type the person’s name in there to get to their profile then drag and drop the LM on that person’s profile in hopes that the LM will actually get to them and that when the recipient recieves it, it will actually TP them successfully. I mean how STOOPID can ya be?
Big Babu
Mar 20th, 2007
…and then there was this one noob that thought his creations actually belong to him! Hahaha! Whew, that one really cracks me up. Woah, I’d better sit down. He must think Freebies grow on trees! Hahaha! Oh, my side hurts.
Anybody want a free (previously $100 USD) magic wand?
Cay
Mar 20th, 2007
A typical newb might say:
“What do you mean ‘you are not wearing shoes’?? I am wearing my shoes!!!11!”
“Pay me 50L and I will fly away from your land. If you do not pay, I will stand here foreeeeeeee…… (ejected)”
“Where I can change my clothes?”
“Isn´t this the PG sim or not? Where are the kids??”
“How can I get out from here??” (I have a skybox shop, no door. Damnit! You teleported in didn´t you?!!”
“Do you sell hair for dogs?”
Cay
Mar 20th, 2007
Sorry about multiposting, the last one might be a little dim for you not knowing who I am.
I sell prim hair, and when a new asks me what I do on SL, I reply “I sell hair”
Then they reply: “Do you sell hair for dogs????”
Onder Skall
Mar 20th, 2007
Urizenus – I thought of that originally but changed it at the last second. I couldn’t face a hundred entries that read: “Newsflash! Herald iz teh suX0rz!!!11!!”
Angel – OMG you crack me up! I liked the “Why are you a cat?” entry too.
Nacon – holy cow… you really like to participate.
Anon – I like the animation one because I… uh… did that once. *sigh* Thanks for linking me btw.
Cay – “Do you sell hair for dogs?” is my favorite so far!
Marcus Perry
Mar 20th, 2007
Three noob words: “Fancy a fuck ?”
Iris Seale
Mar 20th, 2007
Newblet to me and my very non-slutty-dressed friends:
“Are you guys hookers?”
Khamon
Mar 20th, 2007
Hair for dogs has my vote.
Salissa Wilder
Mar 20th, 2007
Newbies assume all women in SL want to date them, that all women will give out their real identity, engage in voice/videochat after knowing them for 30 seconds, will exchange pictures or their rl private areas, and are willing to travel the world to meet them in real life and do whatever they want.
If they are not willing to do these things, they must not be “real” women.
Inigo Chamerberlin
Mar 20th, 2007
Noob question: ‘Hi there – where are the whores?’
Answer: hands over LM for the Linden Village ‘Try there, if you can’t find any, do a Help Request from Help on the menu bar’
Inigo Chamerberlin
Mar 20th, 2007
‘Newbies assume all women in SL want to date them, that all women will give out their real identity, engage in voice/videochat after knowing them for 30 seconds, will exchange pictures or their rl private areas, and are willing to travel the world to meet them in real life and do whatever they want.
If they are not willing to do these things, they must not be “real” women.’
Yes? And your point was?
Curious Rousselot
Mar 20th, 2007
I was, and some would say still am, a noob at the time.
guy: “Hi, wanna F*CK?” (but he spelled it right)
me: “Get lost creep.”
guy tries to add me to his friends list.
Onder Skall
Mar 21st, 2007
Curious Rousselot pulls into the lead!
Nacon
Mar 21st, 2007
Onder Skall – What can I say? I deal with noobs everyday and was bored at the moment while the herald was lacking more good news to read.
Urizenus
Mar 21st, 2007
That’s why it warms my heart to see your posts here Nacon. I know that we are keeping you off the street. We are the midnight basketball of the metaverse. If you didn’t have the Herald to read and be an unpaid contributor to, well you’d probably be off throwing spark plugs through church windows.
Tenshi Vielle
Mar 21st, 2007
Vincent Nacon will never shut up. That’s just the long and short of it; he lacks self esteem so much it appears that he has a huge ego.
Anywho, I love the “Do you speak french?” ones. When I reply “No.” they keep babbling on in french. I DON’T SPEAK FRENCH. Get over it already.
Khamon
Mar 22nd, 2007
Type Klingon back at the Tenshi. If they don’t stop, TYPE LOUDER1
Hair for dogs still has my vote.
Kali Ferri
Mar 22nd, 2007
“Where are you from?”
and
“How old are you?”
Marie G
Mar 22nd, 2007
while using one of the two partner dance balls saying “you dance very well!”
Nacon
Mar 24th, 2007
Tenshi said: “…he lacks self esteem so much it appears that he has a huge ego.”
Ahh sure, if that works for you but I still don’t make same mistakes that you do with accusation of people who never met you or even spoken to you.
OH! you scored yourself a perfect example of a noob.
41: Noobs thought they can accuse people and get away with it for fame.
Keep it up.
Sephiroth Valentine
Mar 30th, 2007
Im Still Alive and in SL