Fear and Loathing in Second Life Part 9: Gideon Stays in Starwood Aloft!

by Urizenus Sklar on 09/03/07 at 12:00 pm

[Yes yes, I know, we last left Gideon Television in the Big Brother contest, but that was so long ago and we at the Herald are so in the now, and more than that I'd like to think that Gideon was still there getting decorating tips from the Gorean mistress. So today we fast forward to Gideon's visit to the Hotel Aloft. I dunno, maybe we'll come back to Big Bro or maybe not, but you can also find the history of that debacle at gideontelevision.com. -Uri ]

Shining 001

After the humiliation salvation of being kicked from Big Brother, I needed to get away. Some time far from the madding crowd, to get my head straight.

And where better than Second Life’s premium hotel destination, The Aloft. What a nice surprise. Bring your alibis.

Shining 002

As I stripped and dipped, I reflected on the year – of the drag race that almost killed me at Motorati, of the orgies at The Crimson Club , of the way Diva drove me out of my mind. Solitude, the thinking man’s therapy.

Shining 003

Peace and quiet. Nice.

Shining 004

Man, this place is fucking deserted. Two days I’ve been here and not a single cabana girl comes to offer me a Slow Comfortable Screw. And, where are the guests? The In Crowd? The hookers? The Lindens?

Shining 005

I take a nap to quell the growing sense of unease that’s creeping up on me – why the hell is it so quiet? And when I wake, I’m dressed, and there’s mud on my boots, but I’m not sure from where, or when, or why. But I’m thinking clearer, as if logic now buzzes gently in my ear. Of course! it’s Christmas! This place must be closed for the season, before the bad weather closes in. Maybe I should stay on and keep the boiler running. Like I’m the Caretaker.

Shining 006

In the lobby, I set up my Corona and start in on my great American Novel. For three years, all I’ve had is an opening sentence. “We were somewhere around Suffugium on the edge of the wastelands when the Seclamineâ„¢ began to take hold”. Stalled. But now I felt re-energized, as if my muse had possessed me.

Shining 007

I worked all day, cranking out page after page. It was inspired writing, my most meaningful ever, and throughout it all, the

(black buzzing)

inspiration never left me

Shining 008

I would have kept going if I hadn’t been interrupted by the goddam twins, beating on me to come play with them. Something in my head shouted that this was wrong, that they shouldn’t be here, but I pushed it aside. I needed a fucking drink. Hell, I’d earned it, hadn’t I?

Shining 009

And Lloyd was there with my usual – a “hair of the dog that bit me”. Best goddamned bartender from Timbuktu to Portland, Maine. Or Portland, Oregon, for that matter.

Shining 010

The black buzzing was stronger now, like a thousand bees gnawing at my sinus. And I knew that was only one way to stop it – I needed to find those damn girls and “correct them”. And if my wife tried to stop me from doing my god-fearing parental duty, I’d “correct” that bitch too.

Shining 011

I searched the place, and realized they must have been hiding in the goddam shower. Little pigs, little pigs, let me in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, AND I’LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN! After all, my darlings, the lights of my life, I’m not gonna hurt ya, no, I’m just gonna…..

Shining 012

And then my Muse is there, waiting for me, her arms wide open, as she’s always been, saying “Honey, you’re home”. And somewhere far in the distance I hear myself start to scream.

And the last thing I remember, I was running for the door…

3 Responses to “Fear and Loathing in Second Life Part 9: Gideon Stays in Starwood Aloft!”

  1. forseti svarog

    Mar 10th, 2007

    Uri, I love this piece but didn’t Gideon publish this MONTHS ago? slow news day? Well, it’s fun to see the pictures again. :D

  2. Urizenus

    Mar 10th, 2007

    We’re still in rerun season on Gideon Television. We’ll break out new stuff during sweeps week.

    In related news: Benny Hill is still on the air!

  3. Nacon

    Mar 10th, 2007

    Rerun? Pftt, I call it a delay.

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