Second Life Is All About Sex
by Pixeleen Mistral on 14/03/07 at 12:42 am
Hard to believe – but true!
by Onder Skall
Linden Labs recently hosted a party at the GDC because, as we all know, Second Life is in dire need of new residents and just doesn’t get enough press. Drawn in by the offer of free food and booze, the press was notified that Linden Lab has licensed Philips’ amBX technology to produce a dedicated amBX-enabled environment. This would be used for integrating peripherals that emit light, jets of air, and vibration.
Now, let’s face facts: the grid is laggy, crash-tastic and overcrowded. This leaves us with two questions: 1) What possible application could devices like these have when, thus far, they have mostly been applied to action video games? 2) What is so compelling that would we want to toy with yet another feature nobody has requested when the ones we have (like flying and teleporting) barely work at all? A group named Computational Dildo Liberation Army (CDLA) has the answer!
Right after GDC came SXSW, and Linden Labs was there in a flash. Among panels held there involving… well… a bunch of things SL residents already know about, there were a few standouts. There were some typical corporate hugfests like ” Unleashing CSS: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Internet Explorer 7″, where we learned to create websites that can’t be viewed without the latest Microsoft browser, and “Why We Should Ignore Users” where we learned to give users things to do instead of tools to do what they want. Of course, what’s a virtual worlds fest without at least one discussion of teledildonics!
The Register reported yesterday on the Sex and Computational Technology lecture where the sad state of sex with machines was discussed in-depth by the CDLA:
“It’s like trying to fuck your printer driver,” said Kyle Machulis, a teledildonics expert, employee of Linden Lab, and editor of Slashdong.org, about the state of computerized dildos’ software interfaces.
Well, if Linden Labs is going to pursue yet another technology nobody is asking for instead of working on grid stability, it might as well be in the name of sex. Here’s hoping the peripherals developed don’t short out when the grid crashes.
The most important news: apparently Linden Labs employs a teledildonics expert. [only one? how are the batteries holding up? -the Editrix]
Onder Skall also writes for Second Life Games
Simone
Mar 14th, 2007
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT! *spark* *crackle* *POP!*
Artemis Fate
Mar 14th, 2007
In the future, nerds will be dumped by their computers. It’ll be exactly like getting dumped by a normal person, except computationally faster and more efficient.
ForcedAnonymous
Mar 14th, 2007
And you people wonder why we grief you… :p
Nacon
Mar 14th, 2007
Artemis said: “In the future, nerds will be dumped by their computers.”
Yeah… don’t forget that when they do get dumped… they will hack their computer as a payback and fuck it all over again.
In case you haven’t noticed, most nerds are needy, best to let them have it than letting them bug us in a society world.
(Overclocking PC = Hardcore?)
Ordinal Malaprop
Mar 14th, 2007
“From GDC comes word that Linden Labs has licensed Philips’ amBX technology to Rivers Run Red to produce a dedicated amBX-enabled environment.”
How can LL licence _Philips’_ technology? It’s not Philip’s, it’s Philips’. And the rest of the piece just mentions Philips. And we know that Philips has signed up RRR from previous announcements. I think this is just a garbled article and LL doesn’t have anything to do with the deal at all.
Cayla
Mar 14th, 2007
Does this mean we are about to get radio (aka wire) controlled dildos?
Like for instance you go to a date, and your opponent may send various kind of vibrations to your linked dildo.
*laughs*
justin bovington
Mar 14th, 2007
Hello,
Just for the sake clarification, Linden Lab have not licensed the amBX technology. The license and global rights to use this technology have been awarded to Rivers Run Red.
The interesting thing, since Linden Lab created their open-source client, we should be seeing a lot more of these types of deals happening.
This is the press release:
http://www.ambx.com/tapestry/NewsArticle.external?sp=l82&sp=l13&sp=l35
Also, if you haven’t seen amBX in action with Second Life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czYY9YqLLrI
Thanks
Justin (Fizik)
Rivers Run Red
Lewis nerd
Mar 14th, 2007
Just like voice, another unnecessary feature that serves little to no useful purpose, being given to a playerbase that didn’t ask for it and doesn’t need it.
If only they’d stop all this messing around and FIX WHAT IS ALREADY THERE then SL would be a lot more useable.
I’m starting to get a bit tired of all these ‘special deals with special people’ – being Rivers Run Red or Electric Sheep 99% of the time. It becomes more and more Masonic every day.
Lewis
Hexx Triskaidekaphobia
Mar 14th, 2007
Sounds, flashing lights, sex, one wonders what will come next. Avatars that can move around instead of being shoveled underground?
Clarrice Cinquetti
Mar 14th, 2007
Oh Brother..
My god, how about you just log into SL, give your f*ck buddy your cell number, set your cell to vibrate and drop it down you pants. Same feeling, less lag.
Should be SecondWife not SecondLife…
Spankubux
Mar 14th, 2007
“Well, if Linden Labs is going to pursue yet another technology nobody is asking for instead of working on grid stability, it might as well be in the name of sex. Here’s hoping the peripherals developed don’t short out when the grid crashes.”
Funny, I don’t see the “editorial” banner up there.
Also, plenty of people have been “asking” for voice for a long time.
Another shittastic SL Herald article.
Lewis nerd
Mar 14th, 2007
Spankubux, take a look at the ‘feature voting’ where, supposedly, all the things that are implemented come from, and you’ll find that less than 200 people in total have requested – out of 4.6 million – voice capability.
To me, that says that not many people are bothered. Unless you can provide other proof?
Lewis
FlipperPA Peregrine
Mar 14th, 2007
Except, Lewis, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LINDEN LAB! Read the article, and Justin’s response; it was awarded to Rivers Run Red, NOT Linden Lab. To the author of the article: if you want to write about Second Life and Linden Lab, get the name right: LINDEN LAB, not LINDEN LABS. And how about checking at least the most important fact in your source, so you know this was more about Rivers Run Red than Linden Lab?
Sheesh. You give tabloid journalism a bad name!
Parsifal
Mar 14th, 2007
Do you guys fact check ANYTHING around here?
This latest batch of *writers* around here is just pathetic.
Urizenus
Mar 14th, 2007
I believe that Kyle, aka Qdot, aka the teledildonics guy, has been working for Linden Lab for about a year now. Had his job interview at last years SXSW I believe.
qDot
Mar 14th, 2007
*sigh*
shockwave yareach
Mar 14th, 2007
“And you people wonder why we grief you… :p”
No. We wonder why – if the internet isn’t to be taken seriously – you invest so much seriousness, time, money and energy into doing it.
YHelloThar
Mar 14th, 2007
omg now the pedophiles can lag-free loli sex
O NOES
http://www.ljplus.ru/img/l/o/lorellin/pedobear_seal.gif
Tiffany Kubrick
Mar 14th, 2007
FlipperPA Peregrine wrote;
“Do you guys fact check ANYTHING around here?
This latest batch of *writers* around here is just pathetic.”
I have to agree 100% with Flip here – the quality of this rag which used to entertaining is now a pathetic (to quote flip) collection of dweebs who make shit up it seems – almost like the RL national enquirer.
Urizenus, you need to start screening these make believe reporters and be a “real” editor – yes I know its SL not RL but at least make an effort please to show some small, tiny, bittty big of semi quality. I beg you.
ForcedAnonymous
Mar 14th, 2007
“No. We wonder why – if the internet isn’t to be taken seriously – you invest so much seriousness, time, money and energy into doing it.”
Heh, it’s entertainment for us…a game. We don’t really put any of our own monies into our griefing activities. We get them from non-yiffing furries, anarchist types, and others who find our attacks amusing.
We have no problem with people using SL (or any other metaverse/MMO) for entertainment purposes. It’s the treating it like an extension of RL, as if it’s some grand platform for social change, that annoys us. That, and the Gay Yiffy Club. :p
Ananda Jezebel
Mar 14th, 2007
Yeah, so unserious about SL that you spend your free time thinking up ways to annoy people there. Wow. You’re so much further advanced.
Anonymous
Mar 14th, 2007
I only raid SL because it just amazes me how a bunch of grown adults whine because a bunch of big ol’ mean niggas are shooting 3-D penises at them. Seriously, some of these weeaboos on this game complain more than the little prepubescent faghats that play Habbo Hotel.
Prokofy Neva
Mar 14th, 2007
>The most important news: apparently Linden Labs employs a teledildonics expert.
Yes, this is confirmation about what we knew about this from SLCC last August, where qdot bunnyhug aka something Linden (is it Cube Linden) was there to wax ecstatic about the teledildonic industry he helped pioneer. Urizenus is correct.
There is nothing factually incorrect at all in Onder’s piece. It’s a great piece, and it isn’t “out of date” because it has the *new* news in it that qdot is STILL out there flogging the teledildonics and now LL has even put a specially licensed thinger in the client just to help all that.
Flipper, this is not “about Rivers Run Red” only, you’re an idiot. It is definitely ABOUT Linden Lab. Kyle is a LINDEN LAB EMPLOYEE ENCOURAGED TO WORK ON TELEDILDONICS PUBLICLY. Duh?
Thraxis Epsilon
Mar 14th, 2007
http://www.ambx.com/tapestry/NewsArticle.external?sp=l82&sp=l13&sp=l35
There is the OFFICIAL press release from Philips, it doesn’t mention Linden Lab anywhere in the press release. The only two parties involved are Philips amBX and Rivers Run Red.
amBX has nothing to do with sex, this sad attempt at reporting did NO fact checking and consolodated several unrelated reports into one mass of steaming shit.
Good lord Prokofy you’re so ready to twist everything anyone does into some horrible affront to humanity you lose site of the fact that you’re throwing a histrionic fit of paranoia.
Yes Kyle works for Linden Lab now. Do they encourage his teledildonics hobby? Only Linden Lab and he would know that. His position on the panel discussion in question is not something new, he did the same thing in 2006. BEFORE he was hired by Linden Lab.
As for Linden Lab having someone of his background on staff? Seems to me he has the necessary programming skills, and a unique hobby that does have alot to do with the activities that many of the residents of Second Life do take part in.
So for those of you at the Herald who need help here is how the Article should have read.
———————————————————————–
From Kotaku, there was a report from the GDC, Game Developers Conference, that someone went the the Linden Lab hosted party and ate some food. He thought it was quite tasty.
Also reported yesterday was an official press release from Philips in which they licensed their amBX technology to River Runs Red to be used in a currently undisclosed virtual environment project involving Second Life. Also mentioned was the intent of Philips to provide tools to the open source developers working with the open second life client.
Following the GDC was the SXSW, South by Southwest, where a panel discussion was held on “Sex and Computational Technology”. Members of this panel included Kyle Machulis, a current Linden Lab Employee, and a member of the IGDA Sex in Games Special Interest Group leadership council, Kyle is also the owner of the site http://www.slashdong.org dedicated to teledildonics.
———————————————————————–
But then none of you would have anything to rant about since it is the facts.
Urizenus
Mar 14th, 2007
I think the headline should have been: Kyle is Uri’s Hero! His demo last year in the Herald Suite in Austin was teh shiz!
All I can say is I *hope* the Lindens are paying him to work on teledildonics. Otherwise it is a gigantic waste of talent and opportunity.
Prokofy Neva
Mar 14th, 2007
Yes Kyle works for Linden Lab now. Do they encourage his teledildonics hobby? Only Linden Lab and he would know that. His position on the panel discussion in question is not something new, he did the same thing in 2006. BEFORE he was hired by Linden Lab.
Bullshit. Nobody does stuff that is not in the Company’s interests; why, that goes against the very core of their Tao of Linden. OF COURSE it is in the Company’s interests for him to be doing this. This is not his “hobby off the clock”. It is his work as a Linden novitiate inducted into the Hand-Eye Cult.
Urizenus
Mar 14th, 2007
Prok, are you trying to say that Linden Lab doesn’t allow people to have hobbies? Or are you trying to say that hobby or not, this is what they want Kyle to be doing? My sense is that Kyle has been so busy since joining the Lindens that he hasn’t had time to do much with the teledildonics.
…and we are all poorer for that.
Maria LaVeaux
Mar 14th, 2007
I’ve found SL is what you are looking for.
If you look for sex, you’ll find what you want. If you look for Music, or games, or sports, or what ever else interests you, You will find it. So, SL is what you are Looking for.
As for”Computational Dildo Liberation Army (CDLA)” and “teledildonics”……………………………
Are you people Absolutely Sure that these people weren’t just there Jerking your chain for laughs?
Probably Not, But one has to wonder.
Maria.
qDot
Mar 15th, 2007
I’m gonna have to build me one of them hug jackets just so I can hug you from the Bay Area, Uri.
darkfoxx
Mar 15th, 2007
“It’s the treating it like an extension of RL, as if it’s some grand platform for social change, that annoys us. That, and the Gay Yiffy Club. :p
”
IM me inworld sometime, I’m curious to know why you mention us specifically.
(Darkfoxx Bunyip in SL)
Aside from that, please keep doing what you guys do. You are not the only ones getting LULZ from it ^.^
Mudkips Acronym
Mar 15th, 2007
darkfoxx – we only mention you because you were our first target, and by extension the one we enjoy shutting down the most. Without your un-American club of horrors, and the subsequent mistake of allowing building on the prims outside, permitting us to post large “yiff in hell furfag” signs, we wouldn’t be what we are today.
“Second Life Is All About Sex” – holy shit, really? I thought it was about TeleVirtualUserGeneratedWeb2.03DConferencingContentReality. With a healthy dose of “yiff, yiff” of course.
It’s amazing how our resident programmers have, in their free time, taken Second Life’s stability and performance problems and completely thrown them out the window. Enjoy your vibrating dongs. However, since penis sales are most likely 99% of the SL “economy”, I’m not sure this is a bad business move.
Darkfoxx
Mar 15th, 2007
Not what you said, Mudkips… you said we annoy you in the first post.
Besides that, I guess I’m glad we’re unamerican…. You guys are the American Dream come to life I guess;
Vietnam all over: You ‘invade’, have a presence there for five minutes, causing some hilarity among us ‘furfagz’ before you get thrown out… Then claim victory on your precious 7chan board.
LOL!
But seriously, IM me. You guys are way too entertaining. And it’s been a while again since the clowns of the internet came by the GYC to give us some entertainment.
Pool’s Open!
Urizenus
Mar 15th, 2007
qDot says: “I’m gonna have to build me one of them hug jackets just so I can hug you from the Bay Area, Uri.”
Dude, let’s get hug jackets for all the Lindens and all the Herald staffers and comment trolls and then every morning we can have a big group teletubbie tele-hug.
Ace Albion
Mar 15th, 2007
Yeah the slacker hadn’t done anything with slashdong for months.
News though? Come on guys, you’ve had an office in the same sim as qDot’s Nonpolynomial labs for *months*! You had your birthday party right next door in the _blacklibrary
Prokofy Neva
Mar 16th, 2007
>you’ve had an office in the same sim as qDot’s Nonpolynomial labs for *months*!
We do? You know, I can’t be sure I’ve ever been to the Herald offices. Do you think I’d get paid faster if I loitered around there more often?