Zero Residents Online – Jeff Linden Eats Crayons!

by Pixeleen Mistral on 24/05/07 at 11:20 pm

Make more linden space bucks in your great new SL call center career
SPECIAL BONUS: LL’s web site’s super-secret insights!!!

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

The mojo wire had certainly been working overtime – unlike the Herald staff — so I sat in the office sorting through the incoming rumors, press releases, and expense reports. Normally this thrilling yet vital task falls to the interns, but they left early, heading in the direction of Danbi sim, stifling laughter and whispering about four hour passes to the Swingin Seniors. Maybe we should pay more so they can’t spend a week’s wages in one place. Maybe. I could only sigh and shake my head — they would learn the hard truth soon enough – L$1 doesn’t buy much anymore.

Jimbo Quality said he was on “special assignment” this week and Prokofy had laryngitis from working his new traffic report podcasting career, so there was no one else around to help. At least it was peaceful as I began arranging the stacks of rumors and tips looking for patterns, and perhaps even news.


Curious had sent a screen shot showing nobody was online – but surely the Lindens would fix this immediately – besides, the mojo wire transmission was from 12 hours ago, so that couldn’t still be news, could it?

In the next message, Wrestling Hulka had scribbled a note that said, “i love looking at the source code of’s pages, from the my account page, it says “Jeff Linden eats crayons”. I was puzzled then looked at the next page in the mojo wire’s out tray:


Do the Lindens give out extra love for that sort of thing? Maybe they should work on the residents online count gizmo for their web site instead?

Another mojo wire message was also from Mr. Hulka – it said the accounts page used to have the last four digits of your credit card number (even though that info wasn’t displayed on screen), but they took that down. Now is says something about GLOBAL COLLECT:


GLOBAL COLLECT really sounds like more globalization of the metaverse. Where is the Second Life Liberation Army when you need them?

I had almost cleared the in-tray of messages when another arrived. Paulie Femto says that the number of residents online is still zero. This does not bode well for our friends Eloise Pasteur and Tateru Nino who are holding down jobs as statisticians at the Blingsider. Maybe it is newsworthy when the counter starts working again? Note to self: check into getting a random number generator for the Herald so we can publish “economic statistics” just like Reuters and the Blingsider. Will Eloise will give us a break on the robot writer scripts?


The next page in the tray had been badly mangled by the mojo wire – but it pointed out that Linden Lab is now flogging headsets to go with the voice chat that might start working in SL at some point soon. I have my doubts that people are really going to want to wear these headsets on their avatars – but if they do, we can have camp chairs that look like real life call centers and cube farms, and our avatars can earn L$1 every 10 minutes for appearing to do phone tech support. The SLAB prison camp chair people may want to look into this.

Underneath that page was a press release from pointing our that they have had voice chat for 4 years. I hope SL can catch up with’s in-world call centers – our avatars and headsets should look better than their’s.


Just then the Herald research labs called asking if I had noticed that the LL web account signup page now expects an e-mail address that actually works? Weird – last time I made an alt you only needed to have an @ in the middle of your made up e-mail address. I hope people will not blame europe for this.


18 Responses to “Zero Residents Online – Jeff Linden Eats Crayons!”

  1. General Cronon

    May 25th, 2007

    First Comment, you don’t like it. IM me in world and get Cripz on your case! yeah boi

  2. mootykips

    May 25th, 2007

    “Make more linden space bucks”

    So wait, you guys are calling them space bucks now too?

  3. Anonymous

    May 25th, 2007

    “So wait, you guys are calling them space bucks now too?”

    You make it sound like only you guys use that term or are the only ones to come up with it. News flash, you are not original…you are the all singing all dancing crap of the world.

  4. sakaki

    May 25th, 2007

    The Few

    The Proud

    The Nigras


    May 25th, 2007

    FAIL It’s not “space bucks”. It’s “space monies”. Also, cocks.

  6. sakaki

    May 25th, 2007

    Whats the conversion rate between “space monies” and “banana bucks”?


    May 25th, 2007

    I think it’s over 9000 space monies = 10 cents in real monies now.

  8. Anti-Anyonymous

    May 25th, 2007

    Well well, if it isn’t the usual merry batch PN//b/i/*chan/Anonymous. They’re like that last bit of dog crap you just can never seem to get off your shoe.

  9. Prokofy Neva

    May 25th, 2007

    Let me finish the sentence for that clueless ‘HOW DO I” gal:

    “How do I spent $1,247,597 in 24 hours when there are 0 people online? Easy, I fake the numbers!”

  10. mootykips

    May 25th, 2007

    More like “how do I maked up random user and economic totals then inflate them -_(o_O)_-”.

    You could spend your space monies by cashing out into REAL DOLARZ but since I heard that takes sacrifice of seven virgins to Philip Linden, a 7 gigawatt laser rifle, immediate forfeiture of your car title (no credit check!) and a venture through Olmec’s Hidden Temple.

    …or maybe “my squirrels” got run over by a lazy database tech?

  11. mootykips

    May 25th, 2007

    oh I forgot, this is the way to cash out lindens. You could start by running to the Room of the Three Gargoyles. Push in the right tongue, and a door might lead you down a staircase into the Wall Climb. Here you must choose your next path. You could race up to the Observatory, spin the sundial, and pass into the Room of the Golden Idols. Once there, push down on their bases to release the doors. That may take you below or lead you into the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Assemble the Statue there, and you may be headed for the Torch Room. If the elevator is up, you could jump in the elevator and descend into the Mine Shaft. Next, you could climb up the ladder or plow through the stone wall. Find the key, and it may unlock the Tombs of the Ancient Kings, allowing you to enter the Swamp. If you escape, you might have a chance to sit upon the Throne of the Pretender. If the correct door is unlocked, you could crawl through the Pit of Despair and, finally, make your way through the Cave of Sighs and back to the Temple Gates. The choices are yours and yours alone. GOOD LUCK.

  12. Nacon

    May 25th, 2007

    Pixeleen and Prok… hold your ass up and bllllooooww out everything with your almighty force.

    …cause no one really cares what you’re barking about.
    (You’re still an idiot though.)

  13. StallionSeven

    May 25th, 2007

    I suppose there is a story here somewhere.

    It is somewhat less than a surprise that the Herald didn’t actually find it.

  14. NobodyImportant

    May 25th, 2007

    How do I assembled Statue of the Silver Monkey? ¯\(º_o)/¯

  15. Funk Schnook

    May 25th, 2007

    Those “headsets” are actually some DJ headphones I make/sell at FNKY! Looks like someone at LL got creative and added a little mic (or just combined them with a multi-gadget?)

  16. Hazim

    May 26th, 2007

  17. ಠ_ಠ

    May 26th, 2007

    I c what u did thar

  18. Beta dude

    May 26th, 2007

    The picture of the headsets is simply a link to “real” headsets that LL has “partnered” with to get a deal for those that require them if they decide to use voice and are in need of a set. They are not selling avatar headsets.

    Two points though – 1st these are not a “deal” these are hi-end headsets – in the $40 to $80 US price range and are way more than is needed to use voice. 2nd, if LL is “partnered” with this hi-end company and you know they are going to get a percentage on any sales then it makes you wonder if the push to get voice on ASAP has something to do with LL and making yet more money on whats supposed to be a “cool” new feature. They have to pay that 20% of staff working of this thing somehow i guess.

Leave a Reply