The Voyeur: You’re the Only One
by wendell on 23/08/07 at 9:47 pm
Answers to your questions about love and sex in the metaverse
by Wendell Holmer, virtual advice columnist
You’re the Only One
Q: My girlfriend is an escort, a very busy one. She makes good money and enjoys the parties and her friends at the club. She says the work is just an act and isn’t sexual at all. To show me how boring it is, she IMs me and relates, in a cynical way, what the customer is doing and saying to her. She says I’m the one she really loves, and she only comes for me.
I’m trying to be cool about this, but it makes me sick to think about her fucking other guys—saying the exact same words to them she says to me. When she leaves for an “appointment,” I want to throw up. It cheapens our intimacy when I think that any guy can have her for a couple of L$s. How do I raise this with her, and what should I say?
–Myron
A: Escorts can usually separate their work from their emotional lives. It’s a kick at first to be doing scandalous things they would never consider in real life. Eventually, most develop professionalism and pride in a job well done. Others feel nothing at all. But for their customers and their lovers, it looks like real sex.
You knew she was a hooker when you met her, and it didn’t bother you, because it wasn’t clear in your mind. When she was with you, she was your girl, and when she was work, well—she was at work. Now you have doubts, which she obviously sensed, so she called you in the middle of a session to show you how tedious it all was. That call gave you a graphic understanding of the nasty shit she deals with on the job. It called into question the sincerity of your own lovemaking.
You can ask her to give up something that is important to her. You can leave, which will make you both sad. Or you can tell her how you feel and work it through. I’m voting for choice three. Good luck.
Happily Married
Q: I was doing a project with a girl I know, and things heated up spontaneously. We didn’t have sex, but it sure felt like a distinct possibility. Later on, I checked her profile—the 1st life page—and it said, “happily married with two children.” Should I pursue this relationship? –Dobie
A: There are a lot of happily married people committing adultery in sl–like crazed minks. Unless this an extremely casual hook-up—fifth in line at the orgy room—married people should disclose their status before they create expectations they may not be able to meet.
It’s only fair to make that disclosure before the first time you have sex. But if someone is looking for partners, she will not use her profile to dissuade them. When someone announces up front that she is “happily” married, she is telling the world that she has no interest in second-life hook-ups. If you had read the profile initially, you would not have gone after her. But it sounds as though you swept her off her feet. Now it’s time to be direct. Tell her the profile makes you wonder whether she shares your interest, and see what she says.
Shout Outs
I’d like to welcome Aaliyah Munroe, whose advice column also appears in the Herald. In her first outing, Aaliyah notes that she and I have very different ideas about sex.
I get it, Aaliyah. Your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. It’s better than mine. I don’t even have a milkshake. I suppose you could teach me, but then you’d have to charge.
Aaliyah says she can turn a man on by saying she “feels her tight, smoldering heat become moist, not only soiling her thin, tattered white panties, but leaving a small trail of wet lust on her Master’s boot.”
I’m sorry. That’s not a sex, partner. That’s a snail. I mean, be considerate. Other people have to lick that boot.
What turns me on is a woman who engages me intellectually and emotionally, who can make me laugh or stop and think. The woman I want is attractive precisely because she has a choice, and something indefinable makes her want me as much as I want her. It’s chemistry, spirit, playfulness, and a down-and dirty nasty streak—the give and take with another human being on the other side of the screen–that make sex in SL more than a badly drawn cartoon.
A woman once offered to be my slave, and it sounded pretty good, until I realized how much responsibility that entails. It’s like having a dog. Go home after work. Fuck the slave. Punish the slave. Drag the slave around on a chain. And especially, I learned, a good master keeps his slaves in nice clothes.
Aaliyah, this master of yours isn’t living up to his responsibilities. Tell him you want some decent panties. You can get them free around here.
I also want to give a shout out to the City of the Arts (COTA), a nonprofit that’s having its grand opening at noon on Sunday, August 26 on Alyssum Island. It’s going to be crazy, because Eddi Haskell is involved, and he’s the best events guy I know. The sim hasn’t even officially opened yet, and it comes up second when you do a search under “arts,” with over 3500 visitors. It features an appearance by a royal personage, Princess Mango, and a 21-gun salute. Wear your tux.
Angel
Aug 24th, 2007
Hmmm, BF #2 was an escort when I met him, fair enough I thought I can deal with this, until he started bringing his work home and I had to listen to it.
BF #3 wasn’t an escort when I met him, I learnt that lesson, however a few weeks ago he started escorting and required that I pay him to even talk to him. Didn’t last long when that happened
Last night I met up with BF #1 after a few months break, we are quite good friends now, he told me that he has been escorting now and asked if I would like to hire him as well.
Hmmm… /me eeps… zomg All my BF’s have been or turned into escorts.
BCBUDDHA
Aug 24th, 2007
LOL
You know you should kill yourself when:
Your pretend girlfriend (who is most likely a dude) online is also a pretend hooker and it makes you hurt emotionally in real-life.
LOL seriously man WTF is this for real??? is SLH trolling sane people for lulz now???
If this guy is actually butthurt about having an E-girlfriend whos and E-hooker then we need to seriously look at the mental problems SL causes
qDot
Aug 24th, 2007
Meh. Fight all you want amongst yourselves.
Some day my machines will be good enough that people will use them all the time, thus not having time to ask questions, thus putting all of you out of a job, and also ending procreation in general, thus leading to the end of the human race. Q E Motherfucking D.
Your days are numbered.
Brennan Planer
Aug 24th, 2007
I hope to god that you don’t fuck your dog when you come home from work!
das_fuhrer
Aug 24th, 2007
This is a fucking failure.
Go get a porn mag and jack off.
Whatever
Aug 24th, 2007
Wow! Another lame-ass sex article by the Herald. Who would have thought?
Yay, Uri. Way to go! Lose any and all reputation this rag has! Where’s a good factually incorrect Tenshi article when you need one?
DaveOner
Aug 24th, 2007
I wonder why everyone in mainstream media has the idea that SL is all about sex?
tp
Aug 24th, 2007
Ok rule number 2 when dealing with women or men in second life relationships…
RENT DON’T BUY!
Thats actually a good rule for RL also.
also should be noted that if your dating someone who doesn’t have the common sense to use an alt for the cyber prostitution instead of making you lament about it, time for a reality check and possibly a trip to a psychologist.
Corona
Aug 24th, 2007
And the universe wont care in the slightest BCBuddha
Alyx Stoklitsky
Aug 24th, 2007
Oh noes! My fake e-girlfriend is having fake e-sex with other people for fake e-monies!
EEEEEEEK!
paris
Aug 24th, 2007
very good ,get your coat ,you pulled ……
john
Dec 19th, 2007
well i was at fling.com trying to get some sex. All the girls there ask you to rate them or to get the six digit numbers and that its going to be free in the sex web cams and that you could get there number there. My question is this what the purpose of the rating and such. Could you actualy meet one of these girls or there just fake. Most of the girls in fling.com are like that and i thinks is just bussiness and people would be able to meet someone just fantasias.
Envi Teardrop
Dec 8th, 2008
Corona, Angel, and all other mocking birds.
You feel love. You don’t need to hear, smell or touch it.
So there’s no E-love or E-friend, they’re just as real as anything else.
And if this guy is FEELING his escort girlfriend then he really is. If you can’t wrap your little mind around it then I can imagine satisfying you emotionally is a no brainer.
But don’t mind me, this is just my E-response to your E-diotic E-pinion.
tc
Envi Teardrop
Dec 8th, 2008
Corona, Angel, a 1000 Apologies!!
I meant BCBUDDHA and Alyx Stoklitsky (I srsly hope this is your fake e-name).
And I’d also like to thank the jack-off expert das_fuhrer for his great advice, I think I remember the ‘mags’ you mention das, great decade the 80s, loved it.
And while I’m at it…
Angel, what did you do to your bfs?! can we meet?