Jimbo Quality Enhances Leadership Image
by jimbo on 02/09/07 at 7:58 am
Jimbo buys presidential quality hair
by Jimbo Quality
After my last article, I sensed that there was something missing from my campaign to become President of Second Life. I sensed that the people had expectations of me that I wasn’t meeting. My team hit the streets and conducted extensive research to find out what my fellow residents want in their leader. [Don't be fooled, this just means Jimbo finally read some comments - the Editrix].
a candidate prepares for extreme presidential makeover
What I learned is that my people don’t think I’m good looking enough to be President. It was a tough thing to hear, but I am nothing if not eager to please, so I set out to fix this. I decided to part with some hard earned lindens and go skin shopping.
I knew I would need help, so I asked our fashion writer, Tenshi Vielle, to help me. She was thrilled.
Tenshi is a very busy avatar. For what seemed like a month, maybe two, I stood by her desk waiting for her to return. Finally, I IM’d her and amazingly, she had just logged on for the first time in weeks! It was like fate had brought us together.
I immediately went to my favorite shopping place, Odds&Ends in Wagaland, because they have good freebies. I sent Tenshi a TP and then I saw it; "Hair for There."
hair for there
This is a place that sells pubic hair, you know, "hair" for "there." Don’t worry if you don’t get it right away, it took a while for me to get it too. You’ll see it’s very funny because they sell "hair" for "there." Don’t worry if you don’t get it, it took me a while, you see…[We deleted several pages of variations of Jimbo explaining the name of this place. The Herald staff thinks this may be the first "clever" name he's understood and he seemed very excited about it - the Editrix].
Tenshi reacts
I finally understood what it was I had been lacking as a presidential candidate- Second Life needs an avie with a little chili releno on his huevos if you know what I mean. [Uh, no, but that's ok- the Editrix]. I immediately stripped and looked to see if they had demo pubes. For some reason Tenshi, who’d just rezzed, ran away screaming. [If you see her and she's still running, please tell me because then I win the office pool - the Editrix]
still running?
I looked at the selection of pubes and threw up a little in my mouth when I saw the ones in the bottom right. I mean, I find these broadly offensive. Can we get a Linden to do something about this?
a LOT of hair for there
I browsed. I saw that each box was L$50 and tried not to think about how many hours in a camping chair that was. Then I realized that it’s pubic hair for girls and started wandering away when it hit me that the monster bush would make for some rocking chest hair and I blew my L$50 like it was nothing. Talk about impulse purchases! I didn’t even realize the hair is just painted underwear until after I’d bought it.
I immediately pulled my wild pubic bushwoman underpants up as far as they would go, right up under my armpits, and for the rest of the day I sported the best chest hair anyone has seen this side of 1977.
president bush riding high
I never knew fashion shopping could be this much fun, so I kept going. I found a thing that makes me laugh and cry and smile and stuff. It was just sitting there in the bottom of a box of freebies! When I smile I look just like motivational speaker Tony Robbins, so I gave up trying to find a new skin. Tony Robbins is so smart they gave him his own infomercial. If I’m in that class I could be President easy.
I quit on skins, but I did find a place that sells a slick looking layer of oil. I figured I was on a spending spree anyhow so I popped the L$10 they were asking for it and walked around all oily looking a while. Even my pubic chest hair looked oily. I kept trying to get people to touch me so they could see I wasn’t really oily, just wearing a clever suit, but for some reason they wouldn’t. Their loss.
Eventually I went back to the Herald and they made me take off my pubes and oil and put my clothes back on. As Editrix Pixeleen kept saying "It takes the lotion off the skin or it gets the hose again!"
Hey, why don’t you come down to the Herald office and buy some of my presidential t-shirts and signs. I think they cost L$1. I need to make some Linden space buck e-monies to go shopping again.
Corona
Sep 2nd, 2007
So this ‘President’ ( I did not vote for him) is already involved in sleeze before he has even taken office
Ali
Sep 2nd, 2007
hahahahahah yeah I bet Tenshi’s still runing XD
Ivette Zehetauer
Sep 2nd, 2007
You had me in stitches!! You have my vote based on your sense of humor. And you are cute like that!! Maybe that is your best asset. And, yes, please loose the pubes and the oil. Just thinking about the oil on your chest-pubes made me ill. LOL
Good work.;)
JayR Cela
Sep 2nd, 2007
2 Questions
#1 Why on Lindens Earth did this article even get published ?
#2 Why was I foolish enough to even bother reading it ?
Hmmm seems I just answered ? #2 for myself already, after a quick re-read I suppose the purpose of putting this in print, lets us all know where this candidate stands on some (chough-choke-trying not to laugh to hard) the really important issues in SL.
Good job SLHerald I completely missed the satirical value first time around. I am ROFL now.
JayR Cela
Observer
Sep 2nd, 2007
Taking makeover suggestions from Tenshi? You do realize her avie is one of the ugliest in game, in looks and in personality…
Oh, and look, a sexual article. Shocker!
Lem Skall
Sep 2nd, 2007
Wow! That’s a really long black rectangle there.
Tiffany Wilder
Sep 2nd, 2007
Is that new hair on Tenshi? its been a while since I’ve seen her, I like it
Also I think the black bar on the nude picture could have been a LOT shorter, say a small dot instead?
Sn4x15
Sep 2nd, 2007
facepalm.jpg
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 2nd, 2007
This article is severely lacking in a very important element: humor.
Elliot Basevi
Sep 2nd, 2007
Funniest article I’ve read in ages!
He’s got my vote.
PS: The Herald’s offices are looking a bit sparse, don’t ya think? Did you sell off all the furniture to fund Jimbo’s campaign?
Angel
Sep 2nd, 2007
You sir, get my vote, for the care you take in helping those less fortunate find life saving items, such as merkins, for their second life existance.
The metaverse is clearly a better place with this above average (for the Herald) fashion tip.
DF
Sep 3rd, 2007
Secondlulz, you wouldn’t recognise humor if it’d hit you in the face in the shape of a wrecking ball.
I say, VOTE JIMBO!
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 3rd, 2007
@DF
Whatever. DF is obviously an acronym for dumbfuck.
Tiffany Wilder
Sep 3rd, 2007
I see “observer” whatever the hell he/she/it is, seems to still be jealous and envious and spiteful towards Tenshi for no reason at all. She never even wrote the article you lame brained idiot.
I find Tenshi’s avie very pretty and her RL pic is not bad at all, especially compared to “observers” probable 300 pound what ever he/she/it tattooed trucker is in RL.
As for it being a “a sexual article” it is satire (and not bad satire at that) and if you look at the RL this is tame satire compared to majority of what out there, again your bitter hatred for something that is long past is blinding you to everything. Your continued hatred makes you so much worse than Tenshi was on her worst day and destroys any creditability you may have had long ago, its quite sad really.
You do need to let it go “observer” and in RL should probably seek some psychiatric help. Of course you a probably avoiding that cause you know they’d chuck you in a rubber room and throw away the key.
Ok sorry rant over, it probably all went over “observers” head anyway.
Jimbo may get my vote but I would need to see behind the black rectangle before I may a final desion
Lugh Ingraham
Sep 3rd, 2007
If anyone actually takes this form of news media seriously then you get a cookie and a scoobie doo lunch box because congratulations…you’re a…DEE DEE DEE!!
Hilarious article.
Ann Otoole
Sep 3rd, 2007
do us all a favor and stop by Unique Needs! for a free male avatar. this will take care of your needs for a manly shape and skin.
Graci Mac
Sep 3rd, 2007
This was a FUNNY article….and I have no clue why anyone wouldn’t recognize that fact. Vote Jimbo…the grid is too serious as it is!
Lugh Ingraham
Sep 3rd, 2007
You know Tiff by yelling at him you’re just giving him or her, the attention that he or she wants.
On a side note, I always wanted to be put in a rubber room but then I found out there weren’t any whores inside.
Tenshi’s cute and Pixeleen’s comments in the article are still making me laugh.
Tiffany Wilder
Sep 3rd, 2007
Yes good point’s Lugh, I just tend grab the bait to often I guess
You’re also correct about Pixeleen’s comments – is it just me or does the title ” Editrix” sound a bit kinky
Tenshi Vielle
Sep 3rd, 2007
Aww, thanks Lugh!! And yeah. Pix likes to wander around the office and whip us occasionally when we’re busy picking our noses at our computers or some such instead of following hot leads or stalking Lindens.
She’s getting too good with that bullwhip. Editrix Dominatrix indeed.
Observer
Sep 3rd, 2007
To Tiffany Wilder: No, she didn’t write the article. You are correct on that, however, did you even READ the article? No, just come on here and attack me incorrectly. Nice work. Who’s the lame brained idiot now? Reading comprehension would do wonders for you.
Quoting the article:
“I knew I would need help, so I asked our fashion writer, Tenshi Vielle, to help me. She was thrilled.”
To which I replied, “Taking makeover suggestions from Tenshi? ….”
No it didn’t go over my head. It couldn’t have, since you were incorrect on the whole premise to begin with. Clearly my comment did. I’d talk down to your level, but I prefer to speak with adults.
Tiffany, do us all a favor and go play in the street.
Tiffany Wilder
Sep 3rd, 2007
hmm did I attack “observer” incorrectly?
How did I do that?
I read and enjoyed the article so no, that part is covered. I read your reply also, which was a bit longer than you quote above by the way.
You are the one who attacked a person just because she was mentioned in the article and I know you also knew she did not write it.
How am I the lame brained one? I know you did not attack her because she wrote it but just because you had an excuse due to her being mentioned, that was my whole point and premise, which it seems sadly was to much for you to comprehend with all the hate and bile clouding your eyes.
If you cannot grasp that then I have to stand by my original assumption that in RL you should probably seek some psychiatric help(if you already are you should get your meds bumped up a bit).
And to Lugh, sorry for ranting again but she/he/it attacked me this time and called me lamed brained which hurt my pwoor wittle feelings
Now off to the street to stop some traffic
DF
Sep 4th, 2007
Ooh, Secondlulz, what a magnificent comeback!!
Obviously you won this internetz discussion with that.
Observer
Sep 4th, 2007
Tiffany, quit being so stupid. You really are smarter than this.
“She never even wrote the article you lame brained idiot.” Short term memory, Tiff?
I merely questioned why this unknown guy went to Tenshi for fashion advice when she has one of the ugliest avies (in appearance) in game and in personality.
You then come bounding in here claiming that I was somehow jealous and envious of Tenshi and also probably a 300 pound trucker, etc. Both are quite far from the truth. I don’t envy Tenshi in the least, as she’s gone through a lot of (deserved) crap brought upon herself. I am far from 300 pounds, and in no way would ever need to be a truck driver. My RL is quite good.
I never claimed she wrote it. Why you felt the need to point that out when it wasn’t even the issue is a bit daft.
DF
Sep 4th, 2007
BTW… I saw someone asking about the meaning behind ‘lulz’ somewhere in the comments to some article… Don’t recall where, so I’ll post it here.
Lulz is derived from the word ‘lul’, which is Dutch for ‘penis’.
So, if you hear someone uttering the words “I did it for the lulz”, show them some support. Coming out takes some courage.
Secondlulz Vigilante
Sep 4th, 2007
@DF
“Ooh, Secondlulz, what a magnificent comeback!!
Obviously you won this internetz discussion with that.”
Yep. You=Trolled.
DF
Sep 5th, 2007
Allright SecondDick Viggilante, I ish trolled. Was it as good for you as it was for me? Cause I had better.
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 5th, 2007
@DF
“Allright SecondDick Viggilante, I ish trolled.”
Lulz doesn’t mean dick in English Dumbfuck. Only a guy who goes to Europe to get gay sex would’ve been able to tell us what the Dutch word for cock is. Go to Encyclopedia Dramatica and educate yourself a little about netspeak. *snickers*
And yes, you’re still trolled.
DF
Sep 6th, 2007
Ah yes, netspeak… The art of sounding like a retard, on purpose. American invention, I trust?
Interrestingly enough, I never ‘went’ to Europe.
Greetings from the Netherlands to Mr. Tweede Penis (first one must have been defunct LOL)
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 6th, 2007
@DF
“Greetings from the Netherlands to Mr. Tweede Penis (first one must have been defunct LOL)”
Ah, so you’re FROM the Europe. Gotcha.
Yeah a guy from a continent where they have a lot of sex yet the birthrate of the native population is dwindling dangerously has LOTS of room to criticize the penii of others. Wrong hole, Skippy. WRONG HOLE!!! *snickers*
“Ah yes, netspeak… The art of sounding like a retard, on purpose.”
Yes. Sounding like a retard on purpose is a way of poking fun at people who think internet discussions are so important that they have to sound like a graduate thesis 100% of the time.
“American invention, I trust?”
No. It’s an internet invention, Dumbfuck. Europeans, Brits, and Americans all contributed to it. Ya know. World…Wide…Web. See how that works? And hey you said “lol” yourself. Welcome to netspeak! :p