The Alphaville Herald

The Voyeur – Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

by wendell on 17/11/07 at 11:07 am

Answers to your questions about love and sex in the metaverse

by Wendell Holmer, virtual advice columnist

Q:        I had a sub for about 6 months, and he wanted to take the relationship into real life. He told me he would do anything for me, but he had run away from me once before, and I did not believe he was sincere. I told the sub to lend me $1,600 to buy an island. Most Dommes would have just taken the money, but I assured the sub I would pay him back. At first he agreed, then changed his mind, then offered again. This yo-yo drama went on for three days. Finally, I told him he had failed the test. He begged to give me the money, but I could see that there was no trust and banished him. Now he wants to come back.

–Ma’am

A:         You shouldn’t have asked in the first place. If money becomes a condition for continuing a relationship, it’s not love, trust, or submission. It’s prostitution.

     The bond of trust is the very basis of the D/s relationship. A cynical or greedy Mistress can inflict tremendous harm. Once control is firmly established, the Mistress can do anything she wants to her sub: take his money, use him sexually, inflict pain, or physically mutilate him. The Mistress has an ethical duty not to abuse that trust and to act in the sub’s best interest.

You were wrong to ask for the money. The sub was wrong because he should have refused outright—which he could certainly have done. A sub can say no to a request that is outside the bounds of the D/s relationship; and he could also have told you he didn’t have the money. A good Mistress respects the boundaries to which the parties agree, and a good mistress does not demand the impossible.  But this the sub agreed initially. When he did that, he conceded both that you had a right to demand the money and that he had the ability to give it to you. He vacillated—not because your demand was out of bounds, but because he didn’t trust you to pay him back. Your demand, and his hesitation, destroyed trust on both sides and broke the bond. You should not take him back.

Why, Grandma!

Q:        I was in a roleplay sim when I got “attacked” by a wolf accompanied by a hot girl in panties and stockings. I’m a woman, and I favor straight men. I’ve never done an animal before, but I was interested and played along. As a terrified victim, I allowed them to TP me to a room where the wolf mounted me, while I got busy with his “owner.” It was kind of hot at first, but all the emoting was between the woman and the animal. It was like I wasn’t even there. Finally, I said to the wolf, “Why don’t you just fuck her?” This put a damper on things. How should I have handled it?

–Red

A:         It’s tricky having sex with a couple. They don’t know what you are expecting, and you don’t know what they want. Some people in your position like to be used as a toy. But typically, in a threesome, it is good manners for the couple to make their guest feel special and included. Your enjoyment should be their first concern. They should have focused all their attention on you and taken care of their own needs afterward. Treating you like an object was just rude, and I don’t blame you for being upset. But you could have turned the situation around by IMing the dominant member and telling him or her that you felt left out. By making a sarcastic comment, you merely ended the fun.

Come Live with Me and Be My Love

Q:        I am crazy about a girl who has a beautiful home. I have two houses myself, but neither one is as nice as hers. She suggested we buy a fourth house as a love nest, but I said, “Why don’t I just move in with you?” I was going to keep my houses, and she was going to keep hers. Nothing would change. I just felt it would be nice to come home and find her there, make love in her bed, take long walks in her beautiful garden. (We do all that anyway.) I intended to give her some money–a few thousand lindens a month, just as a symbolic payment–but she brought the subject up first and said she wanted me to pay half her tier, which was nearly $200 per month.

      Problem is, I’m married, and my wife already thinks I spend too much time and money on this stupid game. I can’t possibly explain the extra charge on our credit card statement. And I obviously can’t back out of the deal and say, “Well, I wanted to be with you until I realized how much it cost.” Get me out of this!

–Mo Money

A:         You did two things wrong. You let a romantic relationship get polluted with money (see above), and you made a commitment without any idea of what it involved. It sounds like your girlfriend wants you to be an equal owner of her land. If that’s what she has in mind, she reasonably expects you to buy a 50 percent interest and pay half the tier. But you don’t really want more land. You are trying to make an emotional commitment by “moving in,” while in fact you are both using her home exactly as you did in the past. The way you see it, you’re just visiting.

It sounds like you two are really in love, and the way to keep that relationship going is to start talking. I hope you have told her you are married in RL. If so, this should be easy. Just explain the problem and offer to use one of your houses as the home you share, or sell one and dedicate that cost to a little rose-covered cottage you can pick out and furnish together. Meanwhile, each of you can maintain your own property.

Send your questions on love and sex in the metaverse to wendellhomer@aol.com. If we use your question, we will not disclose your name.