The Voyeur—Stable Relationships
by wendell on 23/12/07 at 10:28 am
Answers to your questions about love and sex in the metaverse
by Wendell Holmer, virtual advice columnist
Q: The thing i love about being a sub is being cherished. I love to give pleasure to my Master and to be rewarded when he is pleased. I just ended a relationship with a Master who paid so much attention to his other sub, he never seemed to have time for me. A few days ago i met a new Master, who told me i was his only pet. He’s kind of inexperienced, but i really like him.
One night, my Master started stammering in such a convoluted way that i thought he was breaking up with me! I told him, "Just say it," and he said, "Sir is Dom to 2 others, besides you." You can imagine how that hit me, right? I said, “Fuck you, you goddamn motherfucker,” and POOF! i deleted him from my profile. I unfriended him.
Then i thought it over. I sat down with Master and told him why i was hurt. He said two girls had asked to be subs that day, and he had agreed. I said i was worried He wouldn’t have as much time to spend with me. Master assured me that things would remain the same with us, and that i was still special to Him even if He had other subs. I asked Him to hold me, and He did. Then i told Him i still wanted to be His, and He kissed me on the lips. Did i make the right decision coming back to Him?
-Scheherazade
A: Your master is inexperienced. It shows in the way he talks. Subs sometimes refer to themselves in the third person to show that their individual will is subordinated. It doesn’t make sense for a dom to do that.
New masters get carried away with the idea of having a stable of girls who are sexually available to them. They tend to underestimate the time commitment. It is a rare sub who is content to show up on command to be fucked or petted and then wait patiently until she is summoned again.
A good master thinks carefully about expanding his family and considers how each new addition fits in before he starts filling up the dungeon. Even though you are a sub, you have the right to set limits. Adding a new girl to the harem changed the terms of the relationship and should have been discussed with you in advance.
Your master probably means to care for you as if you were an only sub, but he doesn’t have the skill to control three girls clamoring for attention. Based on your prior experience and the strength of your reaction when he mentioned his two new pets, you can’t handle being one of three on a chain. Good doms are in high demand in Second Life. When you find the right one, you will know.
The Wrong Guys
Q: I’ve been playing SL for over a year and have had a lot of boyfriends, but I’ve never had a real relationship. Either I fall in love with men who aren’t interested in me or men who are already taken. I don’t know why.
At the beginning I had a few one-night stands, and after a while I had two secret lovers–always secret because both of them already had girlfriends in-world and ran huge businesses here. It can be very exciting to have secret lovers, but in the end it didn’t give me a good feeling. So the affairs ended after a few weeks.
I like the attention of men. I am NOT in SL for a relationship. I can take care of myself very well. Besides I need lots of space and time for myself, which most men don’t understand. I don’t want to talk and dance night after night. That really gets me bored! I just want them to make me laugh now and then.
Often men expect too much from me. They get too serious. At last they all scare me away. I run away from them. I always run away. That’s me!
What is the problem with me? Or are the men the problem?
-Jessica
A: I don’t think there’s any problem at all. You are getting exactly what you want. You enjoy the early stages of love–attraction, infatuation, passion—but you don’t want a relationship. You want guys to entertain and amuse you. You aren’t interested in a real personal connection. That’s why you are always attracted to unattainable men.
“Whoever loves above all the approach of love will never know the joy of attaining it,” said Antoine de Saint-Exupery. But that’s not a problem in Second Life. Here it’s normal—and safe—to enjoy superficial flirtations. This is your second life, and you can live it however you want. If flitting from man to man is what you want to do, that’s fine. Just make sure you let your dates know in advance that you are not going to be the great love of their lives.
Send your questions on love and sex to wendellholmer@aol.com.
Blak Hax
Dec 23rd, 2007
@ the first dumbass, You’re a sub, you think real life sex slaves have it so easy? STFU and be a sub, you’re breaking the 4th wall of your stupid roleplaying by questioning shit.
@Jessica
“What is the problem with me? Or are the men the problem?”
Girls always tease guys and fuck with their heads, its common but not normal, the way I see it. That leaves you with 2 problems.
1st, You lack something in your life which makes you feel the need to get attention from men. In RL its usually a lack of self confidence, which a smooth pimpdaddy like me exploits.
2nd, You obviously cant get dudes in real life since you describe “one night stands” in SL as a matter of nonfiction.
You need to find yourself men within your league in RL and just settle.
Its not healthy to make an overly attractive avatar and lure weird basement dwellers who are also have overly attractive avatars.
You’re gonna get fucked in the head to the point where if LL went bankrupt you’d have to kill yourself because your real life situation would be too upsetting, like coming down off herion.
@Wendell
Your advice sucks, it just furthers the psychosis of these idiots and makes them further rely on this imaginary shit rather than dealing with their real life problems which lead them to this.
Instead you should just tell them all “STOP PLAYING SL ITS FUCKING UP YOUR HEAD”
lolwut
Dec 23rd, 2007
Why do people even both using SL for Sex or Cybersex, it’s meant to be a “Sandbox” game, not a wankfest.
These twats, should just go play Red Light Center or something…..
Lao-Tzu
Dec 23rd, 2007
Never forget:Sl relationships are more fluid than water. SL magnifies human faults and weaknesses. You only think that the overly-attractive avatar and funky name hides the real you. However, this anonymous outer shell we portray on SL allows the RL inner self (with its selfish thoughts) to shine through by our actions. Infidelity is more rampant in SL than in RL because of sheer abundance of temptations. No matter how perfect your look,your verbal skills, and compassion: your partner will become bored. Do not depend on SL for love and romance……………
Jenny Raymaker
Dec 23rd, 2007
“Why do people even both using SL for Sex or Cybersex, it’s meant to be a “Sandbox” game, not a wankfest.”
Their world, their imagination.
Your mileage may vary.
Sue
Dec 24th, 2007
@Blak Hax: Dude, back away from the computer…you are taking this waaaaayyyyyy too seriously. Maybe you and your pimp daddiness need to lay off SL for a while because as much as you say Jennifer takes this too seriously, you take it too seriously too. Maybe you too need to settle for an individual in your own league in real life. Seriously, when you get all concerned with what someone else is doing online (“You’re a sub, you think real life sex slaves have it so easy? STFU and be a sub, you’re breaking the 4th wall of your stupid roleplaying by questioning shit.”), it is time to delete the program.
My avatar doesn’t talk to other people. I look around, shop, and buy property and build houses. And, like lolwut, I don’t get the cybersex thing. If I want sex, I will have it in real life.
corona
Dec 24th, 2007
a) “Did i make the right decision coming back to Him?”
the above assumes there is a right decision to make?
however the world is not black and white – so any decision has good and bad aspects
b) “it’s meant to be a “Sandbox” game, not a wankfest.”
meant ? – its not meant to be anything other than what it is used for
succubus
Dec 24th, 2007
as a man playing a female avatar in SL I tend to find its the men that are the problem
Ones I like as people I dont want sex with, as its not fair on them
and ones whose chat up lines no women real or fake would tolerate-they dont get sex either
this excludes 99.99% of all male avatars in SL
Although there are a small number who I will agree to watch a porn video with
it is not really sex and never will be – until the technology improves vastly beyond what SL is
people should remember – none of it is real
even if I were a RL female – you would not know what I was doing this side of the screen
cyber sex is one of the easiest bits of SL to roleplay – it does not take much imagination or effort to do single key typing -
aaaaa ooooo aaaa
Corona
Dec 24th, 2007
Sue says “My avatar doesn’t talk to other people.”
this person is a sad loner- discuss
Corona
Dec 24th, 2007
Blak Hax writes =
Girls always tease guys and fuck with their heads, its common but not normal, the way I see it.
= misogynist assumption
1st, You lack something in your life which makes you feel the need to get attention from men.
= assumption
In RL its usually a lack of self confidence,
=misogynist assumption
which a smooth pimpdaddy like me exploits.
= arrogant fuckwit
2nd, You obviously cant get dudes in real life
= assumption
since you describe “one night stands” in SL as a matter of nonfiction.
You need to find yourself men within your league in RL and just settle.
= misogyinst assumption
Its not healthy to make an overly attractive avatar
= assumption
and lure weird basement dwellers who are also have overly attractive avatars.
=assumption
You’re gonna get fucked in the head to the point where if LL went bankrupt you’d have to kill yourself
because your real life situation would be too upsetting, like coming down off herion.
=triple assumption
@Wendell
Your advice sucks,it just furthers the psychosis of these idiots
=double assumption
and makes them further rely on this imaginary shit rather than dealing with their real life problems which lead them to this.
=double assumption
Instead you should just tell Blak Hax “STOP PLAYING RL ITS FUCKING UP YOUR HEAD”
Blak Hax
Dec 24th, 2007
@sue
google my slname and you’ll see how seriously I take the game. Also im only logged in maybe 10 min in any given week.
@Corona
Those aren’t assumptions, in the future you can use my comments as the benchmark for what is correct in any argument that I’ve decided to grace with my opinion. Feel free to leave an apology, as it seems like you weren’t aware of my superior knowledge.
Corona
Dec 24th, 2007
QED
Meatwad
Dec 24th, 2007
“superior knowledge”
Superior faggotry is more like it.
Sue
Dec 26th, 2007
Corona: I don’t have to find comfort or companionship on a computer. And I am hardly a loner. I have tons of friends in real life. But looking back, “never” is not the word. Rarely talk to anyone else is more like it. SL is fun for me…and that’s all.
Angel
Dec 26th, 2007
> “Good doms are in high demand in Second Life. When you find the right one, you will know.”
Absolutely right. Although I have only had my Owner for 6 weeks my dedication to Him grows daily, I have never seen a Master so skilled, so perfect.
Keep looking scheherazade, and when you find Him, serve Him with all your heart and soul so that He doesn’t need anyone else on His chain.
Allana Dion
Dec 26th, 2007
Angel: >”Keep looking scheherazade, and when you find Him, serve Him with all your heart and soul so that He doesn’t need anyone else on His chain.”
Ugh, I get so tired of this one. “If I’m a good enough sub he won’t need anyone else”, Seriously? Like being a doormat?
It’s like any other relationship, you find someone who is compatible and build a solid commitment to one another. If you’re not into poly relationships, you make that clear from the start and seek out only a partner who also prefers monogamy. If you’re into poly relationships, you also make that clear from the start and respect the other person’s limits.
If you’re involved with someone who expects you to share their time and affections and knows you’re unhappy with that, then you’re with someone who cares more for his own needs than yours and why the hell would you stay and accept that?
Sherazade, tell the guy you expect monogamy and if he’s not interested in that, move on.
Anonymous
Dec 27th, 2007
why is this an article?
are you fucking kidding me?
Is SL this bad where sex = BDSM?
fucking hell guys.
Anonymous
Dec 27th, 2007
Also, these bdsm relationships are pathetic, especially the sub side of it, because these people want someone to boss them around and control them. Engage brain, you insecure, emotionally fucked up wastes of space.
Just join the fucking army if you want someone else to control you like a pawn.
DaveOner
Dec 27th, 2007
I agree with the majority of what Blak said regarding the submissive girl’s issues. Sounds like she’s not a very good submissive and is getting the result of buying into a system where your feelings are secondary. I think you should either stay and take it or give up the whole D/s thing altogether as you don’t seem to be cut out for it.
As far as #2, most dudes in SL tend to go all horny/batshit crazy when they meet a girl in SL who’s actually a girl IRL. Once they find one that’s somewhat interested in them they want to keep her like a bird in a cage. A lot of desperate guys IRL are the same way. That sounds to me like what you’re getting.
if you’re going into SL with the intent on hooking up then you’re never going to get into a satisfying relationship. This is true of RL as well. The people that go out with the express intent to hook up and get a b/f or g/f end up in relationships that are shallow at best and abusive at the worst.
Just do your thing, talk with people and hang out. If there’s someone worth getting attached to they’ll show up on their own. You might want to apply the same to RL!
Once again the story is completed in the comments. I’d almost like this format if I knew these articles were written incomplete or otherwise badly on purpose.
anon
Dec 27th, 2007
>because these people want someone to boss them around and control them. Engage brain, you insecure, emotionally fucked up wastes of space.
ITT WE OVERANALYZE SEXUAL FETISHES, NOT ACCEPTING THAT PEOPLE JUST LIKE THEM
If people take that bullshit outside of the bedroom and just want someone to control them, that’s stupid. But otherwise it’s just a fetish, and in that case who gives a flying fuck?
Lola Quijybo
Dec 27th, 2007
I like how my comment about how Penance is fat and endorsing women to be fat (and saying women WANT to be fat so they can have big tits like hers) was deleted… but this one…
” “superior knowledge”
Superior faggotry is more like it.”
… was not deleted. Did she get her poor feelings hurt again? It’s okay if others talk trash about other people, but heaven forbid if it gets said to a staff member.
Corona
Dec 28th, 2007
To Sue – your reply is why I added the key end word – ‘discuss’
Anonymous
Dec 29th, 2007
Penny is the sacred cow at the Herald, Lola.
All puns intended.