The Alphaville Herald

Justanother Oompa — Post 6 Guy

by Alphaville Herald on 02/03/11 at 3:05 am

[Every so often a gaggle of friends and I head out onto the grid to see what's new, get a dose of "Hooooooo's" at a club, and generally have a good time. On one recent sojourn we met Justa, one of the more clever conversationalists I've met on the grid and possessor of several great avatars he made himself. I asked him if he'd do Post 6, and was very happy he agreed. I should add that in my group I was not the only one to be impressed with Justa, as he has subsequently become the boyfriend of one of my best SL friends and I wish them both the best! It is a pleasure and an honor to introduce Justanother Oompa, Post 6 Guy. ~Timothy Morpork]

Hi Alphaville Herald Readers,

My name is Justanother. You can call me Ray, or Mr. Oompa.

In real life I’m the CEO of a computer network security firm and I’ve come to Second Life to infiltrate Anonymous and show off my skills. I decided to pose for Post 6 because I had reliable information that Morpork was the head of Anonymous, and when that proved to be a false lead, I decided to pose anyhow because I know how hot I am and that you all probably want to see my penis. Please excuse the scars and bruises on my face, I’ve been pretty beat up by Anonymous over the past month or so.

Actually, none of that is true. I’m really a graduate student at the University of Notre Dame doing my doctoral thesis on how virtual women played by women differ from virtual women played by men. My project is not doing well as I’m having trouble finding virtual women played by men, as all the women I meet here swear that they are women IRL.

My girlfriend, GiantRack420 assures me that they are out there, so we hang out at sex clubs a lot. Sex clubs can be pretty rough and occasionally I get beat up, which explains my sorry looks. GiantRack420 said that showing everyone my bits here in the Herald would bring out the fake women in droves.

My hobbies here include going to all the fairs and festivals- I especially like the ones that are so laggy you can’t move and nothing rezzes, and going to the really popular stores and buying all the same skins and hair and clothes and stuff that everyone else has so we all look alike. Oh, I also like leaving shitty comments about other people on blogs so they feel bad about themselves in real life. I mean what else are games for if not to be a dick and hurt other people’s feelings?

I like building stuff and impressing newbies with it so they’ll have pixel sex with me, then publishing the photos of it on the internet. I also like exploiting the IP address fetch in streaming media and using it to freak people out and make them mistrust this place. Innocent statements like “Oh! I see you’re logged on from Indiana, how’s your weather?” really get people flummoxed. Nothing makes my day complete like ruining someone else’s.

Of course, that’s not true either. I’m really a lonely housewife in Iowa who is one of the dozen or so people that actually play Second Life. I have approximately 4,322,687 alts and this is my 378th time posing for Post 6. As I already know because I play all of the writers and readers of this blog, this will be one of my best Post 6’s ever and all the comments I leave for myself will be positive. My avatar is beat up because it was my first night at Fight Club last night. No, I mean I fell off my bike riding to the photoshoot.

In truth, my real story isn’t interesting or any of your business, which is what makes these virtual worlds so much fun. I’ve poked around in a lot of them and still like Second Life the best, in spite of, and probably because of, all the drama and angst that gets stirred up from time to time.

I do worry about this place because I worry about our future as a species and a culture. Some people in SL really can be such dicks, and many people online have lost that ability to be civil, which seems to be leaking out into face to face life too. There have always been assholes, but sometimes I read the blogs and comments from online games and become afraid that we’re breeding them here.

So go forth and be nice to someone. Tell ‘em Ray sent ya.