Urizenus Announces Retirement

by Alphaville Herald on 15/02/06 at 3:45 pm

Famed cyberjournalist and virtual media mogul, Urizenus Sklar, announced his retirement today, shortly after a hunting trip with Dick Cheney and executives from Haliburton and IGE. In a statement released by the Herald Offices, Urizenus (Uri to his multitudinous friends) announced that he would be turning the Herald over to his trusted Editorial Director, Walker Spaight, and would be leaving Second Life as well, returning only for occasional hunting vacations in Jessie. According to Uri, he is hoping to spend more time sampling his collection of rare wines, playing Animal Crossing and Toontown with Pearl Fuzzyswirl, and working on topics in metaphysics, epistemology, and the philosophy of language. He also complained about the sheer mind numbing boredom of life online. The Herald has announced that Uri’s retirement party will be held at the upcoming South by Southwest Conference in Austin Texas. Staffers promise it will be a “puke on your shoes” affair.

31 Responses to “Urizenus Announces Retirement”

  1. Avah

    Feb 15th, 2006

    NO no no no nooooooooo NO NO NO Nooooo
    I cant believe you are leaving Youre the only reason I read the herald and if youre leaving Im leaving too.
    Im so sad. Goodbye Herald and Tranny and Prok and everyone.

  2. SNOOPYbrown

    Feb 15th, 2006

    First Hamlet, now Uri. Change is definitely in the wind. Well, I guess it’s better to log out than to fade away ;) . Best of luck Uri and I hope to catch you at SXSW (I’ll wear old shoes :) .

    Walker, it’s all you kid! Do it to it. What next for the Herald media empire? Does the new herald.blogs.com/slh URL imply that we’ll see a herald.blogs.com/wowh, herald.blogs.com/eveh, herald.blogs.com/tsoh, herald.blogs.com/eqh, herald.blogs.com/mvh, etc. etc. etc.?

  3. Walker Spaight

    Feb 15th, 2006

    Dude, are you still using that lame old URL?? Try http://www.secondlifeherald.com/

    And yes, as usual, we will continue to take over Teh World — hopefully with continued help from our Editor Emeritus.

    From everyone here at the Herald: We hate to see you leave, Uri, but we’ll be happy to puke on your shoes in Texas. Truly the end of an era.

  4. Matthias

    Feb 15th, 2006

    Very sorry to hear this, Uri.

    Walker, I guess it’s all you now. Have fun with it! I can’t wait to talk to you at some point about the change and how it will effect things.

  5. Prokofy Neva

    Feb 15th, 2006

    This is awful. And I don’t get it. I hope Uri will take some acid or something and come back in a few weeks refreshed and rethink this.

    Why is it awful? Because Uri gets it about these games in ways that others don’t. Precisely because he isn’t a journalist in RL, he can be a virtual editor and journalist with a great deal more credibility.

    God, I never thought we would lose our freedom of the press because Uri would leave; I thought it would be something like Herald reporters getting kicked from SL, or there’d be a ban on linking to third-party sites or something…

    Walker, with all his talents, is not going to work at keeping the Herald’s independence in the way Uri worked at it. Sorry, but there it is. He’s going to work at keeping the Herald cool, and hip, and with it, and um…graze with the Electric Sheep. That’s what he’s done so far, anyway, with “Touching Aimee’s Panties” and everything on down — including the latest piece yesterday touting the “Developers” of Second Life blah. I’m sorry, but it has to be said.

    I hope Uri will do some guest editorials some time. Yes, it really is unfortunate that just when Hamlet left to go “independent,” Uri isn’t around to let us all know what it really means to be independent.

    : (

  6. Plastic Duck

    Feb 15th, 2006

    Hey Uri do you want to play some Animal Crossing with me?

  7. TrannyPet Barmy

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Dont know what your reasons are for this Uri, but good luck with what ever you choose to do now.

    Walker – good luck to you to, following in the footsteps of Uri.

    TrannyPet Barmy
    The REAL ONE

  8. TrannyPet Barmy

    Feb 16th, 2006

    damn i wanna goto that party to, why’s everything gotta be in the US !!!!!

    TrannyPet Barmy
    The REAL ONE

  9. One Song

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Uri and some more booooooooooos.
    It’s a shame and sad to see a fighter of the SL resistance depart :(
    Before you leave don’t forget to send me a free copy of Only a Game your and Walker’s book. :P At the same time I can’t blame him for leaving I guess, there are bigger and better things to do out there. Plus SL has turned up to be one of the least exciting places to be at. So I guess you can’t blame Uri for leaving the herald and/or SL. I hope you still keep touch with some of us, specially me, hehehe. And have fun crusing on the herald Yatch.

  10. Donk Kongo

    Feb 16th, 2006

    “Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince,
    And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!”

  11. Neal Stewart

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Who wants to start us off on “O CAPTAIN! my Captain!”? :P

    Thank you for all the work at the Herald over the years, Uri.

    Enjoy meatspace. It’s very impressive visually and the gameplay is extremely realistic.

  12. Tony Walsh

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Uri — I hate to see you go, but the move is quite understandable. I will miss your reportage, and I wish you all the best in your future adventures. See you in Texas, sucka!

    Mr. Spaight, you are the Otto of the Herald schoolbus now, and I look forward to the ride.

  13. Cocoanut

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Walker was the one who wrote that chauvinist tripe about Aimee’s panties? That Prok took the blame for ever after?

    If so, that doesn’t auger well for the Herald.

    Uri, so sorry to see you go. I guess your book is done and you’re done with us guinea pigs in SL and TSO.

    Back in TSO, I never thought I’d see the day when I would miss you. But then, I didn’t know the true high school insanity that is SL back then, either. I hate to lose one of the few independent voices we have.


  14. toy

    Feb 16th, 2006

    I wish you the very best in your future plans :)
    Thanx for all you have given us, Uri :)

    Time to click the ‘delete’ button on the herald in my bookmarks

  15. Denise Domela

    Feb 16th, 2006

    NOOOOOO!!!! Uri you can’t leave the Herald! I can understand why you would want to leave SL but not the herald – this is so sad I will miss you terribly and hope you keep in touch with me occassionally in the future. Thank you for giving me th job with the Herald more than two years ago, it’s always been the one thing I truly enjoyed doing online. You are a legend my friend. Best of luck to you Uri, you will be greatly missed!

    Denise Domela
    (aka Gina Fatale)


  16. qDot

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Goodbye and good luck.

    You were a right bastard the whole time, which is just what virtual worlds need.

    I eagerly await Austin, where we will drink like people who can’t stand hearing about Web 2.0.

  17. Urizenus Sklar

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Thanks for the kind thoughts all. Um, there are a couple of stories that are still in the hopper and which I will be posting to keep Walker out of trouble. It’s always better to go out with a bang than a whimper, don’t you think? Stay tuned for the finale…

  18. Marsellus Wallace

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Uri, I sent you a private e-mail on this subject. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

    JC Soprano aka
    Marsellus Wallace
    Boss, The Sim Mafia

  19. Iggy

    Feb 16th, 2006

    What happens to people who retire from a game? They eventually come back.

  20. Mackenzie Draper

    Feb 16th, 2006

    Aww, you will be missed Uri. Too bad we only got to hang out once, at the wedding :) Good luck in all that you do from here on out.

    - Mackenzie Draper

  21. humdog

    Feb 17th, 2006

    thank you, mi general, for a great ride.
    never met anybody who could make better sense
    of what i do with a pencil than you.

    ever since i heard this news i been downhearted.
    life online yes becomes untenable after a while.

    walker i hope you have LOTS of erasers…

  22. Prokofy Neva

    Feb 17th, 2006

    Walker, I noticed you “locked a thread” responding to a story here. Is this a new practice? And old, and seldom-used practice you intend to make more use of?

    That, and a story that sounds more like it belongs in Hamlet’s blog than here, and I’m feeling a terrible amount of chagrin.

  23. Walker Spaight

    Feb 17th, 2006

    Isn’t it clear? I’m just flexing my muscles now that I’m in the driver’s seat. Obviously that’s what’s going on: I’m power-mad. Chagrin? You ain’t seen nuthin yet. Muahahahahaaaaaa…

  24. Clark Ambassador

    Feb 18th, 2006

    [raises glass]

    Thanks for the memories over the years. I laughed, I cried, I…groped…(TSO Days as Mr-President)

    You’ll definitely be missed.

    Congrats on the promotion, Mark!

  25. TrannyPet Barmy

    Feb 18th, 2006

    Too bad it already appears that the Herald is losing its valued freedom of speech.

    TrannyPet Barmy
    The REAL ONE

  26. Prokofy Neva

    Feb 18th, 2006

    I’m not amused, Walker.

    Wake me up when the nightmare is over.

  27. Joe Public

    Feb 19th, 2006

    The nightmare is you Porkofky Beaver…

  28. Marsellus Wallace

    Feb 19th, 2006

    *shakes Prok*

    WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!

    lolol BTW, thanks Prok for helping out Mackenzie the other day. She said you were really nice. Much appreciated. =)

    Marsellus Wallace
    Boss, The Sim Mafia

  29. Simon Lameth

    Feb 19th, 2006

    Sorry to see you go. You were one of the few that would stand against the “borg” that is EA.

    We will all miss your stories.

    Simon Lameth
    Online Times Publishing CEO
    Editor-In-Chief, Second Life Times

  30. Steele from MF/AV (Aka Steelth Bigwig in SL)

    Feb 20th, 2006

    Damn Uri, hate to see you go, remeMber SLBZ I told ya about earlier this month! lol You are an awesome guy and even tho I dont know what happeneded with the new book, I want a copy of it! Amazon links are broke so where can it be? :) Take care URI you were a kcik ass essential to the MMOs of the world.

    -Robert King

  31. Sami Suavage

    Feb 21st, 2006

    NOOOO, Uri say it aint so. I always knew the day would come; online life(once you’ve came, saw, and kicked ass)gets boring, and your ever reaching mind WOULD clamor for new horizons.::sighs::Well you certaintly have earned a release from these bloggy bonds, and I’ll not whine too much, but skip right on to thanking yer azz for all the good times and eye opening stories. You’ll be missed babes::snifflez::
    Oddly enough I was permabanned from SL recently; for some BS reasons of course::gigglez::so it was good bye time anyways….::huggs&kisses::


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