The Alphaville Herald

Crime Beat: Murder in Blumfield

by Alphaville Herald on 07/07/06 at 10:34 am

by J.L. Prudhomme (Special to the Herald)

Residents of the Blumfield sim were awakened early last Tuesday morning (EST), the Fourth of July, to the horrific sight of a bloody corpse lying on a vacant lot in their fair neighborhood. The mangled body of Ms. Ava Arrow was found supine on the Linden-grown grass of a seaside section of the sim. Blood was splattered on the ground, and a large, orange gourd was found mysteriously near the victim’s noggin, leading all to think she had been pummeled to death by pumpkin — rather odd given the time of year.

Yellow crime tape surrounded the gruesome murder scene, but a crowd of terrified suspects onlookers quickly formed — ok, really about eight avies — who stood around and played with the body, moving it back and forth for better picture angles.

Your faithful correspondent, on her way to a nude dance party in Amsterdam, dashed instead to the frightful scene as soon as she saw the little green dots coagulating on her mini-map.

One astute resident used a banana phone to call in the local flatfoots — who were nowhere in sight as usual since that crack house incident. Instead, the phone just kept playing the banana song, to everyone’s general annoyance.

The grisly crime marked the SL birthday of one of the sim’s favorite inhabitants, Ms. Molly Montale, known affectionately as the “Goddess of Blumfield.” Hence, a rather gaudy, yet tasty, gateau featuring red, white and blue icing was rezzed on a nearby street, and everyone stopped for cake.

As the intrigued group raised their virtual blood sugar levels and took pictures, frequently mashing the festive dessert in their faces as the photo anim triggered, the session took on political overtones when the residents wondered whether the dead avie might be a vampire. Onlookers discussed at length cutting off her head, and a brief recitation of “Who’s on First” also ensued.

Looking desperately for a stake, the crowd produced instead a U.S. flag and plunged it deep into the corpse‘s heart, which seemed to prevent any toothy neck attacks on those assembled. The sight of Old Glory also apparently roused patriotic fervor in all, and several rounds of smoky fireworks also were enthusiastically shot off.

Suspicion as to who committed the dastardly deed quickly focused on one Mystical Cookie, who appeared with a rather large axe in her hand and later engaged in a street brawl with the top-hatted red critter, Khashai Steinbeck. Attention, however, came to rest on curler-bedecked, slipper-wearing Julliette Westerburg, who proved to be both deadly and bloody accurate with her swinging handbag, which she demonstrated to the chagrin of all.

In the midst of all the confusion at the crime scene, a crimson-scrawled note was discovered by the cake-covered corpse, bearing the cryptic words, “the person who killed me was Jul … ” Thus removing all doubts as to who the bloody basher was.

At this point, your faithful correspondent was inadvertently bounced about 4,000 meters into the sky, via one of the leftover firework launchers. By the time she landed, fortunately wearing her Cubey Terra parachute, she had managed to solve all world conflicts and to discover a cure for most major diseases.

The murdered mademoiselle also had miraculously metamorphed and was dancing a mean merengue on a multicolored dance floor, as were all the other much-relieved residents, including the suspects.

So much for the social notes from Blumfield. [I thought this was the crime beat? -- Ed.] As we say in this neck of the woods — a bloody good time was had by all.