YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the Second

by Alphaville Herald on 05/01/07 at 10:56 am

by Tiny Newt

The view from the crow’s nest

[Editor's Note: Three cheers for the currents of the Adriatic, which found another champagne bottle clunking against our hull this morning as I walked the decks of the Herald yacht, attempting to keep down last night's caviar. Unfortunately, though, no hair of the dog was to be found within -- though the bottle did contain the second installment of the tale of the sea dog that began recently in the Herald's pages. Read on.
--Walker Spaight

Parte the Second: In Which We Sinke

Hardly had our Second Life World Cruise gotten under way when I was press-ganged into crewing a pirate ship commanded by Nox Chamberlin in a mock naval battle. Though the position was well below my station, I held my tongue. I saw Nox head out for the far corner of the sim and I followed immediately so as not to lose him. No sooner was I aboard his vessel than Nox started in on me.

“SIT YE ON THE DECK, MISTER!” I was slow to follow his directive, not completely understanding the order and chafing against his abusive tongue.

“BY GOD! SIT YE ON THE DECK, I SAY,” he roared. I did as I was told.

“ARRRRRRGG!” he bellowed, immediately spinning the spoked wheel, turning the ship almost on her beam ends.

“/1 RAISE,” came his command. The sails raised, flapping and popping in the wind. The vessel immediately tilted to starboard, picking up speed.

“/1 RAISE SQUARE.” And with Nox’s second command the top square sails opened full, catching the wind. The vessel leapt forward. We charged toward the others as they came straight at us. I saw my own lieutenant, Mr. Cassini of my ship, the HMS Endeavour, far off in our own rigging, watching through his glass. He must have been wondering what the hell was going on.

The battle was joined! Each captain maneuvered for advantage. I was lost in the mechanics of aiming the unfamiliar cannon. The captain stood me up in front of a battery of three guns. The aiming device for each was situated on the railing at a low, oblique angle. For the life of me, I didn’t see the fixtures on the rail in time for the first salvo.

“FIRE, dang it!” Nox roared.

All my shots went high. I had fired too quickly. The cannons take 15 seconds to reload. In that short span of time we were being blown to pieces. Nox put the helm down to port as I fired once more.

“STOP FIRING, TINY! ARRRRRG, BY GOD, I’LL HAVE YER GUTS FOR GARTERS!” Nox bellowed. My shots went wide astern. Before we could complete the turn we again came under fire. We took hits at the waterline from a third ship I had not seen. Fires started on deck. Black smoke obscured our adversary. Sea water poured onto the decks. We heeled wildly to the point of completely tipping over. The air was filled with shouting from all quarters.



Too late. We sank, the sails in tatters, smoke pouring from the cannons. The ship rolled on her side and came to rest on the sandy bottom. I looked once at Nox. He glared back. We released simultanously, shooting up past the surface and hanging in the sky meters above the battle still in progress. I watched the other three ships circle one another for a clear shot. The windward Brig sailed into the fog bank and dropped her sails. The pirate ship was now invisible except for her top-gallants and the Jolly Roger which poked above the mist.

Out of sight out of mind. A clever one this captain. I smiled.

The other two had fired blast after blast into each other’s belly. They wheeled and came back firing. Both were moving considerably slower and began drifting toward the fog bank. We saw the flashes and heard the thump of the hidden guns. First one then the other ship sank below the waves and the life boats appeared.

“We have a Winner!!” shouted the Admiral. “Return to the dock for round two.” He called.

When everyone had assembled, there was much animated conversation and good-natured cat-calling. I heard my name. Nox was cussing me out to Speculass. Calmly, I walked over, prepared to take my medicine. Instead, the Admiral informed me each ship carried only150 cannon balls. One must return his ship to the dock to replenish. That takes valuable time and can mean defeat in many cases.

After the second round a few of the sailors were called to more landlubberly duties. The battle had been scheduled for high noon, and many were due back at the offices of the various merchants for whom they toiled. During this lull in the action I was directed to the shanty on the hill, the pirate’s lair. The building was open to the elements and the wind blew straight through. The place was in shambles. On the second floor I found a cache of pirate vessels offered for sale, built by Chase Speculass, the Admiral directing the battle down below.

Pirate vessels for sale »in Sanchon«.

The prices were quite reasonable. I bought a brigantine because it had the newest technology and carried the most cannon. L$1,500 later, I was the proud owner of the ship and flew straight away down to the ocean to launch it. I christened her SPD Moonraker and I was in business. There was no time to read any instructions as the next battle was already underway. I did read that one must stash ammunition at pre-determined locations for use in the battles. No wonder Nox had gotten upset at my indiscriminate blasting. I put out a call to my old friend Robin Sprocket, whom I knew to be an expert at weaponry and sailing. After I mentioned I was under attack from the pirates of Sanchon, she arrived within minutes, spoiling for a fight.

Read Parte the Thirde

6 Responses to “YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the Second”

  1. bunions

    Jan 6th, 2007

    Yaar! this be some retarded journalism! wtf are you people writing about? who cares about poorly scripted pirate ships and someone with a tenuos grip on reality? You should have wrote of the ansche chung penis thing, everyone was looking for the inside scoop on it.

  2. dildo baggins

    Jan 6th, 2007

    yarrr, m8y. This be an inspired piece of investigative reporting..better even then the crusty remains around proks pantaloons that a pirate dreams of for a midnight snack!

    Bunions…ah, poor bunions…you skipped all those classic english lit lessons at school didn’t you?
    The “inside scoop” on some non-event with griefers and z-list virtual journos and celebrities?
    pffft…you NEED to get a second life.

  3. Simstick Boram

    Jan 6th, 2007

    I bought one of those Brigatines after just seeing it. Of the two events I have been to nine of every ten people who participate have fun. Any one can gun and if you like tall ships you won’t see much like it short of the movies. If you can’t find an event then look for the group PiratesOfSL and someone will be glad to get a skirmish or demo together for you. Feel free to contact me.

  4. Admiral Speculaas

    Jan 6th, 2007

    Great story, Tiny! No need for the product plug though ;) , hehe. Sounds like bunions has a personal vendetta… “poorly scripted”? Maybe he works for Seige Works, the guys that blatantly copied my ship concept (but, fortunately for me, executed it poorly :) )

    Oh, and about the Furry in the last installation of the story; Trevor Russell is a cool guy… /fox… or whatever… okay, so maybe I made a mistake! It happens! Now walk the plank ye landlubbers!

  5. Nox Chamerberlin

    Jan 7th, 2007

    Why do I suddenly feel like the bad guy? HAHA ITS GREAT haha Love it Tiny, keep up the good work.

  6. GaiaGirl Gigamon

    Aug 13th, 2008

    Arrr warms the cockles of me heart – a rippin’ yarn!

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