Alien Invasion Imminent!
by Pixeleen Mistral on 02/04/07 at 8:05 pm
by Onder Skall
Rumors about alien invasions have been rolling around for decades, but recently I was able to make actual contact with beings from another world and confirm the truth: we’re all doomed!
The denizens of Discordia’s sky platforms have always been considered eccentric, but harmless, hard-working folk. While many have been considered “mad scientists” or “paranoid delusional”, we always used those terms as a joke between friends. I was invited up to a friend’s platform way up in the no-fly altitudes to check out something innocent by Second Life standards (I think it was a tentacle rape pool or something) when she mentioned that an invasion of her platform had recently been attempted. A hundred clone avatars were created and sent to her platform’s coordinates. She would have been helpless but for the fact that she had a bit of warning, and was able to raise her platform by 5 meters. A few minutes later 100 avatars plummeted thousands of meters to their doom.
Who created these clones? What possible reason, beyond the monopoly of camping chairs, could a person have for a clone army in Second Life?
We soon found ourselves on the
Of course I confronted them about it. While it was readily apparent that they were from another world, they seemed a little dodgy about sharing the details:
Croniq Novi: planet name and coordinates are classified as stated in the protocol for offworld activity
Oddly enough they weren’t nearly as shy about admitting that the Earth was completely doomed beyond all hope. It’s basically a done deal, and we’re just waiting for some paperwork to be completed.
Commander Commerce: we are still awaiting response from the High Council to proceed with the invasion, they have yet to respond to our request to send the Armada
Commander Commerce: I’m afraid we cannot disclose too much information at this point,, lets just say the proto clone program is proceeding as planned 
You: so when she raised her platform and they all plunged to their deaths, that was “as planned”?
Commander Commerce: of course!
Croniq Novi: indeed.. that information is correct..
Commander Commerce: merely a test to measure their survivability rate
Clone armies and alien armadas! What do they want with us?
Croniq Novi: human biomass seems excellent for growing protoclones with
Croniq Novi: so you race is not completely doomed.. we could choose to make an end of this pathetic earthen orb of yours.. but you have resource potential.. that is why you are still alive..
Commander Commerce: yes, we’ve been considering export
Croniq Novi: only doomed to serve as feeding grounds for the protoclones..
You: sounds like … uh… fun….. will that hurt?
Croniq Novi: so either way.. you loose..
Croniq Novi grins wickedly
Commander Commerce laughs
Croniq Novi: guess that could be our motto..
Croniq Novi grins
You: what?
Croniq Novi: that either way – you loose..
Onder Skall laughs
Croniq Novi: but that would be bad for buisness
Business? What business?
Commander Commerce: an invasion is not cheap mind you
Commander Commerce: the transport costs alone of bringing an entire starfleet armada here is considerable.
Croniq Novi: yes.. battlecruisers and planetbusters dont come cheap these days..
Commander Commerce: not since XV-03 anyway,,haha
Commander Commerce: we might supply oxygen in reasonable amounts in the future
You: oooh free oxygen!
Croniq Novi smirks
You: or… cheap oxygen right
Croniq Novi: cheap oxygen – free sample 
Charging us for what we used to get for free… they think like big corporations do. We really are doomed… however… to paraphrase Kent Brockman, I for one welcome our new alien overlords and would like to remind them of how useful the members of the media can be for, oh say, rounding up survivors for use in slave labor camps!
Croniq Novi: oh – and we do understand the concept of mindcontrol through this.. mass media of yours.. – so yes.. you have a special place Onder.. you amongst others – for a time..
Woohoo! Screw you Earth!
Onder Skall also writes for SLGames
shockwave yareach
Apr 3rd, 2007
HEADLINE: Aliens Invade and Retreat in same day
Fearless Leader of the Hordes, who told us through his OmniTranslator Unit that his name was “Teddy”, announced that his massive armies were already planning to leave the Earth and never return. He apologized to anyone who might have been crushed under the landing feet of their 10,000 interstellar spacecraft, but went on to explain that when you are coming to a world bent on global conquest, parking correctly isn’t high on the list of priorities.
This reporter went on to ask him why they were leaving the Earth so soon. Hadn’t they spent 5 years just getting here and wasnt’ their weaponry so superior to our own that we are essentialy defenseless before them?”
“Yes, that is true,” the translator said, making sense of Teddy’s series of grunts, belches and the occassional fart which is used as punctuation. “Your planet cannot withstand our onslaught. But why should we bother? The last time we looked at your puny planet, some 50 of your Earth Years ago, you were innocent, intelligent and worthy of conquest. And look at you now! There is tentacle sex in your cartoons. Your young leave home early for decadent lives of drugs and carnal delights. You even have a tyrant in charge already, for the love of… Tell me, just what can we do to you people that you haven’t already invented and done to yourselves?”
Teddy later mentioned the possibility of importing some Earth materials to their home planet. He said that Fox News was inspiring and would give his own propoganda people lessons to learn.
Tenshi Vielle
Apr 3rd, 2007
*gives Onder five minutes of attention*
Croniq Novi
Apr 3rd, 2007
Teddy? – Teddy?! Where is the bastard hiding? – Since he abandoned his duty as technician aboard the craft, he has succombed to your pathetic race’s trivial enjoyments.
As I understand it, he has grown just as sick of it as we – but unlike us – he tends to whine and moan about it.
So what you heard through this outdated OmniTranslator technology of yours, is pure wishfull thinking from Teddy’s side.
Rest assured humans – your doom is imminent – the invasion will go on as planned.
Nacon
Apr 3rd, 2007
ahh another Star Wars clone/copybot non-sense. More kiddies fucking around. Easier to just log out or TP with estate window open and kick from there. Doing air show with their 1,000 prims ships, how cute.
Onder Skall
Apr 3rd, 2007
You’re not one to be underestimated Tenshi. Read me like a book there.