The Alphaville Herald

Sex in SL: Dude Looks Like a Lady

by Pixeleen Mistral on 22/04/07 at 10:02 am

SL tips for spotting avatar imposters

by aurel Miles
So you’ve decided to expand your sexual horizons on Second Life. Good for you. SL is safe, it’s disease-free (physically speaking) and as long as you keep your head (so to speak) you can have a fabulous time exploring all those hidden kinks and quirks that might spell trouble in the round world. But before you put on your thigh-high boots and strap it on, you need to keep a few things in mind.

Female avatars in SL always look yummy but they’re not always what they seem. About 50 per cent of men admit to being aroused by girl-on-girl porn. And many of them think up the same great “original” solution for getting their girl porn fix in Second Life.

There’s an old saying that goes, “if you can’t lick them, join them.” In SL that saying might be a little more complicated; “if you can’t lick them join them. once you’ve joined them, they’ll let you lick them.” At least that’s how the theory goes for some male-female avatars. The idea of gender is something a lot of artists like to play around with, in SL however, it’s not only the gallery crowd that likes to mix it up a little. If you think there’s something a little strange about your new girlfriend, then, as in real life, you should probably listen to your instincts.

Het men posing as lesbian women in order to increase their chances at getting laid, typically want to have sex right away. They’re not into chit-chat. Go to a lesbian sex room and observe. If an avatar is yelling about needing cock, chances are good they’re a man. Women who want to have sex with women don’t talk cock – hell women who have sex with men don’t usually talk cock. We can all get as much of that as we want from real men in real life. Seriously.

What’s really surprising is how many men are out there having sex with other men thinking they’re with lesbian women. Only in second life could sex get this complicated.

SL imposter-women tend to talk about sex in their profile, they’re either looking for it, they’re coy about it or they have predictable things to say about it. Check the profile, if it she claims to be a “nympho” or she sounds like a dude, she probably is.

Then there’s clothes – ask yourself; “would I put that outfit on my avatar?” or “what kind of mood would I have to be in to wear that?” Stereotypes are dead giveaways. A flat butt in jeans with a ton of makeup and loads of bling, breasts the size of watermelons – usually means “I’m a Boy!” If the details don’t sit right, be suspicious.

Girly posers want to talk about “girly” things, like their boyfriends or their nails and they follow women around agreeing with everything you say. Say a few completely stupid things – if you get enthusiastic agreement, ask point blank if Joy is really George. If they start stumbling around asking why you’d ask that – you’ve probably outed them.

And there are conversational hints too, you have only to listen. There’s not a woman alive over the age of 20 who has her dinner routinely prepared for her. If she has to go because she’s being called for supper, she’s either twelve or male or both.

Sex spammers in womens’ mature groups also fall into the above category. Remember, kids are accustomed to working on the computer accompanied by a constant stream of instant messages, actual adults, for the most part, can live without the chatter.

A man asked me if I think it’s ok for him to have sex with women when he’s disguised as a woman. I said I’d think about it, did a little research and here’s what I think:

Sure. Go nuts. Have as much sex as you like provided you are willing to do one of two things: one, keep the secret. If you want to be a girl in SL and explore your feminine side that’s fine, it’s great, more men should do it but if you do – that’s who you are here. You’re a girl. You are not a man in SL if your avatar is a woman, you are a woman. Get used to it. No “Gotcha!” sex. That’s porn in the worst sense of the word. Having sex with a woman who thinks she’s with another woman and then telling her you’re a man is using her for your gratification as though she was only an animation on a screen. It’s exploitive and that makes it wrong. Same goes for having sex with a male avatar. People have a right to choose what they want to explore, you don’t have the right to make that choice for them.

Your other option is to tell before you boink. If you’re honest about who you are before you get naked, then nobody gets hurt. You might even learn a few tips that you can use in your real world sex life, when you get one.

Finding a boink buddy and then “falling in love” after the fact is not ok. You can’t suddenly reveal yourself and expect it to work out like a Hollywood movie. If you really think you’re in love and you’ve been lying then you could make yourself a new you, (an honest one) and court the same person or you could do the honorable thing and just walk away. Your choice. Ambushing someone else’s emotions, even in your second life, is never ok.

That’s it for now, if you have any questions comments, ideas, complaints, suggestions or stories you’d like to see, please email me at Aurel.miles@yahoo.com