The Idiot Investigates: SLingo Ageplay Scandal in Second Life?
by Alphaville Herald on 12/05/07 at 1:11 pm
by Jimbo Quality
Master of disguises Jimbo Quality
[As part of his Travels With the Idiot series, we sent Herald investigative reporter Jimbo Quality to look into reports of ageplay-related transgressions in the SLingo community. Judge for yourself whether we got our money's worth.
--Walker Spaight]
For me, the hardest part of being a big time reporter is staying awake through the staff meetings. I’ve learned that if I fall asleep, someone draws stuff on me, so I do my damnedest to stay awake. Still, even the fear of another indelible marker moustache can’t keep me awake in the Herald newsroom. Walker starts talking about stuff, then Prok, then pretty soon I’m wondering where everyone has gone and why there’s a puddle of drool on my desk. I suspect all of us big-time reporters have this problem, though, so I’m not worried.
Anyhow, after this last meeting, I woke, stretched, and promptly fell down because someone had tied my shoes to my chair. As I lay on the floor I looked up to see all the big important journalism awards my colleagues had won over the years, and in that moment I had an epiphany: I, Jimbo Quality, reporter extraordinary, needed to win some journalistic bling of my own.
Looking for a place to start I sat down and read the paper.
Refreshed by my recent nap I was able to make it through several articles and even a few comments before I lost focus. It was enough; I had found my ticket to literary fame and fortune: I would go find these ageplaying German reporters I’d read about and expose them for whatever it was they were doing that needed exposing.
First I would need a disguise. Though I wasn’t sure exactly what ageplaying was, I’m no slouch: I applied my reporter’s wits and figured out that it had something to do with playing ages. Walker, the Herald editor who has the privilege of working with me [I drew the short straw -- Ed.] took away my expense account after that unfortunate misunderstanding a few months ago [What part of "No, we don't need you to buy four sims for the paper" didn't you understand? -- Ed.] so I would have to find a disguise on the cheap.
I rummaged through my inventory while thinking about what I would do as an undercover ageplayer. I found just the thing, and when I put on my disguise my plan became clear. The transformation was complete, and I understood the powerful magic that overpowers these Germans and lures them into playing with ages.
Slipping easily into my aged character, I immediately began bitching about the price of prescription medication, and found myself saying over and over again that “it’s probably the fault of those goddamn Democrats.” Then I napped for a little while and hit the search box looking for some shuffleboard. Remarkably, there is no shuffleboard in SL or I would have been in a pickle, because my feet were still tied to the office chair and the knots were too difficult for me to undo. I amused myself by rezzing a television and watching episode after episode of The Golden Girls, Matlock, and that show where Dick Van Dyke is either a doctor or a detective or both until I fell asleep.
Early the next morning, Herald Managing Editrix Pixeleen Mistral untied me and I told her of my plan to ageplay with German reporters, and how I planned to hang around the Herald offices for a few days saying “Ich bewundere David Hasselhoff” and other German phrases to visitors. She paid me to turn in my notes and go write about SLingo.
I had never played SLingo, but it’s a lot of fun. I played Devil May Care at »ParrotHead Gamers«. In like my third game ever I was in the lead going into round 20 and got a devil. It was awesome. I recommend it highly, and be sure to tip your lovely host.
That’s it for now. Always go where you can. And know where your towel is.
dandellion Kimban
May 12th, 2007
He’s worth every linden you gave him. But, please, make sure he stays tied to the chair next time.
.
May 12th, 2007
wtf is this shit
Anonymous
May 12th, 2007
I dunno… that avatar looks pretty young to me. SLingo is allowed in SL even though it’s superficially similar to gambling. However, this looks like a depiction of a child gambling, which makes it much much worse than a depiction of an adult gambling, even though Jimbo’s typist is over 18. Should we get Jimbo banned from SL?
Inigo Chamerberlin
May 12th, 2007
I think Jimbo’s typist IS banned from SL.
Jimbo is one of those disposable alt thingies we all love so much. You keep one in your back pocket and when the Linden ban hammer descends you tear the cellophane wrapper off and apply swiftly so you are back in play before the damage you caused is repaired.
humanoid
May 12th, 2007
This is obviously a pedophile conspiracy to make fetuses play poker. Off with his head!
Onder Skall
May 12th, 2007
Jimbo, you are the best damned writer in the metaverse. It’s an honor working under your wise guidance.
Oh, by the way, I had absolutely nothing at all to do with those shoelaces. Or the bruises you might have felt in your ribs upon waking on the floor. Or the gum in your hair that you may or may not have discovered yet. None of that was me. I think it might have been Pixeleen.
Oh, and I want that five bucks you owe me.
Nacon
May 12th, 2007
Nice to see someone actually write better than Pixeleen and Prok.
Oh… and please stop quoting from “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, get your own.
Prokofy Neva
May 12th, 2007
>that show where Dick Van Dyke is either a doctor or a detective
Actually, he’s an ad man.
Jimbo
May 12th, 2007
No, the new Dick Van Dyke show, not the one with the lovely mary tyler moore woman.
thank you for all the kind words. Walker says I might win the No Bell Prize for this one and I’m very excited.
What the Hell is the Hitchiker’s Guide?
Nigraske
May 12th, 2007
If you’re reading this, then congratulations! You have just met the next form of social evolution on the Internet.
To some, we will be their greatest enemy. Spoiling their fun and doing everything in our power to ruin all they hold dear.
To others, their greatest friend and ally, always willing to make them laugh.
How you react will decide your fate.
As the internet has grown in popularity, a disturbing phenomenon has occurred: Everyone thinks they they are SPECIAL.
A special little snowflake handcrafted by God to make the world a better place. Sites like Livejournal, DeviantArt, Myspace, Habbo, and now SecondLife have all helped to support this idea of individuality.
We have news for you… You aren’t special.
You aren’t unique. You may not even have the destiny of making a living room a better place to be, let alone the world.
You are a mindless horde of filth, traversing the universe on a small ball of dirt. A speck upon a speck in the vastness of existance.
We are here to remind you of this.
We have embraced our deindividuality. We have embraced the filth. We have embraced our smallness as human animals. And we are going to show you what it’s like. We will take all of the filth in the world; images you never want to see, stories you never want to hear, memories you never want to see again, we will bring it all into the light of day and laugh at it as you run screaming, trying not to vomit.
We cannot be stopped. We have no leader. We have no true names. We are Anonymous, and our numbers are vast. We are everywhere, and we never forgive.
Wherever someone takes themselves too seriously, we will be there. Wherever someone has an inflated ego, we will be there. Wherever someone screams of fursecution, we will be there. Wherever someone forgets that a game isn’t important, we will be there. Wherever anyone puts themself above common sense, or puts fantasy before reality, we will be there to tear their lives apart.
After all, what is a man? A miserable pile of secrets. We will expose your secrets, force you to face your demons, and demand you listen to your own stupidity.
We will do it through madness. And we will remove you from the high place you have built yourself.
Deflate your eglives apart.
After all, what is a man? A miserable pile of secrets. We will expose your secrets, force you to face your demons, and demand you listen to your own stupidity.
We will do it through madness. And we will remove you from the high place you have built yourself.
Deflate your egos, get off your high-horses, and stop your yiffing. The Patriotic Nigras are coming.
United as one, divided by zero. We are Anonymous, We are legion, We do not forgive.
Voter 5
May 12th, 2007
http://voter5.mygeekspace.net/blog/?cat=10
Curious Rousselot
May 12th, 2007
“For me, the hardest part of being a big time reporter is staying awake through the staff meetings.”
Oh no! I’ve been with the Herald for 3 months and I’ve missed every staff meeting. Why didn’t anyone tell me?
Jimbo
May 13th, 2007
Wow! Wu tan and East Coast, my brutha!
Pizza Pizza! is the shizz,
Jimbo
dandellion Kimban
May 13th, 2007
“If you’re reading this, then congratulations! You have just met the next form of social evolution on the Internet.
To some, we will be their greatest enemy. Spoiling their fun and doing everything in our power to ruin all they hold dear.
To others, their greatest friend and ally, always willing to make them laugh.
How you react will decide your fate…………………”
Don’t give any lindens to this one. But tie him to the chair, of course.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2007
The Patriot Nigras are the terrorists of Second Life.
Inigo Chamerberlin
May 13th, 2007
Nice to see the spam filter’s working well Walker…
Nacon
May 13th, 2007
Nice to know people are kindly enough to attack the Herald by extras spam.
….They can’t delete those posts, can’t they?
(Or doesn’t really know how to use the Admin panel, hahahaha.)
marilyn murphy
May 13th, 2007
i sincerely hope that the herald is recognized for this fine style of reportage and wins some award. he set out to do something, and almost did it. it’s very american.
marilyn murphy
May 13th, 2007
well, curious, i suggested u attend and someone, i think walker, said that you are a rousselot. now, if this is true, for shame!
CorkOnTheFork
May 13th, 2007
People of Second Life:
Are you sick of the self-righteousness of every single person who gets butthurt over the slightest implication that Second Life is a game? Are you, like us, sickened at the Lindens for their aloofness in the AIDS infection of the pool?
If so, join the Patriotic Nigras today! Look us up on the web at http://www.patrioticnigras.com/
Serve the horde, join PN.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2007
“Wherever someone has an inflated ego, we will be there.”
Yes, because it’s already obvious you think highly of yourselves.
Karen Palen
May 24th, 2007
Philip Rosedale talks a good line about freedom of expression, but when it comes to “unpleasant” ideas like small avatars he folds.
The word for that is hypocrisy!
For example, exactly WHAT *IS* the “simulated age” of an avatar?
When this whole fuss started I discussed this with a 50 year old woman who is 4ft tall in real life.
She claimed that the real discrimination was not age but height! If you are 4ft tall you *MUST* be a child – no debate allowed!
I have had the privilege of knowing this woman for over 20 years now and have had the opportunity to witness this discrimination first hand.
At her suggestion (insistence?) I adopted her “persona” as my Second life Persona – Karen Palen.
I can now personally bear witness to the pain she faces every day!
Dumb things like having her 25 year old daughter told to “make your child behave”! Serious things like not being believed when she reports an attempted rape.
The fact is that “freedom of thought” means nothing unless the most extreme and upsetting thoughts are protected!
I have nowhere the contribution to Second Life that Myrrh does, but I too and leaving until such time as things change.
However as a Venture Capitalist by trade I can do something to see that an alternative is created!
This won’t happen overnight, but it IS in progress!
See http://www.ourstage.com/ for an example of one such project we are already finding. A truly “ungameable” music and video rating system!
Just imagine if Second Life was truly controlled by the users in this way and not controlled by a few loudmouthed pressure groups!