Wendell Holmer’s Advice: The Voyeur
by Alphaville Herald on 08/08/07 at 8:45 am
Wendell Holmer answers your questions about love and sex
[The metaverse is serious business, and a number of residents seem to need help, so the Herald will be running more than one love, romance, and sex advice columnist. We are taking this groundbreaking new path so you'll be able to get a second opinion or venue shop to settle disputes with your sim-honey, if necessary. The brave new era of open-standards-based, multiple-platform, 3D, immersive, agony aunt advice columns begins with Wendell Holmer. - the Editrix]
by Wendell Holmer, virtual advice columnist
Q: When I logged on this evening, I appeared in my girlfriend’s bedroom. No surprise, since that’s where I had been when I logged off. But it did surprise me that another guy was there. He immediately threw a cage around me and started asking who I was and what I was doing in a private residence. I said I was a guest, and why was he asking me all those questions? I immediately found myself teleported home. My girlfriend says he owns the sim where she rents. Now I am banned, and I can’t visit her. What should I do?
–Charles
A: This guy is not a landlord; he is a stalker. What else would he be doing in her bedroom when she’s not home? Fixing the thermostat? When he saw you, he flew into a jealous rage. He has access to the powerful tools of a sim owner and uses them inappropriately. Until your girlfriend gets a new address, your relationship is at his mercy. Tell her to get the hell out of there and lose that lunatic. If she wants to stay, you’ll know she is encouraging him, and you are the third wheel. In that case, roll along.
the voyeur
Q: I am an escort. The other day, my best friend’s boyfriend came to my club and hired me for a half hour. Ordinarily, I would never have sex with someone my friend liked, but this is business. He paid, and I provided a service. Now my friend has broken up with him and is furious with me. Did I do anything wrong?
–Odette
A: From your friend’s point of view, her lover cheated with her best friend. The guy wanted to hook up with you. If he had sent you an IM, you would have turned him down flat and told your friend what a loser he was. Do you really think it makes a difference that he paid you?
The test of a betrayal is whether you had sex with the guy–not whether you liked it. The transaction probably didn’t feel intimate to you, because it was your job. But the boyfriend wanted to make love to you. For him, the experience was the same, whether he paid you or not. You may not have been turned on, but he was.
The guy was trying to have it both ways–and so were you. As a result, you destroyed an important relationship.
Q: I lost interest in sex when my son was born. After nine years of accommodating my husband in a perfunctory way, I went onto Second Life and was reawakened sexually. I went into an orgy room out of curiosity, and I was really aroused. I stayed up to 4 a.m. getting fucked. Amazing transformation. Spontaneous wetness. Now I’m always horny. I told my husband what happened and thought he’d be thrilled, but he isn’t. Now he’s the one who isn’t interested in sex, and he wants me to quit SL. What happened?
–Stella
A: It’s not your husband’s fault you lost interest in sex. That happens sometimes after childbirth. But when a man can’t turn his wife on, he feels unattractive, rejected, inadequate. The only thing that’s worse is when some other guy can get her engine started. In your case, it wasn’t some other guy. It was every other guy, individually, serially, and in groups.
If you had just pressed up against your husband in bed and let him know the lights were on again, it would have enriched your marriage. But when you told him why your interest had returned—and what you had been up to—you made things worse.
I don’t recommend trying to get your husband to party with you in-world. You are vastly more experienced, and that will just intimidate him. Take a break from SL. Tell your husband you love sex again—who cares why—and the limitations of the game make you crave the real, satisfying, 360 degree sensual experience he can give you. It’s true, isn’t it?
Wendell Holmer is the Herald’s sex/love/advice columnist. He’d love to hear your stories or your questions. IM him in-world or contact him at wendellholmer@aol.com.
Tenshi Vielle
Aug 8th, 2007
TEH INTERNETZ R 4 SERIUZ!!!
DaveOner
Aug 8th, 2007
**CORRECTION TO ARTICLE**
Q: I am an escort. The other day, my best friend’s boyfriend came to my club and hired me for a half hour. Ordinarily, I would never have sex with someone my friend liked, but this is business. He paid, and I provided a service. Now my friend has broken up with him and is furious with me. Did I do anything wrong?
A: Big deal. Sex in SL isn’t real and neither is their relationship. It’s all lies so why bother being the honest one?!
Cocoanut Koala
Aug 8th, 2007
I love your answer to Stella.
coco
Taft Worsley
Aug 8th, 2007
I have to disagree with your answer… As a person who rents apartments and condo’s I have seen the rudeness of people in secondlife; Let’s face it, this world gives allot of people brass balls, super egos and a tough guy syndrome; when in RL they would never act that way or have the balls to talk to people the way some feel they can in SL for fear of being busted in the mouth. Have you considered maybe the landlord may have been protecting the property of one of his residents?
I have had many people who don’t live in the places I rent – who have no respect for other peoples privacy, just barging into places they don’t rent using camera views to negating the locked doors and teleporters. When I am online and find a person in a unit who has not paid rent and does not belong there, sitting on some ones couch chilling in a place they have no business being – and i see the residents not online on my buddy list, nor have they made arrangements – your damn right I would cage and ban them. These are the same asshole people that run through sims shooting up your guest and griefing your sims with spam.
As a sim owner, you have an obligation to your paying residents to handle idiots like that, because if you don’t the people renting from you will go somewhere else that does. People who pay in second life want the best experience possible for their money and want to know they aren’t paying rent for someone who’s chiliing in there place when they are not there. Seems to me the answer is not to move from the sim your on, but better have your girlfriend tell the landlord that its ok that your there and allowed to use the place. Most landlords understand the couple/partner thing as its a big part of the game and have no problem with you being there, once they have been informed. However when the primary resident is not there, you or your girl friend have not informed the landlord of the permissions you need. What is the landlord to do – Just let people run amuck on his sim, squatting in resident controlled properties? You know how many times I have heard – This is a friends place to only find when I question the resident they say, I never heard of that person.
You cant blame the landlord for looking out for his tenants, their satisfaction is his income and face it its more then Linden Labs does to protect you in their world. If more landlords took this proactive approach, maybe there would be less places you find assholes running around in world.
Mira E
Aug 8th, 2007
“A: This guy is not a landlord; he is a stalker.”
I was thinking more like a lover. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that perhaps she is getting free or discounted land from Mr. Landlord, in addition to some sexing…
I think this guy needs to probe around a bit more and then have a conversation with his GF, and try his best to not sound too accusatory.
Mira E
Aug 8th, 2007
“TEH INTERNETZ R 4 SERIUZ!!!”
Yes, just like internet fashion faux pas! Maybe they should have the question askers post a pic of their RL face? Because that would certainly make it more SERIUZ. LULZ.
Oh how the wheel turns…
shockwave yareach
Aug 8th, 2007
“Now I’m always horny.” -Stella
Tell your husband that he should thank God on high for the amazing box which gets you all hot and bothered for him! Tell him that he needs to get you a better graphics card to make you even hotter. Tell him that he should call all his buddies so that they can put their wives on SL too – share the wealth.
But first, wait an hour. Neither of you should talk with your mouths full.
Artemis Fate
Aug 8th, 2007
“If more landlords took this proactive approach, maybe there would be less places you find assholes running around in world.”
Yeah, probably, since all the assholes would have jobs as landlords.
Second Lulz Vigilante
Aug 8th, 2007
Cybersex, cybermonogamy, and VR marriages…lol!
PeterAttachment Jennings
Aug 8th, 2007
Where the hell’s the news?
Things are happening in SL and all this idiot can think of is how to make up artificial queries from non-existent people and post it as if he’s some kind of bubble-sack Dear Abby.
I came here for news – not some deviant basement dweller’s made-up masturbatory failures about his wife f*cking his landlord or pretending to be a woman suddenly overcoming hormonal changes because he saw several cartoons screwing in a box. You sir, are full of sh!t.
But, since you feel you are qualified to give advice, let me try my hand at it also, since I’ve probably had more training in this field than you’ll ever know…
Q: DEAR PETERATTACHMENT, I’m a lonely 19 year old still living at home with my mom and haven’t seen actual growing grass in years. My mind reels at what normal people do and I imagine them having all sorts of problems that I will never experience and I have this fantasy where I can give advice in case a real person with a similar problem reads it and wonders what he can do short of writing his most personal confessions to a complete stranger living in his mothers house. How can I get rid of these bubbles in my nut-sack?
A: DEAR BUBBLE-SACK, rest assured that even though your gonads consist of nothing but a skin bag filled with air, nobody will notice unless you post a spurious article in a presumed “newspaper” for all to read. Don’t worry about the symptoms – you shouldn’t feel anything unless you go around advertising your lack of male genitalia. You will lead as full and normal a life as can be expected of any person that spends his life sitting in a box with a Cathode-Ray Tube beaming in their face 16 hours a day eating that pre-digested sh!t your mom calls “food”. So have faith, you are not alone. There are probably several people in the world that are exactly like you. Except they go outside and talk to other people sometimes. And they have hobbies and jobs and things like that. And friends. Just stop trying to masturbate all the time – your mom says she loves me and she’s tired of washing all your crusty underwear.
I’m sure, as a “trained professional” that you would concur with my assessment.
SqueezeOne Pow
Aug 8th, 2007
I didn’t bother to read your comment, but you get points for the name “PeterAttachment Jennings” haha
Glitzo
Aug 9th, 2007
Not bad, but not a patch on the Avastar’s Dear Randi. Or maybe this is just a rip-off of her? My advice is… get advice from Randi first.
shockwave yareach
Aug 9th, 2007
PeterAttachment:
Cathode Ray Tubes? How quaint. Here is some advice – it’s the 21st century. Get an LCD before the tube radiation makes you sterile and you no longer have to rely upon your personality for birth control
archie lukas
Aug 10th, 2007
How can I get my wife to get interested in the same way
and no she is so disgusted by SL she won’t come on line
2 wonderful children though, but a wife cold enough to chill beer