Op/Ed: Romance me, damn it!
by Alphaville Herald on 01/09/07 at 4:43 am
By Linda Loveless
I’ll come right out and say it; I’m tired of men always gaming for my crotch! I used to give them the benefit of the doubt — giving them first, second, and third chances to show they were after something more. I *still* give them too many chances… my real life boyfriend fails to deliver romance every day, and I still haven’t dumped his sorry ass.
After my RLBF failed me the 50th time, I decided to check out the SL dating scene, and two months into the experience I have to say I’m extremely disappointed. Maybe I’m a magnet for assholes, I don’t know, but the guys I run into all claim they’re Teh Romeo I’ve been pining for and… well, they’re not. Not by a long shot. They suck.
The first guy I dated in SL was a RL musician. I fall hard for those types. He was from New York, and he just didn’t want to make time for me. He had a real busy career; You know… playing important gigs in dives and pizza parlors. In short he had time to play his guitar and my virtual twat but no time for virtual wining and dining, pixilated flowers, cuddling or even a date at the fucking race track.
The second guy was a corporate mojo from big-city Seattle with a lot on his mind when he wasn’t trying to get me naked. “I’m such a Romeo,” he said – and yet… no virtual flowers. No sweet ascii words. NOTHING. Not even a virtual sushi roll. Just more and more attempts to get me naked. When he wasn’t trying to get me naked he was trying to impress me with ever so sweet stories about how he beat down the waiter that brought him the wrong pasta. (Momma always told me you can judge a guy by the way he treats the staff.)
The latest guy isn’t much better. While he listens, I’ve become jaded and I just feel the inevitable outcome is for him to try to slip a finger under my virtual thong and, lube it up for the inevitable entry of his 2ft long detachable wiener with Technicolor jizz.
I’m not saying I don’t like sex. No, far from it. I’m just tired of not having foreplay; no romance! It takes all the fun out of it, and I’m extremely unhappy because of the lack of it.
I can’t even shop at Pillow Talk for a nice cuddle ball without finding that with a few taps of PageUp that the nice, gentle ball turns me into a grinding machine for some male’s virtual unit.
I also have a beef with the Herald. Uri’s articles about BDSM and bukkake and Goreans haven’t helped the situation any…. it just feeds more bad ideas to the assholes that are already thinking with their detachable parts. He’s just reinforcing their idea that all they need is submissive woman they can collar and then bone with their virtual weenies.
Where’s the romance gone? Please tell me there is more to virtual life than this!
–Linda Loveless
Jacko
Aug 31st, 2007
With language like yours I’m not surprised by your experience….but then I s’pose it’s cool to let the world know you can say fuck and twat and not much else!
tp
Aug 31st, 2007
Anyone that goes looking for a dating scene in SL is going to find what you are finding.
You don’t find it, it finds you. Perhaps you should hang out in voice chat areas and get to know some random people first before you put all the expectations on them.
You sound from your shopping tastes to be barking way up the wrong tree. Fuck balls are for desperate masturbaters.
Kryss Wanweird
Sep 1st, 2007
Linda, you might want to ask yourself foremost if you have anything more than your genitals to share. Apparently, no.
Faerie
Sep 1st, 2007
There is a lot more romance out there Linda but you have to wade through a lot of chaff to find it. Here’s my tip:
- You have to de-Barbie yourself. I dont mean stop looking beautiful but I do mean stop looking like everyone else. Get some difference of “edge”. Perhaps (and I’m biased I admit) get some quality wings. Get an unusual skin. Get an outfit that stands out from the crowd.
Then start going to places that have been made by people who care about what they were building (and stay away from plastic “out of the mould” nightclubs). These interesting places attract interesting intelligent people.
Avoid anyone wearing more than 1 piece of bling.
You’ll get hit on a whole lot less, that’s for sure, but those you do meet will be the sort of intelligent, and even romantic people who are worth meeting.
Good luck!
Corona
Sep 1st, 2007
You have a RL BF and are seeking ‘real romance’ in SL ?
I cant see much future for that RL relationship then
Corona
Sep 1st, 2007
I suggest that the RL BF (whoever he is) needs to sit up and start paying you more attention
Corona
Sep 1st, 2007
You also have to bear in mind that there will be an inevitable weighting in SL towards those less skilled in romancing women
for the simple reason that the more skillful in this area will very likely have relationship success in RL and therefore have less need of romance in SL
But like all skills it is learnable – provided the person is motivated to learn – it is up to the women in SL to supply that motivation
Victorria Paine
Sep 1st, 2007
Well, to be honest, I don’t go for the boys very often, but I have managed to meet a few nice and intelligent ones in the oddest of places — typically *not* the places you would go to “meet someone”, however. I don’t think it has much to do with whether you have wings or bling (although dressing like a stripper will certainly attract a certain sort as we all know), but it does require patience and not trying to meet people in typical situations … kind of like the material world.
I did find the following statement off-base, though:
“I also have a beef with the Herald. Uri’s articles about BDSM and bukkake and Goreans haven’t helped the situation any…. it just feeds more bad ideas to the assholes that are already thinking with their detachable parts. He’s just reinforcing their idea that all they need is submissive woman they can collar and then bone with their virtual weenies.”
As a dominant woman with submissives, I can only wholeheartedly disagree with this. I can’t speak for the Goreans, and I’m not a supporter of the practice of “bukkake”, but BDSM, at least as I practice it, is plenty romantic. A time with one of my submissives is just as likely to be spent dancing at a romantic locale or exploring an interesting, creative sim as it is in the dungeon … it all depends on my mood, my inclinations, and the person involved. And I know many Masters are like that as well with their own submissives. Don’t lump us together with the Goreans and the bukkakes, and resist the temptation to blame BDSM and/or the Herald’s reporting on it, as being the source of your dissatisfactions with SL.
Jessica Holyoke
Sep 1st, 2007
Linda, don’t give up hope. There are intelligent and loving men out there. I’m sure out of the 9 million subscribers, there is at least one that can both speak your language and can provide the companionship you need.
And honestly, urizenus is doing the reporting of the men who are out there in a tabloid. It would be far less interesting to write “Man gives Woman flowers, date at seafood restaurant with deep meaningful conversation ensues.”
marilyn murphy
Sep 1st, 2007
phatland. the blues place. i have danced with interesting men there. in fact, this is a location, in a pg sim, that draws a bigger crowd of well dressed and mannerly avatars, than the sex sites draw newbs and boobs.
yes you can meet the odd jerk there for sure, but then u just say ty for the dance and go wait to be noticed by a gentleman. at any time of day you can see 60 or more avatars there. the herald should have an article about it actually.
Puck Goodliffe
Sep 1st, 2007
Most men on SL are idiots and incapable of romance (or anything else that requires brains).
This goes double for anyone involved in the corporate world. There’s a reason they become obsessed with money – the reason is, lack of imagination and personality.
Flack Quartermass
Sep 1st, 2007
IMNSHO, the worthwhile guys are either:
1) Not in SL.
2) In SL but not *seeking* a relationship there.
3) In SL but *already* in a relationship there.
My suggestion would be to look for a friend instead and go from there.
Uccello Poultry
Sep 1st, 2007
Sticking strictly to topic and avoiding personal comments, let me add that it’s not just guys. Many women are the same way. I work with the Isle of Lesbos and even if I eliminate the avies that are obviously guys in ewe’s clothing, I still see a lot of women whose idea of romance is “nice pants … can I get in them?”
It takes all kinds, I guess. Someone looking for a relationship needs to take a serious look at their personal standards and needs. Be ready to tell that other person what you think about their approach. They may change if they think you are worth it. Ask yourself, “Am I worth it?”
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 1st, 2007
“After my RLBF failed me the 50th time…”
Why are you still with him?
“I decided to check out the SL dating scene…”
There’s your second mistake.
“and two months into the experience I have to say I’m extremely disappointed.”
Big shock there, huh?
“Maybe I’m a magnet for assholes…”
Yes, you are. You might as well wear a toilet seat around your neck because you’re obviously begging to get shit on.
“The first guy I dated in SL was a RL musician. I fall hard for those types.”
Why do women always fall for these smelly losers who spend so much time playing guitar and getting stoned that they rarely shower? Foolish females.
“The second guy was a corporate mojo from big-city Seattle with a lot on his mind when he wasn’t trying to get me naked.”
And why do women always fall for these executive guys? Oh, right! I forgot! It’s way harder to gold dig a working class man!
“Uri’s articles about BDSM and bukkake and Goreans haven’t helped the situation any…. it just feeds more bad ideas to the assholes that are already thinking with their detachable parts.”
Guys who think with their dicks also exist in RL. So do whiny women with unrealistic expectations and gold digger attitudes.
This whole whaaaaambulance article reminds me of the big problem with relationships in both RL and SL. Most guys are pigs and most women are bitches. The pigs and the bitches tend to attract each other and cause tons of misery while the few sane couples laugh their asses off.
Stop being pigs and bitches and get over your unrealistic expectations, people. Stop making sex and money the center of your relationships. You’ll be better off that way.
Noobie Doobiedo
Sep 1st, 2007
Why does this story remind me of the newbie asking “How I can has money?”
Linda Loveless
Sep 1st, 2007
Well, now see, that isn’t entirely fair. Those of you that are being mean about this seem to assume I’m only looking in the sex sims for guys: I’m not. And gold digger? Really?
JJ
Sep 1st, 2007
I’m married in RL, so I’m NOT looking for ANY kind of SL romance. My friend (female) and I found a haunted house, and a guy poofed in while we were reading the intro notecard. We ended up going through the haunted house together, with him being a very polite, and a lot of fun too. At the underground maze part, we all friended so we could IM each other more easily when we seperated in the hopes of finding our way out.
He IM’d me the next day and showed me a couple of very pretty places. He asked if my friend might come online in case she might want to hang with us, but she wasn’t on at the time. He asked me if I was involved, and I answered that I was married in RL and not using SL for romance. He didn’t press further.
We fell out of contact soon afterwards, so I’d guess he was looking for romance. But he was very gentlemanly the entire time, even after I’d told him I wasn’t looking. He’ll make a very wonderful SL BF I bet.
Bren
Sep 2nd, 2007
Linda, you didn’t even tell us any of your special qualities, from what you write it sounds like all you have is a twat.
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 2nd, 2007
@Linda Loveless
“And gold digger? Really?”
ya rly. Just like 75% of the women out there.
General Cronon
Sep 2nd, 2007
First of all, Most of your comments suck(yes this goes out to all of you false comedians). Society wants you to think that relationships is that way to go. American Society wants you to think relationships is what you have to do(Note the have to guys). Relationships is not what you need…..why not have a relationship with yourself internally, then create a short time bond with another person. Have sex with them, if that is what you enjoy. I mean sex can be romance too, not always listen to idoits that comment and follow the american society. And no, I am not anti-american…that would be impossible since I am an american, but that is how american society works.
Basicly relationships aren’t always the key. Start off with a friend. Afterwards if that doesn’t succeed. Leave. In the middle of that time period, please have sex with them be passion enjoy each others company then move on, With this the world would be a lot more easier and bring us closer to peace.
I know, this comment its well written, but 50 cent’s raps aren’t well written and he makes more money then you LOL so, in turn stop hatin.
Linda Don’t worry, they just comment to mean things to make them look popular. They think that making fun will make them become notices, since they are not important enough or one of their rl children don’t have enough cancer in them, to get a spot to write the herald. so in turn they are upset.
It’s not about black or white cause we human. I hope we see the light before it ruined. – 2pac
Second Lulz Vigilante
Sep 2nd, 2007
@General Cronon
“They think that making fun will make them become notices, since they are not important enough or one of their rl children don’t have enough cancer in them, to get a spot to write the herald.”
You’ve got a lot to learn about a troll’s motivations, Skippy. We don’t make mean comments for popularity. We make mean comments mostly just for the sake of being mean and sometimes to point out the illogic of a situation. Like the situation described by the OP, for example.
Maria Leveaux
Sep 2nd, 2007
Your more obvious Charms aside, I am Not sure what made you think you could find Romance on Line when it is all but Dead in the Real World. The added layer of Anonymity is even less conducive to bringing out the Romantic in your man.
They say you have to Kiss a Lot of Toads before you Find your Prince. I think that definately goes Double for SL. It’s Not Impossible, One Lady friend of mine has Found a Real prince and will be Marrying him shortly IRL so there is hope for you as well.
Just take a little time to Consider the inducements you offer. If you are Attracting the wrong type of Fish, you are using the wrong sort of Bait.
Maria.
Nicholaz Beresford
Sep 2nd, 2007
Quote ))
1) Not in SL.
2) In SL but not *seeking* a relationship there.
3) In SL but *already* in a relationship there.
((
Just like what I hear in RL
Melissa Yeuxdoux
Sep 3rd, 2007
“…my real life boyfriend fails to deliver romance every day, and I still haven’t dumped his sorry ass.”
With expectations like that, I doubt you’ll have much luck with any actual person for very long.
Luca Vasilopita
Sep 3rd, 2007
Ironically, this works both ways. I’ve been almost a digital celibite since my last potential partner and I went cold in everything but the small talk zone (I didn’t actually need sex… but it seems that the relationship did). Since that time I’ve tried; dating, one night stands, M/s relationships, and eventually I got roped into a combat group. It would be nice if I could have with somebody what I used to… but given the fact that I’ve become weirdly committed to this group, I doubt that’ll happen. People can’t see past the fact that “This guy’s just a war minded otaku” or something, so all I get is ‘witty’ one liners from ‘girls’ who want a roll in the hay.
Best thing to do is to not look, not even try… wait until it comes to you. It may take forever, it may take 23 and a half minutes.
shockwave yareach
Sep 4th, 2007
First of all, if you want a Real relationship, SL isn’t the place to find it. Your comments about the people you’ve been with and what they do in RL are telling – why do you even care what they do in RL? If you want to play, then play. If you are looking for virtual good times then don’t bring reality into the picture. If you want a real guy in your real life, you’ve no choice but to unplug and get out into the real world more. You can’t download a lover, and those origami sextoy designs are worthless (and cause papercuts if you arent’ careful).
Good VR loving starts with some friends who chat a lot and hang out together a fair bit. Once you both understand what each other wants in VR, you can rent a skybox for the weekend and have a good time. And if you both write longwinded descriptions, have a can of Red Bull handy in RL. But you have to be with people you know and trust before you have anything but a VR one night stand.
Barefoot Ballinger
Sep 20th, 2007
Flaming aside, my experiences have been much the same. I love to romance – Learning about someone, what makes them tick, exploring, dancing.. it’s what I enjoy. But it’s not what I get. Most of the women I have gone out with go for the crotch within an hour or less. The ones that didn’t have become good friends, and romance has followed because of it.
Pounamu Kohime
Oct 27th, 2007
Oh man, people, lighten up. I can’t believe the vitriol of some of these responses! Just because you’re anonymous commentators doesn’t mean you can spew some of the junk you have in these comments – calling her a gold digger?? And the guy who rambled on about ‘pigs and bitches’? Where’ve you been hanging, dude? I mean, honestly, with sewers like that for minds you people have no business commenting about love and romance, lol!
I thought Linda’s piece was a humorous, cutting even satirical comment on dating, sex and r/ships in SL…she’s got every right to desire romance from both her RL and SL boyfriends – hell, I do! AND I’m not a gold digger or porno slut, I’m a normal gal NOT looking for love or even sex in SL…just friendship and role play in the combat sims.
But as some have said…you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and honestly, I wouldn’t look for my prince in SL. There are lovely decent people in SL, and there are certifiable psychos…just hope that your bullshit meter is working so you can distinguish quickly between the two!
I’ve often found that when I’m not looking…that’s when something magical happens, sometimes right beneath your nose, with a friend you’ve had for ages and ages….I completely DON’T trust anyone who comes on too strong too quickly, I wait and hang with someone a LOT of times before I even think about a possible romance.
I prefer to be single in SL anyway, there’s no expectations on you then.
Good Luck Linda…! Keep writing hon….
Villain Baroque
Aug 4th, 2008
Hi Linda,
maybe you just had bad luck untill now. My Second Life experience is totally different from yours. I have found a girlfriend in SL with whom I am together for almost a year now. Together we founded “Love me tender”, a SL business that specializes in “Love & Romance” products (Visit us at sim “Rockje”). In this business I get contact to many people with romantic stories in SL, people, who believe to have found True Love in SL. A lot of them are together with their partners for several month and the stories they tell me never rank around SEX, but about feelings. I’d say, as in RL, sex is a wonderful and necessary part of love, but get’s boring, if it’s the only thing that connects you and your partner. Love and romance means time-consuming activities. A lot of people seem to be hesitant to invest their time in that – shame on them.