The Voyeur – SL Business Meeting Slave Etiquette

by wendell on 27/09/07 at 8:14 pm

Wendell Holmer answers your questions about love and sex

Voyeur


Slave to Fashion

Q: I arrived for a business meeting at a woman’s home and was surprised to see a slave prostrate on the floor beside her. The slave was silent during most of the conversation, but at one point he piped up and contradicted me. I was offended. I said I wasn’t used to being spoken to that way by a slave. His mistress ended the conversation and I haven’t been able to reach her since. Did I do something wrong?

A: Never discipline another person’s slave. It insults the mistress, because it implies she does not have control of her own property. And worse, it insults the slave, who may have had a good reason for speaking up.

Just because a person chooses to serve a mistress, that doesn’t make him your slave too. If he was at the meeting, he probably functioned as a secretary or advisor, and the mistress thought his input was important.

I’m going to guess this wasn’t a Gorean community. There, the rules are clearer. Slaves serve all free persons and, in public, speak to their masters only via IM. In other communities, the master or mistress makes the rules. It would have been most respectful if the slave had spoken privately to his mistress. She could then have told you her slave would like to speak freely, or she could have spoken to you directly about the slave’s concerns.

The mistress could have handled it better, but your response was way out of line. If the slave was absolutely wrong, you might have politely pointed that out to the mistress via IM. If it wasn’t a serious issue, you should have let it pass. But if you think you are too important to deal with slaves, then you shouldn’t do business with someone who owns them. Oh, that’s right, you aren’t.


Too Much Love

Q: I have a serious flirtation going with a woman who told me she is falling in love with me. We haven’t had sex yet, and I am wondering whether that is a good idea. I respect her, like her, and desire her, but I am not in love with her, and I am not looking for an exclusive relationship. If we do have sex, I will probably end up hurting her, and I will lose her friendship. If I tell her I do not want to have sex, she will feel rejected, and I will lose her friendship. Is there any way out?

A: Doesn’t she get to say anything about this? You obviously care about her, and if you don’t give this relationship a try, you may lose the great love of your second life. She is probably wondering why you haven’t made your move. Tell her why you are hesitating, and let her decide whether she can handle the relationship on terms you can accept.


Forced into Sex

Q: When I first started out as an escort, I signed up with a few clubs that weren’t so nice. As I got better at it, my appearance improved, my rate started to go up, and I didn’t want to work at those places anymore. However, I still work at one of the low-class places I started at. The other day, I was having a problem with my home, and one of the club owners came over to help. He spent almost an hour fixing it. He was so nice. But his club is a dive—a whorehouse really. Because he helped me, I feel obligated to keep working there. Do you agree?

A: Unless you are living in a mansion—in which case, why are you selling your ass for three bucks a pop?—it’s likely that a competent builder could have fixed your problem in a few minutes. And most of the builders I know would have traded.

But the real point is that you should never have sex with anyone unless you want to—not out of obligation. Being an escort is an honorable profession precisely because you are in control. You never have to accept a customer you don’t like or a location that’s distasteful. Explain to the owner that it is important for your career that you work in one club exclusively, and give him a week’s notice. If he really likes you, he will wish you the best, and you will still be able to call him when there is a spider in the tub or the faucet drips.


Shout Outs

I have had the hots for Celebrity Trollop since she appeared in these pages as the Post 6 Grrrl. And it doesn’t hurt that she publishes the great fashion magazine, Second Style. If you want to know what to wear this fall, check out the magazine’s fashion shows. You will be able to see the creations of two up and coming designers, Annah Whitfield and Myllie Writer, at the Metro Models Fashion Showcase on Friday, September 28, 2007 at 6:00 p.m. and on Saturday, September 29, 2007 at 11:00 a.m.

Several big name fashion houses have created designs for the Relay for Life Fashion Show on American Cancer Society Island on Sunday, September 23, 2007 at 2:00 p.m. This one will be a sell-out, and there’s an after-party, so arrive early.

If you missed the Letters from Beyond show, which celebrated the opening of the Writers’ Block Café on Book Island, you didn’t see what the well dressed Goth is wearing this fall. You will have to visit Rfyre or Nocturnal Threads to see the new Goth styles.

12 Responses to “The Voyeur – SL Business Meeting Slave Etiquette”

  1. Jenny Raymaker

    Sep 28th, 2007

    I’ve got to be honest, my initial reading of the story left me asking “Why the hell was a slave present at a business meeting? Leave your weird stuff at home”.

    But then I got thinking about how it’s just like two different meatspace cultures meeting to do business. Different accepted norms, different ways of doing things, different approach to life.

    Then that made me think what a cool experience this actually might have been – dealing with someone from another culture and learning the etiquette of doing that successfully for all parties.

    Much more interesting than reading about the latest pissing matches at least.

  2. Huzzah

    Sep 28th, 2007

    “His mistress ended the conversation and I haven’t been able to reach her since. Did I do something wrong?”

    Yes, you haven’t spent enough time outside your mother’s basement. Get out more.

  3. Ananda

    Sep 28th, 2007

    Funny, I read that story, had the same thought, and came to the opposite conclusion. Business is a culture all its own and by bringing a slave to the meeting with someone outside of the role-play environment demonstrates to me a lack of professional ethics. One doesn’t generally put one’s fetishes and lack of regard for the dignity of fellow human beings on display if serious deals are being made. Then again, maybe I’m just a bigot because I don’t care to see any human being degraded or treated like property, ever. *Some* cultural values are definitely improvements over others.

  4. DaveOner

    Sep 28th, 2007

    Another culture? If you think some dork in a video game with another dork in a video game for a pet qualifies as “culture” then you really need to get out of your house and travel a little bit.

    If I was there to do business I would have cancelled the whole thing upon the site of a slave dork on the floor. If I’m going to be putting the fate of my money in someone else’s hands they have to take me, themselves and the world somewhat serious. At least serious enough to put that shit away during transactions with someone whose fetishes (or lack thereof) aren’t apparent to them yet.

    I wouldn’t show up covered in guns and grenades when meeting with someone that is obviously approaching this from another angle. It’s a sign of respect to make an effort NOT to alienate someone you’re getting ready to do business with.

    As far as dealing with someone else’s property, I HAVE been in situations where someone’s slave dork was mouthing off to me. Instead of rebuking it yourself you look to the owner and say “are you going to muzzle your property?”

    Between this article and the last few furry/griefer-tard articles it looks like SLH is catering to the lowest common denominator. I guess every demographic needs their own equivalent to Jenny Jones. Off to the Insider I go…

  5. Artemis Fate

    Sep 29th, 2007

    I agree with the above two posts. There’s a reason that corporate environments even have a style of dress (suits), because when you’re doing business, you’re doing business, and if you’re not representing a large entity, and thus required to leave your individuality behind to be a representative of the larger group. Or if you’re appealing to another group and thus trying to make that said group feel comfortable, you need to leave culture and really many aspects of individuality behind, much less your kinky sex games. This is necessary so something like this Mistress’ petty tantrum over a misunderstanding doesn’t happen and disrupt whatever business that was happening.

  6. Avanti Palmer

    Sep 29th, 2007

    Very good article. One people must not choice to be slave.

  7. Jenny Raymaker

    Oct 1st, 2007

    Sorry to take so long getting back. Damn rl, eh?

    My OP was deliberately intended to spark discussion. For the record, the initial feeling of “why the hell has this woman brought her sexual activity to a business meeting” is probably how I would have reacted and I would have probably left with the understanding that she was not taking the meeting seriously enough for my liking.

    I think it’s worth pointing out that the word “slave” is a somewhat loaded one. To some people it could imply a prisoner, someone put to work against their will. To others it might imply kinky sexual games (as I believe may be the case here although I’m happy to be corrected). Others may think of someone who had willingly slaved themselves to a cause or group in return for certain gains e.g. security.

    What if in your rl you had to conduct a business meeting with someone in another country where slavery of the first kind was still practiced? How would you react to that? How would you feel about that?

    What if in your rl you had to conduct a business meeting with someone who brought along their sexual slave? How would you react to that? How would you deal with that?

    What if in your rl you had to conduct a business meeting with someone who brought along a slave of the third kind, the willing volunteer? How would you react to that? How would you deal with that?

    My point about dealing with another culture (perhaps sub-culture might have been a better term) is that in these situations we are indeed dealing with other cultures and we are forced to consider our feelings about those cultures and whether we wish to deal with them or, if we have no choice about dealing with them, how we deal with our own feelings about the matter.

    We have to remember that “slaves” in sl are not slaves of the first kind, the unwilling prisoner forced to work. Unless it has become possible to imprison the avatars of others now and force them to run animations? These people, when they become slaves, are choosing that role for themselves and so could (possibly) be classed as the third type that I outlined above.

    What is at issue here is not the issue of “slavery”. Rather the issue is whether it is appropriate to flaunt sexual activities at inappropriate times and in inappropriate places e.g. a business meeting (unless of course the business meeting was in regard to an area related to that subject perhaps). Between members of the same sub-culture, it may be appropriate to conduct meetings in this way but where a meeting will cross the culture-boundary, surely the participants should consider the feelings of those they intend to meet and compromise as far as possible? And where compromise isn’t possible, that should be communicated well in advance so that there are no culture shocks awaiting us when we walk into the meeting room. And the keyword there is “communication”. Just as important in sl as in rl.

    Or perhaps we could even go so far as to argue that we should not allow our meatspace emotional and cultural baggage to shape our second lives and that we need an entirely new paradigm in order to successfully deal with this particular world? I know that some do argue that case although it’s not one I particularly agree with personally.

    btw, also for the record, DaveOner pointed out that I should get out of the house more 8D. I would agree that some people might need to do this but as I have travelled the world pretty extensively from Europe to Africa to Asia to the United States, I’ve seen more than a few cultures on their home ground. I do agree with his sentiment though.

  8. Tallulah Bourjade

    Oct 6th, 2007

    First…not all slaves are mindless nitwits.Yes..I am a slave. I am also a business woman. I do not take off my collar to speak to people..and if my Master were around and I was the one conducting business..I would most likely be standing. If he were and I was present? Chances are I would be kneeling quietly. However…being on my knee’s does not make me stupid or incapable of speaking professionally. Being a slave is also not some kinky sex choice, thank you. It is part of who I am, as simply as being gay. The Mistress being spoken of is obviously a drama digger, and most likely would behave the same in any situation, slave present or not. Professionalism doesn’t come with lifestyle choice sadly. I have dealt with many who were unprofessional in their behaviour who were single/straight and what have you. Please do not generalize. It only makes you look ignorant.

    And err.. while I am not Gorean, I do have Gorean experience and think its kind of funny the slaves dont speak in public and to their Master only in IM? No. Though yes, a well mannered Gorean slave will ask for permission to speak freely. Asking to speak freely generally means the slave has a strong opinion on the topic at hand.

  9. Barbie Starr

    Nov 15th, 2007

    Just a thought. Ever ask if this person was coming there for business related to BDSM or Vanilla? The person posting the question really doesn’t state what the business was for. Yes BDSM people do have business in the BDSM world as well. How do you know he wasn’t there trying to sell her a dungeon? The point of this question was that the slave spoke out and the person was offended by it. Not that they were there for business. And for those here I beg to differ about business and agree with Jenny. “Live and Let Live”. As long as it’s not obscene why would it matter if the person wants to kneel or not. They obviously must like sitting on their knees. Because in reality no one can really force someone in a consensual relationship to do something they don’t want to. So why should another person be offended if it makes that person happy to do it. It shouldn’t be there business or affect them. Aside from this, this is SL not RL and a lot of things happen in SL that you wouldn’t normally see RL anyways. Now I could see if you came to someones house and the person was screaming for help or gagged and looked in pain in a frightful position or even in a cage with no water. Call the cops!!

  10. Barbie Starr

    Nov 16th, 2007

    Correction I agree with Tallulah Bourjade, sorry Jenny. First time posting here.

  11. Spadesrun Hotshot

    Dec 6th, 2007

    There is one fact missing. You went to a business meeting which insinuates that person had something you wanted. You met at their place. Which means you meet by their rules. You were the intruder, not them. Slavery by willingness is more than sexual fetish. In business it can be very practicle to set bounds on dealing with superiors. The mistress was running the meeting, the slave, may have been instructed to speak up if the mistress was missing something. Often the slave or assistant would research teh details and therefore their input was of value. Your reference to the slaves challenge may have been seen as you getting upset about being caught trying to decieve the mistress. But regardless, next time, discuss the details of the meeting before hand, or meet in a public and professional place.

  12. Spadesrun Hotshot

    Dec 6th, 2007

    There is one fact missing. You went to a business meeting which insinuates that person had something you wanted. You met at their place. Which means you meet by their rules. You were the intruder, not them. Next time, discuss the details of the meeting before hand, or meet in a public and professional place.

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