Jimbo Quality Addresses the Electorate
by Alphaville Herald on 06/11/07 at 10:41 pm
A candidate for President of Second Life’s historic address
Dear People of Second Life,
I urge you to get out to the polls and vote. But not just vote, vote the Jimbo ticket. Vote for me for President, Vice President, Secretary of Camping Chairs, Cook, Goat Herder and anything else you see on there that I’d be good at.
I wish I could tell you all the things on the ballot you could vote for me for, but I can’t. I haven’t seen a ballot. I haven’t even seen a ballot box. Here in the meat space they’re setting up ballot boxes and stuff all over my town so I was hopeful that they were conducting the SL Presidential elections in the real world, but it turns out we’re electing a local mayor, renewing the dog licensing acts of 1937 and some other boring stuff.
So, based on the fact we’re voting in my town in the real world, I thought I’d send this out in case it’s SL election day too and I just don’t know it.
I keep asking people when the elections are and get different answers. Miss Pixeleen always says “Soon, Jimbo.” Miss Justine says “Whenever you want them to be, sweetie.” and Miss Tenshi always says “Stay away from me you weird little man and keep your frickin’ clothes on.”
That’s not getting me anywhere so I ask the Lindens, since they know everything. Usually I just get chuckles from them. Even the dreamy Lexie Linden, who I will surely appoint to be Secretary of Getting Whatever She Wants, just gives me a “lol” answer nowadays. I looked it up, there’s no “lol” on any calendar I can find. [Editrix's note- Lexie, please take him. We'll pay you. He's mostly harmless and housebroken, almost.]
Lexie Linden – can you find a home for Jimbo?
So, today, being election day here in Goobersberg, I thought I’d outline, one last time, why I’m such a good candidate.
-I have a lot of interesting points I’ve made over the last few months [Editrix's note- By not mentioning specifics, we're guessing he can't remember a single one].
-I’ve got the best butt in Second Life [Editrix's note- Just agree with him or he'll show us again].
-I’ve been unofficially endorsed by many leading SL groups [Editrix's note- Jimbo is a bit gullible and gets chatty in his camping chair. I'm sure he believes he's been endorsed by the Teamsters, the Red Sox and MILF Hookup, among others].
-I have a friend named Jeebus who will personally help me run Second Life [Editrix's note- We think he borrowed this from President Bush].
-I speak your name and that dog won’t hunt. [Editrix's note : borrowed this from Oprah and Dr. Phil, daytime television seems to mesmerize him which cuts down on the number of broken things here at the office].
-I’m multi-lingual [Editrix's note- This one surprised us too] [Jimbo note: Hah!]
In order to get in touch with the people of Second Life, I recently invented the Jimbabbler, a device which allows me to translate my words into many languages. Let me demonstrate:
Jimbo Quality:Hello People of Second Life. Thank you for electing me President.
Jimbabbler: [French]- Ma odeur de pieds aiment l’âne velu
Jimbabbler: [LeetSpeak]- h3ll0, i’m a nurd, pwned!
Jimbabbler: [Italian]- Il vostro gusto della gomma gradisce i pesci marci
Jimbabbler: [Rap]- Why you buggin’ yo? I’ll cap your knee, mofo.
Jimbabbler: [lolcat]-I’m in your internets, sniffing your packets!
Jimbabbler: [Republican] Why no, I just have a wide stance.
Pixeleen Mistral: Oh for goodness sake – he’s just holding a box and making shit up
Jimbabbler: [Rap] Don’t hate, be-otch, and don’t be getting all up in my grill.
Pixeleen Mistral gives the Jimbabbler an ad-hoc attitude adjustment with a surreptitious kick
Jimbabbler: [Pained] vote for Jimbo.
Jenny Raymaker
Nov 7th, 2007
Haha, always cracks me up. Jimbo for Prez
Lucien Godenot
Nov 7th, 2007
Aw! don’t kick Jimbo… poor thing. I’ll take him home.
He _is_ harmless, right?
“Jimbabbler: [French]- Ma odeur de pieds aiment l’âne velu”
Seeing as that is french for “the smell of my feet likes hairy donkeys”, I think the Jimbabbler isn’t quite the success he thinks it is.
Doubledown Tandino
Nov 7th, 2007
I was registered to vote at the nearby elementary school that was burnt to the ground by anti-ageplay vigelantes… um, where do I vote now?
*yawn*
Nov 7th, 2007
This was funny the first time you came out with it.
It’s getting stupid now.
plot tracer
Nov 7th, 2007
just a bit annoying, this. actually, annoying is a bit strong. as humourous as my granny’s funeral? could we have articles about funny stuff, please (erm… with someone else writing them? please?)
d3adlyc0d3c
Nov 7th, 2007
His articles are the only ones on SLH I enjoy.
Jimbo Quality
Nov 7th, 2007
Plot Tracer: just a bit annoying, this. actually, annoying is a bit strong. as humourous as my granny’s funeral?
Gosh Potsie, with lines like “as funny as my granny’s funeral” I’m obviously going to have to reach for a plain of comedic genius far beyond those usually alloted to Second Life blogs, and with the writer’s strike on it might be tough, but for you, I’ll see what I can do.
First though, let me set the Jimbabler to dork and see what you sound like in a different language.
Jimbabbler: [Dork] just a bit annoying, this. actually, annoying is a bit strong. as humourous as my granny’s funeral?
huh, go figure.
Go back to your cheetos, fat boy, I’ll go see if I can find Don Rickles or Soupy Sales for ya.
Tenshi Vielle
Nov 7th, 2007
I’d like to announce my run for president at this time. Against Jimbo. I think I might have a shot.
Jimbo Quality
Nov 7th, 2007
/me cusses and then apologizes to the leftist guy with the cheetos because now that Tenshi’s running he’ll need votes.
Jimbo Quality: “Sorry guy.”
Jimbabbler: [Dutch] poopy goudklompjes
Anon
Nov 8th, 2007
I’m with codec. You’ve got the griefer audience down at least.
PN = Closet Furry
Nov 10th, 2007
Anon sez: “I’m with codec. You’ve got the griefer audience down at least.
”
Stupid is as stupid does. Jimbo is the Forrest Gump of avatars, and codec is Bubba (“Would bee mah fren?”…. “D’ohkay”)