The Alphaville Herald

YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon – Two Points Off The Wind And Coming Fast

by Alphaville Herald on 15/11/07 at 5:41 am

by Tiny Newt

[last week's episode is here]

Banished earlier from Sanctum Sanctorum Island by the owner Baron Greyson, King Fish Overdrive was ignobly forced to wait offshore in his leaky ship. King Fish was a cocky, powerful fighter whose only admitted vice was the demon rum. He had smuggled two full barrels aboard his ship against orders, presumably to celebrate their almost certain victory. During the long uncomfortable wait in ambush, Overdrive fumed. Now elevated to the lofty position of “Captain”, he believed deeply in the principles of democratic rule aboard his vessel. His cutthroat crew, banished and humiliated one and all, delighted in joining their captain in sampling the grog barrels long, hard and repeatedly.

When the signal to attack finally sounded, Overdrive and his bleary eyed crew literally staggered to their battle stations. Their mission; to sail a flanking maneuver designed to surprise the enemy, By now their presence surprised no one. Longjohnson seeing them so uselessly out of position and moving slower still, vowed to make them rue the day they ever signed articles with the likes of Longjohnson Swindlehurst. He would deal with those %^$*#@ blackguards later.

“Two points off the wind and coming fast!” cried the Endeavour’s lookout pointing to the southwest.

As if on cue, the skies parted for a moment and a hot sun blazed down
on the proceedings silhouetting the Endeavour against a forbidding blackened horizon.

“AARG, AND WHAT A BONNY SIGHT SHE IS…NARY A PRETTIER
PRIZE THAN THAT, I”LL WAGER” crowed Swindlehurst to all the crew within earshot. At a distance, coming down the slot, the proud ENDEAVOUR with all “her linen” set and drawing. Her pennants flying and two large birds-of-prey showing the way forward. Even from this great distance the warning screech of the lead bird could be heard .

“MR. GEGO, PUT ONE ACROSS HER BOW…SMARTLY NOW! chided Swindlehurst. Five seconds later, a silent white plume erupted in water spout directly in the path of the hard charging Barque.

As fast as she was, the smaller Endeavour was no match for the larger pirate vessels attacking her.

“CAP’N, SHE’S ROUNDING UP! cried Richard Lock.

“AM I BLIND NOW?, YOU DUNDERHEAD! roared Longjohnson.

“PREPARE TO COME ABOUT” cried Swindlehurst, who then paused the few seconds required for the crew to respond, then yelled lustily.

“HELM’S A LEE” The great ship shuddered at the sudden change in direction.

“READY ON THE PORT SIDE BATTERY… FIRE!… FIRE I SAY!!FIRE DAMN your eyes!

A wall of flame and noise exploded above the port rail as 12 large iron cannon belched death. In the distance, Endeavour’s topgallant yardarm on the Foremast collapsed in flaming wreckage. Several holes appeared in the sails. Halyards, blocks and tackle, yardarms fell out of the sky. Most of the carnage fell harmlessly overboard into the sea.

RELIC now closed to within several yards of the wallowing Endeavour. Small arms fire rattled back in response. A musket ball barely missed Swindlehurst, buried itself in the panel behind. Longjonhson shook his crutch at Commander Tiny Newt

“FIRE AT WILL,” barked the pirate captain. A ragged barrage sent a costly messege. The main top-gallant crashed through the rigging tearing away several blocks and preventers. Pieces of rail exploded into splinters.

Commander Newt screamed to be heard above the din.

“LET GO THE STARB’D ANCHOR!” He nodded rapidly to Carl who thought he had heard it wrong. Tiny made a chopping motion with his forearm. Carl cut through the heavy “preventor” which secured the anchor to the ship in three mighty wallops. The whirring anchor line snaked dangerously down the foredeck then plunged over the side. The two ton anchor rocketed down searching for a bottom. The resulting added drag had helped to turn the ship’s head more quickly, was now trumped-in-spades when the anchor’s fluke snagged a “niggerhead”. One of those coral pinnacles lying just below the surface waiting to tear the bottoms out of unsuspecting ships. Now the sweeping bow of the Endeavour midway through it’s turn…stumbled abruptly.

The anchor caught hard, slewed the bow, turning the ship so tightly
as to swamp her and roll her on her up on beam’s end.

“BLAST YER EYES!’ The disappointed Swindlehurst counting on
a death-dealing broadside had missed completely. A cheer from the recovered Endeavours caught Longjohnson’s ears on fire.

Lt. Carl Voss and Able-Body King Anaconda were stripped to the waist. The two of them muscled the heavy cannon like the average gun crew of six. Sweating and bloody from countless shrapnel wounds they charged the great gun with double powder and double ball shot connect by chain. King sighted down the imperial muzzle. King held up two fingers- Carl slammed the elevation wedge two solid blows with the sledge-King responded with “WAIT FOR IT” As the deck reached it’s apogee. “FIRE!” Carl held the slo-match to the touch-hole. Two tons of scalding hot cannon bucked back in a deafening roar. Howling through the smoke-filled air whirling death sliced through the RELIC’S ancient rigging -chopping the main mast in two at the cross-trees. Racing to “Mighty Bess” the men exercised the drill a second time just as Overdrive’s Death’s Head frigate crossed astern of Endeavour

“FIRE!” Carl barely leapt clear as the heavy cannon recoiled. The blast carried away the rudder and rudder post -holing the hull just below the waterline.

Overdrive’s ship began sinking immediately by the stern.

“PIRATE SHIP INCAPACITATED!”
“HANGING ON BY A THREAD!”
“BYE, BYE SHIP!” came the automated announcement from the sim

Overdrive and his entire useless motley crew were suddenly late for an appointment with Davey Jones.

The Relics cleared for action in record time as Swindlehurst fired his pistols into the quarter deck of the Endeavour directly at Tiny’s head.

“RELOAD THAR FOR THE LOVE OF ‘EAVEN!” The first-mate signaled the con of their readiness. “UP A POINT ,DILLION… ANOTHER HALF IF YOU PLEASE…STEADY… STEADY –FIRE!!”

No sooner had the words left his grizzled mouth than a 15 pound cannonball ripped into Endeavour’s powder magazine. The ensuing blast could be heard back on Sanctorum. Flames blossomed a hundred feet in the air, igniting the sails. The ship lay fully ablaze. Pirates threw grappling hooks then poured aboard screaming with sabers drawn.

The crew of Endeavour lay flattened on the deck from the concussion.
A snaggled –tooth pirate stood over Tiny Newt, raised his flintlock, cocked the hammer and prepared to fire a coup de gras.

“BELAY THAT!” roared Swindlehurst from the elevated stern-castle of his ship. “THEY BE GONERS, REST THEIR BONES, YE BE WASTIN’ TIME. GET BELOW LADS AND FIND THAT THAR MAP AFORE SHE BURNS TO THE WATERLINE. Long minutes later, two strong armed pirates man-handled the Endeavour’s heavy wall safe to the deck. Three men latched on to the safe lashed it with a barrel-hitch knot to the overhead cable from the RELIC, and yelled HAUL AWAY! The cable tightened around the windlass as eager hands grasped the spokes. “STAMP AND GO, STAMP AND GO, YO… HO, YO, HO STAMP AND GO!

“HAUL AWAY ME LOVELIES… HAUL AWAY… ARRH HAR HAR . Swindlehurst’ gravel laugh brought new strength to his men.

“YOU THERE,… DESARI, LEND A HAND” shouted Longjohnson. Desari Deledda tripped over the mangled form of a large bird. He kicked it into the scuppers with an disgusted grunt as he handed a line and swung back aboard his own vessel. “BYE BYE SHIP” they all shouted from the rail. The intense heat from the flames forced them back and as the Relic broke off, grappling lines snapped like threads. As the Relics turned away from the burning conflagration. They began to sing lustily….”YO, YO…

YO, HO… IT’S THE PIRATES”S LIFE FOR ME…”

…To be continued as: