Ravenous Moths Decimate Gorean Markets

by Alphaville Herald on 16/01/08 at 12:27 am

WWW.PRIMTIME.INFO NEWS SERVICE — Latest Headlines
DATELINE: Tue Jan 15 12:34:02 2008

Gorean slaves are being forced to borrow burlap burkahs from the Al-Andalus sim following an invasion of moths devastating silk stocks. The future of Gorean culture is uncertain.

“I’m not worried,” says Master Overlord Magnitude, who asked to remain anonymous: “The hoes can wear Darth Vader outfits as far as I’m concerned. I’m not in it for the fashion, I’m in it for being a dick.” Overlord Magnitude couldn’t comment further because dinner was ready.

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[Prim Time wireservice news appears courtesy of the SubRealism Manifesto]

13 Responses to “Ravenous Moths Decimate Gorean Markets”

  1. Chav Paderborn

    Jan 16th, 2008

    NO SLAVEPLAY PLS.

  2. das_fuhrer

    Jan 16th, 2008

    I could only think of one way to express how i feel right now:

    “……………………………………..________……………………”,
    “………………………………,.-‘”……………….“~.,………………”,
    “………………………..,.-”……………………………..“-.,…………”,
    “…………………….,/………………………………………..”:,……..”,
    “…………………,?………………………………………………\,…..”,
    “………………./…………………………………………………..,}….”,
    “……………../………………………………………………,:`^`..}….”,
    “……………/……………………………………………,:”………/…..”,
    “…………..?…..__…………………………………..:`………../…..”,
    “…………./__.(…..“~-,_…………………………,:`………./……..”,
    “………../(_….”~,_……..“~,_………………..,:`…….._/………..”,
    “……….{.._$;_……”=,_…….“-,_…….,.-~-,},.~”;/….}………..”,
    “………..((…..*~_…….”=-._……“;,,./`…./”…………../…………”,
    “…,,,___.\`~,……“~.,………………..`…..}…………../………….”,
    “…………(….`=-,,…….`……………………(……;_,,-”……………”,
    “…………/.`~,……`-………………………….\……/\……………….”,
    “………….\`~.*-,……………………………….|,./…..\,__………..”,
    “,,_……….}.>-._\……………………………..|…………..`=~-,….”,
    “…..`=~-,_\_……`\,……………………………\……………………”,
    “……………….`=~-,,.\,………………………….\…………………..”,
    “…………………………..`:,,………………………`\…………..__..”,
    “……………………………….`=-,……………….,%`>–==“…….”,
    “…………………………………._\……….._,-%…….`\……………”,
    “……………………………..,<`.._|_,-&“…………….`\…………..”,

    Wow. Just wow.

  3. dsckl

    Jan 16th, 2008

    I believe I speak for everyone in saying:

    what

  4. anon1

    Jan 16th, 2008

    Isn’t it sad that with the advent of the Internet the phrase “Stop the presses!” has lost its practical meaning?

  5. Archie Lukas

    Jan 16th, 2008

    I must say that like most of the ‘Gorean masters’ he has succeeded; he is in the true fashion of so many of these wimps in Gor clothing a true Dickhead.

  6. Anonymous

    Jan 16th, 2008

    …why is there news on a made up event?

    why is this even news?

  7. NinaA

    Jan 16th, 2008

    Good find!

  8. Aloe Stradling

    Jan 16th, 2008

    Ypou know, I’ve said the quality of Herald articles has been steadily going down the toilet for months. Now, I have this article to cite as proof of rock bottom. I’m all in favor of humor, but, there’s only so many poems, and outright fluff like this before no one bothers to check in anymore.

  9. SqueezeOne Pow

    Jan 16th, 2008

    Anyone know of a good SL blog to check out? Not something like Metaverse Messenger since it’s mostly commercials and naive writers…but something that talks actually talks about shit and isn’t boring…and none of that “fashion” bullshit.

    SLNN is alright but is still kinda bland.

    Anyone?

  10. anon1

    Jan 16th, 2008

    SqueezeOne, dare I ask if there’s anything in SL worth a news article of any kind, besides continual harassment of furry aspies and how a bunch of idiots lost a few nickels and dimes in bankplay?

  11. Prokofy Neva

    Jan 17th, 2008

    Finally, something funnier than the Herald!

  12. SqueezeOne Pow

    Jan 17th, 2008

    @anon1:

    I’ve read a few semi-interesting articles written about things that concern SL. The way I go is back and forth between real world news and politics and the useless pop culture stuff like AV Club and SL news. I switch from one to the other once the former gets too depressing.

    With SLH I’ve found some of the essays Uri wrote to be good reads…unfortunately he doesn’t seem to do shit anymore…not unlike the SLH in general.

    But anyway, reading this stuff is just for passing the time at work when I’m on break or when it’s slow. I think I’ve only looked at SLH once ever when I wasn’t on the clock.

  13. Brace

    Jan 18th, 2008

    I’m SO confuzed!
    *sobs!*

    Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot, over.

    lawd

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