‘Cos I Am Beautiful

by Alphaville Herald on 07/04/08 at 5:08 pm

How to win friends and influence avatars

by Aloe Stradling

Okay, you’re new in SL, and hot to trot. You explored around a bit, mastered the controls, and are ready to find a date. Or maybe just a playmate. You wander from sim to sim, wading through crowds of people, until someone catches your eye. Gasp of shock and awe! He or she is beautiful! Perfect hair, sexy eyes, clad in a hot fashion, just generally gets the juices flowing, and the mind turning to thoughts of…. interaction.

Your approach is friendly and polite, not acting like an overeager horny noob, You tell them how attractive they are, make small talk, and move in for the kill…..only to be shot down. Maybe they’re nice about it, maybe they’re rude, but, the end result is the same — rejection. They stroll off, possibly saying something like ‘Not into noob look’, leaving you hurt and neglected, and wondering what was up. You’re smart, witty, friendly, and all around charismatic. You weren’t rude or obnoxious, and your pickup lines were flawless. You’ve been snubbed, all because they had to be a self absorbed egotist! Lousy rotten vain shallow….

But wait! Hold it right there, new SL denizen! There is a double standard at work here. Settle down and think a moment, about why you approached that one in the first place. Yeah. Because they looked just right. Because they stood out in the sea of sameness. Remember. You are a special and unique individual with many shining qualities. You are spectacular, never forget that. But, to that person who was so blind to all your charms – well, you were just another noob in the starter T-shirt and jeans. Before you run off to cut yourself, listen to Linken Park, and write about that horrible person in your blog, stop and think. That person invested some time into looking the way they do. Can you really blame them for expecting the same in turn?

“But Aloe,” , you say to me now, “I don’t have L$s coming out my ears like those Richy McMoneypants people. This isn’t fair!” Well, I’m sorry, new friend. No one said Second Life was fair. There’s any number of places to get awesome free stuff to customize your second you, or better, take a crack at learning to design your own. Sadly, this article isn’t about where to find them, or how to build things. This is about correcting that attitude problem of yours. For shame!

It really isn’t really right that this bias exists but, it does. Much like in real life, that perfect ’10′ you were lusting after can afford to be picky, and, is quite likely to be seeking that perfect partner, same as you. Note also, my hypothetical example was gender non-specific, none of us are immune to human nature. We want what we want, and for most all of us, we want the BEST we can get for ourselves.

In closing, allow me to leave you with this thought. When you don’t change from the starter look, when you don’t personalize your SL-self at least a little, it sends the message you don’t care. And, why should anyone care about you if you yourself don’t? So go explore. Whether you buy what you need, or just hunt for free/cheap gear, at least try to smarten yourself up a bit. You’ll welcome the change, and heaven knows those who interact with you will too.

15 Responses to “‘Cos I Am Beautiful”

  1. RamsIT Mayo

    Apr 7th, 2008

    I agree to Aloe’s post.
    At my second day in SL about a year ago, a guy gave me L$500 and said: “Go shop and have some fun”.
    In remember of that, I’ve given away thousands of L$ over time to newbies. I earned my L$ on gambling when it was allowed, so what comes easy goes easy. In RL $1 isnt much, but in SL its new hair, dress or boots. It makes a big difference.
    Be nice to the newbies… /me smiles.
    Oh, dont IM me asking for money – It dont work that way!
    Have a nice day/night in SL!

  2. you might know me

    Apr 7th, 2008

    Many advice columnists have a great hint when you want to meet someone in RL: Skip the bars, and go to church, social club, or attend a class. Someplace where people talk and you can impress your new neighbors with your erudite wit. In SL, search for “Discussion” events. After a few chats, you’ll find that witty grrl-nerd who can whisper things in IM that will send RL goosebumps all over your body.

    Anyone can buy a ton of xCite and hot hot clothes and skins. But the ability to make that connection from their mind to their fingers to your display to your mind…that’s the truest online experience.

    That’s not to say you can’t find one dancing on a pole someplace. I don’t hold how I meet people in SL to how they are in RL–this is a place to try that weird fantasy life we sometimes wonder about.

    In SL I’ve found a few–very few–avatars who can do that. I hold them dear. I’ve met most at discussions, a few at a popular 24/7 bar at a sim named after the capital of Ireland. And one is an SL Herald reporter–whom I met when she was pole dancing.


    Apr 7th, 2008

    SL. The ultimate show of vanity.

  4. Pie Psaltery

    Apr 7th, 2008

    The first time I met Marilyn Murphy she said to me, first thing mind you “Here, let me help you get your tits out from under your chin” or something to that effect. Mostly I just remember she dissed my tits. I was kinda pissed off with her for a while but secretly I’ve always thanked her for helping me get my tits out from under my chin.

    So this is just a public thank you. My tits thank you Mari.

  5. Just Me

    Apr 7th, 2008

    @ you might know me

    guess what ? I DO know you, you green thing you !

  6. Just Me

    Apr 7th, 2008

    I know a successful model in SL who wears a freebie skin and created her own shape. When asked about where she got the skin, she changes the subject .. and she’s always getting compliments on it. (No, it’s NOT the CS Malibu Brown, before you ask)

    If you’re new (less than two weeks), you can get a Hair Voucher at Calla and get your selection of any hair in the store. Also, there’s a freebie hair place at the Hairspray sim with lots of nice stuff.

    For clothing, just search for Freebie and go to Vienna Freebies, Freebie Beach and Freebie Island. You’ll have more clothes than you can wear in months .. for no cost at all , or for L$1 each. There isn’t as big a selection for guys , but there’s a lot for them there too

    Learn to mix and match …. those slacks don’t have to be worn with the shirt that came with them. That dress top might go well with a different skirt. Experiment !

    When you finally have some L$, invest in some nice basic/never goes out of style stuff at places like Style Starts Here (men and womens clothes), Blaze (mens clothes), or any of the nice womens places. Don’t overdo it .. buy little, but buy quality .. just like in RL.

    As far as places to meet people, go to a building class, to a play or an art gallery, or to a live performance. While you can meet someone nice in a strip club with naked girls on dance poles, people howling at the top of their lungs, and mindnumbing music playing, you’ll have a lot better luck in a park, sitting on a beach, etc and talking to people …. make conversation, get to know people, don’t try pickup lines .. just TALK. It’s the same as RL, folks, honest it is! LOL

    It doesn’t take much to look good … but most importantly, work on your PERSONALITY ! You can look like a troll or a dragon if you want but if you come across properly, how you look won’t matter.

  7. Penance Sautereau

    Apr 8th, 2008

    My first week in SL, nice folks stocked me up with over $5000L worth of stuff. I was denoobed pretty quickly.

    I in turn de-noob people happily whenever I can.

    Oh, um, You Might Know Me, out of curiousity…. which club was this Herald Reporter dancing at?

  8. Aya Pelous

    Apr 8th, 2008

    When i first started out on my first AVIe, this woman gave me things and 300l, I had NO clue what i was doing when I first started, and now I am forever grateful for what she has done for me. on my third day of playing SL, I got some cheap hair with that 300 L, and bought a black dress and found the CS malibu skin in a box. I got my first job looking like that stripping, and I made ALOT of tips looking the way I did.

    Now my noob look may not be there I do know where my roots come from, and for that I always help out them whenever i get a chance. Sort of like a Pay it foward type of Deal, and when I am not working in SL or in RL, I am a Mentor on Help Island. If anyone ever needs help…Just IM me Aya Pelous

  9. anon

    Apr 8th, 2008

    cos i am retarded and don’t understand ‘cos’ is not a word durf

  10. MoxZ

    Apr 9th, 2008

    Here’s a lurve story for you…

    I met my partner in a sandbox. I was a total Ruth newb. I was cussing loudly about my ugliness, and he just walked in on my scene. He told me I was cute. He gave me some clothing from his inventory and in my haste to change, I ended up naked. He politely turned his back. He was one month older than I but smoking hot! Then he gave me some $L and told me to start with some hair. He even showed me where to go and he ended up my very first friend on the list.

    We stayed close friends and talked to each other often. He witnessed my transition from newb to schmexy, and after 3 months of friendship he asked me to partner.
    The moral of this story is, even as a Ruth if you let your personality shine, you’ll find your someone special too.

  11. Minx

    Apr 9th, 2008

    When I first started exploring SL, I was determined to ‘keep it real’. No expensive finery for me, thank you very much…

    But… over time, my ideas about SL changed. Sure, we may all be ‘beautiful’(cue Christina Aguilera back ground music)no matter what they say… but I think the amount of time and effort, and yes, $L you put into your avatar can say a lot about who you really are.

    Just like RL, your appearance DOES matter. Even if you’re no model… quality and attention to detail in your exterior sometimes means quality inside.

  12. Ava Cartier

    Apr 9th, 2008

    LMAOade! He turned his back. Did you ask him about his camera angle.

    You’ve been LIED to!

    Besides, isn’t that just stupid?

    I’m just sayin’.

  13. MoxZ

    Apr 10th, 2008

    Well Ava I would venture to say how stupid it is would have some relevance to your age. You sound like you might be in your 20s. Back in the olden days there was this thing called chivalry. And it was not dead.

    WTF…anyway, you think maybe he got off peeking at my nakey Ruth bodeeee? LMAO *snort*

  14. Pounamu Kohime

    Apr 14th, 2008

    It’s unfortunate that the same biases in RL exist in SL. No matter how much we want to believe it’s a fabulous new world breaking the boundaries of racism, sexism or any-ism the same levels of cliqueness and exclusivity abounds. It only takes one rejection to be transported back to high school and once again you’re that unattractive, unpopular nerd girl/guy struggling to define and like yourself in a vacuous sea of Barbies and Kens.

    No amount of Lindens or flowing Gurl 6 hair will give you style (and I’m NOT knocking Six Kennedy’s great hair). That’s what many avies lack imho. The best looking avies to me are not necessarily the sexiest or even the most beautiful, it’s the ones that are unique with an innate elegance and attitude that shines. Ladies, don’t buy flexi hair that drags on the ground or is far too ‘big’ for your av’s face – it becomes then not just an accessory but a separate entity worthy of its own SL account – besides that look is just too Dynasty for words! Must you have mammaries that defy the laws of gravity, does ‘in proportion’ mean anything? Guys, don’t customise your body so it looks like a triangle with shovel sized biceps and hands. The list is endless of fashion faux pas – blinding bling, lifesaver sized lips, legs that start at the neck, skins that everyone wears, mismatched trash mix n match, ho clothes with 12 inch boots or stilettos with walking sounds no less, unless you’re a hooker or stripper AVOID! Please people, just relax, tweak and shop smart till you find the look that’s right for you. Think class, not arse!!

  15. Laika Hykova

    Apr 17th, 2008

    SL’s build/edit tools give us a vast amount of choice with our fashions, and even some bottom-rate bargain bin stuff can be made to look right fashionable with a few tweaks. Thankfully, most of the clothes found in freebie markets are full-perm, so an ugly sweater can easily be made into a cute halter-top with a little touch-up.

    Also, don’t be cheap. When I started, I bought about $10 worth of Lindens, and it was easily one of the best investments I’ve made recently. For the cost of a movie ticket or a drink in RL, you can afford an entire wardrobe in SL.

    Remember, it’s not just about looking good for OTHER people. It’s about looking good for YOURSELF. When you’re comfortable with your char’s look, it makes for a far better game experience.

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