The Alphaville Herald

Everett Linden Exposes Penis at SL5B!!!

by kris on 04/07/08 at 11:12 pm

Linden staffer discovers PG-Penis — leading in-world economic indicators turn strongly positive

by Kris Dibou & Pixeleen Mistral

Marble PG-P OK, wooden boobs– no way! Game gods roil virtual commodities markets

The first signs of an economic turnaround in the mining industry were evident today, as the overseas futures market in marble textures went wild. The cause? A reliable source informed the Herald that Everett Linden was role-playing a game god when he accidentally gave the OK for David’s wedding tackle to flap in the SL breeze- for him to disrobe his probe- for his banan-o to go commando- indeed, for his totem to tan on his scrotum.

As news of the PG penis TOS workaround spread across the metaverse, certain anti-communist columnists and long time supporters of in-world decency averted their eyes — but the more pragmatic residents rushed to buy options on a few select texture vendors specializing in marble and granite. Given the expected demand for the rare PG-P (PG Penis), the smart money says the fashionable virtual man-about-the-metaverse will soon be sporting a marble chubbie sculptie – driving up the stocks of both classic sculptors, and virtual marble miners.

Meanwhile, the economic prospects for logging concerns in snow sims looked bleak as wooden textured nipples continued to be nixed by Linden Lab, with a number of sources citing the danger of adults pretending to be children seeing the banned boobs in PG rated land.

While a depressed timber industry in the snow sims continue to struggle, marble miners seem to be emerging from a prolonged in-world economic recession. The surprise turnaround was sparked by this conversation, recorded for posterity by several bots who got lost on the way to a their job camping at a deserted virtual shopping mall. The recovered conversation went as follows:

[19:07]  Marianne Levasseur: What is the call for genitalia on classical style sculptures? Non sexual, textbook copy of a roman/greek statue?
[19:07]  Nanao Mahfouz: Ken doll. :p
[19:07]  Marianne McCann: I know where you are
[19:07]  Miyabina Susanti: Yay Ken!
[19:07]  Janey Bulloch: is a pg sim
[19:07]  Skippy Beresford: this is a joke right?   are we honestly debating this at this point?
[19:07]  Talia Tokugawa: david?
[19:07]  Kat Claxton: apparently
[19:07]  Shoshana Epsilon: I got that one approved by Everett Linden.
[19:08]  Giela Delpaso: HAHAHAHAH
[19:08]  Janey Bulloch: no genitals
[19:08]  Lacey Peterson: chop it off its a disgusting body part and should never be seen ever!

Unfortunately, it seems that an important point was missed in the discussion – this was not just a question of David’s penis, it was also a question of Art’s nipples. While the marble mining lobby has clearly turned this issue to their advantage, some observers were surprised that so little consideration was given to topic of allowing big wooden nipples on sculptures, rather than concentrating on banning David’s penis. Few would suggest that anyone just ‘blow-off’ David’s penis, but Art’s nipples and the virtual logging industry seem to need support. Now that SL5B is nearly over, the Herald staff hopes that in the name of economic equality, Everett will drop David’s penis, and and turn his attention Art’s breasts — the loggers could use the money.