Uri meets Pixeleen — In Real Life!
by Alphaville Herald on 30/08/08 at 2:50 pm
by Urizenus Sklar
Pixeleen not only rocks Jurassic technology, but is self-identical
It wasn’t easy. Month after month of failed attempts at google stalking. Stringing together clues from the writings of Prokofy Neva and Deadly Codec. It was all for naught, until three months ago I caught a break. A man named Louis Cyphre contacted me and gave me an address in Minnesota. I caught the next plane to Minneapolis but was too late – Pix had moved on. Further inquiries among her neighbors pointed me to North Carolina. Armed with my new batch of clues and some additional information from Mr. Cyphre, I followed her to North Carolina, to a string of abandoned apartments, always arriving on the scene just days or even hour after she had moved on leaving behind nothing more than an empty bottle of Jolt or a duct taped canine. And then the trail ran dry once again. But just as I was about to give up, I had the good sense to crash a tri-delt sorority party at UNC, where I met a sorority sister named Epiphany that looked for all the world like Lisa Bonet, and who not only knew Pix, but provided me with directions to Pix’s cabin deep in the woods. I mean really fucking deep in the woods. And there I found her.
Pix was not what I expected, which is to say that she was not a 300 pound trucker. She was comely in the way that Mary Tyler Moore and Marlo Thomas were back in the day. But that was just it; she was trapped in a 60s sitcom That-girl sort of time warp. And her house was full of Jurassic technology. I’m not talking about the eight tracks and the LPs, I’m talking about the computers – Apple II’s strung together in parallel (somehow she was using this to run the SL client, well no wonder she crashes all the time). An old Univac mainframe was open with wires and tubes exposed like the guts of a recently eviscerated possum (on my mind because she butchered an opossum and roasted it for dinner – opossum is delicious with cheesy grits, by the way).
After dinner we sat and drank moonshine, played croquet in her back yard, and listened to her bootleg tape of The Shaggs performing live in their dad’s mobile home. As we listened to their moving rendition of “My Pal Footfoot,” we looked at each other and in an instant we knew what we had to do. We slipped into our furry suits, diapered up, and started yiffing like Lindens. The press could stop for this one night. For this was one of those rare nights when the virtual became real.
Afterwards as we lay together in the musky aroma of perspiration soaked synthetic fur and overheated costume-internal cooling fans we spoke, and the exchange went like this:
Pix: Wow Uri, you were awesome. You never told me you had two cocks.
Uri: Standard issue SL Military equipment babe, but there’s something else I have to tell you.
Pix: What’s that Uri?
Uri: I am self-identical.
Pix: So am I, lover, so am I.
MAGIC JOHNSON
Aug 30th, 2008
Uri finally found his left hand?
Sigmund Leominster
Aug 30th, 2008
No! I am Spartacus!!
Blandford Snook
Aug 30th, 2008
No! I’m Spartacus!
Alyx Stoklitsky
Aug 30th, 2008
I don’t even know what I just read.
Spartacus
Aug 30th, 2008
Excuse me?
Razrcut Brooks
Aug 30th, 2008
The above gobbledygook is Uri’s clever way of letting everyone know he and she are ONE. Do not fall in love with Pix unless you are comfortable with the man behind the mask…..
Tizzers Foxchase
Aug 30th, 2008
Peter Ludlow is an anagram of We Trolled Up.
Tizzers Foxchase
Aug 30th, 2008
“The above gobbledygook is Uri’s clever way of letting everyone know he and she are ONE. Do not fall in love with Pix unless you are comfortable with the man behind the mask…..”
“Now ‘why a thing is itself’ is a meaningless inquiry (for—to give meaning to the question ‘why’—the fact or the existence of the thing must already be evident—e.g., that the moon is eclipsed—but the fact that a thing is itself is the single reason and the single cause to be given in answer to all such questions as why the man is man, or the musician musical, unless one were to answer, ‘because each thing is inseparable from itself, and its being one just meant this.’ This, however, is common to all things and is a short and easy way with the question.)”
—Metaphysics, Book VII, Part 17
Sigmund Leominster
Aug 30th, 2008
Could be even cleverer
The phrase “self-identical” means one thing in linguistics (Uri’s one those and so am I), but it has a different gloss for Marxists who read Hegel. To the Hegelian, “self-identical” means “lacking in any internal contradiction and is therefore abstract and motionless and generally isolated from connection with other things..”
So in that sense, Uri and Pix could actually be declaring their separateness, in that if each is “self-identical” with himself/herself, then they are also “isolated from connection” as the definition goes. Ergo, they are actually different people.
Of course, there is also a wonderful phenomena in human psychology called “apophenia”: the tendency to see patterns where none exists. Uri and/or Pix tosses out this piece of Open Work text (c.f. Umberto Eco – a not unknown semiotician) knowing that the Herald readers will fall over themselves interpreting the “meaning,” when all this article really is is a textual Rorschach designed to mess with folk’s minds.
As David St. Hubbins said in “Spinal Tap,” “There’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.”
Pat Harlow
Aug 31st, 2008
Foxchase trying desperately to be relevant.
So sad, so sad.
General Drama
Aug 31st, 2008
lol of course…. there are no women on teh internets….
Alyx Stoklitsky
Aug 31st, 2008
Everywhere and nowhere, Tizzers?
Alyx Stoklitsky
Aug 31st, 2008
@Pat:
Tizzers has more relevence in her little finger than you will ever have in your entire cowardly Banlink-as-a-weapon regieme.
Silly Me
Aug 31st, 2008
That is a 1970′s Univac Marketing Add, I breifley met the model.
General Drama
Aug 31st, 2008
“We slipped into our furry suits, diapered up, and started yiffing like Lindens.”
Best line of the story. A whole new interpretation on the classic song about doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Was that song just about people getting raunchy doggy style, or was it really about yiffing in fursuit?
Protip: When ANY political regieme is openly mocked by the general population for their perverse sexual habits, you are one step away from outright revolution. Guaranteed.
Myrrh Massiel
Aug 31st, 2008
…the revolution has passed; long live the revolution…
deadlycodec
Sep 2nd, 2008
lol’d
Mony Markova
Sep 3rd, 2008
No! I am Spartacus
LAWL
Sep 4th, 2008
Wtf is this bullshit? Nobody cares. Try writing something of substance.
Damn furries.
just another self-enamoured SL
Sep 4th, 2008
Did anyone else notice that all the while Sigmund is smugly going on about how this is a test for the plebes here, he takes the test himself?
*stifles giggles*
Angiolina Pfeffer
Sep 6th, 2008
What a sweet story. I love happy endings.
Now, *I* immediate thought “self-identical” had to do with something I’d been wanting to try to get started as a movement withing the metaverse, maybe starting a group devoted to it: “SL Twincest.” You and I put on the same skin adn shape and have at it. I’ve approached a couple perople wiht the idea but had no takers. And yet I feel it would really catch on.
Curious Rousselot
Sep 8th, 2008
I don’t really care what the article means. It was a great read.
Mukatsuku
Sep 13th, 2008
at least there’s an Angel Heart reference
Razrcut Brooks
Jan 17th, 2009
……hmmmmmm now this cryptic article makes a little more sense!!!!!!
Regardless of who you are Pix, I like you and the Herald—even w/ all its its faults. The web of mirrors that is the interwebs ….fascinating indeed!