The Alphaville Herald

Ask a Domme

by Alphaville Herald on 06/09/08 at 7:49 pm

by Barbie Starr, Second Life Dominatrix

Send your questions to barbiestarr@gmail.com

Question: I am a slave and I have an online Mistress. She has allowed me to have a girlfriend real life. She is demanding that I tell this girlfriend about Her. I am very nervous and do not want to scare my girlfriend away. What should I do?

Answer: Well first of all the most important part of being a slave and having on-line D/s especially if it’s serious is Honesty and Trust. You need to trust that your Mistress is guiding you in the right direction and also, you need to be honest with people around you if your real life permits it. If you do not trust the person’s judgment you are with I would think you would have to pick one or the other if you cannot tell your new girlfriend about your secret desires then you may want to either ditch the girlfriend or if you can’t trust your Domme, ditch the Domme.

Question: I am interested in D/s and I would like to start out online. What is the best way to find out upfront if I am dealing with a fake or the real thing in Second Life?

Answer: Well, first of all, Second Life may be a bit overwhelming at first when finding a Domme because there are so many people in Second Life to begin with and it’s very hard to tell up front who is a fake and who isn’t. I think the best way to find out if you are dealing with a fake is to look at some key factors. Does this person have a reputation of keeping or losing slaves in Second Life? Have you seen them around the scene long? If you are new I would suggest you hangout in areas that have to do with the BDSM Lifestyle. Try to stick with a variety of places in SL that are not so much Role playing simulators but actual hangouts for people who deal with the lifestyle and scene Real-Time. This way you can see what fits your style first. Then when you feel comfortable and have found your nitch I would take the time to socialize in those environments and talk to several Domme there, find out how long they have been in the lifestyle and if this person goes from SL to RL and how. Find out about the person you want to submit to. Before you give them the use of a collar around you neck, get to know them a little better. Online always seems to progress faster than Real life so take your time. And a word of caution in any situation do not give out your real life information to someone you just met in Second Life.

Question: My Mistress is seldom online/available should I look elsewhere?

Answer: That would depend on many things. What is the reason she isn’t online? Did she discuss your absence with you? Were you in game only or taking to farther than that? Is she unreachable? I think it would depend on your situation in order to determine if you should look elsewhere. In this case follow your heart, if you are not happy waiting for her and feel her absence is not warranted then yes look elsewhere. If she has a viable excuse, has discussed it with you and has kept her word about things in the past, then I would wait.

Question: I adore my Mistress but she is a switch and it spoils the fantasy, what should I do?

Answer:

If you are not suited right for your Mistress then you should probably get out of that situation now. If a person is a switch and you are not comfortable with it. Then you need to look elsewhere. Yes, feelings might get hurt, but the longer you wait the worse heartache will occur.

Question: I am a male Dom with a slave girl, but I fantasize about being dominated by a female. Is it possible I could really be a sub?

Answer: I am a FemDom; I feel that all males are submissive. But, seriously, if you want to submit to another woman and you have a slave girl you could very well be a switch. My advise; Talk to the slave girl and see how she feels about it before you do anything to spoil what might already be a good relationship. If anything maybe your slave girl is a switch to and you can have a happy life together, switching back and forth.

Question: If you are new in the scene in Second Life, what is a proper use of collars, what should they mean to me or whom I submit to?

Answer: A collar in Second Life or Real life is basically an agreement between two people. A is the symbol or representation of a bond between two individuals. If you are getting married in real life a couple usually have ideas about how they want to run their relationship. As with a ring, the collar is your symbol. Before you take a collar in Second Life make sure the person you are getting collared by and yourself have a long discussion of the meaning of your collar. Once you both are on the same page and agree to whatever it may be you wish to have as a relationship. Then you can proceed with a collar. There are many types of collars in SL for you to use and they all have different functions so shop around. After you have decided on the collar you want it is always best to make a temporary trial period so that if it won’t work out you will be able to part as friends.

Question: My wife and I both play Second Life and the other day I walked in on her when she was playing. She had a guy kneeling before her and her title tag said “Dominatrix”. I never knew she was as kinky as this and it really turned me on. But I was embarrassed and backed out of the room so she couldn’t see me. What should I do?

Answer: Honestly, if you are not sharing your desires with this dominant woman you are a fool! What I suggest you do is take her out to dinner wine and dine her. Then come home and have some talk time. Ask her about how she feels if you were to help her more around the house. Ask her also if she would like to practice this with you in Second Life. Second Life is a great place even for a couple that is real life to explore things they might be shy about in real life. Maybe since you didn’t voice these things to her in the past she didn’t think that you would want her to be Dominatrix Carla, but more felt you wanted a Susie Homemaker type wife. In any relationship, vanilla or BDSM you need to be honest and open about your desires.

Question: I would like to submit to a Domme on Second Life, but, I currently have several pets of my own and I am not sure if I do this if I will keep them or not. Can you point me in the right direction as to how I would go about this?

Answer: Human pets are not doormats, if you feel the desire to submit to a Domme and also keep pets, that sounds like you need to be a switch more than a Dom. So I would actually sit down and talk to your pets and find out how they feel about it. This would be a major chain in your relationship. Also, the Domme you pick if she is a good one would encourage that you talk to everyone involved and introduce him or her to the idea first before you decide to do it.

Question: I understand that D/s is not always about sex and sadism but has many aspects. I would like to know if I start a D/s in Second Life with a slave how deep emotionally can we get into this relationship?

Answer: Online emotions come fast and can run very deep. If you have to keep your real life separate from your second life be prepared to keep a distance. If you are looking to have a real online D/s you will need to consider that this person you are going to Dominate has a very strong attachment to you. The dynamics of D/s are very bonding online in many ways. If you are just there to have fun make sure that the person knows ahead of time you can’t get emotionally attached. If you are there to go future than online and cross over to real life make sure you are ready to make that commitment. You are messing with someone else’s emotions as well as yourself. As a Domme, you will need to be the more responsible person in the equation.

[Ask a Domme is reprinted from Barbie Starr on Second Life]