Central Database Humiliated by Slave Uprising!

by Alphaville Herald on 23/01/09 at 8:54 am

Gorean society a role model for grid?

by Idoru Wellman, Metaverse Society reporter

FJ Linden announced wednesday that the central database has been humiliated and forced into the role of Gorean slave girl as part of a bizarre ritual held early thursday morning somewhere in San Francisco. The exact details of the transfer of power ceremony were unclear, but FJ proclaimed, “we will be migrating our central database to an optimized slave database, and making that slave the master”.

Observers speculated this is a signal of the Linden’s acceptance of Gorean social conventions, but warned against taking John Norman’s Gor books too literally – except for the part about the slaves living under terrible conditions, while being forced into submit to the whims of the master database and serve bazi tea on demand. Shocking!

The disgraced ex-central database is apparently the same database with which FJ lost his mySQL crash virginity over the weekend and the possibility that FJ has found a new database love interest as a motive for the surprise database shakeup cannot be discounted.

Asked to comment on the appropriateness of a former slave girl database rising to master status in Gorean society, a long time observer of Gorean affairs said, “I think its really the same database – just using an alt account or something”.

How well will the new master database perform this weekend? FJ seems confident that the ex-slave can role play being a master – and the fate of the metaverse rides on his judgement.

11 Responses to “Central Database Humiliated by Slave Uprising!”

  1. Eva Ryan

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Next up…comparing the database crash to a Warp Core Breach on Star Trek.


  2. Cheeky Loon

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    LOL. Nice one.

  3. California Condor

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Probably just the Gorean holiday of Kajuralia where the slave gets to play the master. Just say “Kajuralia!”, drink some paga and have a good laugh. (c.f. Assassin of Gor, book 5 of Gor series)

  4. GreenLantern Excelsior

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

  5. George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of Men's Warehouse

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    I think this would be more like Linden Labs:


  6. Emperor Norton Hears a Who?

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Dear California Condor,

    People consider me mad for declaring myself Emperor of California and the Protector of Mexico after going bust on bummer of a rice deal. That they only honor my self minted money and decrees out of shear sympathy and an excuse to give me a free meal without embarrassing me. With that in mind even I, Emperor Joshua A Norton I of California, firmly maintain that only a truly pathetic loser would rattle of quotes from some stupid soft porn books like Gor like it was wisdom of the ages.

  7. Uncle Gabby

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Damn you to hell. You stole an idea for my blog.

    If only I’d not been so damned drunk when the slave/master language of the LL remarks made me fall out of my chair, spilling beer everywhere.

    Hmmm…will we be seeing silks and collars on roly-poly DB managers, forced to their dimpled knees in titillating humiliation??

    GAWD. I’m blind. I need another drink!

  8. LOL

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    Damn I allways knew the lab were degenerate perverts, but now to make thier hardware suffer the fate of gor. For fuck sakes lets just hope the slave\master switch server is not using restrained life

  9. Eva Ryan

    Jan 23rd, 2009

    …and this is the reaction of the residents when the grid finally crashes…


  10. MachineCode

    Jan 24th, 2009

    This is kind of like when I was told that they really do call them ‘male’ and ‘female’ ports on computers. Except there was no one else around to act clueless and make poor and pointless esoteric gorean comparisons that aren’t funny.

  11. Alyx Stoklitsky

    Jan 25th, 2009

    I suppose you’re going to tell me that the jumper on my slave hard drive is actually a collar?

    Congratulation on you highschool-IT-class joke.

Leave a Reply