Mob Attacks Second Life Vice

by Alphaville Herald on 28/04/09 at 10:49 pm

by Miss Petunia Amaryllis Courtney Taliaferro, SL League of Decency

An overflow crowd recently gathered to protest vice, depravity, and bad taste that mark the current state of Second Life. SLOD reserved a PG region (there being no G regions, sadly) and came well armed against any roaming perverts. 


Overflow crowd demands end to Second Life vice – supports coercive interrogation of avatars

Many speakers, taking the lead from my organization, called upon Linden Lab™ to begin coercive interrogation of avatars caught “in the act,” so that a List of Those Who Must Be Lashed™ can be made available to the Linden Beadles™ who will soon be roaming all regions of Second Life, including Pervert Island™, the new concentration camp adult continent. These stalwart doers of the public good will employ my own creation, the Expunge-O-Matic™ permaban system.

The zenith of our gathering was the appearance of none other than the sensitive and talented Septimus Severus Legume, the greatest poet alive in any virtual environment. Mr. Legume read many of his heart-rending verses, including my favorite, “He Who Must Be Burned to a Crispy-Crisp”:


Stand fast! Stout heart
For we stand apart,
Upon the slippery shoals of shame.
We ponder there,
As we prepare,
To expunge an ignoble name.
For his life of vice,
He will pay the price,
For we know who to blame.
With tar and feather,
We shall punish together,
That oozing pustule, Jumpman Lane.

When the reading ended, we continued the festivities. 

Well fortified with cups of Earl Grey, table-water crackers, and a wheel of smoked Gouda, we started a fire with piles of Lane's “magazine,” then burned him and other coarse and depraved individuals in effigy.


Famous poet Septimus Severus Legume

11 Responses to “Mob Attacks Second Life Vice”

  1. Stephie

    Apr 29th, 2009

    It’s a shame Jumpman himself wasn’t there to be thrown into the e-flames.

  2. Adric Antfarm

    Apr 29th, 2009

    The monocle was a bit easy, but the rest is great.

    I need to get a gram of whatever you are on.

  3. Urizenus Sklar

    Apr 29th, 2009

    >For we know who to blame.
    >With tar and feather,
    >We shall punish together,
    >That oozing pustule, Jumpman Lane.

    So beautiful I wept.

  4. I have suffered for my art.

    Now it is your turn.

  5. Jumpman Lane

    Apr 29th, 2009

    hehehe i got TWo tuxes look better that that freebie shit he got on! i’m gonna getmeh editrix Ms Can Flo to put a foot in petuna’s dumpy ass!

  6. LOL

    Apr 29th, 2009

    @Miss Petunia Amaryllis Courtney Taliaferro

    You little Book Burning party looks to me like Nazi Germany just prior to WWII. Sig Hiel you Fat Bitch

  7. Jumpman Lane

    Apr 30th, 2009


  8. Pappy Enoch

    May 1st, 2009

    Jumpman, Miss Petunia Amorous Courtyou Tallyho mite be an ol’ prune, but she am Hell on Rollurskates when she gits a notion in her head.

    She mite crash wun o’ yore hootanannies wif Slut Mag if’n yu ain’t kareful.

    But they ain’t no thing as bad pubelicity.

    Wun dark lil’ cloud in this purty picture: maybe she wants yu fo’ sum heavy-luvin’ fun. Look out! Run fo’ the hills!

  9. Jumpman Lane

    May 1st, 2009

    oh and uri please quit usin your pappy enoch alt too! until you learn how hillbillies reall talk. hehehehehe

  10. Archie Lukas

    May 6th, 2009

    That’s a Duvet your wearing there right?

    is that moral cover up of your shape or is it bloody cold there?

  11. “That’s a Duvet your wearing there right?”

    Actually, it is a handmade silk promenade gown handed down from my Great-great Aunt, the Marquessa Calixta Matamoros y Legumbres.

    I must drape my queenly form to conceal it from the prying and salacious eyes of the lowly who slink about the gutters of the vast moral slum known as Second Life.

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