Enjoying The Erotic Flora of Second Life

by Alphaville Herald on 27/08/09 at 7:46 am

Searching the grid for plant-on-girl action

by Looky Lu

“Call any vegetable, and the chances are good,
That the vegetable will respond to you.”
- Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention — “Call Any Vegetable”

“Oh my. That looks promising.”

My girlfriend and I are exclusive. In the two and half years we’ve been together she has not only forbidden me other women, but in response to my persistent and hopeful inquiries has also banned my consorting with nekos, furries, vampires, lycanthropes, cuckolds, their bulls, horses, men hung like horses, men of average size, and men hung like gnats.

But recently it occurred to me that she has never, ever said one thing against plants! I set out to explore the possibilities. Having abandoned my usual red tresses and couture stylings in favor of a more crunchy-granola elfy nature-girl look, I arrived at what is arguably the most famous of Second Life garden spots: Chakryn Forest.

[not-safe-for-work erotic flora coverage continues after the jump]

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Chakryn Forest 

The forest is beautifully crafted by Andrek Lowell, and is owned by Bettina Tizzy, founder of the Not Possible In Real Life (NPIRL) group. I started there because, for one thing, I figured that though it’s not likely one could get effed by a tree in Real Life, perhaps these were NPIRL trees and could do the deed.

The second factor was size. Sometimes you hear that size doesn’t matter, but really guys….that’s just something we women say to make you feel better. I soon found a very large tree that was sporting some massive wood, and with trembling hands took off my leafy undies and assumed the position.

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Time passed. Luckily the ferns hid me from any patrolling Nudity Cops.

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More time passed. Evening approached, and as dusk turned to night, Igrew more desperate, doing my best to make the invitation even plainer.

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Nothing. Bah. I gave up and headed for home. That night I remembered visiting the sim of Svarga early in my Second Life existence, which boasted some applications of Artificial Intelligence (AI.) That’s what I needed: a plant smart enough to recognize the potential for pleasure in a pliant human maiden such as myself! Research soon revealed that Svarga is no more, but the creator has a new build called The Lauk’s Nest.  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Alviso/162/153/64

On arrival, I immediately saw signs of basic AI in the form of autonomous birdies. Cute!

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Feeling more hopeful, I found a secluded spot near a likely looking palm tree. Though not as massive as the previous day’s forest giant, he had a nice round shaft that was already standing up in an appealing fashion. I again got naked, assuming a position that I hoped would make my desires clear to even the meanest (artificial) intelligence.

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Again, time passed.

I sorted my Inventory for a bit… by now I was starting to suspect that “A.I.” stood for “Advanced Impotence.”

Having finished my Inventory management, and seeking other ways to pass the time, I began to IM friends I hadn’t talked to in months, telling them about my research. One of them said, “Looky….honey, baby, sweetie….if you want some plant-on-girl action, you need to go to Yggdrasill Castle.”

She helpfully provided me with a landmark, and I went straight to that venue with the seemingly unpronounceable name. The owner of Yggdrasill, Basil Slade, was kind enough to offer me this guide to proper pronunciation: http://www.thestonepentacle.com/project/words/yggdrasil/pronounce-yggdrasil.html.

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Yggdrasill Castle

It was late when I arrived at Yggdrasill, but my spirits lifted as I spotted the first of many unusual and exotic members of the vegetable kingdom. 

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Hmmm. This one was plant-esque, but the red bits looked a lot like tongues, and I suspected that things-with-tongues would likely be on my gf’s Ban List. I’m such a good girl.

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“A pod of some kind,” I thought. “It might make a good place to sit.” 

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Holy cats! The thing grabbed me and got busy. Very busy! Soon another thick tendril joined the first, this one taking a (ahem) ‘back door’ approach. I tell ya, people…it’s a very good thing that avatars are hollow, because if I had had real internal organs they’d have been more whipped up than the fish-in-a-blender in Dan Akroyd’s old “Bass-O-Matic” sketch from Saturday Night Live. By the time that thing was done with me I felt both shaken and stirred. Whew.

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In the mood for treatment a bit more gentle, I approached this pretty blossom. It turned out to be made by the team of Merry and Minx Mousehold, who sell this and other such scripted pervy devices at their Sensual Stoneworks store.

To my delight, this flower turned out to be rather loquacious, and as it slowly enfolded me in its fragrant petals, it began to speak.

[16:04]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: You lay back into it's petals, enthralled with the movement of its tendrils…

Isn’t that sweet? Well, things didn’t stay sweet for long!

[16:04]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: As you struggle in confusion, you never notice the tendril that slides forward between your thighs…
[16:05]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: …making sure you never notice as one of its roots wrap around your midsection and hold you tight…
[16:05]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: …and slips a honey-slicked probe into your exposed pussy!

A female scream was heard. Oh my god, was that me?

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Holy moly! This creature was more energetic than the first. It’s hard to tell here, but the animation was nicely scripted, with my struggles and flailings becoming more frantic as the bloom had its way with me, punctuated by the occasional scream. 

[16:05]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: As it plumbs the depths of your pussy with solid, steady strokes, it barely registers when you feel a second tendril slide wetly into your ass…
[16:05]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: You whimper as the probe drives harder, it's stalk pulsing and bulging with the effort of fucking you…
[16:06]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: It begins to become frantic, pounding itself into you as it tightens its grip…
[16:06]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: You feel the probe expand, stretching your tortured pussy even more, and suddenly contract!  White-hot wetness fills your belly as honey pours into you, filling you to overflowing.

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Blech. Honey all over your correspondent. What a mess.

[16:06]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: As the flood subsides, you feel something left deep inside you.  A final gift from your strange lover…
[16:06]  Lurid Lilly Pink whispers: It slows its assault on your pussy, but does not stop.  As you relax into its grip, you feel its strength begin to return, and it speeds up once again…

After three or four hours of this treatment my body was finally slick enough from the repeated applications of honey that I could slip from its grasp, and totter back home on unsteady limbs to fall into a deep and blissful sleep.

I thought my saga of vegetable viscosity was over until the next week when I noticed a change in my usual sleek shape.


Oh no! And worse yet, the ultrasound…


…revealed that I’m going to give birth to a Cobb Salad.

What will I tell my girlfriend then???

18 Responses to “Enjoying The Erotic Flora of Second Life”

  1. Kati

    Aug 27th, 2009

    I giggled. Because I act like a 12 year old and sex with plants is funny. :D

  2. archie

    Aug 27th, 2009

    Archie fires up his turbo powered plant strimmer……

    Brmmmmmm brm rrmmm

  3. Looky Lu

    Aug 27th, 2009

    I’m just glad the author never used the word “whoreticulture.” That would have been tacky.

  4. Govi

    Aug 27th, 2009

    As the g/f in residence, I endorse this product.

  5. At0m0 Beerbaum

    Aug 28th, 2009

    What the fuck did I just bear witness too and why do I have the urge to smash my monitor in?

  6. JustMe

    Aug 28th, 2009

    Sensual Stoneworks sim has all of these, and many more, items.

    Those of you who have been around for awhile might remember their Unicorn, which presents you with a baby unicorn after the appropriate length of time ‘assuming the position’. Also, try the “Lurker Within’ which is a tentacle monster behind an innocent looking wooden door. Not to mention the spider, stone creatures, etc etc !

  7. LOL

    Aug 28th, 2009


    I wonder will Linden lab be moving all the florists of SL to the Adult Ghetto now?

    Also just wanted to say, ANYONE who thinks SL is not full of perversion and sex… YOU ARE A RETARD

  8. MachineCode

    Aug 28th, 2009

    You are scraping all the way through the barrel’s bottom and threading the lead pipes and sewers with your journalistic trowel. The approach and sarcastic demeanor mean nothing when the article is about something so immensely mentally deficient.

  9. corona Anatine

    Aug 28th, 2009

    It is one up on a cucumber or banana for ‘plant on girl sex’ I guess !

  10. Skye D.

    Aug 28th, 2009

    Hehe, cute article. Birth to a Cobb salad…*snerk*


    Aug 28th, 2009




  12. Archie Lukas

    Aug 28th, 2009


    Don’t sit on the fence man, just say what you really feel!

  13. Johannes Faust

    Aug 28th, 2009

    Whoreticulture? Nah, my first thought was “Where’s the pollen shot?” I want a sequel where she’s properly pollinated.

    My second thought was that Looky was secretly appalled and totally lost the mood when the Lurid Lilly Pink revealed such disregard for the difference between “its” and “it’s”. A girl’s got to have some standards!

    My third thought was “How nice to end it with food porn!”

    (Feeeeed me, Seeeeymour! Feed me all night long!)

  14. The Grown Ups

    Aug 28th, 2009

    This article is brilliant.

  15. Looky Lu

    Aug 28th, 2009

    I’m not too concerned about giving birth to the salad, but that fork does worry me a bit…

  16. Farmetta Funster

    Aug 29th, 2009

    And they say that horticulture is a safe hobby for young ladies!

  17. General Drama

    Aug 29th, 2009

    As founder of Plantae for the Ethical Treatment of Archaeplastida, I take offense to this broad abusing the members of our kingdom without their consent.

  18. Connie Sec

    Sep 15th, 2009

    You don’t give me flowers….anymore.

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