by Alphaville Herald on 09/01/10 at 8:06 am
Shocking overnight account death toll!
by Senban Babii
Frightened Facebook users believe avatar hit squads are to blame for mysterious mass disappearances of e-friends from the popular MMO data mining operation social networking website's friends lists this week. Thisreporter can confirm that 45-50 people on her friends listvanished in the night – survivors who contacted the Herald report similar and sometimes far higher account death tolls. The mass account murders were discovered when Facebook players woke Friday morning to discover friends list sadly diminished. Had targetted accounts been dragged out of bed in the middle of the night by hit squads,taken out to a local area of wasteland, and quietly executed?
Despite the previous relatively laissez faire attitude, somethingchanged overnight. Facebook's avatar killers did not allow those being executed time to say final goodbyes to their family and friends. In thewords of one survivor "It would be nice if they at least let us knowfirst, so we could message our friends and explain". This sentimentwas echoed by many of those left behind, blinking in the daylight asthey tried to make sense of the night's carnage.
Speculation regarding the mass executions has run wild.
One theory is that Facebook was merely enforcing its own Terms Of Service,although this makes little sense given that they have largely allowedavatars to act contrary to those terms and have even recently suggestedthat users lie on their profiles, providing fake details to protecttheir privacy. Another theory in circulation is that avatars must be removed because they provide little to nosaleable data – data-mining being one of the many accusations hurled atFacebook in recent years. Yet another theory is thatFacebook has been removing accounts of people who have created multiplealts, a technique used to gain unfair advantage in the many Facebookgames and apps that spam our walls daily. Whatever the truth, Facebookisn't talking, preferring instead to simply erase unfortunate avatars fromexistence.
Those of us left face an uncertain future on Facebook. Will we be thenext to be woken up by a knock on our door before being found with apillowcase on our head in a chalk outline?