Second Life 7th Birthday

by Alphaville Herald on 22/06/10 at 11:30 am

Fake cake & hot date with the fortune teller 

by Pappy Enoch, Famous Fake Banker & Star Reporter  


I done up and gone to the 7th birfday party for Second Life. I heared from Mistophur Au that the pictures o’ nekkid gals was tossed out, but you knows SL. Who needs pictues? I’d find me some gals who mite want to git wild wif a famus feller like me. 

I showed up and hoo whee! The first thing I done spied were a gal’s butt-nekkid hind parts. Dang it but no photo. Anysohow, I knowed then I were in the rite place, PG or not.  

I figgered they mite even have them a log-ride, which are the best part of a fine-art show where I come from. 

Part I: The Art Work 


I started my hard work with some art work. Here it am: some dang prim-thing that don’t want you touchin’ it, like any human person would hanker to do near artwork. 

Don’t touch me whispers: I did not want to be touched Pappy Enoch.

Pappy Enoch: awwww I are so dang sorry

Touch me whispers: Thank you for touching me Pappy Enoch.

Pappy Enoch: hoo whee

Don’t touch me whispers: You keep touching me…

Pappy Enoch: yep. Reckon I should touch you somewhar else?

Don’t touch me whispers: You keep touching me…

Don’t touch me whispers: You keep touching me…

Don’t touch me whispers: You keep touching me… 

(and so on. I touched the rascal till it busted, then hit on ol’ “Touch me”) 

Touch me whispers: One touch was enough…

Pappy Enoch: dang this are a dumb ride. where in the hell am the log-ride? 

Part B: Talkin’ to the Partiers 


So I done give up on the art then and went looking’ for pretty gals. Didn’t take long. 

Pappy Enoch: howdy ma’am’

Sexy Hostess: hi Pappy:) Welcome to Prim Perfect. I don’t work for them, but sometimes I build stuff for Prim Perfect

Pappy Enoch: I works for the Herald tho–so I are here on business too! How am the celebration goin?

Sexy Hostess: well, it’s pretty laggy at the opening I reckon:)

Pappy Enoch: I are a low-renderin’ sort o’ feller! What am your hopes for the next year in SL?

Sexy Hostess: mmmm, that is a good question. I’m afraid from all I’ve been hearing that things are only going to keep going in a direction I’m not really interested in…I’m not a Facebooky type.. .I really enjoy the immerisve aspects, and building here in SL.

Pappy Enoch: Facebook? Me neither. I ain’t even got me a phonebook (or a phone)

Sexy Hostess: those things seem like they may be jeopardized somewhat by the direction Linden Lab seems to want to take SL

Pappy Enoch: I sho hopes SL keeps bin’ fun.

Sexy Hostess: if it stops that.. heh, I expect people will gravitate away to other platforms that provide it;)

Pappy Enoch: yep, I’ll go back to drinkin’ and prison. 

Then I spotted me a name on the radar-thing: 

Close Range: Courtney Linden [21m] 

Won’t no flyin’ monkey but a sexy gal! In clothes, dang it, but it took a spell for them to rezz, don’t you know ;)  

Pappy Enoch: howdy ma’am. This sho is a good birthday party! I works for the fake newspaper, the Alphaville Herald

Courtney Linden: Hello!

Pappy Enoch: Any words o’ wisdom for our readers as to what they needs to see here? I know y’all gots a big shindig planned for the folks

Courtney Linden: Oh, sorry! I’m getting lots of IMs at the moment. :-)

Courtney Linden: Yes, we’ve got 21 sims of fun stuff going on!

Pappy Enoch: Hoo whee that AM bigger’n Jethro Bodine’s lunch box!

Courtney Linden: If you want to see what’s going on each day, check out the Resident PR blog. I’ll grab the URL for you. Hang on a sec…

Pappy Enoch: thank’ee. Say, will Linden Lab do a Burnin’ Life this year too?

Courtney Linden: As far as I know

Pappy Enoch: I got drunk and fell in the fire last year…so I needs to go agin :)  

So then I moseyed on over to an Irish spot and realized I didn’t ask her about the log-ride.  


I figgered I mite git rip-roarin’ drunk and find me a wild redhead gal to call me “Danny Boy” or somesuch before she kissed my Blarney Stone. But there were only a feller there. Dang it. But they had them a jargantick cake. 

Pappy Enoch: howdy. Git yo’self some cake. Now if’n I could get me drunk on some Guinness, THAT would be furst-rate.

BlueSean Yiyuan: good with the cake :)

Pappy Enoch: you been in SL about the same about o’ time I been in. What you seen change?

BlueSean Yiyuan: there are very different than our generation

Pappy Enoch: how so? gals prettier?

BlueSean Yiyuan: I think they are expecting a more awesome finish product, and they don’t understand that second life is built by residents

Pappy Enoch: one look at me and you’d reckon they’d know that ain’t the case. 

Part III: I gets me a hot date! 

Pappy Enoch: This spot looks more like my kind o’ place

Fortune Teller: Hi Pappy welcome to HOBO

Pappy Enoch: just like home don’t you know

Fortune Teller: oh yes

Pappy Enoch: I were searchin’ for a log ride but this am first rate

Fortune Teller: i love your outfit. Its so HOBO

Pappy Enoch blushes and says “I tries to keep up with fashion don’t you know”

Fortune Teller: hee hee

Pappy Enoch: ya’ll tellin’ fortunes?

Fortune Teller: oh yes I’m madame middi at your serivce

Pappy Enoch: hoo whee at my service!

Pappy Enoch: I need to know if’n I will be rich an’ famus

Fortune Teller: well first you need to get the goody bag

Fortune Teller: its near the talking pumpkin

Pappy Enoch: hot dawg 

Hobo Jack o’ Linden 4/9/09 owned by Fortune Teller gave you ‘Ideational Quoter’   

Pappy Enoch: Jack o’ Linden ain’t no kin to Jack Linden, am he?

Fortune Teller: OH no heaven forbid :)  

Things were a-goin’ my way in the court n’ spark department, so I figgered I mite git me some advice qwik from a head in a bubble they got: 

The seer in the ball beseeches thee: Your sensuous side calls to you. Indulge. Taste and touch are the key. Find pleasure and build on it for your own joy. 


Fortune Teller: oh my

Pappy Enoch: That am true. I been that way since I done got out o’ prison

Fortune Teller: oh yes i believe that

Fortune Teller: Now I have to book a date with you to do a free tarot reading for you

Pappy Enoch nearly faints

Fortune Teller: it will be about the past, present and future

Pappy Enoch: yes’m I needs, um, “advice” sum’fin fierce

Fortune Teller: good i am sure i will be able to shed some light on your problem

Fortune Teller: do you realy write for the Herald?

Pappy Enoch: Yes’m…hold on a sec I kin show you my credentials :)  

I done showed her how I begun that-there fake bank. It were just the right thing! I got me a date! 

Fortune Teller: i keep my word

Pappy Enoch: Me too–especially to pretty gals

Pappy Enoch: you know you got Pix’s best reporter–I done won me the Pullet Surprise!  

(then I done touched that dag-nab head in the bubble one mo’ time) 


The seer in the ball beseeches thee: A person from the past re-enters your life. Be careful. They must learn to trust you again. 

Pappy Enoch: oh oh–my Sister Jezz I reckon! 

Well, that were only DAY ONE! If’n I dodges Jezz long enuff I reckon I am a gonna git me a happy ending when my cards git read!

11 Responses to “Second Life 7th Birthday”

  1. Pappy Enoch

    Jun 22nd, 2010

    PS Y’all: I done forgot me one thing. I needs advice befo’ my date. What in the Sam Hill am a “tarot reading”?

    Are it (as I hopes) actin’ out scenes from one o’ them-there love-picture books? Ya’ll knows–the one wif drawings of fellers an’ gals all bent into them love-knots? Camel sum’fin or other, I think it were called.

    Ol’ boy down in Galax at the Fiddler’s Cornvention one time telled me them love-books come from sumwhere called “the Mystical East.”

    I ain’t never been east o’ Danville so hell if I knows.

    Anysohow, come what may this am better’n bankin’ any ol’ day. Git over to that 7th birfday par-tee. They mite not be no #8.

  2. Pappy Enoch

    Jun 22nd, 2010

    Now the sexy Fortune Teller gal done said I could share a SLURL wif y’all so’s you can talk to that head in the bubble and git a card-readin’ too, hoo wee!

    That am straight to the goodie bag wif all sorts o’ free stuff. Git it, ya’ll!

  3. Sinead McMillan

    Jun 22nd, 2010

    @pappy enoch “I heared from Mistophur Au that the pictures o’ nekkid gals was tossed out, but you knows SL. Who needs pictues?”

    would you say that’s funny, though?

    (anny culture?)

  4. Sinead McMillan

    Jun 22nd, 2010

    i am not saying that you support that kind of attitude.

  5. Sinead McMillan

    Jun 22nd, 2010

    uh, drunken, but content is okay

  6. It's Unfixable

    Jun 23rd, 2010

    SL7B was one big yawn. Pappy’s write-up was the best part of the whole thing.

  7. Tesseract Toxx

    Jun 24th, 2010

    Hee Haw and Merry Christmas! Pappy is the best!

  8. hobo kelly

    Jun 24th, 2010

    Wellsum sumtimes I think ole Unfixable outs themselves as sum kinda alien from outer space sayin’ things like sl7b were a yawn. It were one o’ the biggest hootenanys I ever dun seen. It dun took me two whole days to see that thar whole thing. An it were crammed chock o’ block full of good stuff from hundreds a people.

    Pappy, they sure enough do need ta pay ya more fer tenderin’ fine stories like this here one, what wif pictures too, and whatnot. It were definately On the Road wif Pappy Enoch at the fair. You dun walked right up to that thar Linden and started engagin’ the enemy just like nothin’. Had ‘em coughin’ up strategic infos an everything. Sweet.

    I was just kinda lookin around and takin’ a few pictures too. I was just kinda standin’ thar. Mindin’ my own business you might say, lookin’ around takin a few pictures. When all of a sudden I just about got run over by one of them thar floatin’ Tram Cars. Fer them what don’t know, they have some floatin’ Tram Cars that go around the Birthday Fair. They travel all over and um take about an hour ta go all the wayz around and all…

    But them Tram Cars ain’t too smart. Iffen I hadn’t dun moved it would have run me down sure enough wif out shakin’ two sticks together. That damn Tram dun gave me an idear fer some fun right thar. Next thing ya know I gots me my own Floatin Tram Car and I was goin down that thar line…

    Tram dun rhymes wif Ram and thats what dun happened hardly before ya knew what were even goin on. BLAMMO. I were sittin real comfy ridin along in my Ram Tram, seein’ all them thar sights that thar is to see in that big Birthday Fair. So many streets to turn down, so much junk to see. But just as I thought I was on easy street fer an hour next thing you know some dumb sombitch were standin’ smack in the middle of the road right where that durn Ram Tram thought it had the right-o-way.

    Well that durn Floatin Tram car just ran him down like nothin flat. I felt a bump was all as all that thar fake iron and steel Tram just subducted that dum hapless accident victim right underneath that thar Tram. Knocked him down and ran him over. I seen him come out from under it all flat as I snuck a look back… He werent lookin too good at that point.

    Next thing you know, the blood were barely dry on that thar Tram car hull what when another obstacle presented itself to that thar Killer Ram Tram from hell. Sum fancy gal who were wearin’ one of them thar big hoop skirts were just standin’ thar. In the middle of the road. In the middle of the road she were just standin wif that big colourful old fashioned hoopskirt dress on. Best move maam’ cuz the Ram Tram frum Hell dun has its own mind about things, like goin forward and all…

    Welp, it dun happened. You can about imagine it before I even have to break the awful news I reckon. Yep. That thar Ram Tram dun knocked ‘er down right on her arse but that weren’t the worst part I reckon. After that hungry Tram from Hell dun knocked her down, it dun run ‘er over and subducted ‘er right under that thar tram only her big ole hoop skirt acted like a natural scoop once she were down and that thar front of the Tram done locked into that hoopskirt like it were made fer it and I’ll be go to Heck iffen it didn’t drag that poor gal fer the better portion of a whole sim before she dun dislodged at that thar sim crossin’. What can I say? That thar Tram had a mind of its own…

    Wellsum I thought, that kind o’ comedy lightnin’ only strikes once or twice at the most so youall can imagine my surprise when another gal, kinda of a tall skinny hippy type this time, were just a standin’ there IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, in the middle of that thar road, and fer sum strange reason, maybe it were that funny cigarette she bees bein smokin’ but her arms were a flailin’ all around in some kind o’ dance or sumthin’ but her arm dun got lodged in one of them windows on that thar Ram Tram and next thing ya knows I gots me a hippy bein’ dragged along side, just a runnin real fast at full Tram speed. I reckon that was cuz she wanted to keep her arm and all. Welp, she was flalin’ and flappin’ and runnin all at the same time until she done bumped into this Shifty lookin’ guy.

    That shifty lookin guy were just standin there all innocent and all, dreamin his dreams, sendin’ his prayers up to that thar Spirit what watches over that thar fake world, I reckon, when all of a sudden along comes me and that thar Ram Tram what wif Hippy Girl in tow, and by heck iffen she didn’t slam right into Shifty Guy, at what time she dun come unstuck from the Tram.

    I reckon that thar shifty guy dun thought his prayers were bein’ answered in instant karma fashion or sumthin’ cuz as soon as that thar Jittery Hippy Girl done land in his arms, it weren’t five seconds befer he started talking all this French to her and makin them little happy faces what cut across most language barriers I reckon. I had to chance me a look back to see iffen she was slappin him or strappin him, but all I could see were the newly formed couple just standin there, receding into that thar fake parallax of an unfashionable corner of that thar SL7B birftay party, as my Tram dun moved on…

  9. It's Unfixable

    Jun 24th, 2010

    Pappy Enoch in fine form. Good stuff.

  10. Pappy Enoch

    Jun 24th, 2010

    Hobo, I shoulda warned you about goin’ to that-there fake fair drunk. But even if’n you was sober, which I doubt, they ain’t no sense in lettin’ fellers like you an’ me within a mile o’ no mersheens. I kin bust stuff by lookin’ at it hard.

    To set sum facts straight: I were a-tryin’ to get me a date wif Courtney Linden–she am a little ol’ hot hot hottie rite out o’ hotville. But no dice.

    Just as well, I reckons. Them office-type city gals don’t know how to deal wif no natural-born man who was born 8′ tall in his bare feet in that fake world they done made.

    But the fortune teller gal says she likes my story. I sho’ hopes she don’t end up wif no prim babies. I still gots me a wheelbarrow full o’ the ones I done found that time.

  11. Wolf Baginski

    Jun 28th, 2010

    Girls vary.

    I could tell you about what Freya did to get field-commissioned as a Warrior-Priestess, but then I think she’d have to kill you.

    She changed my life, but it’s been worth it.

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