Pony Linden Fed to Zombies
by Alphaville Herald on 31/08/10 at 11:36 am
Last “Whinny” For Beloved Fake Animal
by Journey Yellowlist, Herald PETA Desk
My earlier speculations were not mere hyperbole. Pony Linden, the fun-time animal from simpler times in Second Life’s fake world, has been killed off in the back-to-basics campaign Philip Linden launched when Mitch Kapor gave the boot to M. Linden stepped down as Linden Lab’s CEO.
Pony was a shared account for the Lindens, who used the animal to provide rides to new residents back when Second Life was considered hip and, occasionally, fun. When Linden Lab employees were permitted simply to goof off, for the enjoyment of those who populate the grid they would also show up at events as Pony.
Following a report by Tateru “finger on the fading pulse” Nino, this reporter searched in-world and found that Pony Linden’s account had indeed been deleted.
All reports that Pony Linden may have been involved in some twisted “Pony Girl” pornographic simulation are completely unfounded. In fact, the truth is far more brutal than a ball-gag and a set of sequined traces. And it could hide a darker story of zombie infection.
Figuring that the Lindens would need to dispose of Pony’s prims after its account got erased, I set out to find any remains of the equine bringer-of-smiles. After combing the back alleys, sewers, hillbilly encampments, and dumpsters of the vast ghettos bordering Governor Linden’s posh properties, I first found hints of an awful truth, then a veritable scene of horror:
I was, at this point, attacked by a group of typically lame Second Life prim-zombies. I managed to blow them all to festering bits before making my escape. Thank the gods of the fake world for a well rendered version of an M1911A1 and many rounds of .45 ACP ammo. Good in a pinch, and more sporting, when a shotgun isn’t available!
Could the Lab be covering up an infection that turns blingtards and fake-bikers into flesh-eating fiends? Or is the Lab merely cutting costs in a desperate attempt to stay afloat?
What is next, Linden Lab? Will you begin abducting random avatars to sell to Zindra perverts or Gorean Masters who pay your bills when Mr. Kapor withholds your allowance? Or, darker still, are you making an army of zombies from the accounts of those who abandon your fake world? Could a hostile acquisition of OpenSim grids, or simply their devastation by the prim undead, be afoot?
Mr. Rosedale, Herald readers, as temperate and well-mannered a bunch as you’ll find among the population of fat naked men sweating in basements, demand an answer.
samantha
Aug 31st, 2010
Emerald killed pony, Just saying. bummer
Little Lost Linden
Aug 31st, 2010
I had my suspicions. It is my firm belief that the Fussy Campers ate Pony Linden for dinner. And seeing the photos here only prooves these suspicions:
http://thebotzone.net/2010/06/07/tasty-marshmellow-treats-fussy-style/
This is a sad day indeed. The Fussy Campers must be stopped.
Gundel Gaukelei
Aug 31st, 2010
Emerald can has pwny linden now
Darien Caldwell
Aug 31st, 2010
LL tried putting Pony Linden into the ‘Cloud’. However they discovered that sadly, she wasn’t a ‘My Little Pony”, and thus couldn’t fly.
Oh the Humanity!
Coke
Aug 31st, 2010
You know who else liked killing ponies?
Hitler.
Pappy Enoch
Aug 31st, 2010
It are a waste o’ good hoss-flesh, feedin’ it to undead rascals when fake human people goes hungry.
Edna
Sep 1st, 2010
I have reported this post to Peta.
Dave Bell
Sep 1st, 2010
I’m now getting spammed by several SL Militaries, offering bodyguard services.
Ted
Sep 1st, 2010
What a shame, we do wonder if ponies themselves can dance on the pole in the attic that Linden reserved for special people. We can only hope not , and that Linden themselves worship the pole they offered to others. It was stated, it was prophesied, that Linden will indeed meet what they had offered. And to say the opposite would make one not in accordance to the will of …. well, let’s accept it. It’s called destiny to those with a simpler way of understanding.