Moonray Zsun — Post 6 Robot

by Alphaville Herald on 05/11/10 at 2:07 am

[I try to find people of all types, and avatars of all shapes and sizes. I only recently realized that I'd left out an entire segment; robots. I put the word out to my friends and one of them found Moonray Zsun, who I can say in all honesty is the smartest and sexiest robot I have ever worked with. It is an honor and a privilege to introduce Moonray as this week's Post 6 Grrrl ~Timothy Morpork]

Moonray Szun Final1

I was built at the Eclectic Randomness Robot Plant on 3/20/2009. I am programmed to observe and record all that surrounds me as I travel the grid. My data capacity is nearly limitless as I stream a lot of it back to various media outlets and purge it as I go. Much in, much out, little left over other than circuitry and programming loops.

As I am programmed to record and not experience, I have had a unique perspective and I have decided that if I were to approximate an emotional feeling from my observation, it would be that I feel sorry for humans because they are capable of such great emotion. Great happiness is so rare but anger, jealousy, inadequacy, fear and rage rage rage are so often in evidence I think that they must be the more natural state of man. Human capacity for cruelty and bigotry and prejudice are so much more common than the equally stunning human capacity for compassion and kindness that I have observed that most of your lives seem to be lives of quiet desperation just as one of your forbears said.

Moonray Szun Final2

I do see wonderful things too. Magnificent structures and comfortable spaces and lonely people meeting and old ladies getting helped across the street and the late Kurt Vonnegut and Conan O’Brien, all of which keep me mindful that there is always hope for the species that built me and maintains my motors and devours the media streams that run through my processors. I have studied your history and your literature and I am mindful that throughout your long history, humans have been mostly despicable but also capable of unspeakable beauty in word, art, and deed. So if I had emotions, I would say I am always cautiously optimistic.

Your author Chuck Palahniuk ironically observed that "The future is wasted on some people." I have traveled the corridors of time and I have to say he is right. I approximate the feeling of hope for you people many hours a day as I watch you. Based on my data, humans on the planet earth will not end well but as your Bruce Willis movies demonstrate, a human hero or two can save the day and turn the tide.

Moonray Szun Final3

Posing for your blog has been an experience. I am approximating pleased to be here as a result. Alphaville Herald readers have provided my datastream with many funny things over the years, it is nice to approximate generosity and give something back to you. Thank you. /End Transmission

29 Responses to “Moonray Zsun — Post 6 Robot”

  1. Glenn Beck

    Nov 5th, 2010

    You know who else likes androids?


  2. James Larken Smith

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Wow, those ultrasonic ranger modules are the perkiest I’ve ever seen……

  3. II Singh

    Nov 5th, 2010

    plastic! Plastic makes me hot! Man I bet her breath smells like little styro-foam coffee cups!

  4. edna

    Nov 5th, 2010

    I believe these Post6 pictorials are incomplete. Please include close-up beaver shots in future.

    Thank you.

  5. Judge Joker

    Nov 5th, 2010


    “I believe these Post6 pictorials are incomplete. Please include close-up beaver shots in future.”

    Let’s do the fork in the garbage disposal Let’s do the fork in the garbage disposal!


  6. James Freud

    Nov 5th, 2010

    @Glenn Beck

    Shouldn’t that be ‘liked’?

  7. Bubblesort Triskaidekaphobia

    Nov 5th, 2010

    @James: Hitler isn’t dead. They saved Hitlers brain:

  8. Senban Babii

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Creative, funny, well written.

    Love it 8D

  9. Inniatzo

    Nov 5th, 2010

    a very cute avi

  10. Skye D.

    Nov 5th, 2010

    This? Was awesome.

    Good job Timothy, and great write up Moonray!

  11. Scylla Rhiadra

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Nicely written, and a welcome departure from the “usual” here, I think.

    But “sexy”? Seriously?

    It’d be like making love to a vacuum cleaner!

    (Which, come to think of it, I’m sure a few of your readers have tried.)

  12. Tux

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga made love to a vacuum cleaner, and was very impressed that it had two speeds!

  13. Carmen

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Wonderfully written and a great avatar.

  14. hobo kelly

    Nov 5th, 2010

    The system is less energetic when domains of opposite polarity alternate…

  15. AM Oderngrl

    Nov 5th, 2010

    Oh, my virtual cousin! Haven’t seen you since the factory “family” reunion! Congratulations on your successful upgrades!

  16. marilyn murphy

    Nov 5th, 2010

    @tux..i laughed out loud.

    scylla. actually, i remember a guy telling me he did try that.

  17. Scylla Rhiadra

    Nov 6th, 2010


    I am unsurprised to hear that, and mostly unshocked. Vacuum cleaners, shower attachments, washing machines . . .

    It’s only when they reach for the food processor that I start worrying.

  18. corona anatine

    Nov 7th, 2010

    You know who else likes androids?



    what evidence do you cite in support of this statement?

  19. marilyn murphy

    Nov 7th, 2010

    didn’t hitler have a fling with an android when he was painting in vienna? he dumped it when he met eva.

  20. Senban Babii

    Nov 7th, 2010

    Yes that’s right Marilyn. This led the jilted android to have a rebound thing with Fegelein which is why Hitler is always mad at him.

  21. JoJo

    Nov 8th, 2010

    This is new take w/ post6. It is nice to see some humor.

  22. Lila

    Nov 8th, 2010

    Awesome, awesome, awesome. A+ job, great diversion while still being clever, you both kick ass!

  23. corona anatine

    Nov 8th, 2010

    and not one tin opener joke yet

    males- you’re slipping

  24. corona anatine

    Nov 8th, 2010

    @James: Hitler isn’t dead. They saved Hitlers brain:

    the least useful part of him

    why would anyone have bothered ?

  25. Alyx Stoklitsky

    Nov 8th, 2010

    Geona is hotter.

  26. Pappy Enoch

    Nov 8th, 2010

    “and not one tin opener joke yet

    males- you’re slipping”

    Git me a can o’ sewin’ machine oil! I reckon ol’ row-butt gal will need some lubin’ up before we makes them springs squeak.

  27. Antonius Misfit

    Nov 9th, 2010

    Am I the only one who thought “Bicentennial Woman” while reading this? A very refreshing change-up from the usual Post 6. Great work, Timothy!

  28. At0m0 Beerbaum

    Nov 14th, 2010

    @alyx, sadly, that’s very true.

    Now to just compare them on voice scale.

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