The Alphaville Herald

The Triumphant Return of Jimbo Quality — Part 2

by Alphaville Herald on 04/02/11 at 3:17 am

Jimbo Quality Finds a Home: the boring part in the middle of a three part series.

by Jimbo Quality, haiku master and munitions technician

After awakening from my year long slumber and finding the Herald offices gone, I was happy to see my invisible friend Jeebus log on. He was surprised I was awake, I was surprised he was visible.

We went to get some food but I found myself penniless. All those years of high rolling had taken their toll, and with gambling and camping for cash now banned, the Lindens had taken away my only sources of lindens. Jeebus said “Don’t worry, I know a great place for fish, and their bread is the shit. It’s on me.”

In fact, Jeebus bought lunch for everyone there. I asked him where he got such a big wad and then remembered that Jeebus saves.

Jeebus saves

At lunch I told Jeebus about my troubles. After that, nobody knew the trouble I’d seen, nobody knew but Jeebus, but he wasn’t convinced I was right.

Jeebus:  I think the Herald is still there, I think they’ve done pretty well since you uh, fell asleep. They’ve cracked a couple of huge stories.

Jimbo Quality: Don’t be ridiculous. I saw the field where the office used to be. It’s been, sanitized. It smells fresh. They even got rid of that foot funk smell.

Jeebus: I mean the blog, I think it’s still there, and really, they’ve had a great year or two, there was the JLU story and the Emerald viewer story…

[My look must have let him know that he had started talking gibberish because there was a long silence and Jeebus went back to his meal]

Jeebus: Maybe you should, uh, resurrect the blog, Jimbo, they uh, haven’t run a story about anyone’s butt in ages.

That was a great day, it’s so nice to have a friend in Jeebus, but the next day, I was down again.

I couldn’t keep mooching off my one friend and without gambling, camping and the Herald, I wouldn’t have any income. Then it hit me like a bolt of lighting, and, having been hit by lightning, I know what I’m talking about.

I would get the band back together. I would reunite the Herald Staff and resurrect the Alphaville Herald. I was doing my happy dance when none other than Justine Babii logged on. I IM’d her immediately.

Jimbo Quality: Justine, you have to help me I’m getting the Herald back together again, come and rejoin the team.

Justine Babii: Hi Jimbo! Long time no see, sweetie. I hope you’re doing ok.

Jimbo Quality: Really. We have to get the Herald going again, it needs stories about butts and Post 6 girls and we’ll get paid in emeralds.

Justine Babii: Funny you should say that Jimbo, I’m doing a story about adoption agencies and you should see the enormous bottoms on some of these avatars!

Jimbo Quality: Stop talking nonsense. Will you come back or not?

Justine Babii: Well I have already, I started writing for it again a month or two ago.

Jimbo Quality: Seriously, stop messing with me, will you come back?

[Editrix Note: Conversation redacted, this went on for a long time]

Justine Babii: Of course Jimbo, how about if I write about some avatars with huge asses?

Jimbo Quality: I knew I could count on you.

My plan was launched. I would accost them all. Pix, Jessica, Tenshi, Prok. I would drag them back. Ok, maybe not Prok, he kind of freaked me out.

I could picture the new Herald office building they would build. It was bigger than the old office and it would have a lot of little rooms with lots of nooks and crannies that I could curl up in. And Jeebus would come hang out. And the new office would have lots and lots of windows in case that goddamn bird from the last place found us. Maybe he’d brain himself on one of them. I could almost smell the new office smell in my mind.

Tacgnol is much better than goddamn bird

Then, once the office was built, they can all go do their blah blah blah writing stuff I have a place to live. Win-win.

But speaking of butts, I was having problems with mine. I am known far and wide for my resplendent glutes- in fact my whole modeling career is based on them, but at that moment I was having a rather uncomfortable experience when sitting. It felt like a pimple was growing on one of my delicious, supple cheeks. I shrugged, chalking it up to sleeping in a field from 2008 to 2011. Even a super buttocks would probably need a day or two to recover from that.

Then, Pixeleen logged in.

Jimbo Quality: I’m getting the band back together

Pixeleen Mistral: Hey Jimbo! How are you doing today?

Jimbo Quality: Not good, I have a pimple on my buttocks and the Herald office is gone.

Pixeleen Mistral: There is a Herald office, in Jessie, the original combat sim.

Jimbo Quality: Really?

Pixeleen Mistral: It’s more of a bunker than an office building.

Jimbo Quality: Does it have a place I can sleep?

Jimbo greets his new roommate – a massive underwater Turing machine in Jessie sim

Miss Pixeleen then TPd me to Jessie. Now, I’ve been pranked a few times, like “Hey Jimbo, there’s a pile of lindens out there in the middle of the street, are they yours?” and Tenshi’s famous “Pull my finger” jokes, so I was prepared to jump clear if I landed in the middle of a battle or a NASCAR race or something, but it turns out there really is a Herald Office in Jessie.

Miss Pixeleen was remarkably nice and gave me a tour of the place and said I’m allowed on the furniture and everything. There’s a flying black cat named Tacgnol and there’s a massive computer in the bunker that she called a Turing Machine. I said that that would be handy for when people write travel stories for the new blog. She ignored that and said:

Pixeleen Mistral: Well anyway – feel free to hang out here, but be careful – sometimes people will shoot you, or the bombs get set off. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t press that button.

Jimbo – don’t push that button: before and after

Once the wreckage was cleaned up and I had located my hair again, I decided that the Herald Bunker would definitely do. It wasn’t as nice as the swanky office I had imagined, but it would definitely do. Now if only that damned pimple on my butt would go away, life would be perfecto in Jimboland.

To Be Continued……