Steve — Post 6 Adonis DNA Tigerblood Boil

by Alphaville Herald on 10/03/11 at 3:35 am

[I was standing in my studio when one of the most repulsive avatars I have ever seen skittered in on little malformed legs. I immediately recognized the oversized and overbearing head, with its uncanny resemblance to Charlie Sheen’s Id, as belonging to the boil that had recently afflicted Herald writer Jimbo Quality. I had no intention of allowing it to be a Post 6 model, even after two beautiful twins dressed in Green Lantern costumes followed him in, but his argument that Post 6 had never featured a talking skin affliction, combined with his threats to attach himself to me, won me over. Also, for the record, he likes to be called Steve. ~Timothy Morpork]

Jimbos Boil Final1

When I was a mere irritated follicle and Robert Downey was arrested with a hooker in a Wonder Woman costume, I knew I would one day top that. Here I am, two hot Green Lantern chicks later, winning. What do you expect? I have Adonis DNA.

It’s only right that I be here. I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry at my fingertips. Look at these sad trolls waving up at me in my jet powered F-18 of life, soaring over you like an eagle over a turd. I am going to win every moment because I have tigerblood.

Jimbos Boil Final2

I know, I can’t help but be excellent, born as I was on the magnificent glutes of a legend, and after all the balm that Jimbo applied to me, people think I’m on drugs, that this isn’t real. Well let me tell you, I am on a drug, it’s called Steve, and if you tried it, it would melt your face and make your children weep. This is not some cheap sideshow, it’s grandiose- I’m grandiose, I live a grandiose life. I am a rockstar from the planet Mars. It’s called winning, sorry.

Jimbos Boil Final3

And it doesn’t stop here. Post 6 will be my launching pad. Already I have grown from a irritation on a hair follicle to a pimple to a boil to a carbuncle to a sentient creature to a walking talking rock and rolling warlock that’s playing with the house money. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children. Change the channel, I dare you, you can’t, you need to see what Steve the Boil will do next, you want to watch me win.

I’m done. It’s on. Bring it.

12 Responses to “Steve — Post 6 Adonis DNA Tigerblood Boil”

  1. April Cordeaux

    Mar 10th, 2011

    I think I can see his lucky charms.I didn’t know they allowed
    leprechauns to be in centerfolds.

  2. Orca Flotta

    Mar 10th, 2011



  3. Obvious Schism

    Mar 10th, 2011

    This reminds me of “How to Get Ahead in Advertising”

  4. Peter Pedant

    Mar 10th, 2011

    Any good comedian will know when to stop.


  5. Pappy Enoch

    Mar 10th, 2011

    Git me a bigger hammer. That boil done growed itself a rite long set o’ legs! Hoo whee, this rascal will last about 10 minutes in the fake world befo’ one o’ two things happens:

    1) Permaban
    B) New LL CEO Material.

    Y’all choose.

  6. Darien Caldwell

    Mar 10th, 2011

    Charlie wouldn’t talk in such a calm manner. Needs more CAPS and Exclamation POINTS!!!

    OH, and those aren’t really twins, just two people with the same shape and skin on. Twins are special in RL because they are real identical copies of something that can’t be copied. Twins in the metaverse is just lame.

  7. Pappy Enoch

    Mar 11th, 2011

    Darien done writ,

    “Twins in the metaverse is just lame.”

    Not if’n they gots big cha-cha bingos so you kin play you some “four-blade propeller motorboat.” You kin buy you an anim for that.

    Hoo whee I needs to lay my poor body down after writin’ that.

  8. Oh noes

    Mar 14th, 2011

    This joke was overdone a long time ago.

  9. Orca Flotta

    Mar 16th, 2011

    “two beautiful twins”

    I look, I count, count again, shake my head.
    All I see there are 2 girls, 1 pair of twins.

    For the record: 2 twins = 4 individuals.

  10. General Drama

    Mar 17th, 2011

    So someone who is a twin is only half a twin? Sorry that doesnt work. It might work in your native language, it doesnt work in English, or Engrish.

    Two pair of twins = 4 individuals = 2 sets of twins.
    i.e. twins = plural = two people
    twin = one person….

    Ergo, “two beautiful twins” is proper english.

  11. Orca Flotta

    Mar 18th, 2011

    Ooopsy, yes, sowwy, you right. Doesn’t even work in my native of german. Me confuzzled head assplodes in a fountain of soft chewey cheese.

  12. ra ra rasputin

    Mar 23rd, 2011

    mhm.. cheeeeese.. but i second that.. dick or GTFO!

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