Second Life Can Fix Paul Ryan’s Marathon Lies!!!

by Pixeleen Mistral on 03/09/12 at 4:20 pm

Paul Ryan's shame and retroactive truthing with a virtual world

by Pixeleen Mistral -- sports desk

Paul Ryan's credibility has taken a serious beating over the last week, starting with a fact-challenged speech at the Republican convention, followed by the debunking of Ryan's claim to have run a marathon in under 3 hours - which left Ryan totally p0wned by mighty Runner's World. Yes, Scott Douglas - a muckraking journalist at the well-known bastion of leftist political fanaticism Runner's World went all crazed-ass rabid wolverine insane and tried to confirm Ryan's claims, found them to be false,  then asked difficult questions.

480px Paul Ryan official portrait
Second Life can fix this man's lies!

Runner's World discovered that Mr. Ryan had never run a "two hour and fifty-something" marathon as he claimed in a nationally broadcast radio interview with Hugh Hewitt. Instead, in 1990 at age 20, Ryan ran Grandmas Marathon in Duluth, Minnesota in a time of 4:01:25 - news that the Ryan camp reluctantly confirmed after the truth came out.

Is it true that sport doesn't build character, but instead reveals it?

But Second Life can help Mr. Ryan's under 3 hour marathon dream come true - at least in the virtual world. I'm sure someone can make a Paul Ryan avatar and have it run a virtual marathon. Afterwards, maybe the Paul Ryan avatar can act out a few of his other fantasies. Does anyone know how Mr. Ryan feels about baby unicorns?

Meanwhile, although the Romney camp has made it clear that their campaign will not be dictated by fact checkers perhaps there is a 3rd way? If a Paul Ryan avatar is run through a virtual marathon in something like 2:50, the Romney/Ryan camp could make the case that Ryan's apparent "mis-statements" have become retroactively true. Ryan might have just been experiencing a nasty case of time dilation when he was on Hugh Hewitt's show talking out of his ass.

Second Life to the rescue with retroactive truthing!

While many have written off Second Life - an aging game with a declining user base - Paul Ryan's shame may have helped identify a great new use the virtual world: retroactive truthing of false statements through virtual world role play.

This could lead to the sort of job creation Second Life's virtual economy could use. Imagine how many people will be needed to truthify the claims Romney/Ryan have already made, and we have months to go until the election. This should also play well with Mitt Romney if he just thinks of it as something like "baptism for the dead" or "proxy baptism".

There is clearly some precedent here. The Salt Lake Tribune reported in 2009 that President Barack Obama's mother was baptized posthumously into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so even if Paul Ryan isn't personally involved, it still might work. Could proxy baptism and retroactive truthing be why Linden Lab granted Second Life players the ability to use display names?

Still, it will be important to stage the imaginary marathon for virtual Paul Ryan soon, since Ryan's claims have outraged the all-important distance runner voting block - as I know far too well after enduring almost non-stop ranting from the Alphaville Herald's computer technician after the story broke Friday. Apparently runners care about their race times, and don't forget them. Who knew?

At the Herald, we try to make allowances for the foibles of the staff. Earlier this summer, our part-time computer technician Mark McCahill limped into the newsroom after running Grandmas marathon with a time of 4:01:52. This put the 56 year old McCahill within 27 second of matching the Ryan's race time - when Ryan was 20. I asked McCahilI what he thought of fitness fanatic Paul Ryan telling interviewer Hugh Hewitt "I was fast when I was younger, yeah".

Alphaville Herald staff and Paul Ryan have one thing in common: 4:01 at Grandmas

McCahill set down the old smalltalk compiler he had been fiddling with and said, "Pix, look. Sure, finishing a marathon is an accomplishment, but a 4:01 marathon is not a fast time for a 20 year old. Hell, I easily beat that last year. But let me tell you again about how nobody forgets the time of their first marathon or their personal best. Like back in 2003 at the Twin Cities Marathon..."

At this point, all I could say was, "Whatevs, dude - we can make anything true with Second Life - we have retroactive truthing now. Don't you have to go harvest bits on the server farm or something? I'm a republican now, and I've got a story to write".

joining the Second Life Republican party only takes one click

Contacting the Second Life Republican Party

And so to restore peace to the Herald editorial offices, I decided to log into Second Life and see what I could do to help save the reputation Paul Ryan. A quick search brought me to the Republican Party of SL headquarters, which was tastefully decorated with NRA News posters, The Controversial Truth posters, East Coast Conservative Podcast posters, and Romney/Ryan posters. Did the Koch brothers get a deal on Second Life poster board?

NRA News is available - so why won't my gun work here?

As I studied an NRA poster, I wondered if Second Life Republican party has been lobbying Linden Lab for a less restrictive policy on virtual firearms to align themselves with the real life Republican party's platform advocating unlimited bullet capacity in guns and "stand your ground" rights. Think of how much more fun Second Life would be if we could use push guns everywhere!

Imagine my surprise when looking at the land settings on the Second Life Republican plot I noticed that scripts, object creation, and push were all disabled. I hope this was just an oversight - how is my LOLCat minigun ever going to work if they lock everything down like this? Come on - this is supposed to be NRA country!

For the sake of ideological purity I can only hope the Second Life Republicans will show their commitment to the NRA by allowing game-play citizens to bear and use arms on their land. This is just like real life, so what could possibly go wrong?

the SL Republican leadership board

Putting aside the cognitive dissonance of not being able to exercise my 2nd amendment rights in Second Life by blasting away with a 100+ bullet magazine LOLcat assault rifle as I stand my ground while contacting SL Republicans, I worked my way up the chain of command and asked if there was party support for a virtual Paul Ryan marathon. Eventually I was directed to Tomasi Benelli.

Mr. Benelli was not online so I left him this note:

Hi Tomasi, Siverblade Dagger suggested I contact you
I'm concerned that Paul Ryan's mis-statements about his marathon time might cost the republican party the long distance runner vote but we might be able to turn this around - maybe we could set up a marathon in SL and have a Paul Ryan avatar run it in something like 2:50
what do you think? would that help?
let me know -- I'm trying to help

The next morning Tomasi Benelli replied, "In concept, that would help. In reality, it is doubtful that the people we need to effect would ever be aware of something done in secondlife. It would certainly be a positive thing so I would not stand in the way of doing it"

I am left feeling there is a clear path to redeem the reputation of Paul Ryan, although I'm not sure this will do much to convince others that the man that Charles Pierce refers to as a zombie eyed granny starver from Wisconsin is trustworthy - unless someone uses a Paul Ryan avatar to feed some starving grandmothers in Second Life. Hungry grandmas can wait though - I'm just trying to get the Herald's technical staff to stop complaining about the lying lies of Paul Ryan who lies. I really can't listen to much more of this whinging about race result lies.

So it is good news that the Second Life Republicans are OK with making a Paul Ryan avatar and running him through a virtual marathon in about 2:50-something. Now if we can just find a venue where NRA-compatible gun rights are available so anyone who feels threatened can use their push guns, the real fun can begin.

39 Responses to “Second Life Can Fix Paul Ryan’s Marathon Lies!!!”

  1. Bob

    Sep 3rd, 2012


  2. [...] Second Life Can Fix Paul Ryan’s Marathon Lies!!! ( [...]

  3. Edna

    Sep 4th, 2012

    Problem is that Paul Ryan is a republican. This means that if you made an avatar for him it would be nearly impossible to get it stay on course during the marathon. The man-boy love urge is so strong for republicans that the avatar would be forever running off-course in search for hairless, young, male pages.

  4. Edna

    Sep 4th, 2012

    P.S. Seriously on that being an “offically released” photo? Anybody remember the movie Slingblade? Dead ringer.

  5. Dontspill McGinnis

    Sep 4th, 2012

    What has truth ever had to do with Politics?

    I like my politicians sleazey, with skeletons in every cupboard.
    Every puff on a joint, and back room fumble is a plus in my book. At least you can trust in, and relate to, human failings.
    (or Dwarven ones for that matter.)

  6. Nalates Urriah

    Sep 4th, 2012

    You think the Republicans are the only ones lying?

    Who is truthifying the Dems?

  7. Bubba

    Sep 4th, 2012

    Pixeleen, go outside and get some fresh air.

  8. T-Bone

    Sep 4th, 2012

    T-Bone collapses in shock at a new Herlad post…and it even mentions SL….and even includes a login!!!

    Alas, this won’t affect the rest of the world in SL, who give a monkey’s cigar for US politics, which like most of the western ‘democracies’, are run ultimately by Israel, be it republican or democrat, conservative or labour, etc etc.

  9. David Cartier

    Sep 4th, 2012

    Doesn’t take long for the anti-semite tin-foil hat nutjobs to come out of the woodwork whenever politics makes a foray into Second Life.

  10. EndOfStory

    Sep 4th, 2012

    Don’t let your politics show Pix!

    Is this what they call “grabbing for straws….” in relation to something to blog about in Second Life?

    I say, EndOfStory

  11. GreenLantern Excelsior

    Sep 5th, 2012

    Paul Ryan: “The race was more than 20 years ago, but my brother Tobin — who ran Boston last year — reminds me that he is the owner of the fastest marathon in the family and has never himself ran a sub-three,” Ryan said in a statement. “If I were to do any rounding, it would certainly be to four hours, not three. He gave me a good ribbing over this at dinner tonight.”

    How much do any of us remember about specific events 20 years ago?

  12. GreenLantern Excelsior

    Sep 5th, 2012

  13. Tom

    Sep 5th, 2012

    The remark Paul Ryan doesn’t want you to hear

  14. hobo kelly

    Sep 5th, 2012

    are we playing the new ARG now?

  15. marilyn murphy

    Sep 6th, 2012

    so the herald has been missing in action for months and suddenly its a political blog? i can play that.

  16. marilyn murphy

    Sep 6th, 2012

    ahem. lets start with the dem-rep/left-right stuff. it does not exist. the whole thing is a sideshow to divert you from real stories and issues. watching that show, is like watching pro wrestling, only you dont beleive pro wrestling is real, do you. so you select a side, because you want abortions on demand or you dont want anyone aborting anyone. or you want a huge government safety net or a small one. then you get involved enough to talk about your insights with others. the problem is, if you do the due diligence, and learn and become informed thru time and effort, you find out that most everyone takes a position out of a lack of understanding or information. they take a position because their parents were republican. or they just like someone bettter than the other guy. policy is hardly ever talked about. the actual nuts and bolts of what is being done on capital hill, is a foreign language to most, even those involved in campaigns.
    i suggest people learn a few basic things that have the largest effect on our lives as americans in 2012. those things you should google would include, jekyll island meeting 1913. fractional reserve banking. how “money” is created thru debt. how the federal reserve, a private entity, not government, controls our currency. what baseline budgetary accounting practices are, and why the U S government uses it.

    ok, now if you learn those things, you would learn that “slashing” is code for, taking a percentage out of future spending. its also called a “cut” the problem is, this future spending it is being taken out of, lets say the next spending season arrives and they need another 1.3 trillion to cover all the bases, the cut actually means they wont be able to spend 100% of what they wanted to spend beyond the budget, using the upward curve, according to the baseline. so, there fore, they can increase spending by 40% and claim its a cut, because they did not increase the spending as much as they tried to. both parties do this, both parties are complicit in this. the inflationary spiral we find ourselves in, is a direct result of this careless misuse of the funds your taxes provide.
    do we see either party trying to address this? nope. did anyone even mention it once? not a chance. is either party anti war? no. i see the dems are sort of saying they will support the troops or something vaguely along those lines, but no one is saying, “stop. dont invade any more countries.” so we go from 9/11 to wmds, and now its all about iran wanting a bomb. perpetual war, perpetual inflation and recession. this is what our government, dem or rep, are doing to us. do i need to visit the patriot act, ndaa, and now the congress is working hard to come up with internet controls? all of these things are passed by a bi-partisan vote.

    i submit, that it matters not which party is in the white house.

  17. Avenger Chip

    Sep 6th, 2012

    Corruption and waste is rampant in both major political parties. No matter how honest is a politician, When he comes to power is abducted by aliens and replaced by a robot evil.

  18. hobo kelly

    Sep 6th, 2012

    I’m not sure that I know how to play this new alternate reality game but I will try. Here goes…

    Well… After reading this story here on the Herald I had to go over to the Republican Party sim and check it out for myself. I think the sim is named Sunset River but you should bring up search and type in Republican Party yourself. That way you get to laugh for a minute because besides the Republican Party sim being returned in your search query, there is another hit that comes back to a piece of SL fake property that is forsale in the BAKU sim. Heh, yeah, the Baku sim where you take your life into your own hands when you go there has a parcel forsale listed as being “unable to be paid for by its deadbeat GOP owners” or something to that effect. Yar har har. The baaaw has already begun. Ok mischief makers, we now have our landmark and its time for some field research so off we go to RNC headquarters… (whoosh teleport sound)

    (whoosh) Wow, coming out of the teleport at RNC HQ there right in front of me is that big elephant head that I saw in the Herald photo. Either I just happened by chance to beam into the exact spot that Pixeleen did, or this is the designated beam-in point for entry into the sim. Yeah, that last one.

    Its a very VERY nice looking sim. Everything neat and tidy. Really well thought out with a thin waterway around the outside edges, lots of realistic looking landscaping everywhere. It seemed to have about normal gravity and a big yellow sun. It looked a lot like the glade from “shore leave”

    When you first beam in to the sim you are in the main party caucus HQ room, with the elephant head photo, and the photos of the black guys saying how much they love the GOP and lots of chairs and a lecturn and lots of stuff hung on the walls to read. You can get a free red white and blue Patriotic clothing outfit by clicking one of the signs.

    When you leave that building you will see a few other buildings spread all around the glade like sim. I think I saw some kind of covered outside speaking area with loudspeakers and a podium located up on a little rise. I guess we could call it a Ramada or a Veranda. Some lights around too. Probably for night time outdoor summer speaking ambience under the lights. It did not look like Klingon construction. Say it with me once: raaaaamada…

    Wander around further and you will come across the Lincoln Memorial also in this sim. The Lincoln Memorial in this sim is a study bright white. It was mid-day when I was there and all those bright white stairs leading up to the actual spot where Sitting Abe is located sort of caused a momentary dis-orientation in my mind. I knew I was moving my feet, I knew I was moving forward and climbing but all I could see around me was a sea of white. Broken up occasionally by some shadows. Thanks shadows. And then I got to the top and then there was Abe Lincoln. Only problem was Abe looked like a little round blob sitting on a BIG round blob. Mesh. A mesh Lincoln rendered in blobs on Snowglobe. What a let down. It looked like some kind of giant German Sheppard left a surprise in Sunset River…

    And whats this over here? The NRA? Oh yeah I’m home now. The NRA building is a rustic old west saloon style house or building complete with a facade on the top. Lots of hand guns on display inside. Lots of repeaters too. Repeating rifles. The kind of alchemic mix of a little wood and a little metal that would preserve your family against savages out in the wild west. You can join the NRA group there, similar to how you can join the RNC in that first building with the elephant head. One cool thing you can do at the NRA area is practice shooting in their Gun Range. Whip out your own heavy weapons and fire away or you can get some free ones to use as you select your dynamic shooting challenge from the small console in each shooting booth. And yes, build is turned on as well as scripts in that area. Shoot ‘em if ya got ‘em. To leave this area I rezzed a hyper seadoo watercraft and cut a trail through the mossy glade like ground over to the watercourse…

    I’m probably forgetting a bunch of stuff from the whole away mission to the GOP HQ inspired by the Herald. It was 3am for God’s sake. No Republicans were in there at 3am. No Commies were in Baku at 3am. I decided that 3am isn’t a good time to go tracking these beasties around. Maybe I will go back during the day… everybody should go back during the day… join the arg… become the story…
    Or just watch some videos…

  19. Pappy Enoch

    Sep 7th, 2012

    Ol’ Paul Ryan gots him a rite good face for an avatar. That smile anim am first rate. Says to me “my arm am up yo’ butt to the elbow.”

    Which fo’ some folks am rite fun.

    I don’t give a ding-dang-dong ’bout either o’ them-there parties. I wants the Presiduncy myself, so’s I can get me some intern-luvin’ hoo whee.

    Vote The Party Party fo’ the White House, 2016! I done run fo’ Hard-Alley Mayor so’s I gots the corrupt part down rite good.

    I will make my hound dawg VP. He am good at whinin’ and droolin’ on folks.

  20. JustMe

    Sep 8th, 2012

    The key point here for Ryan defenders is that a runner remembers his first marathon, his best time, etc … he might forget which year it was, but his actual best time? never !

  21. Wolf Baginski

    Sep 9th, 2012

    Ryan talks tough, he also says he’s climbed a 14000 ft peak in Colorado some 40 times, but not which peak. Some of them a jeep can get you nearly to the top. Some cops in Colorado drive Land Rovers.

    Let’s see him pass the Royal Marine Commando Course. Then we’ll know he is tough.

  22. MIke1776

    Sep 10th, 2012

    After all the lies he’s told, why would anyone believe ANYTHING Ryan says?

    No, he didn’t run a marathon in under three hours — and now he’s been forced to admit he didn’t.

    He lied about the GM plant in Janesvile, Wisconsin that was closed while George Bush years, in December 2008: but Ryan in his speech at the Republican Convention falsely blamed the closure on President Obama. Now Ryan is wriggling, trying to claim he didn’t say it. (Which is yet another lie).

    There’s a reason why Paul Ryan is known as Lyin’ Ryan.

    And no, I do NOT believe Lyin’ Ryan climbed “close to 40″ of the 54 “fourteener” peaks in Colorado.

  23. Dontspill McGinnis

    Sep 12th, 2012

    @ GLE

    Runners remember their times, period.
    As a runner you are always trying to improve on your personal best time.

    I remember back to when I was a young dwarf still at school, and what times I ran 200, 800 and 1500 meters.

    The guy obviously comes from the North Korean school of politics.

  24. EndOfStory

    Sep 12th, 2012

    Spillage, you are hardly a reliable source for anything “sports” or outdoor activity related…but I won’t challenge your knowledge of everything North Korean

  25. marilyn murphy

    Sep 12th, 2012

    shucks. i thought you guys were actually talking political issues. it would make a more interesting conversation. but, whoops, it is the herald so my bad.

  26. Axel Oakleaf

    Sep 13th, 2012

    Important stuff about Romney,like about him physically assaulting a gay man and cutting off his hair.

  27. Mickey Blue Eyes

    Sep 13th, 2012

    Really? REALLY?! Of all the important issues of the day this is the one that is so important? Not that the SCOMAF is running the economy into the ground. Not that the SCOMAF is running the country into the ground. Not that the SCOMAF is busy campaigning when Islamists are murdering our ambassadors and attacking our embassies. Not that the SCOMAF is too busy campaigning and appearing on Letterman to meet with the Israeli PM when Israel is on the verge of a pre-emptive strike against Iranian nuclear weapon facilities before Iran can launch a nuke at Israel.

    Yes, whether Paul Ryan can run a 3-minute mile is a more important measure of a leader of the free world.

  28. Axel Oakleaf

    Sep 13th, 2012

    @ Mikey Blue Eyes. This is another reason not to vote for Romney.

    Looks like if they get in,they will screw with gay rights like bring back “don’t ask,don’t tell” and ban gay marriage.

  29. EndOfStory

    Sep 13th, 2012

    Ignore the autistic blather on this site.
    It wallows in its own fat and pathetic uselessness….

  30. Axel Oakleaf

    Sep 13th, 2012

    @ EndOfStory

    Epicgordon Broome? Is that you?

  31. EndOfStory

    Sep 13th, 2012

    Nope, never heard of that personage….

    (…oh wait, Nope is gone, so is Revolution, as well as Reddit. How much time does Sandvich have left?)

  32. Axel Oakleaf

    Sep 13th, 2012

    Onward to Black Mesa East. Yeah i’ve been playing Half Life 2.

  33. Edna

    Sep 13th, 2012

    @ Mikey Blue Eyes

    You are an America hating brainwashed sheep being led to your own slaughter. Soon you’ll be going door to door with Romney and Ryan bothering people while handing out the “Watchtower” and telling them that they’ll rot in hell if they don’t convert to Mormon immediately. Americans do not want our own version of the Tailban in control of every aspect of our lives. Go join your terrorist buddies in the middle east.

  34. Axel Oakleaf

    Sep 13th, 2012

    @ Edna;


    Many of them even want to push prayer in schools and public in the name of Jesus. But let’s look at what Jesus himself said about praying in public.

    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites
    are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and
    in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.
    Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. Matthew 6:5 King James Version” That’s right,Jesus said that people aren’t supposed to pray in public.

  35. Dontspill McGinnis

    Sep 14th, 2012

    @ EndOfStory

    Oh sorry, I forgot that you know everything about me. (LOL!)

    And for someone who professes to hate the Herald and all that it is, you sure spend a lot of time here.
    Is your life really that sad?

    @ Everyone else

    As for the political issues.. they suck the world over.
    ALL Politicians lie, always have and always will. If you haven’t figured that out yet, you deserve everything you get.

    The reference to North Korean politics was, for those who are ignorant (EndOfStory), to point out the similarity to the dead North Korean leader and this Paul Ryan chap.
    Kim Jong-il was supposed to have completed 18 holes of a new golf course in world record 38 under par, Including 11 holes in one, at the first time of picking up a set of clubs. Satisfied, he then declared his immediate retirement from the sport, presumably so that he wouldn’t have need to demonstrate his amazing skills.

    It seems politicians like us to think of them as Gods.
    A bit like the JLU really, only intelligent and moderately believable.

  36. Tux

    Sep 14th, 2012

    Screw politics, immerse yourself into a virtual world and forget your meat self. I suggest Second Life where the gods care little about their subjects, allowing anyone to roam free.

  37. hobo kelly

    Sep 14th, 2012

    I still have that song rattling around in my mind from that 2012 Patriotic Nirgas video, understand understand understand understand the concept of love… AAAAaahhhhh it won’t stop…

    I had a dream the other night where there was a squadron of 10 or 12 stormtroopers all riding their Krazy Kat Lady flying Trikes screaming through Ravenglass tearing its world to shreads with just the sheer sound of that many KKL trikes flying together, ripping up the skies.

    Oh the lack of humanity!

  38. Pappy Enoch

    Sep 21st, 2012

    Ryan got him a mouth that could suck the chrome off’n a trailer hitch.

    Just sayin’ that boy should not go nowhere near Enoch Holler or we’ll put him an’ that-there mouth to work, lickedy split!

  39. ox

    Oct 21st, 2013

    Just shut the fuck up, neo-Nazi techie moron.

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