The Chimera Scene in SL: Shemales
by Alphaville Herald on 29/10/07 at 9:00 am
So what do men want?
by Aurel Miles
According to an article in the February 2001 Journal of Sex Research, 78 per cent of heterosexual men’s sexual fantasies involve a person who has never been their sexual partner. That seemingly high number does not mean men don’t fantasize about their partners, that is in addition to their partner-fantasies and any others.
What that number does not tell you however, is how many of those fantasies would be classified by most people as homosexual. The archives of sexual behavior published in the Netherlands in 2005 found a significantly higher incidence of homosexual fantasies reported by heterosexual men who participated in surveys where their identity could not be discovered than it did in surveys where the respondent was identified.
What am I getting at with this, you might ask?
SL is a realm of fantasy. As we hear over and over again, in flatland you can be anyone you want, do anything you want and never have to worry about getting caught, hurt or ridiculed. But still, the percentage of gay male avatars in SL remains relatively small.
To find out why, I spent some time in the SL shemale community – who better to ask than the people who refuse to choose-up sides?
For years, my gay male friends have been telling me men give better oral sex than women. They say this with a smile, pat me on the head and pour the coffee as though there was nothing I could do to change it and I really shouldn’t let it worry me. As a woman who frequently (though not always) chooses men as romantic partners, this is frustrating. They also tell me most, if not all men, fantasize about having an encounter with another man. We’ve all heard about the latest sexual hot-spot, the prostate. Well, just like the female g-spot the male equivalent cannot be reached from the outside. All that whining you hear about the annual bend-over and cough exam may be just a lot of smoke and mirrors disguising the fact that they would like to play doctor at home. If you want concrete proof, have a look at the sales figures of penetration toys for men. There is a very real male desire for penetration that most groups of men have assured me is almost universal.
So what do men want? And why is SL so devoid of bathhouses in comparison to the many, many orgy gardens and lesbian sex sims? Pretty simple really, there are two reasons; first, they’re scared. Men are so scared of being considered as anything but the manliest man you know that even when they can bed down with the man of their fantasies in complete anonymity – most won’t. They’re even scared they won’t think of themselves as manly men anymore and they’re also scared that they’ll like it enough to switch teams. Reason number two is even more basic than that, men like breasts. Which brings us back to SL Shemales.
Jacks Hammerer
Jacks Hammerer, the owner of Shemale Heaven and Hell (Shemale H&H, in the Search window) says, “It’s the best of both worlds isn’t it? Most straight men love women’s bodies but they would also love to have a penis to play with and they don’t admit it but most of them long to be penetrated.” There is a certain logic to that, a girl who has a penis is unlikely to feel anxious or offended at anything you might want to do to her with your penis. Members of Shemale Haven reaffirm this idea, according to them, all men are kinky (and according to them, most women are not – which raised my eyebrows but more on that another day…) Following this logic it stands to reason, there’s nobody better to play out your kinks with than another man. Just the same, Jacks has seen avatars come into the club, mumble a few compliments, look around for a nervous moment or two and then get scared and run. Even here in Sl, completely unidentified and unidentifiable, some are so frightened of being seen as freaks they just can’t bear it.
At Shemale Haven, I heard another explanation. Men in SL see beautiful women getting a lot of attention and they want attention too. The best way to get attention in SL is to be a beautiful woman. The clothes are better, (they say) the hair is better, the jewelry is way better and there are a hundred more choices and more ways to combine them for SL women than there are for SL men. And since high heels won’t keep you from climbing mountains, racing sailboats or dancing all night – why not?
During the research for this story I was told one thing over and over again; men want a lot of sex. They want more sex than most women do, and they want their gear to be included in it, not left in a harness and dropped to the floor halfway through the party. The best way to maximize your chances of getting sex, I’m told, without having to pretend to be a lesbian is to be a chick with a dick. (There are plenty of men who do choose to be lesbian or bisexual avatars in flatland but their stories have been covered in some detail in prior columns). The shemales I met also told me they felt they could explore what it means to be a woman better through their body having the outward appearance of femininity than they could in any other way in real life (or SL.)
For submissive SL shemales there is also the fact that the combination of two negatives in our culture actually does add up to a practical positive in this case. People accept female sexual submission more readily than they do male submission. People tend to treat what they fear with contempt. Put the two together and you have a situation where it is very easy for a submissive shemale to find a sexually potent partner who will play games of dominance and humiliation with the “girl” as the focus of the action.
Shemale sanctuary
The list goes on and on. Another good reason to play as a shemale is that it gives a man the opportunity to find new techniques that can enhance his RL sexual experience. I found one couple that used his shemale avatar as a means of improving their sex lives together. She watched while he performed orally on another man. What a man does is what a man likes. So now this particular woman has seen the exact stroke and pressure that her mate fantasizes about, she’s had a tutorial in how to use the equipment to its exact specifications – what could be bad about that? Everybody wins. This is a technique that could also be used by women who have male partners who maybe aren’t so great at dealing with the subtleties of a woman’s anatomy. Talking about sex is difficult for a lot of people. Sometimes it is easier to show than tell. And if mainstream porn is anything to judge by, the showing could be part of your new and improved sex life all by itself.
Many SL shemales would like to play out their dressing-up fantasies in RL. What prevents them from doing this is the shame heaped on them by a remarkably intolerant society (much worse in North America than elsewhere – or so I was repeatedly told). Most, believe it or not, are heterosexual men, many in committed relationships, who simply want to indulge a surprisingly common fantasy without feeling like a freak or upsetting the Missus. (or having their kink used as a weapon against them in domestic squabbles.)
[Let me take a moment to say a word for mental health here. Psychiatrists and sex columnists everywhere agree on this one. Turning a consensual experiment into fuel for shaming your partner when you are feeling vindictive is beyond sadistic and should be considered seriously abusive. If your partner ever does this to you – leave. Someone who will use your consensual, mutual exploration in your sex life as a couple against you in an outside arena or even in a contained argument, can not be trusted. It will not get any better and it could easily get much, much worse. If you ever feel tempted to do this to your partner, don’t. And if you feel strongly tempted to use a person’s most intimate trust in you as a weapon, then see a counselor, there is something seriously wrong in your emotional architecture. You need help and you need it now.]
The widely expressed view that male attraction to shemales is freakish is, I discovered, completely off base. In SL. It may be widely expressed but even in RL, it is also completely contradictory to the any clinical evidence. The majority of shemales and shemale admirers in flatland are simply men who really like sex.
So what’s a girl to do? Having heard all the descriptions of ultra-hot sex between shemales I wanted to know how a woman could ever hope to satisfy her male partner – after all, you can’t buy a penis at the mall in the round world the way you can in Flatland.
The shemales I spoke to all gave me the same answer. Men want to explore their fantasies. They want their sex lives to be exciting and they don’t want to have to be the ones who are always coming up with the spicy stuff.
exploring fantasies and gray textures
Men, more than women, have fantasies about being dominated by a really hot woman who knows what she wants. Most straight men really do want to be with a woman but, if the academic research and the men of SL are to be believed, most want to step outside the narrow definitions of masculinity our society has created for them. Breaking a taboo is powerfully arousing for a man. Jackshammer told me a secret, for any man, the woman of his dreams is a woman who is willing to let him be a whole person and that includes sex.
If you are in a relationship with a straight man and you want to unlock his intimacy level start looking beyond the obvious. Talk about your fantasies and start encouraging him to tell you his. No laughing, remember, he is more frightened of this than you are. Open up your own box of secrets and once you’ve started the process, take him with you, Start walking into his shadowy places, that’s where he hides the desires that drive him – nothing scary about a chick with a dick, after all you have breasts of your own, right? Breasts are easy, fear is hard. That SL shemale you think is so freaky is just an amalgam of desire. She is not a threat. She won’t bite you, unless you’re into that, and if the statistics are to be believed, she very well might be sleeping in the RL bed right next to you.
Rebecca Juro
Oct 29th, 2007
Understand something: While it is certainly appropriate from a journalistic perspective to accurately include the name of an SL sim or site that includes the term, “shemale” is considered an offensive and vulgar term in RL (in the US at least) to refer to pre-operative transsexual women (i.e. women with penises) as is “chicks with dicks”. It’s the equivalent of referring to women as “bitches”, “cunts”, or “ho’s” or gays as “faggots”.
While I find your article quite interesting and thoughtful overall, it’s marred and made to seem less credible by the use of these bigoted, offensive terms without valid reason. There are many differences between RL and SL, and many things one would never do in RL that one can explore in SL but I’d like to think that overt and dehumanizing bigotry toward sexual and gender minorities isn’t one of them.
Lars Vilks
Oct 29th, 2007
Yeah, and while you’re at it, could you all please stop calling me “infidel” and ululating in my face?
aurel Miles
Oct 29th, 2007
I do not generally respond to readers. I usually consider that I have had my say in the original article and let it stand at that. However, here, I must make an exception.
I used the term “shemale” because this is how this particular community chooses to be identified. All sanctimony aside – if I choose to call myself “cunt-face” “Queen of all the Dick-boys” or any other truly offensive term, that is my choice. It is most certainly not yours. Shemale is the term of choice of the SL transgendered fantasy community.
The men, virtually all of whom are intact males with no intention of ever being pre – post or mid-op, who come to Flatland and attach a penis to an otherwise female avatar, choose to call themselves Shemales. I hope I am being clear here but just in case, let me say it again; in SL there is a population of men who appear to be transgenderd and some are but most are not. This is a fantsy group that revolves around male sexual fantasy. As a group they choose to refer to themselves as Shemales. Their preference is valid for them. Open up your search engine, open your eyes. We are not talking about a political lobby group here – this is a sex-fantasy group and this is a column about sexual behavior in SL – not your personal politics.
Who am I to decide how they will speak their truth? Come to that, who are you to take away the choice of this community? Queen of all the Pre-ops? You may choose to call yourself any politcally sanctioned term you desire, but do not expect me to refer to others in any way other than the label they desire and choose for themselves – it is their right to be named whatever they wish. And it is not my place to clean it up for the self-appointed PC hall monitors of flatland. As well meaning as you may think you are, you are wrong here and on behalf of this community I can do nothing else but tell you so with all the force and vigor their freedom of speech deserves.
Day
Oct 29th, 2007
You couldn’t really think mens’ desires are that simple.
I hate breasts.
Bob Woolywoody
Oct 29th, 2007
aurel Miles
Thanks! Best laugh I’ve had for days!
Levi Anansi
Oct 29th, 2007
Pardon me while I cough….
*pwnd* cough cough *pwnd*
Seriously get to know the culture you claim to defend before you jump on a soapbox. *Again* sl is not rl. PC here has nothing to do with PC there.
Here is my box of dial, super moisture bars…Jump pwned (on) it and make a logical statement.
Rebecca Juro
Oct 29th, 2007
I disagree. Common courtesy and respect are universal values, and not limited to RL. If an African-American uses the N-word to define themselves, does that also give you the right to use it to define them as well? Anyone can call themselves anything they wish, that’s true, but it does not follow that you may automatically assume that right for yourself.
Hexx Triskaidekaphobia
Oct 30th, 2007
@Rebecca: the world is bigger than the US of A. I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you but if so, please accept my heartfelt apologies. Oh, and do get off your high PC horse and read Aurel’s reply once more, especially the part where she points out that most of the SL shemales are just playing out their fantasies, and not on the road any RL surgery involving the modification of their genitals.
Ananda
Oct 30th, 2007
Right on, Rebecca!
I realize making this point among the usual “lulz” crowd that reads the Herald is probably a lost cause, but the fact that the “fantasy group” portrayed here is NOT composed of people with real transgender issues but who have taken it upon themselves to use the term “shemale” makes it doubly offensive. For gods’ sakes, there are many other terms to refer to this in fantasy situations, why not choose one that makes your intent clear?
Choosing the word “shemale” when in fact you are not transgendered is a mockery of a mistreated minority, much like the minstrel shows of a previous century. It does hurt feelings. Plead ignorance, if you will, or that you’re just joking around – these are the prerogatives of the majority as always. But DON’T pretend you are in any way morally justified in doing so, or that this is even remotely professional objectivity.
does not matter
Oct 30th, 2007
I don’t understand the problems some people seems to have with this article… What is written are comments from examined people. So what’s wrong? And to give my opinion, I agree with most things that are mentioned. And why don’t you want to be called: “shemale”? It’s not everywhere a mean word. The world is bigger than your village or country. And if you like shemales, or you would like to be one… you can say that. Notthing wrong with that. And there are differences between sl and rl yes, but it are real people who makes the avatars and command them… So the difference is not always that big. I think some people here are scared to say what they really like. Yes, I am a man, and yes, I like shemales as much as women. No I’m not gay, I don’t like men at all. Not that difficult hu.
Lloyd Wayne
Oct 30th, 2007
This article is so full of bull, it is can only be published here in the Herald.
I will cover the biggest whoppers, but there are so many I could write a rebuttal that would match the length of the original article.
What would be the “percentage of gay male avatars in SL“? You time and time again throw out misguided opinions as facts. By spending time in the “shemale” (I know I hate the word too) community, how does that begin to reflect the male homosexual or heterosexual community? You have mistakenly lumped groups together. That would be like interviewing the Asian community for an opinion of the views held by the Latino community.
You mistakenly switch with ease between “real-life” and “second-life” opinions, desires and behavior.
Nowhere in your piece, do you quote an in-world straight man nor do you quote an in-world homosexual man. Relying completely on the quotes from members from a shemale club, who I might add you accept their view that “all men are kinky” and seemingly reject “most women are not” can be described as reckless at best. Did you interview a customer?
There is a HUGE leap from desiring a prostrate massage (with fingers and toys) and desiring penile penetration. Please tell me your foundation for this was a quote or research from a straight man, and not from a homosexual one.
Is it too far to believe that many gay avatars may have partnered and lead quiet second lives and live out fantasies in private. The real number to look at is the percentage of shemale clubs that cater to “scared” men verses the number of clubs featuring female entertainment that cater to the horny straight men.
Anonymous
Oct 31st, 2007
“culture”?
oh god I lol’d.
just how furries are a “culture” rite?
Reality: it’s all a fetish for guys who want the cock but are in heavy denial, so they want tits in the mix so it isnt gay.
Dont worry, fuck a few fat guys, they have boobs.
Also, lol shemales being offensive.
To be honest, being a shemale on SL is at least being truthful. there are no women on the internet. rule 29.
Darkfoxx
Oct 31st, 2007
I wonder, how many genderswitchers are there like me?
I mean, in the way that they switch genders more often, rather then just when creating their avatar, switching between male, female and hermaphroite depending on their mood?
Quite confusing for friends (nearly have to wear a titler to indicate my gender, especially since my male AV is very effeminate) but a lot of fun.
Females on Shemales
Oct 31st, 2007
I love the images
it’s really nice
Liana
Aug 13th, 2008
You are missing something else.
Im a shemale in second life, i plan to be in real life as well.
Im transgender, non-op which means im not having surgery and im happy with what i have, another word im constaintly called is middle sexed.
I take no offince in being called a shemale, it describes me pretty well.
My reasons for being a “shemale” on second life is because i want it in real life as well, it is just a little harder to do in real life than in second life is all.
And im not the only one like me, their are others in my same situation if you had asked around more.
As for my sexual orientaion, im pansexual.. i am atracted to almost anyone.
And im very sexual as well, it is true though that many men are scared.. but since im not really a man.. not inside anyhow.. im not scared.. or at least.. thats how i see it.
You should have talked to more people i think.
I mean a lot of what you said is true, but it is just not the entire story.
Liana
Aug 13th, 2008
Oh one more thing, i have seen a lot of gay men.
In fact, when i try to visit gay sims i get kicked out cause i have breasts, lol.
It is funny how that is, gays hate being judged and want to be excepted,but are not willing to except others or other genders.. weird.
But yeah, even in other countrys the word shemale is used a lot to describe nonOp transgender, and in these other countries it is excepted.. so i dont get why so many people freak out and get mad.
I dont want to have to be politcaly correct all the damn time, it gets annoying.
To me shemales are women, im a woman, why must we worrie about terms?
To me it is not the same as calling someone a bitch or any of those other things, its just another word to describe non-ops.
And it is not the same to me as calling someone a faggot.. goodness!
Not every transgender gets offended by this crap.. god it makes me angery to see people get pissed at one word.. and for the record.. i hate that a race can call themselves a word like nigga and even if someone not black is not being racist and calls someone a nigga they are automaticly racist or wanting to start trouble.. i had a friend who was black once and i called him nigga all the time, lol he called me nigga sometimes to.. its not the same as saying the other N word.. you know.. the one that ends in ER, if no ill will is ment when saying something then what is the harm?
Same with this story, shemale was never ment in any ill way or to offend, so why is it a problem?
People are too sensitive.
Sorry i had to get all that off my chest.
Brittle
Aug 30th, 2008
Quit the whining. The article is interesting and insightful.
Deh shemale :|
Jan 25th, 2009
after reading all the comments, i have this to add: prostate stimulation feels VERY good, regardless of sexual orientation. Loyd I have to disagree with most everything you wrote in your reply. First there is most certainly a furry culture as much as there is otaku culture. Second most men who have an attraction to shemales would not have such an intense feeling for them if the object of their affections was lacking a certain part, be it the penis or the breasts. These men are drawn to shemales because they feel a lacking in either gender because of the missing parts. I am not even going to dignify that vulgar and offensive statement, about the obese men, with a response. Stop being ignorant. Really. Of course there are women on the internet, are you even being serious? I know countless women whom I have met in person that play SL and quite a few of them play shemale characters. Please think before you respond to a topic like this because the people who know otherwise will call you out on your blatant ignorance.
-Deh Shemale