Sion Chicken Advice: Don’t Ride Them Nekkid!!!
by Alphaville Herald on 30/09/09 at 7:00 am
Does tainted animal feed from China weaken chickens?
by Pappy Enoch, Pullet-Surprise Winner
After my first masterwork on them poor dead chikkins, I got me a sad letter from a poor (and pretty) gal suffering from different poultry disasters. I didn’t sign on at the Herald to be no advice communist, but let me take a crack at this, seein’ how I are the chikkin expert on the staff. If this works out, Miss Pix, maybe we’ll have us a “Dear Flabby” fake advice feature!
Dear Pappy,
In the mean time I got a great idea for a new sport I call naked chicken sitting. You just strip, click, and sit on one and they carry you all around.
I sent you a photo of me riding a chicken clothed for modesty. I enjoyed riding the chickens around and even raised a bunch of them on my land since it was empty until I rebuilt.
The problem is that the chickens are so weak they can’t taking sitting too long. Take a look on my land and the photo it is horrible, mine are dying left and right. Could it be tainted feed from China?
Fondly, - Shannon
[photo taken by Shannon at Panty Hog and MyUsedPantyStore]
Dear Miss Shannon,
Ain’t the feed, ma’am. Now you ain’t a big gal, so you ain’t making no chicken pate by sittin on top of your flock.
Still, and I hates to say it, but I reckon that problem actually am your hind-parts. You tucker out them little rascals fast that way. If you sits on a rooster you gits that boy all excited with the nearness of all that poontang.
Try this: ride a hoss or better yet, ride a cowboy!
While I are handin’ out advice, I noticed where you done took your photygraph.
It am rite tempting to wear other folks underpants, long as they ain’t still in them, but don’t go there, ma’am! You can ketch all sorts of venerable diseases that a way, especially in Zindra.
Why the hell you need underpants, anyhow? You done moved to Naughty Land, so go nekkid all the time!
Final words o’ wisdom: I don’t care how fun it are, just don’t ride no chikkin while nekkid. Them beaks can be rite sharp.
Yours truly,
Pappy Enoch
PS: I done asked Miss Shannon for a nekkid picture of her and a chikkin, but no dice.
PPS: That means you preverts will have to do like Pappy n’ use your dang imaginations.
PPPS: I reckons Shannon mite make a good Post Sex Gal. When I saw her a-sittin’ on that chikkin, I had me a (Fence) post pop up from nowhere.
Alphaville Herald advice columnist Pappy Enoch risks exhaustion to verify his chicken sitting advice
Edna
Sep 30th, 2009
Second Life chickens are all spawned from Satan. This overwhelming desire to ride them naked in adult regions proves it.
Miss Petunia Amaryllis Courtney Taliaferro, Second Life League of Decency
Sep 30th, 2009
“I sent you a photo of me riding a chicken clothed for modesty.I sent you a photo of me riding a chicken clothed for modesty.”
Thank you, young lady, for properly covering your chickens. Your own attire is regrettable. Is that a skirt or a belt?
Amid the retarded ravings of this drunken backwoods degenerate and sybarite, Pappy Enoch, I find one nugget of purest gold: we must clothe our SL animals, NOW, for the sake of decency.
I am shocked and appalled that animals continue to go unclothed in SL. Think of our children, especially if they look over your perverted shoulder as you cavort in a PG region of the world with chickens that are permitted only to clad themselves with feathers.
Where is your morality, Linden Lab? We members of SLOD demand, verily, demand action on this perversion! Clothe all virtual animals NOW or you will be hearing from us!
Emperor Norton Hears a Who?
Sep 30th, 2009
A biologist needs to tag Pappy Enoch to see what his migration habits are.
Chicken Liberation Front Of Second Life
Sep 30th, 2009
Again! Again we see the abuse and oppression of our poultry sisters! Chikkins were not placed upon this Earth for the provision of transportation! Rise up my feathered sisters! Cast off these naked whores! Smash the morning egg of the oppressor and deny them their eggy soldiers!
Avis domestica vincit omnia!
Obvious Schism
Sep 30th, 2009
I don’t eat chickens and they don’t eat me. We have a mutual respect for each other. Consequently, I feel that this respect should extend to not “riding” other animals, either.
Edna
Oct 1st, 2009
To hell with these chickens. I say every chicken in Second Life should be tarred and feathered.
Chicken Liberation Front Of Second Life
Oct 1st, 2009
@Edna
O.O
BURN THE HERETIC! BURN THE UNBELIEVER!
+++Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, your culture will adapt to service the chikkins. Death is irrelevant, resistance is futile+++
Melissa Yeuxdoux
Oct 1st, 2009
Ick… I’d worry about getting virtual psittacosis.
Alyx Stoklitsky
Oct 1st, 2009
I’ve yet to see one of these stupid things, but the second I do, I will kill it.
Kitten Jigsaw
Oct 1st, 2009
I had a beta bunnie called Alyx. I tried to pick it up and it died.
The GrownUps
Oct 1st, 2009
@Pappy said:
It am rite tempting to wear other folks underpants, long as they ain’t still in them, but don’t go there, ma’am! You can ketch all sorts of venerable diseases that a way, especially in Zindra. ketch all sorts of venerable diseases
To which I say:
well played, sir. I’m becoming a fan.
Pappy Enoch
Oct 1st, 2009
@Emperor Norton, who dun writ, “A biologist needs to tag Pappy Enoch to see what his migration habits are.”
Hell, Emperor! You don’t need no biologist (whatever that am) or even a science-boy like ol’ Doc Frankenfurter with them anal-probe tracking mersheens for that!
I migrates from the barn to the still to wherever the pretty gals am, then I migrates all sorrowful and stony-lonesome and puny and heartsick and boo-hoo-hooing back toward the barn, dead drunk.
Sometimes I even makes it before I throws up and passes out. It are a site to behold me thataway in chikkin suit.
moses
Oct 1st, 2009
at least they probably smell better than real chickens.
Selonna Torok
Oct 4th, 2009
Pappy, I think you done need to take this here city slicker for a romp behind the hay. Your articles sure do make my day.