Evangeline: Interview with a Child cyber-Prostitute in TSO

by Alphaville Herald on 08/12/03 at 6:00 pm

In the following interview, notorious sim Evangeline goes back to her early days in Alphaville, and claims to have worked as a cyber-prostitute and then to have been a madam for various cyber-brothels under the guise of her sims Roxy, Tori, Fanki and then Dorian Merrill, claiming that at times she made the equivalent of $50 US per trick from her customers. She claims to still being a minor and hints that some of her customers have been Maxis employees. She discusses the conflagration with Mia Wallace, and claims to have guessed Mia’s password and trashed her property and account. Finally she discusses her current policy of newbie-humiliation on her Free Money for Newbies property, currently number 1 in Alphaville’s welcome category. In particular, she discusses her new game of locking newbies “in the freezer” and “caging” dark skinned avatars and calling them “monkeys” and also calling them “ugly” because one can’t see their eyes. [angry editorial aside, apparently Maxis believes all this is consistent with the user agreement ? whatever you do Van, don't commit a real crime like mentioning the Alphaville Herald in game!!! --Uri] Oh, and did I add that Maxis DOES permit Evangeline to advertise a link to her We Love Newbies website, which advertised money trades?

[Dec. 20 addition: A lot of people have been directed to this post via slashdot, Penny Arcade, salon.com, and now BBC online and have not understood the context in which this post occurs. It is one of a series of interviews with Evangeline and others on the history of Alphaville. It is, in addition to being an interview in The Alphaville Herald, raw data for research on aspects of the persons and social insitutions in Alphaville. It has not been edited and no analysis is provided. If eye candy or analysis is what you are looking for or need you will be disappointed. In addition, the content is strong and possibly offensive. If you are easily offended I recommend you stop reading now.]

Urizenus: ok, I wanna do an historical thing today
Evangeline: k
Urizenus: let’s go back to the day you picked up tso.
Evangeline: ok
Urizenus: how did you find the game and get into beta
Evangeline: hmmm
Evangeline: i heard about it on the sims website
Evangeline: i was so excited it was with real people
Evangeline: being an aol member i had first chance to be a beta tester
Urizenus: so you played offline sims already
Evangeline: yes
Urizenus: so you signed up and got into beta. what was your first character in game?
Evangeline: Roxy Merrill
Urizenus: she was your very first?
Evangeline: yes roxy…
Urizenus: and she set up the first brothel on Oct. 11, 2002?
Evangeline: yes. back then tso was filled with homeless disgusting people…everyone was new and innocent. many people say i brought sin in to tso.i dont care. sex sells and it was my goal to create the greatest cyber sex house
Evangeline: when i say cyber i mean cyber
Evangeline: not that shit with the love beds and “oh baby”
Evangeline: this was dirty and descriptive
Evangeline: we had no love beds
Urizenus: LOL, how soon after you came into game did you open the cyber brothel
Evangeline: 1st day i started recruiting
Urizenus: so you knew as soon as you got in that that is what you wanted to do?
Evangeline: yes….i never was a skill person. i needed money. why skill when you can suck dick to keep food on the plate
Urizenus: good point!
Urizenus: was Roxy just the madam or did she “suck dick” too?
Evangeline: i used hotel erotica as a stepping stone and i hit that stage got paid but it wasn’t my second home
Urizenus: but did Roxy have to “suck dick” too?
Evangeline: roxy became madam of the house once the money started coming in and more people wanted jobs
Urizenus: ic, so she ho’d in the beginning but after she got some “girls” working there she didn’t have to
Evangeline: i didnt have anything..it was so hard for me to buy a vegas costume trunk
Urizenus: lol
Evangeline: i was strolling the places with no purpose..tall body guards held me while i sit underneath..i lived in the ghetto..a bad neighborhood in sims
Evangeline: i did not have anything really
Urizenus: so Roxy was forced to suck dick, sadly.
Evangeline: anything for some G’s…i could have made love but i wanted to be fucked
Urizenus: this was the first Hotel Erotica, but then “the big wipe” came. What was that?
Evangeline: it was sad..everything was gone…when roxy tried to enter the city something in creation went wrong..now shes stuck in tso for all time
Evangeline: thats when Tori took over
Urizenus: was that a Maxis wipe?
Evangeline: yes
Urizenus: do you remember the date, roughly?
Evangeline: november 26 or 27 around there
Urizenus: ok, then Tori
Evangeline: (speaking as Tori)
Evangeline: I knew i had to carry on the legacy..by that time hotel erotica was well known
Urizenus: were you number one yet?
Evangeline: i opened it up and we flew to number one
Evangeline: no one could get the customers to cum like us
Urizenus: how many ho’s were you running?
Evangeline: i had a wonderful house with slaves..yes slaves..my sister roxy was a wimp but i was much more strict
Evangeline: had a different bunch every week..some were chicken heads and ran out..you get the guys in the room..dont be scared..go in broke come out with bread i would tell them
Urizenus: yah
Evangeline: and sometimes the guys bitches would stop by so you gotta wait for their bitch to leave/
Urizenus: yah, inconvenient
Urizenus: so where did you find the sex workers?
Evangeline: they found me..they needed money
Urizenus: ic, so a sim would come to you and say they needed simoleans
Urizenus: and you would put them to work
Evangeline: i set many motherfuckers up…sell them with your name and your game but you got to show a lil shot of ass to get in there head.
Urizenus: did you check to make sure your girls (their typists) were legal?
Evangeline: i did interviews
Urizenus: and you asked if they were 18?
Evangeline: i only hired real mother fuck’n bitches to represent that shit
Urizenus: I assume that in the interviews you asked them to show you their stuff.
Evangeline: yes
Urizenus: like how descriptive they could be
Evangeline: they had to eat it all up till i cant walk straight
Evangeline: people would pay for interviews
Evangeline: everyone wanted to be in my clique
Urizenus: they paid? how much?
Evangeline: people tried to shut us down but it didnt work cuz maxis was eating my pussy alllllllllll night
Evangeline: 5k an interview
Urizenus: who tried to shut you down?
Evangeline: people pay that to “interview” with me now too
Evangeline: many people would come to my lot saying it’s wrong
Evangeline: and they would report
Urizenus: and what did maxis do?
Evangeline: nothing
Urizenus: you say maxis was “eating your pussy all night”, does that mean you had maxis employees as customers?
Evangeline: possibly
Urizenus: you don’t know or you’re not saying
Evangeline: maybe maybe no
Evangeline: who’s got more ass then the average bitch? they know i was the baddest bitch and many people would want me but i wasnt cheap like the other girls
Urizenus: how much did you cost?
Urizenus: and how much did the other girls cost
Evangeline: other girls set there own prices…Bj’s were 20k..wet sex,lap dance etc
Urizenus: ok, how much did you charge for full service
Evangeline: i charge 150k or more…nothing cheap…i got 500k many times from the rich ones..
Urizenus: wow, and that was real money back then
Evangeline: yep
Urizenus: what was the exchange rate to US dollars back then, do you remember?
Urizenus: 80 dollars for a million simoleans?
Evangeline: yes like 100$
Urizenus: wow
Evangeline: no one was buying money on ebay
Evangeline: it was strange now people do
Urizenus: did you sell the simoleans for dollars then?
Evangeline: no i didnt get involved with it
Urizenus: you just kept the simoleans?
Urizenus: what did you do with all that money?
Evangeline: yes ..back then u could get a sz 8 lot for 80k
Evangeline: but lil mama dont play so they always paid me
Urizenus: ok, so Tori was retired on Dec. 28, 2002.
Evangeline: why do u say that?
Urizenus: that’s what it says in your Merrill family website
Evangeline: it does
Evangeline: i didnt realize but yes
Urizenus: and then Franki
Evangeline: no
Evangeline: granny
Evangeline: in FF
Urizenus: oh in Fancy Fields
Evangeline: i was sick of AV
Urizenus: so she opened on Dec. 30, 2002
Urizenus: and FF Granny (not to be confused with the AV Granny) ran a brothel too?
Evangeline: see in AV the bigger the dick the bigger the bank the bigger the check and i was never a trashy ho always a classy ho i make a newbie eat it while my period was on..
Evangeline: granny in FF yes
Evangeline: I was excited about the new city
Evangeline: so i opened granny’s secrets there
Evangeline: it was very successful
Urizenus: so wait, granny was dirtier than Roxi?
Evangeline: (speaking as granny)
Evangeline: i love my grandbabies in AV
Evangeline: they inspired me
Evangeline: i never did any sex
Urizenus: thank god
Evangeline: only the girls would work selling them young bodies
Urizenus: ic
Evangeline: other places would take the girls money..i or my granddaughters never did
Evangeline: it was free stay just sell the pussy
Evangeline: u keep all ur profits
Urizenus: you didn’t take a cut?
Evangeline: nope
Urizenus: so how did you make money
Evangeline: visitor’s bonus..food…and people would tip me the owner for the service
Urizenus: ic
Evangeline: wait i dont think there was visitor bonus back then
Evangeline: nvm
Urizenus: lol
Evangeline: i would get many tips though
Evangeline: so many i had a waiting list
Urizenus: how many girls were you running back then
Evangeline: all my girls had to recreate and wear special granny girl uniform
Urizenus: did you interview them before you hired them
Evangeline: i had managers who interviewd them
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: and did you do background checks for age etc?
Evangeline: fuck that shit i ain’t even 18
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: so it *would* be sorta pointless then
Evangeline: if u can sell it u old enough
Evangeline: well if u were not mature then u would be worthless
Evangeline: we would have virgin sales
Urizenus: yah
Evangeline: sell a newbie girl
Urizenus: so how long was granny in business in FF?
Evangeline: maybe month 2 months..av was most popular i wanted to go back
Urizenus: so then you went back to AV as Franki?
Evangeline: yes i had to get back to the game
Evangeline: ff was getting slow
Urizenus: and you reopened Hotel Erotica
Evangeline: (speaking as franki) yes i did
Evangeline: it was more popular than ever
Urizenus: went to number one?
Urizenus: we must be talking March 2003?
Evangeline: hmm maybe feb
Urizenus: ok
Urizenus: Feb
Evangeline: blondes alwyas have alot of fun and i did
Urizenus: so Franki was a blonde
Urizenus: did you do tricks or just run ho’s?
Evangeline: i sell my pussy by the grands..
Evangeline: only if they got the green cash
Urizenus: how much exactly?
Evangeline: other wise my girls did all that
Evangeline: i had a nigga touchin my ass wanting to hit it and shit but he was broke
Urizenus: ok…
Evangeline: thats when suzy homemaker was jealous cuz i was on top of the charts
Evangeline: mia wallace was a dumb ho and i fucked her ass up.
Urizenus: ok, who was suzy homemaker
Evangeline: she needed to cry to her stuffed animals
Urizenus: ok, but Mia destroyed your hotel?
Evangeline: she had some goon pretend to be a roomie and tore it down
Evangeline: she not know who she was messing with
Evangeline: no one want to see me heated
Urizenus: so this person *was* a roomie
Evangeline: yes
Evangeline: we did not have build permissions
Urizenus: ok, so this roommate destroyed you place. How did you respond?
Evangeline: many ways
Evangeline: bitch didn’t see any of it coming
Urizenus: what did you do first
Evangeline: i left the game when I was contacted by loser mia wallace himself
Urizenus: in r/l?
Evangeline: mia was played by a slutty wannabee actress girl and a fat ass husband of hers
Evangeline: yes in r/l
Evangeline: on internet
Urizenus: ok, so they contacted you via chat or email or phone or what?
Evangeline: i gave him a BS story about how I was a young kid and fed him a story so he think I’m naive and dumb.
Evangeline: pretended to be friends
Urizenus: ok
Evangeline: on IM
Evangeline: (speaking as Dorian)
Urizenus: right
Evangeline: thats when Momma had to come
Evangeline: no one messes with my girls
Urizenus: Dorian was your sim at this time?
Evangeline: now
Evangeline: came on in middle of night..my daughter franki first destroyed her roomies new sex house
Urizenus: how?
Evangeline: pretended to be a former roomie at my house who was gone for a while
Evangeline: “oh i have a new name cuz my boyfriend was playing on my sim”
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: this was the Sims Sorority House or SSH
Evangeline: no this was
Evangeline: elegant escorts or soemthing like that
Urizenus: ok
Urizenus: wait, I’m confused…
Evangeline: then dorain came..no one knew who she was
Urizenus: wasn’t mia wallace running SSH at the time?
Evangeline: she left mia wallace broke and homeless..no money no simmy no objects
Evangeline: roomies booted
Evangeline: 1 by 1
Urizenus: slow down….
Urizenus: where was Mia living at the time
Evangeline: sorority house
Urizenus: SSH?
Urizenus: ok
Evangeline: moved her ass to a tiny empty 1 square lot
Urizenus: and Dorian was living where?
Evangeline: i could have made her go poof but i left her to suffer
Evangeline: with all the money from tori and franki she could buy what ever she wanted
Urizenus: ok, so you had access to Mia Wallace’s account?
Evangeline: she gave it me it in a way
Evangeline: didnt do anything illegal
Urizenus: how did she give it to you?
Evangeline: telling me her hotel name
Urizenus: so you guessed the password?
Evangeline: :)
Evangeline: thats also how FGP got its pictures from the SSG message board
Urizenus: you didn’t send an attachment with a Trojan horse in it?
Evangeline: nope
Evangeline: i dont even know how
Evangeline: im not good with computers only graphics
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: nice work on the web pages by the way
Evangeline: thanks
Evangeline: so now we get to the baddest bitch of all?
Urizenus: ok, what happened next
Evangeline: during that time it was close to summer and i had some educational things to do so i left tso for a while
Urizenus: k
Evangeline: when i got back sometime in august it was a whole dif. world
Urizenus: how so?
Evangeline: mia wallace was gone, there were clothes, and many new players
Urizenus: mia had gone to SWG?
Evangeline: and i notice wannabe merrills running around
Evangeline: no just new identity
Evangeline: now she’s swg
Evangeline: she’s a FAG
Urizenus: ic, PM Cruiser at the time?
Evangeline: no
Urizenus: ok
Evangeline: pm and mia are fags. They were history and played out
Urizenus: ok…
Evangeline: also when I got back the ssg was sort of falling apart..not as strong as before
Urizenus: so this is when you started Voleur?
Evangeline: yes
Evangeline: the baddest bitch
Evangeline: (speaking as Voleur/Van)
Urizenus: and you knew that ‘voleur’ was french for thief
Evangeline: Voleur Claudette from Beverly hillbillies..yes
Urizenus: why did you decide you wanted to be a scammer?
Evangeline: i was rich!!!!
Evangeline: i bought a big house
Evangeline: i hate all the people of AV..all serious and make me sick
Urizenus: serious people and ugly people?
Evangeline: yes so ugly
Evangeline: have you seen my sim face when i do it upclose like on my site..its so beautiful
Urizenus: lol
Evangeline: thats how it looks when i want to do actions
Urizenus: the beauty mark is a nice touch too
Evangeline: anyway I’m rich I wanted a number 1 property
Evangeline: i took over welcome..i did not want to do the sex thing because it was played out
Urizenus: yah, I can see where the sex thing would get old
Evangeline: i live in a barbie dream house
Urizenus: well now… some of your recent roomies claim that it is ugly
Evangeline: they’re so silly…i was remodeling and left for the night so the walls were blue with pink stripes
Evangeline: i mean carpet blue with pink stripes
Evangeline: the outside in mapview is always pretty..its so pink it looks like a barbie house
Urizenus: ok, so voleur decided to scam newbies, but not just scam them right?
Urizenus: the idea was also to humiliate them
Evangeline: Voleur unlike her sisters were much stronger and did not want anyone to replace her so she had a new identity Van
Urizenus: Evangeline
Urizenus: why did you retire Voleur?
Evangeline: 1 month free was up
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: so you change every month?
Evangeline: no van’s here to stay..i like her I’ve settled down
Urizenus: lol
Evangeline: van is the baddest bitch cuz she’s smart
Evangeline: she don’t suck no dick
Urizenus: ok, lemme ask about the whole newbie humiliation thing. What’s that about? slapping them, putting them in the freezer etc
Evangeline: newbies are so disgusting..they’re the bane of my sim life
Urizenus: tell me about the “freezer”
Evangeline: Ms van don’t play that game. You want cash? for what to buy a new face?
Evangeline: people come to my lot thinkin that their fuckin with a hoochie..i dont let no newbie bust a nut on my gucci bra
Urizenus: not sure I follow that… but I gather you don’ wanna talk about the freezer?
Evangeline: the freezer is for fools who can’t shut up
Urizenus: oh ok
Urizenus: how does it work?
Evangeline: if i cant see ur eyes ur ugly and when you don’t obey ill cage u like an animal and have people laugh at ur ugly ass
Urizenus: how do you cage them, you mean they don’t know how to leave the property?
Evangeline: the freezer is a small narrow room with a vent..old food and a porta potty
Urizenus: ok
Evangeline: yes they are new and stupid
Urizenus: so they come to your place because it is #1 in welcome…
Urizenus: and you get them into the freezer…
Evangeline: my mansion is mine and if u are ugly u will obey and cover ur ugly ass mug or be booted
Urizenus: and they don’t know how to get out
Evangeline: do you really think I’m gona give a rude bitch money who demands it outside my lot with out even staying 5 minutes?
Urizenus: ic, so you get the visitor bonus while they sit in the freezer trying to figure out how to get out.
Evangeline: i can’t stand these illiterate bitches who can’t read my signs
Urizenus: and you have walls up so you don’t have to look at them
Evangeline: no they wear helmets
Urizenus: in the freezer?
Evangeline: yes
Evangeline: i fuck a newbie just for practice give a fake address…play innocent like an actress
Urizenus: the other day you had some newbie in a black-presenting avatar inside a fence and you were calling her a monkey and saying that you had a monkey for sale. what was that about?
Evangeline: HAHAHA
Evangeline: when sims act like animals they will be caged
Urizenus: how did she act like an animal?
Evangeline: i cant see her eyes..she didnt wear a helmet
Urizenus: oh, so it didn’t have to do with the avatar being black?
Evangeline: I leave a newbies pockets dry like a cleaners
Evangeline: not my fault people decide to be ugly sims that are so black u cant see their eyes
Urizenus: ic, so the problem is that with black sims you can’t see their eyes
Evangeline: don’t you know?
Evangeline: their face is bugged
Urizenus: i never noticed
Urizenus: so black sims have to wear helmets on your property
Evangeline: if i can’t see their eyes regardless of ur color u do
Urizenus: but you just said that you can’t see the eyes on black sims
Evangeline: you can’t
Evangeline: on some maybe but the dark ones u can’t
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: what about sims that are gay
Evangeline: im bisexual but if ur wimpy or act like a fag then u will be booted
Urizenus: ic, so it’s ok to be gay as long as you aren’t effeminate?
Evangeline: no as long as you don’t look ugly
Urizenus: ic
Evangeline: or say silly things
Evangeline: people who go “;)” get booted
Evangeline: people come to my lot they don’t realize I’m a vet their a rook
Evangeline: been in the game 1 yr still undefeated i can play this shit
Urizenus: ok, um as you know I’m writing up a history of alpha in which you will obviously figure in a big way
Urizenus: in part because you are the virus that led to the creation of ssg
Urizenus: so I’d like to find out about the person behind the sim eventually. For the book if not for now
Urizenus: any chance of that?
Evangeline: did you know i was the first bitch kobe cheated on his wife with?
Urizenus: I think I read that
Evangeline: But Ms van is ahead of the game..i reppin MIA MIAMI
Evangeline: busta got his Ryhmes when i made it clap
Urizenus: like for example, what are you into besides TSO?
Evangeline: I’m an artist
Urizenus: graphic artist?
Evangeline: fine arts all arts
Urizenus: you still in HS or in college
Evangeline: I’m not in HS
Urizenus: you in school?
Evangeline: so that means…
Evangeline: college
Urizenus: in art?
Evangeline: people think i have no real life
Evangeline: so sad
Evangeline: I’m not like my sim ..sometimes i can be — i was at movies last night and go “there’s so many ugly people here”
Urizenus: aren’t you young to be in college? you said you weren’t 18
Evangeline: how’s that too young?
Urizenus: you a freshman?
Evangeline: all u need to know is im I’n college
Urizenus: and you’re 17 I’m guessing.
Evangeline: in r/l i hate all serious people and wish i could slap them
Urizenus: am I getting too serious? lol
Evangeline: no don’t go “lol” though..go “hahaha”
Urizenus: anyway, what kinds of fiction are you into? there’s a reason I’m asking this
Urizenus: I wanna know if your interest in fiction and graphics arts stuff influences your game here
Evangeline: i like fantasy
Urizenus: examples
Evangeline: Disney
Urizenus: new stuff or just the old?
Evangeline: old
Urizenus: like Disney World?
Evangeline: snowwhite,little mermaid,sleeping beauty
Urizenus: snowwhite!!!!!
Evangeline: i love villians
Urizenus: hahahah
Evangeline: the evil queen always wins..bad girls finish first
Urizenus: so you like the disney witches?
Evangeline: but my babi girl rapper Trina inspires me
Evangeline: i always reppin’ trina and MIA to the fullest
Urizenus: any other music?
Evangeline: i love all music
Urizenus: how about graphic novels and stuff
Evangeline: books?
Urizenus: well, like batman or anime or stuff like that
Evangeline: sailor moon always
Urizenus: yah? cool
Urizenus: that seems unlike a bad bitch though
Evangeline: in r/l im not bad
Urizenus: hahaha, well why sailor moon?
Evangeline: the characters are complex more rounded than flat
Urizenus: you collect the comics or the videos?
Evangeline: i use to always watch it i don’t anymore..i have many videos
Urizenus: my daughter is into sm too
Evangeline: i prefer the japanese version
Evangeline: more emotions
Urizenus: but like, with all the crap merchanidise in the stores you’d think they would have some decent sailor moon shit
Urizenus: but they don’t
Evangeline: i have many of it
Urizenus: yah? so you collect it
Evangeline: all in attic
Urizenus: you get it from ebay or something?
Evangeline: i use to i was younger
Urizenus: ic
Urizenus: Not to sound like a biggot, but isn’t that odd stuff for a guy to collect?
Evangeline: you believe I’m a guy?
Urizenus: aren’t you? You read like one.
Evangeline: read?
Urizenus: you type like one
Evangeline: how does one type?
Evangeline: i hate stereotypes they make me *throw up*
Urizenus: just an impression. If you don’t wanna say, tha’s cool. But I agree with you about stereotypes. Break em!
Evangeline: my sim is wonderful i love being her
Evangeline: i cant be mean in r/l like i can in tso
Evangeline: well i can but i can’t boot people
Urizenus: that’s a good note to end on maybe…
Urizenus: thanks van

141 Responses to “Evangeline: Interview with a Child cyber-Prostitute in TSO”

  1. Robert

    Dec 16th, 2003

    I think we all know that games like the sims should not have prostitution. I’m up for porn as much as the next person the prostitution is really @#*!ed up. I think I’ve made my point. PENNY-ARCADE RULES!!!!

  2. Nobody

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Spelling lesson first: it’s “loser” not “looser” unless you’re talking about your shoelaces or your obscene amount of sexual escapades.

    There is a difference between “your” and “you’re” – “your” is possessive, and “you’re” is the “you are” contraction.

    Ryken needs to back it off and stop playing brown-noser to the writer/poster/journalist/whatever. 1337 needs to get off his/her/its high horse.

    And if you’re questioning why you read the article – perhaps because you’re just like the rest of the hapless people who get pulled in by thoughts of sex and “usurping” the system (note the sarcasm). If by the third or fourth line of the interview you didn’t leave, I honestly don’t think you can blame anyone else but yourself.

    But now everyone has me interested in the PA reference and now I must go read.

    Good luck to the rest of you who get too involved in something this silly.

  3. King Ghidra

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Brown Card!

  4. Unknown

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Awe.. my head hurts… I don’t know what was worse, the “article” or the people who are upset because they read it and post comments about how they wish they hadn’t.

    For those of you who need it translated (which is just extremely sad in itself) this is all you need:

    Urizenus: Ok, I am going to ask a question, even though it doesn’t matter what I ask because you are going to ramble on about whatever you want to anyway.
    Evangeline: Yes, I am the greatest thing ever, I am very important in a made up world and everyone who isn’t me just sucks. I enjoy fucking with others and because you are not me I can conclude that you suck and deserve it. I am so great, I am so great, blah blah blah..

    Just repeat those over and over and that’s basicly the “interview”.

    Penny Arcade Rules!!!

    On a personal note, I had a good laugh.

  5. word

    Dec 16th, 2003

    personally..i thought it was fuckin funny

  6. lame

    Dec 16th, 2003


    i played the sims for about an hour… as soon as I figured out that it was just like real life, except less fun, I gave up…

    and this guy or girl that gave the ‘interview’ SUCKS. what a waste of space.

  7. Unknown

    Dec 16th, 2003

    I agree that it was quite funny. It is stories like that which make my life seem all the better. Nothing I have ever done is as pathetic as what that guy or girl did. What the world needs now is better parents or massive sterilization programs.


  8. LewsTherin

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Jeez … what to say?

    Except that … THIS WORLD IS FUCKED TO THE MAX!It’s bad enough that lame-asses have to sub online life for real life … but being a prostitute in SOL is stupid. Anything that subs real life for something virtually identical is stupid. Thats right, I said STUPID! Not only is it bad enough that there is someone who sells her body in a game … but are there acutally dumb fucks out there willing to pay for sim sex? WHY?!?!

    If any of you play SOL … you need to stop right now and play FFXI. NOW!

    You rule Penny-Arcade!!!

  9. Shiya

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Ai… I think the reason I came was because I didn’t quite think it was true, and the reason I kept reading was because I was waiting to scroll just a bit farther and see, “Haha! I was kidding. Sorry! Look at this fuzzy teddy bear until your eyes stop bleeding.”

    Not blaming this on the interviewer– it’s not his fault. Just the rampant stupidity of the interview-ee. And no, it’s not jealousy. I don’t practice “cybering” in any shape or form, and I wouldn’t do it for money, either. It’s still degrading and trashy. (( Those who cyber with people they actually know not included, of course. )) Besides, you people (( the ones saying “you just wish you thought this up isn’t she smart blah blah blah” )) act as though there’s no such thing as girls with webcams and such selling their cyber services already– and they didn’t have to pay the $50 for the game and $10 a month to get there, either. *sigh*

    Oh, and to defend young female nerds– I happen to be a *real* 16-year-old in college, going for a civil engineering degree. I graduated at 15, actually. So it is possible, although I severely doubt that this… incredible waste of human flesh has the double-digit IQ required to graduate high school *on time,* leastwise early. In any case, as I said– just because I’m a nerd doesn’t mean that I have any lacking in real life male attentions, or that I would result to cybering with anyone. I would much rather flip burgers at my local BK than sell myself over a freaking game. Gah.

    Oh! And just one more comment. Anyone complaining about ebonics and then suggesting the use of 1337 should just… die. Yeah, Marley. That’s you. Crust is no better, complaining about the RL acronym when not even taking the time to capitalize. … Those’re my minor cuts at other posters.

  10. Mookie Taluka

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Um… let me get this straight… There are acctually people out there who will pay money to have someone describe to them what sex is like.

    For all you virgins out there: “If you have to ask you’ll never know.”

  11. SeeTheTruth

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Everyone seems to have missed a crucial part of this article’s appeal, corruptive as it may be. First, we have the article. Vile as it is, I have no problem with its format. Whiners. Then you have the soap opera created by all the readers of said, using it as a springboard. A rivalry developed between Uri and that other idiot, Ryken came in and defended Uri, various other minor conflicts took place, people bitched about PA, people defended PA, and so on into infinity. People will come for that entertainment long after they stop caring about the article. There’s my 2 cents. PA is akin to the word of God. Later.

  12. Wario

    Dec 16th, 2003

    It was only a matter of fucking time. I’ve just been waiting for some company to produce the adults only XXX rated MMORPG. Verifying age would be a gigantic task, but it would make more money than EQ, AC, and DAoC combined. Why? People wanna get ass.

    Probably hoe’s online cuz she’s too fat to get any cash in real life.

    Oh yeah, and if you doubt the power of Penny Arcade, you’re going to fucking hell.

  13. Doctor Awesome

    Dec 16th, 2003

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Woo!

  14. Bobehm

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Lunarian at Hypermagic@hotmail.com said:
    —If your looking for an -er term, then the correct term is “dumber”—

    The term you wanted was “you’re”, Mr. Glasshouse.

  15. Doobie

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Boom Boom Boom Bam ba boom!

  16. Confused

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Evangeline: ..tall body guards held me while i sit underneath..

    Anyone have any idea what the hell she/he’s talking about?

  17. Panamon

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Wow. If I wasn’t already wasting my time waiting for someone in real life, I would have been pissed at myself for reading it. As it stands, I’m not pissed, I’ve just spent 15 minutes reading the single most worthless string of text ever committed to the internet. Thanks, dude.

  18. Waychel

    Dec 16th, 2003

    You know, reading over some of the comments that have been posted here, I have to wonder who is more childish: Evangeline, or some of the Penny Arcade fans that are leaving such rude comments.

    I mean honestly, take a look at how obnoxious some of you are acting: You’re whining about how this specific article/feature on someone else’s website wasn’t “entertaining” enough for you.

    In case you hadn’t noticed, this is Urizenus’ website – NOT yours. He has the right to publish whatever he feels like. This includes interviews in their rawest form. His job is not to publish something with the intention of satiating whatever elitist standards you may have for “entertainment”. Stop acting like his sole purpose in existence is to amuse you.

    Seems like “lame” is contagious these days.. please grow up and come back when you’re no longer acting like pretentious 16-year-olds brats. Thank you.

  19. Dawn

    Dec 16th, 2003

    I can’t believe they let people that retarded have access to the internet or oxygen for that matter. I seriously wonder if her parents dropped her on her head as an infant.

  20. wtf

    Dec 16th, 2003

    what.. the… fuck.

  21. hiko-san

    Dec 16th, 2003

    first, to all the people who came here from PA, stop acting like dicks. >

  22. LoisLane262

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Good gracious, children. If I might get even a little more picky, I find it very intriguing that people can rant about grammar, spelling, and the right of another human being to criticize this article, website, interviewee’s actions, and the existence of SPAM, and yet nobody comments on the uses of derogatory words comparing mental disability (i.e., this person is so retarded) and homosexuality (i.e., that’s so gay) to the honest lack of brain usage that Evangeline has. It troubles me that even some of the more intelligent excuses for life on this planet haven’t learned what I teach my six- and ten-year-old cousins – not to use words like “retarded” and “gay” out of context. But hopefully, this message will simply put some of you to enough shame that you will think about halting this trend in your own speech. And don’t bother flaming me for being oversensitive or whatever, I don’t think I’ll ever come back to this website.

    And PA rocks my purple silicone cock.
    ;) heh heh heh.

  23. Evangeline

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Wow..All of you are complete idiots. Why are you so upset and serious. No one asked you to read anything. I dont play dreamcast or xbox or many computer games but I took part in this one. Whats the big deal? Its not like there isnt cyber sex chat rooms on aol. I decided to be a hooker in this game and i reached my goal. Your right I do pay 10 bucks a month..but i dont pay it to care about any of you or who plays the game. I will play the game how I want.
    All of you are so angry and upset over this.
    To me its just a big laugh.

  24. Waychel

    Dec 16th, 2003

    LoisLane262: There is a difference between constructive criticism and pointless whining.

  25. Croyd

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Hey Confused, I think it’s from a rap song.
    PA Hooray!

  26. Ziggy

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Evangeline is probably some ugly she-pirate with a hump and non-functional sex organs, on top of being a prepubescent fuckass. Chances are she has no friends in reality so she spends her time pimping other women in this game, pretending she’s actually attractive and socially active herself since The Sims Online lets you do things like that. Kind of like the way I spend my time writing pointless crap about crappy crap on the internet(crap.) I’m gonna go cry now.

  27. tokido

    Dec 16th, 2003

    This is the oddest thing i’ve ever read. this girl of whom youz all speak, as being this retarded, underaged introvert made off with mass $$$CASH$$$… WTF??? your all numb from the waist down, you don’t like this shit cause you’z is having no feelings down dere.
    (i type like diz cause i wantz to k)
    This (for sake of argument) chick or guy is amazing, you dull as bitches that never leave the computer, OMFG are you all dumb.
    honestly, i love shit ruff, and there’s no sex like make up sex, and i mean bitting, yelling, submission holds and everything out of the norm.
    that’s hot and She or He sounds great to me, wait no only if it was a she, i hope shes a she.
    heheheheee get out there and hump somthing for the love of god, inatamite or not shit youz iz needing da B33r Man for reallz Yo..
    I’ll see the rest of youz gammers on CS/1.5
    i Midnight as Joy5t1ck_junki3 or disposable_assassin
    come and bash me there and i’ll pop a cap in your sorry 455. BWAHAHAAHAHAAAHAHAAAAAAAAa

  28. Captain Jesus

    Dec 16th, 2003

    This is so incredibly sad. I mean, I got hooked on Evercrack for a few months and got married in it, but virtual prostitution? That’s so incredibly sad. Don’t these people have lives? Or is this just the precursor to “The World” in .Hack//sign? Jesus,
    I can’t believe that I got linked to this shit from Penny-Arcade. Evangeline needs to be cornered in IRL and beaten to a pulp. This is why the middle east hates us. We waste so much time , energy, and what little brain power ewe have left on a virtual world populated by people made out of binary code. Doesn’t that strike you as just a little pathetic? Anyways, I truly hope that when I have children, they do not live in front of a computer like some people. And no matter what, ebonics and l337 do not count as foreign languages. Thank you.

  29. Charybdis

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Just a general post for the majority of slow-minded speed-bumps leaving their inane remarks on this thread…

    Who are you to judge? Evangeline has set up a business online with minimal overhead, and fantastic profit, and it’s a _game_. Enjoy the game, and if you don’t want to pay for Online sex…don’t walk into the brothel. If you do like it cyber…go for it.

    Get off your high horse and play the game…

  30. Surefoot

    Dec 16th, 2003

    She’s schitzo. You don’t have to read more than 1/4 of the log to see that. In reality, she (he?) probably isn’t a minor at all.

  31. helucinating elvis

    Dec 16th, 2003

    i applaud her use of a game to exploit thousands of people for money. but jesus christ, please stop butchering the english language. my last statement does not only apply to eve, but to many of the folks who posted before me. i concur with the above post as far as ebonics and 1337 not being foreign languages, nor any form of communication that should be used. ever.

    by the way, penny arcade is utterly fantastic

  32. Cyran

    Dec 16th, 2003

    Immature much Evangeline?
    Sure, being able to use a game in that fashion reflects badly on the game designers and Maxis itself, but that shouldn’t be used to exploit the system. Morally, Maxis should take responsibility for their action(s) or lack of; as the case seems to be and figure out a plan of action to either stop or at least limit what goes on.
    I enjoy having a lot of freedom in the games I play as much as the next person but you can’t tell me that being able to do things like this were really intended in the first place. If something like this is supposed to be a big point in a game, make the game revolve around it otherwise limit or remove.

  33. Fol67

    Jan 14th, 2007

    This person saddens me. You all do, getting hyped up over a silly little virtual lay. I am beginning to hate the internet.

  34. Rachel Summers

    Feb 12th, 2007

    Interviewer, interviewee, various critics, reviewers, gamers and soccer moms–I thank you all for your contributions. I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

  35. cestus

    May 8th, 2007

    A note on the act of cybering: You’ve got to be very desperate for a person of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re a homo) to even want to “cyber.” I stop to wonder if a person that is willing to cyber would also be willing to call phone sex companies… how pathetic. Cybersex isn’t real sex, nor will it ever be. So to those who “cyber,” go out and get a real girlfriend/boyfriend. Though, I doubt that would ever happen, seeing that simply going outside would be quite a large step for you.


    You’re a real goddamn moron. You could make exactly the same argument about looking at porn or masturbating to your imagined fantasies, and it would still be total bullshit. I’ve engaged in cybersex before, although not since I was a teenager, and I’ve also had plenty of REAL LIFE SEX too. Classing somebody instantly as socially degenerate because they typed dirty words to someone else on the internet is just plain fucking stupid.

    Nobody thinks cybersex is real sex. For you to imagine that the people who engage in it do reveals you as being an illegitimate mongoloid asswipe.

    I’m coming across as defensive here not because I am a huge lover of cybersex (which gets pretty old pretty fast, but can be pretty good fun if you’re a horny stoned teenager) but because this stupid fucktard attitude that so many people on the internet exhibits shits me to tears. You act so high and mighty, staring down your nose with disgust at these nerd-like fools who are so far beneath you that they should only be treated with the most scathing of words? All you’re doing by making such a ridiculous comment is revealing your own ignorance- you are stereotyping people, generalising them, and proving yourself to be so desperate to take the moral high ground that you will leap to the fray on the FUCKING INTERNET.

    Like you’ve never jerked off before, you ignorant pig.

  36. Glenda

    May 16th, 2007

  37. The Tenth Dentist

    May 19th, 2007

    someone said “there’s an 8:1 guy:girl ratio” in SL.
    I totally agree. This means chances of the person behind that avatar is a male are like 85%-90%.
    Haven’t you been in SL?
    There are more “girls” than men playing (and winning) intelectual games.
    In educational events there are allways a lot of “girls” trying to learn new (and computer related) stuff like building, programming, scripting! cmon… also most are blondes!!!

  38. Candie Drew

    Jul 12th, 2007

    Wow, this is so old. TSO 2007 barely has any scammers. Too bad Evangeline left, actually…
    It would sure spice up the game.

  39. Molen Oppewall

    Aug 8th, 2007

    In real life you can fornicate with your own genitals.

    Real life – get one!

    By Molen Oppewall

  40. NotWellReally Fredriksson

    Sep 6th, 2007

    I really just remember one point from this entire thread :-

    ” Posted by: SeeTheTruth | December 16, 2003 at 02:45 PM

    It was only a matter of fucking time. I’ve just been waiting for some company to produce the adults only XXX rated MMORPG. Verifying age would be a gigantic task, but it would make more money than EQ, AC, and DAoC combined. Why? People wanna get ass.”

    Kudos dude (or dudette!) welcome to SL 2007!

  41. Urizenus

    Sep 6th, 2007

    and a comment thread comes back to life!

    (and you’re right, that was an insightful post pack in ’03)

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