Op/Ed: The Great Watermelon Strikes Back

by Alphaville Herald on 25/06/08 at 12:10 am

Banned for abuse of support staff by vandalizing Torely Linden’s SL Wiki page?

by Jumpman Lane


No one labors under the impression that the kindly game gods of Linden Lab who traipse around the grid in (as) who-knows-wtf-that-avi-is-supposed-to-be avatars are anything but human on the meat side. However, some mistake the sudden appearance of a Linden-last-name tag as just that: a god descending from the heavens to bless us for a few moments with an aspect of the sublime, with the grace of the empyrean. Imagine my surprise upon discovering that Torley Linden has the soul of a watermelon colored turd.

I am not a saint. I swagger through the metaverse yapping with hotties, talking smack to tards, snapping snaps, and writing funny little things in forums, on blogs, and in my little porno rag…er mag: Slut Magazine. My few run-ins with Lindens have been limited to chummy convos at official lab office hours and a few electronic epistles decrying the fact that unfortunately once again, it has come to the game god’s attention that I have allegedly violated the community standards or terms of service.

Most metaverse residents have not had the benefit of such contact, so some long term residents ask, "Who are Lindens?". Hoping to improve Second Life, we decided to start a column in Slut Magazine called "Lindens! Who are these Wackjobs Anyways?" The first one was on then Linden Labs CEO Philip Linden entitled "Ol’ Dirt Face Phil: Mustache like Mud." We ran it. Nothing happened. Emboldened, we decided to turn our attention to the most famous Linden of them all: Torley.

I told as much to an old Class of 2003 pal of mine who knew Torley Linden as Torley Torgeson. (Torley had followed her around like a puppy in the past as I do now :p). Her response was, "Torley is a freak. Leave him alone." She then told me the tale of Torley’s great transformation from guy to gal. Most everyone in Second Life knows that Torley is a man who plays Second Life as a woman. No one knows why. We don’t either. Yet, we did discover HOW and the shit storm and the hurt feelings that followed.

Slut magazine excerpt

Slut magazine excerpt

We printed it. Then all manner of crazy things began to happen. The Great Watermelon struck back.

I suddenly found myself banned at The Man Statue on Phil’s Hill in Natoma, supposedly the oldest rezzed object in world (where we took some pictures that appeared in the Torley article) and banned at the Library of Prims. Both of these places are land owned by groups listing Torley as the owner. These bans are for 7200 minutes and always restart after 7199.

Next, the main picture on my Second Life Wiki User page suddenly changed from a hot one of me to a picture of a tard standing on a watermelon slice with Torley snickering beside. The page history showed these changes were made by one Torley Linden. Now, I found these bans quirky and kind of cute responses and I shrugged them off as I don’t lurk in those places. However, being slightly vain, I took the vandalism of my user wiki page as insulting as a pimp smack in the face! I wanted to put my foot in Torley’s crack, make him ask where his soldiers at (and I did)!

I added a couple of hot pics of me to his SL Wiki User page and a funny little story (read lie) about how we used to handg in watermelon patches discussing all the hookers I done banged and plotting and scheming on taking over the world. Which world? We didn’t know- any world. Second Life would do: me on the outside, him on the inside; him dressed as a watermelon, me dressed in a Spiderman suit-the rest being history. The Great Watermelon was not amused. Less than 30 minutes later, I was forced logged out of Second Life with my account unavailable for 14 days.

Now the odd and strange thing about this disciplinary action was that it was not accompanied by the usual email from Linden Labs detailing the crime and the punishment. I mean my banning at the Man Statue restarted as soon as it ended. Would this seemingly unofficial banning from Second Life restart too? These were the crappy thoughts that ran through my mind as Torley’s shabby little soul was just beginning to be revealed to me.

I logged back on as my faithful alt Jumpman Drutman and lightning quick IMed Zara Linden and she yapped back just as quick after a Tao of Linden-looking over a watermelon shoulder: “Yup, you’re banned for abuse of support staff (Turdly) by vandalizing his SL Wiki page. Submit a support ticket and we’ll email with words to that effect.” I trotted off to support somewhat relieved that with other Lindens watching and prepared to hit the "you suck, Torley" Love Machine Button, I was safe from any watermelon juice stained sideways permaban from Second Life.

Boy, was I wrong.

At this point, I proceeded to correct my still vandalized SL Wiki User page. Torley had indefinity blocked me from the SL Wiki but left my page up and intact with the crappy watermelon slice picture still on it. I saw this as a perfect opportunity for my enemies to do as they saw fit with my page (as Torley had done) with me unable to correct it. So, I used one of my Jumpman alts and fixed it, including among its contents a complete history of my Watermelon War to date and a list of my enemies (Torley for being a watermelon). This was all undone as nonsense, leaving only a picture of me and my birth date. I undid this. I returned my page to its former look, and became IP blocked from Second Life. Every alt I ever made was asked to age verify (even ones that had been age verified at Second Life dot com). Lastly, on the SL Wiki I was indefinitly blocked as a user, IP blocked and my User page permanently removed. Why all this? For using alts to abuse MYSELF, and using alts to vandalize MY OWN SL Wiki page.

This, oh gentle Second Life Herald readers and my only friends, is what I put to you. Does a company which we ultimately PAY to provide us a service one way or another NOT have to provide some sort of oversight even of its more popular minor functionaries?

My next stop is M Linden, then Ol Dirt Face Phil his god damn self. I want my SL Wiki page back!


67 Responses to “Op/Ed: The Great Watermelon Strikes Back”

  1. Camelcrem

    Jun 25th, 2008


    You go nigga! I hear you leik watermelonzzzzzzz

  2. Relic

    Jun 25th, 2008


  3. Cubey

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Sorry, but none of this is even remotely plausible. Yet again SL Herald proves itself a rag for lobbing unsubstantiated crap. This is nothing but baseless slander.

  4. anonymous

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Buddy, I think you might be the DUMBEST mother fucker I have ever seen. I read that shit on your screenshots and I could barely understand it. Srsly, I bet editing this article took FOREVER. You talk like a fucking idiot who can’t even speak English properly but SHOULD know better. If I were a linden I would ban you just for the way you butcher the English language. People like you make us look stupid to the rest of the world.

    You have NO business trying to run ANY publication. What you’re doing should be a criminal offense. Please sir, do everyone a favor and take that shit offline for srs. Stop writing until you can organize your thoughts and use proper spelling and grammar instead of flooding us with this n/iggerspeak, you faggot.

  5. Lord Kamina

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Torley is a humongous faggot and a self-prescribed “Aspie” (which roughly translates to future sociopath faggot who lives in his mother’s basement)

    He’s probably getting fucked in the ass as we speak by some big bald biker guy named Sweet Cheeks.

  6. Aya Pelous

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Yeah this is so 2 months ago Jump! I know we are friends on SL but god! Lets move on shall we…just sounds like a shameless plug for your mag. Also..you butchered the English Language you turd.

  7. Corona Anatine

    Jun 25th, 2008

    anonymous seems to sum up his use of english quite well

    (assuming its the same anonymous as on other occasions)

    there does however seem to be over use of the word ‘faggot’

    this is taken as having the american meaning of putting the penis in something other than a female human vagina

    Ii has often been shown that the biggest opponents of ‘faggotry’ are those who are suppressing a strong urge in that direction in themselves.

  8. SAYD'

    Jun 25th, 2008


    If SL were the Earth, than the Lindens would be like God. You try to fuck with God and hell ban you too, and trust me, it will be much worse and will be indefinite for sure.

    I ask you this, why even bother??. You know what will piss your enemies off more than anything, bieng nice to them:)

  9. Sigmund Leominster

    Jun 25th, 2008

    “Does a company which we ultimately PAY to provide us a service one way or another NOT have to provide some sort of oversight even of its more popular minor functionaries?”

    Mmh, an interesting comment. Grammatical and stylistic issues aside, I believe that any company DOES have the right to limit or even terminate its services to customers, provided it has reasonable cause to do so. If the behavior of a customer is such that is is considered illegal, destructive, or harmful to others, a company is obliged to act. In some cases, failure to act can lead to legal action against the company, ending in huge amounts of money being shuffled from the company and the litigants into the pockets of attorneys.

    Note that I am NOT making any comment here about whether Jumpman’s actions fall into any of the three categories mentioned; I am simply stating that as a point of fact, a company that is receiving payment for services CAN refuse to provide such service.

    Oh, and I love Lord Kamina’s comments: If ever proof were needed that rationale argument amongst adults is not dead, there it is. And that previous sentence is also intended to show that sarcasm and the subjunctive are also alive and kicking.

  10. Ti Dinzeo

    Jun 25th, 2008

    The Lindens may not be gods, but they ARE the ones who build and fix the grid. Without them, SL would not exist.

    As to the whole ‘watermelon war’ thing. It looks to me like Jumpman decided to grief the most visible Lindens intentionally trying to provoke a reaction. In my opinion he deserves anything he gets. These guys work hard to make our experience more enjoyable and for some reason, some residents have decided that they should be targeted for abuse.

    As to the butchering English thing. I never thought I’d agree with someone who posts as anonymous but as far as I care, anyone putting out journalistic style content should learn how to use a spelling and grammar checker to do it.

    Thankfully, I have to wonder why anonymous has something against small pieces of wood bundled together(check an English dictionary for the definition of faggot)or, if anonymous actually means an openly homosexual person, what’s wrong with that? Homosexuality is a natural thing, it’s not a choice.

    Ti Dinzeo

  11. Artemis Fate

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Slut magazine?


  12. anon

    Jun 25th, 2008

    >(assuming its the same anonymous as on other occasions)

    How stupid can you be? Do you even realize the dictionary definition of the word “anonymous”?

  13. Unpatriotic Honkey

    Jun 25th, 2008

    you should file an abuse retort

  14. Corona Anatine

    Jun 25th, 2008

    “big bald biker guy named Sweet Cheeks.”

    ??? when did any biker ues a name like ‘sweet cheeks’

    (tho i can imagine now i have said this , that a biker by that name will probably im me)

  15. corona anatine

    Jun 25th, 2008

    re – The first one was on then Linden Labs CEO Philip Linden entitled “Ol’ Dirt Face Phil: Mustache like Mud.” We ran it.

    Nothing happened.


    we decided to turn our attention to the most famous Linden of them all: Torley.

    this strongly suggests that had ‘nothing happened’ agian then this attention seeking fool would have kept on pushing and baiting the Linden’s and raising the vituperative level until they finally did react
    so all that happened was that the Linden’s reaction was sooner rather than later

    anyway one who deliberatley sets out to annoy until they get a reaction has only themselves to blame when such a reaction occurs

  16. anonymous

    Jun 25th, 2008

    @Corona Anatine

    Actually, the word faggot loses it’s meaning when you’ve heard it enough. It doesn’t even bring gayness to mind when I use it or hear it anymore. I’m not sure if it ever did. Notice that it’s typically only an insult when directed at people who aren’t gay.

  17. Gay 4 Phillip

    Jun 25th, 2008

    What I find so hilarious here is all these people who are otherwise flamingly liberal/democrat (in the US sense) in the real world, but sit in their FICish glory in the butt-cheeks of the love machine, have absolutely no desire to allow anybody else to freely express themselves or have any due process rights. Moreover they are entirely IGNORANT of numerous Supreme Court rulings dating over the entire 20th century and before, stating that American citizens and legally visiting foreign aliens do not lose their constitutional rights when they are visiting or residing in so-called “company towns”, i.e. jurisdictions where all real estate is owned by one corporate entity.

    It is obvious to anyone with any legal training that SL is the very epitome of a “company town”, so all these claims by screaming lefties here who seem to suddenly have converted to laissez faire propertarians in this case only, are entirely baseless and evident of the moral bankruptcy of the Linden/FIC aristocracy.

  18. LouLou Loring

    Jun 25th, 2008

    I wouldn’t mind if someone who publishes a rag called ‘Slut Magazine’ would be banned from SL for lifetime – just for being totally tasteless.

  19. Lord Kamina

    Jun 25th, 2008

    As if anyone has rational discussions on a glorified tabloid.

    SLH = shitstorm 24/7.

    Anyone that pretends to have any sort of rational discourse on SLH is a moron and is in severe need of head trauma. (BONK)

  20. horn avro

    Jun 25th, 2008

    What happened to slutmaglane.com? Torley disable that too?

  21. Scout Detritus

    Jun 25th, 2008

    That’s telling them, Intlibber. Only you would push an agenda like that – it’s how I knew it was you. If it were a real place that would make sense and there’d be legal precedent, but it’s a HUGE leap of logic to say a computer game is a “company town”. If you think you’re going in as a legal equal, you’re wasting your time and energy. You’re not an equal – you’re just another customer, and not even a very important one – and if you have a lawyer telling you otherwise, get another lawyer.

  22. Law Professor

    Jun 25th, 2008

    @Gay4Phillip: ‘It is obvious to anyone with any legal training that SL is the very epitome of a “company town”‘

    Ummm, not it’s not. But thanks for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.

  23. Artemis Fate

    Jun 25th, 2008

    “It is obvious to anyone with any legal training that SL is the very epitome of a “company town”"

    Last I checked, no one lived in Second Life in the real sense of the word. People have houses but they don’t need them. Second Life is a service, and non-vital services can be denied to anyone for pretty much any reason they choose.

  24. Rock Ramona

    Jun 25th, 2008

    first of all,who is this guy,and what is slut magazine,ive never heard of either,why is this even in the herald???

  25. Night Morrisey

    Jun 25th, 2008

    Alright…I’m gonna get hate mail for this, but here goes.

    Jumpman, you remind me of a schoolyard bully. Upon finding someone different, someone you don’t understand, someone who ultimately threatens you on a level you aren’t even able to articulate, you gleefully torment them. As bullies aren’t usually known for their intelligence, apparently neither are you, displaying outraged shock to discover that the object of your abuse can fight back, WILL fight back, and in this case, ultimately kick your ass (as if your crimes against the English language weren’t bad enough to warrant punishment all on their own). You picked a fight, found yourself outmatched, and got schooled. Cry me a river.

    But this isn’t what will earn me the hate mail. Here goes…

    I am so deeply, profoundly, utterly EXHAUSTED by the excruciatingly obnoxious culture of Linden Lab haters that I believe i could literally vomit. You and your ilk come off as nothing more than petulant, ungrateful children, taking and taking and taking, only to complain that you haven’t been given enough. Your voices can be heard all over SL (though nowhere so loud as in HIP and OIP, in full hearing of noobs desperately trying to find their place in this world – as if there aren’t enough obstacles against them). If the lot of you were simply complaining, your constant droning would be unbearable. However, mere moaning is apparently not sufficiently caustic, so you lace your incessant fussing with slander, bile, and unmitigated hate. Quite simply, you are an insufferably wretched lot of spoiled brats.

    Now, before the entire population of SL descends upon me, let me make something clear. I’m not saying that SL is perfect, that the Lindens are divine, or that the metaverse is ticking along just flawlessly. Am I deeply alarmed by the recent restricted logins of free account holders? Yes. Am I disappointed that the SL birthday celebration is not a open and full representation of SL users? Yes. Am i troubled that Linden Labs often seems to respond to inworld concerns with poor communication at best, and seeming indifference at worst? Yes. Am i frustrated (sometimes to my emotional limit) by crashes, lag, inventory loss, and seemingly incessant bugginess? YES YES YES!!! But if I’m saying that i can be just as frustrated as any other SL user over the general state of affairs, then exactly what point am I trying to make about you Jumpman, and the other haters like you? Well, two points, actually:

    First – There is nothing so unattractive as selfish ungratefulness, and it seems to be a badge you wear with pride. When i listen to people like you, it sounds as if you feel SL is a punishment, a blight on your life, nothing short of a torment sent as the wrath of God himself. And honestly, in your case Jumpman, i marvel at that attitude. You speak with great relish (though no eloquence) about “yapping with hotties, talking smack to tards, snapping snaps”. If I’m successfully decoding that, you’re saying that you have quite an active social life. You are apparently a voracious participant in the SL community, to the degree that you love commenting in the blogs and in the forums. Hell, Jumpman, you’ve even started your own porno mag – you’re a SL magazine editor! While I admit that I wont be checking out your “rag”, i don’t need to do so to make my point, which is that SL has apparently added a tremendous amount of value to your life experience. And yet all that blessing does nothing to mitigate your rancor. Its called “biting the hand that feeds you,” and not only is it stupid, its repulsively selfish. While I share the same concerns and suffer the same inconveniences as the rest of the SL population, i have to balance that frustration against the incredible riches of experience and relationship that SL has brought into my life. SL may be flawed, but its beautiful, and it means so much to me – and apparently you too!

    And second – By taking the moral low ground with your insults, name calling, and borderline hate speech you lose the authority to be heard and taken seriously, ultimately belittling the very real issues that face the SL community. In other words, if I were a Linden I wouldn’t listen to you either – and in tuning you and the many screeching voices like yours out, I might lose my ability to hear the reasonable and rational voices of others who have important things to say. Everyone knows that criticism is a lot more bearable if given constructively by someone you know cares for you, and that advice is more readily taken when given by someone who you respect. By being someone utterly unworthy of respect, you may have the right to yammer as loudly as you like, but you have abdicated the right to be heard.

    So here’s my challenge, to all the hateful Linden-bashers, to all the bitter and jaded oldies whose bitching and bellyaching are an intolerable din keening thru the metaverse. If you’re so god-awful miserable, put your money where your mouth is and leave. If you are as many and as influential as you think you are, you will send an indelible message to the Linden Monarchy you so despise. And if you aren’t…well, SL will be a helluva lot nicer place without you.

    And as my exquisitely eloquent father used to say, “Don’t let screen door smack you on the ass on your way out.”

  26. Prokofy Neva

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Oh, put a lid on it, Morrissey, you’re a pompous ass.

    I’m finding Jumpman’s fake ghetto talk, or whatever it is, starting to grate by the third reading now (he first published this same article on my blog comments), but aside from the gratuitous Linden bashing and retardery here, there’s the very real issue that Lindens do indeed abuse the power of office to settle scores. This is documented abundantly, the Herald should always be leading the charge on this.

    Recently I blogged 3-4 very critical articles of Torley because he had become ridiculously propagandistic, controlling, and intrusive on the official blog and his own. He’s always been a smarmy little shill for LL, like a cybertronic Pollyana, but it was never this bad — most people found him fairly harmless.

    Yet, lately, it’s been taking a real edge. He even replied to my blogs objecting to his insanity lately with yet another blog trying to discredit those who cried “Orwell” about his Newspeak — and here, he’s the one with words like “mindjunk” and “gladdicted” that make you just want to puke (he’s been printing reams of agitprop lately claiming it’s just brainwashing that we can’t all seem to love Windlight and can’t get it running on our computers).

    So, two things rapidly happen in a row, after a very long time with no disciplinary actions (because I do not deserve them): a) suddenly, a threat on the JIRA personally from Torley and claim I’m in an “edit war,” when of course Torley is always conspicuosly absent when anyone edits me, and then a sudden disciplinary action notice, without reference to any concrete JIRA action — just vague stuff about violating their “caveats” — no text is edited or removed, which is the usual way to handle disliked posts on the JIRA; b) a sudden removal of content from my land via deletion, which Lindens rarely do if it is not illegal, and the issuing of a disciplinary action again after a minor dispute with a neighbour with an ugly sign, — though there was nothing actionable on my side, and that neighbour even littered my land — and then removal of the sign again without notice.

    Torley earlier banned me from the official Linden blog, again without notice — extrajudicial punishment seems to be his hallmark. I get an IM — and not one of those official forms. And why? Because…I criticize libsecondlife and Cory Linden, although Cory Linden himself is able to handle it perfectly well, and *answers my question* at the town hall, calling it a good one. There he is, answering my question, and in mid-sentence, I am booted from the sim by Torley and kicked from the world for 4 hours. No notice again.

    I continue to maintain that Torley is a liability.

  27. Corona Anatine

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Actually, the word faggot loses it’s meaning when you’ve heard it enough.

    so basically what anonymous is saying is that they use words which have no meaning

    so why bother using it at all


    assesment of the comments made by ‘anonymous’ show a marked similarity each time
    for example the use of the word faggot
    this would indicate that ‘anonymous’ is mainly used by one individual
    presumably someone afriad of revealing their true name for some reason

    perhaps they are really Phil Linden?

  28. Corona Anatine

    Jun 26th, 2008

    first of all,who is this guy,and what is slut magazine,ive never heard of either,why is this even in the herald???

    that is easily answered

    the purpose of the herald is to report news
    ie to disseminate information you would not otherwise hear about

    whether it was good news or worthwhile knowing is another matter

  29. FlipperPA Peregrine

    Jun 26th, 2008

    I can’t emphasize enough how much I sincerely mean this: get a life, you really need one.

  30. Witness X

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Hey, weren’t you kicked out of Sims Online for being batshit crazy to the point that not even Electronic Arts could tolerate you in the online community anymore?

    When you make absolutely insane allegations about people with no actual connect-the-dots logic behind them and scream them publicly, loud and long, sooner or later you’re going to attract negative attention. And when you do say really intelligent things that people need to hear and pay attention to (and sometimes you do, though it grates on my nerves to admit it) the rest of the lunacy you babble undermines your message so much that nobody hears it or dismisses it out of hand, just because it’s Prok that said it.

    Next you’ll be saying that God is a fraud and that He has it in for you bigtime, because all your nasturtiums wilted.

  31. AbsolutelyMate

    Jun 26th, 2008

    “I can’t emphasize enough how much I sincerely mean this: get a life, you really need one.”

    Here – Here!

    couldnt have said it better myself


  32. Jumpman Lane

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Hey turds! Aya there went ur slut mag cover! and that’s the second time u put ya nose in my business. you must want a hoorenbek loafer in YOUR crack! Prok. Prok. Prok. You know you LOVE my style! chix dig meh. We agree on the essentials, that lil tin-plated watermelon Linden is outta control! Thanx Ms Mistral. The Seconond Life Herald took a bold stand! For those who unnastan and comisserate coolies. As for the rest. I know why ya face gets wet every time a Lindens’ balls sweat. Ya hangin on their nut hairs! As for who I am. read meh in world profile
    “All eyes on me!
    and I’m Jumpy!
    And you can’t be me!
    And I know that aint fair!
    But I don’t care!” J.L.

  33. Prokofy Neva

    Jun 26th, 2008

    And…like anonymous fucktards named “Witness X” are credible lol?

    I was never kicked out of Electronic Arts or any game of EA’s whatsoever, that’s one of those myths perpetrated by the Herald. I’ve been a member in good standing of The Sims Online for years.

    I’m glad I’m free to think and write the truth as I see it, and not hobbled by fear of appearances or crippled by concerns about whether I “undermine my message” like people who won’t put even their SL names on forums.

  34. anon

    Jun 26th, 2008



  35. Jumpman Lane

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Fall dead Flipper! ur like a giant, foot long turd we saw on a field trip in 6th grade at the water treatment plant. like wtf! that came OUTTA somebody’s crack! got flushed! and is still here! hehehehehe.

  36. Slut mag HOttie

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Hey Jumpman lane is the BIggest POrn STar!!..

    I love him He is so HOT and SO Crazy G.Q HOttie..and a Player ALL the girls Love him and all the Guys HAte him…

    The Hotest Girlz are ALways Sorounding him ..

    Their is No other better He is the Larry M@therf@cken FLint of SL..

    THe lindens Tried to bann Him

    But He is “Indestructable!!
    #1 torley sux

  37. Slut mag HOttie

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Comming from a Girl WHo loves JUMPMAN lane ANd ALL his GIrls
    You HAters must Be torly
    in Hiding
    CAUs he wasnt succsesfull in banning Jumpman caus he is Larry FLint of SL…
    AN t he lindens take Torley as Joke thats why JUmpman LAne is BAck
    caus even the lindens THink he is a ROck star!!

  38. Jumpman Lane

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Screw you Flipper. Somebody told meh that off alla comments i should be insulted by urs (as i KNOW Prok and actually am a fan! Hi Prok!). I said “who is this flipper turd?” Seems ur one of those are-they-are-STILL-hirin-janitors-at-the-lab-Wouldnt-ya-like-to-be-a-linden-too type of tards. “they talkin smack about Towley!” Man, fall dead! I do what i wanna do. Just cause you started playin this back in 03 dont mean shit. You werent the ONLY one who did! Techno nerd. I got my eye on you! You better run weak sauce!

  39. Witness X

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Oh goody.

    Another idiot for the Hall of Fame.

  40. Jezabell B

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Comment :)

  41. LOL

    Jun 26th, 2008

    what the hell is going on here? are you long time heraldites gonna let jump(on a dick)man lane and his gang of sluts (who are most definitely jump’s alts) come here and take over your comments section?

    i think not! show him who the real sl bosses are! xD

  42. FlipperPA Peregrine

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Running scared, amig0! Shivering in my boots. Seriously.

    I’m right there with ya, Witness X. :)

  43. Cai Pirinha

    Jun 26th, 2008

    Well Prokofy, what do you expect?

    You are bitching around for years about pretty much everybody and everything in SL and clogging all forums (that weren’t fast enough to ban you) with your extremist opinions and your “bolshevism” bullsh*t. You don’t need to wonder that people start to get sick and tired of you and just shut you up.

    I guess, you annoyed some people in LL so much that they start to see your money not as revenue but as compensation for pain and suffering. If you go on like this, sooner or later LL might decide that your money is not worth the trouble and kick you off the grid.

    PS: Windlight is awesome.
    PPS: Who is that Jumpman Lame?

  44. Lykurgus

    Jun 27th, 2008

    (Prokofy):”Oh, put a lid on it, Morrissey, you’re a pompous ass…(cut for length)..abuse the power of office to settle scores..(cut for length)..documented abundantly..(cut for length)..smarmy little shill for LL

    ..(cut for length)..claiming it’s just brainwashing that we can’t all seem to love Windlight and can’t get it running on our computers).

    ..(cut for length)..very long time with no disciplinary actions (because I do not deserve them)..(cut for length)..just vague stuff about violating their “caveats”..(cut for length)..

    Torley earlier banned me..(cut for length)..extrajudicial punishment seems to be his hallmark..(cut for length)..Because…I criticize libsecondlife..(cut for length)..I continue to maintain that Torley is a liability.”

    Prok, You wouldn’t happen to BE Jumpman Lane would you? He did admit to being an alt wheeled out for kneecapping attempts.

    You’re “not hobbled by fear” of “undermining” your “message”? Who’d have thought:)

  45. Witness X

    Jun 27th, 2008

    That’s what LL did with Woodbury University (and unfortunately there’s still a mess to clean up, so they’re about to do it again).

    I see all these people posturing in the press, thinking it’s all about public opinion, and not even most of the public in SL, just the people who read the Herald. I’ll tell you waht it’s all really about.

    It’s about how much you’re costing Linden Lab to keep you around, versus how much you’re either making for them or giving them directly. The W-Hat lost a sim over it – so did Woodbury – and it’s not about the politics, or how well you can or can’t get along. It’s about the money. If your social skills are SO POOR that you start causing drama at the Linden Lab corporate level, either by creating situation after situation that Linden Lab has to step in to resolve, or by involving them in one silly pointless legal action based on your own wishful thinking instead of actual case law, then LL will, without explanation or ceremony, call up your user profile and hit that ever-handy delete key.

    Sometimes they’ll go the extra mile and actually sic the Feds on you. And when they do, you don’t hear about it. Some high profile troublemaker you used to see all the time just suddenly goes away.

  46. Jumpman Lane

    Jun 27th, 2008

    Hey turds! I got a final solution for meh ticket.

    —– Original Message —–
    Subject: Ticket #4051-4826471: Sent Final Resolution (indefinitely blocked on sl wiki)
    Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2008 16:04:35
    From: Linden Lab – Support
    To: Jumpman Lane
    We have solved your issue

    Solution: Hi there,
    Due to violations on the public wiki site, your user page has been blocked.
    You can contact Torley Linden (*** ***@lindenlab.com) directly if you wish to appeal this ban on the public wiki site.

    Best regards,
    Linden Lab Support

    Ticket Information:
    Ticket #: 4051-4826471
    Date Created: 5/18/2008 10:48 AM PDT

    To view or update the information about this issue, please visit (and login at): https://secondlife.com/support/?ticketID=4826471
    Help Desk and Customer Support Software by Parature\

    and this is what i dashed off

    Your co-workers in support suggested in their final solution to ticket # 4051-4826471 that I contact you here. I suppose you expect an apologia, a few mea culpa(s); but, continuing in Latin, all I feel is this: ut vidi, ut insanii, ut mihi male effectus est-you know, melancholy in the Burton sense. Sure, I poked you with a pointy stick; and, you sure sprang up kicking all full of life and vinager. Though, beyond a certain point your responses make you seem a bit the tyro. Using SL’s disciplinary mechanisms so sloppily betrays the personal quality of your rancor. Hehehe. Oh well. ANYWAYS, I want my SL Wiki User page and Jumpman Lane unblocked on the SL wiki because I am vain and wish to wallow in my vanity. I want my banning at The Man Statue on Phil’s Hill in Natoma to tick out once and for all after 7200 minutes I LIKE SL history and wish to share it with my uninterested friends. Not everyone likes the Great Watermelon. Perhaps I’ve
    inherited my dislike unduly from some of your former friends. Maybe not.

    @ flipper how come alla your fellow class of 2003 tard pals say u r a pussy? u were shakin b 4 ya ever heard of meh!
    @ witness if its a problem ai sugess ya let it go, if its a problem the chopper starts drummin
    @ LoL do it for the lulz in ya granny panties!

    message to the rest of ya haters middle finger to the wind! its a new day. and the world is mine!

  47. d3adlyc0d3c

    Jun 27th, 2008

    @Witness X

    More wishful thinking. I’m still around. Feds have never whisked away anyone involved in Second Life. If they had got me it’d be all over the news. I live in a smaller town filled with stupid people so the local news would pick up on this kind of thing pretty quick since it isn’t very common here. It would even possibly make it’s way to CNN for all of three minutes or something.

    Feds don’t care about me. I quit griefing in December 07 and no one wants to be the first person to try and prosecute a griefer in Second Life because then they’d set the precedent. It’s hard enough to successfully prosecute cases of blatant computer crime let alone self replicating penii and shit. That means if and when the first griefer is taken to court the verdict will determine whether cases like that will go to court in the future. A ‘Not Guilty’ verdict means that griefers can torment pathetic asshats such as yourself all day and your pathetic v& threats will be useless even to the noobs.

    Let go of your vendetta already, it’s really pretty fucking sad. Don’t you have some e-buddies to fuck or something?


    I don’t know why but I REALLY don’t like you. You talk like you’re trash and you think that your e-hookers make you cool. Just think about it for a minute. It’s pretty stupid, huh?

  48. d3adlyc0d3c

    Jun 27th, 2008

    Also, the word ‘turd’ is really a childish redneck term. Why on earth someone would use it so often and proudly is beyond me.

  49. Witness X

    Jun 27th, 2008

    I know you got a little visit, deadheadly, and recently, so your holier-than-thou crap doesn’t wash. Wire fraud, all sorts of stuff. Just because they went away for a while doesn’t mean you’re off the radar.

  50. d3adlyc0d3c

    Jun 27th, 2008

    LMAO Wire Fraud? Dude, seriously get a new source for infos. Only place I’ve ever seen an FBI agent that I am aware of has been on TV. Cry Moar?

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