Pappy Enoch’s Hard Alley Party Party HQ Destroyed!!!

by Alphaville Herald on 14/02/10 at 8:46 am

Violence in mayoral race escalates – candidate moved to an undisclosed location

by Journey Yellowlist, Investigative Reporter


The race for mayor of the Hard Alley roleplay community was hardly underway when one of the leading candidates, Pappy Enoch, was nearly killed in a frightening terrorist attack. Mr. Enoch barely survived the complete destruction of his trailer campaign headquarters and media center. A group calling itself The Avengers of Purity has taken responsibility for planting a bomb on Mr. Enoch's property, then following up with a coup-de-grace rocket attack. 

This reporter responded to a frantic call from Mr. Enoch, who issued this statement:

"I were dead drun…I means workin' my fingers into bones on my latest campaign promises, when I heared me a sound like bacon fryin' and I got rite hungry. Then I saw a big ol' bum in my headquarters, fuse lit, a-fixin' to blow me to kingdom come!"


Mr. Enoch, no stranger to danger, hurled the device out the door, and the weapon completely destroyed a 1947 International Harvester pickup truck, 4 cinder blocks supporting the vehicle as it awaited long deferred repairs,  one sleeping hog, 60 jugs waiting to be filled with "corn-based fine distilled spirits", and a complete run of Barnyard Tails, an acclaimed 1970s monthly that focuses on intimate human-animal relationships.

security camera captures intruder near ethanol distillation unit

"Boo hoo hoo, I loved that-there truck," Mr. Enoch lamented. "And my library am now ashes! How will my little boy learn readin' so he can git into Harvard? How can folks blow up literature that good, I asks you?"

But the terrorists were not so easily defeated. They soon returned, and several images of the fiends were captured on Mr. Enoch's security system, a high-tech system using something called a "Super 8 camera."

an avenger of purity poses outside Enoch's campaign HQ before the attack

Mr. Enoch had scarcely checked on the safety of his adopted two-headed son, Ulysses Diomedes Enoch, when the fiends struck again. With several well-aimed shots, Enoch's headquarters was reduced to a mass of flames and scrap metal.

Finding himself outgunned (only one shell was handy for the double-barrel) Enoch fled the scene and is in hiding, with his son, until the conclusion of the Mayoral race.  A note was found near the burning ruins:

"We shall not stop until the walking abortion known as Pappy Enoch is removed from the world of matter. His very presence is an affront to taste, decency, good breeding, personal hygiene, dental care, conventional sexuality inside the sacred bonds of marriage, and correct use of tableware. He expunged with all other salacious sybarites who pretend to the title of Mayor in that cesspool of septic sexuality, Hard Alley.

Wild Orchid, Avenger of Purity"

The Party Party's campaign spokesman, Juniper Hogwallup Snopes, Esq, was red-faced as he addressed a throng of at least 3 reporters.

"Is THIS to be the standard by which the outside world judges us?  If we cannot hold a fair election without violence, who will step forward as our public servants? The people's candidate, Pappy Enoch, will not be deterred by these pusillanimous poltroons, or the horrendous heap of hokum  they have piled upon Mr. Enoch's lilly-white reputation and good character! This, my friends, as we said in Ol' Virginny in 1861, means WAR."

31 Responses to “Pappy Enoch’s Hard Alley Party Party HQ Destroyed!!!”

  1. Call ill Fengmann

    Feb 14th, 2010

    See what happens, when the real superheroes in their correct costumes and with the powers of their equipment and their superhero database system are not allowed to act properly?! No matter which side would have hired my true justice group for defense, the other side would not have survived and would additionally have been reported by hundreds or even dozens of ARs.
    Where is justice gone?

  2. marilyn murphy

    Feb 14th, 2010

    i notice candidate enoch casually mentioning the death of a sleeping hog. as tho it were of little note. his careless act in exploding a sleeping hog has me a bit unsettled and i am sure PETA will not support his candidacy. unless candidate enoch makes a public declaration to the effect that he can let sleeping hogs lie, i don’t believe i can either.

  3. Zachary Dumart

    Feb 14th, 2010

    PFFT – explosives? How unoriginal. It’s hard alley! I was hoping for death by sodomy.

  4. Senban Babii

    Feb 14th, 2010

    Retaliation by other candidates for recent accusations of bestiality at the dinner table?

    When will this cycle of pixelated carnage end? What kind of world are we building for our multi-headed children?

  5. GLE

    Feb 14th, 2010

    I <3 Wild Orchid

    Will you be my spandex clad valentine?

  6. Juniper Hogwallup Snopes, Esq.

    Feb 14th, 2010

    To the fine readers of the Herald, I wish to share this plaintive missive, found in a trashcan near the Calleta Hobo Infohub:

    “Oh woe am me. Am THIS what a honest publick servant gits when he gives of hisself in ordur to fill his pock…I means fill the voters with hope fo’ a bettur future?

    I wants to git sum facts down here, things that am plain as the nose on the top of my head:

    Point numbur WUN) @ them-there PETER-head animal lovers, I says the follering: I luvs hawgs, sleeping or awake, specially as bacon, fatback, scrapple, or sausage with some eggs, red-eye gravy, and biskits.

    Ol’ Daisy the Hawg were like a wife tu me…oh boo hoo hoo I will git my revenge on them flowery superhero rascals!

    Point numbur TU) @Zachary:Death by Sodermy am a first-rate idear! I plans to make it the penalty for all crimes when I are mayor, and for Jumpman Lane just because.

    Point numbur TREE) @Miss Babii, who done asked, ‘What kind of world are we building for our multi-headed children?’ It are a cold an cruel fake world, missy. But I ain’t a-goin’ down wif’out a fite!

    I done rolled some blingtar…I means borrowed me some cash from some loyal and well-heeled supporters and gone to the fake gun shop.

    And if’n…if’n…sum’fin fatal happens to me, my wonderful bundle o’ joy, Uli-Dio Enoch will stand (well, he kin crawl) in the Mayor race! Think on that: you kin git two heads for the price of one Mayor!

  7. Hard Rust

    Feb 14th, 2010

    I fully endorse campaign violence. I am still waiting on a good hot sex scandal, though. I may have to get some of the candidates into compromising positions myself just so I can get some incriminating pictures.

  8. Shanna McCullough

    Feb 14th, 2010

    The Pink Party is genuinely shocked at this turn of events. We were under the impression that the so called terrorists were a film crew dcoumenting Pappy’s Hog Breeding techniques who accidently put a a butt out on well his butt causing a huge methane explosion.

    Upon reflection however, and in the unlikely event the Pink Party does not previal, I’m willing to be pressed into service as Mr Enoch’s executioner given my vast experience in his preferred form of punishment.

  9. Stroker Serpentine

    Feb 14th, 2010

    I have dispatched the “Strokerz Girlz” to provide around the clock protection for Mr. Enoch. Our “Head” of Security Windsong Charming and her 1st Lieutenant Orgasma Dimsum will make short work of this Wild Orchid insurrection. I only hope that our team doesn’t go MIA like the last time they were on recon in Hard Alley. Pappy, you’re in good hands (and legs, and breasts, and..) I will protect my invest..err interests at all costs. Even if it turns into a lesbian catfight!

  10. Scylla Rhiadra

    Feb 15th, 2010

    Hahah!! This is all VERY amusing . . . !

    Just out of curiosity — I’d ask Hard Rust, but I doubt he’d say — how much does this kind of continuing PR and advertising cost?

    Or is it just that, after all of the free coverage of Midian City the Herald has been offering over the last month or so, the Herald decided it was only fair the share the wealth around? Can we expect the Crack Den to be featured front-and-centre in a series of knee-slapping stories in March?

    I confess I’m all a-tingle with anticipation. And I’m very much looking forward to the Herald’s upcoming new restaurant column, featuring fine dining at the best Dolcett sims in SL!

  11. All Seeing Eye

    Feb 15th, 2010

    Scylla Rhiadra is upset over this fine magazine’s coverage of SL stuff like this here mayor thing. So upset she reads every Herald word looking for rape. She has a lambasting going on over on LL’s shitorium trying to raise a mob over the fun people are having in SL. Is Syphilia.. I mean Scylla someone the herald pissed off? Is she looking for special attention? Here is her turd hurling thread:

  12. “Even if it turns into a lesbian catfight!”

    HOO WHEE. I dun bought me a 25lb bag o’ popcorn.

    Stroker, them gals makes a po boy sit rite up an pay sum attention, let me tell you what! I ain’t feelin’ no pain..hell, ain’t feelin’ nuffin but seven kinds of good.

    I thought you had to be Presidunce of the US to git this-here kind o’ treatment! All that am missin’ from ol’ Bubba Clinton’s years am a gal in a Razorback hat!

  13. marilyn murphy

    Feb 15th, 2010

    i went to the link that “eye” posted above. my, my. that thing veered off into jewish concentration camps and american indian designated hitters. this thread is not nearly so funny. if you want to see funny, read people trying to get serious about who is a real american indian, in a thread about rp sims in second life.
    @scylla: hi scylla. actually i do respect your trying to do something about how women are percieved. however, taking the long view, it hasn’t been a hundred years since women even got to vote. since then we have been represented by several secretary of state positions, two vice presidential nominations by major parties, and the glass ceiling is cracking all over the place. on the other hand, a lot of women just want to lead quiet happy lives without a lot of notice. and then there are a lot of women who just want to have fun. same as men. basically i am unsure as to what u are trying to accomplish. those who agree with your stance already do and will continue, and those who don’t won’t and won’t change their minds simply because of something posted on the net. you once admonished me not to expect actual give and take on the net. i am guessing i need to give u the same advice. i did learn from my attempt at serious discussion.
    oh…where was i..oh yes. forget it pappy, trying to steer the blame onto the terrorists is a republican ploy. when something goes wrong, blame terrorists, or if you are a democrat, blame global warming. you are directly responsible for the death of that hog and you cannot duck it. suck it up, and i don’t mean the jug juice.

  14. Hard Rust

    Feb 15th, 2010

    Stroker! Help! I’m being attacked! I need two… no, three… of your Strokerz Girlz to cum protect me! They need to cover me with their bodies so I don’t get harmed! They can find me in my bedroom.

  15. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 15th, 2010

    arent some of those stroker gals ur alts stroker? hehehehe corsi said they were :)

  16. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 16th, 2010

    heheheh while ur runnin round makin crappy sex toys in an attempt to defame the Great Jump Lane Linden Lab’s lawyers are picking apart your frivilous law suit.


    i unno wtf they’ll do about the massive ar campaign i launched agasint ya for kix but them lindens love me at the lab. they answer my support tickets pretty quick.

    im gonna win caws u cant win punk. u lost when u started this shit!

    Ticket Details Back

    Ticket Summary
    Ticket #: 4051-7380753
    Email Notification (Contact Info): Yes
    Status: Closed
    Date Created: 15/2/2010 5:16 PM PDT
    Last Updated: 15/2/2010 10:30 PM PDT

    Ticket Description

    Summary: wondering about a reported abuse

    Ticket Type: Special Questions – Basic account or Guest Login

    Contact Email address:

    Did you check the Knowledge Base?: Yes, and I have further questions

    Preferred Language: English

    Details: i abuse reported a “famous” avatar in Second Life and have been taunted by this guy [Stroker Serpentine] as being TOO famous for this matter to be even LOOKED INTO by Linden Lab. This guy created an object and passedit out around the grid whose sole purpose is to defame me. Its all covered in this referenced abuse report i filed on the object inworld. [ #1795598] Abuse Report i would hope that it is at least looked at by the resi team in second life. thanx in advance

    (15/2/2010 5:44 PM PDT) Hello Jumpman,

    Thank you for contacting Linden Lab Support with this issue.

    The abuse report has been received and will be investigated by one of the governence team members.

    If you have any further questions please do ask.

    Kind regards


    Linden Lab Support.

  17. Supply Chain

    Feb 16th, 2010

    I see that you can get your FREE Humpboy Lane here also

  18. I dun ordered me 7 of them Humpmen for my hidin’ place, Supply!

    One a day keeps ol’ trouble away.

    Of course, I ain’t so desperate now, since Stroker’s gals started strokin’ me.

    Now Ms. Marilyn, I ain’t a-blamin’ no tourists or global warmin’ for nuffin.

    I blames them Damn Yankees when I cain’t blame my rotten sister. She done put me on the trail of shame n’ sorrow when she outrun me that time. I didn’t git me no satisfaction so I become ornery and turned to crime.

  19. Supply Chain

    Feb 16th, 2010

    @Pappy – Glad things are sorted for ya and from what I hear on the grid the Humpboy Lanes are spreading faster than the clap in an infected brothel, gonna cost this Stroker fella a bomb in free gifts, maybe a Humpboy Lane gallery on that flicker site is in order.

  20. Marty

    Feb 16th, 2010

    “Can we expect the Crack Den to be featured front-and-centre in a series of knee-slapping stories in March?”

    There is nothing funny about a RP sim that likes to glorify the exploitation of children.

  21. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 16th, 2010

    @ Marty you’re 100% right marty. nothing funny about these people. Stroker creates an age-play sex toy and passes it around second life in an attempt to defame me outof some twisted formof revenge lol. ballsy move. but creating closet pedo content in second life is not my idea of a good move when you’re suing linden lab.

    i mean
    1. humpBOY lame instead of Humpman Lame
    2. the smallish size of the doll compared to the pic on xstreet

    child abuse, child pornography, age play and age play sex toys are NOT things Jumpman Lane, Slut Mag or any good people in SL tolerate!

  22. Hard Rust

    Feb 16th, 2010

    @Marty – Where in this story was there any mention of ageplay at Crack Den? I can tell you from personal experience that most of these “ageplay” photos are staged by people like you and griefers who tp in, take a quick pic, then get out fast and start filing the ARs. Ageplay is not allowed or condoned at Hard Alley and anyone caught attempting it is banned immediately, and I am sure Crack Den is equally vigilant. We follow every Linden rule for Adult sites and more. Only idiots like you can take a fun RP election like this and turn it into a discussion of paedophilia. Makes me wonder who the real sick bastards are.

  23. watcher

    Feb 16th, 2010

    I Love how this election actually turned out to have some violence, corruption, drama, and now a full blown gay sex scandal. What gives me the even bigger lolz is Jumpman Lane’s Abuse Report, I had expected that to remain the stupidest thing ever, but then Humpboy Lame showed up on the new listings over on Xstreet. Check out the comments on it as well, too Classic! I can not wait to see what happens when the votes are counted.

  24. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 17th, 2010

    well hard rust i’m an idiot too. I agree with Marty. hasn’t your pal created and age play sex toy which you have passed out in your groups and TBC in order to defame MEEE your former pal. heheheheh. will you sellout Stroker like you sold me out when the time comes.

    Stroker sure appears to be sodoming a child on xstreet in that pic. he should have named it HUMP MAN instead of HUMP BOY and made it taller.

    you are a flake and a hypocrite which is why i told you to get on like u been shit on!

  25. Deacon

    Feb 17th, 2010

    If I was to find ageplay I would take a picture, file an AR, then TP out just as you are supposed to do. Underaged looking avatars naked in a sex sim looks like a TOS violation from my back porch.

  26. LockJaw

    Feb 17th, 2010

    Hard Alley may be vigilant but isn’t that one of the sim owners (Bebe Pink) nude in the same pic as the nude child AV?

  27. Midnight Rider

    Feb 17th, 2010

    I was solicited by a young girl during a visit to the Crack Den. She wanted trade sex to get drugs for her father.
    Role Play of this type is definitely not my forte, I quickly left the sim.

  28. Supply Chain

    Feb 20th, 2010

    Stroker made a reply here in this thread:

    Martin Bane aka Jumpman Lane the Bane of our lives :)

    “221. Feb 19, 2010 10:51 PM in response to: Brenda Connolly
    Re: Is the “HumpBoy Lame” object harassing?

    “..But this has been an ongoing battle between he and Stroker, neither side can claim any moral high ground.”

    Brenda, I respect your opinions, but let’s set the record straight here. This has been a ONE MAN WAR perpetuated against myself, my business and my real life. NEVER..EVER have I spoken to this character, engaged him or contacted him. I am going to go against my better judgement and give him exactly what he wants from all of you. Attention. To wit:

    1. I have not created month’s (six and counting) of blogs dedicated to defaming/embarrasing/alienating him as he has here:

    2. I don’t post comments on my Twitter such as:

    “Tweeples i think Stroker Serpentine’s rl wife’s lips burnt up black from smokin that shit! crack monster!

    “Stroker Serpentine Creates Age-Play Sex Toy in Defiance of Linden Lab

    3. I haven’t attacked his real life as he has done on my real life wikipedia page (150 plus edits and counting) as “Martin Bane” to which he bragged as doing in these very forums:

    4.I have not made disparaging comments about his wife (assuming he has one) on the Official Forums as he has done on numerous occasions in full view of Forum Moderators in receipt of Abuse Reports.

    5. I have never burned an effigy of him and publicized it grid wide with no intervention by Linden Lab after numerous AR’s.

    6. I have never claimed to be acting on behalf of Linden Lab:

    JumpmanLane ya know, they greenlighted @StrokerSerp. open season!

    7. I have never posted group notices making accusations of “Kiddie Porn”:

    Group Notice: Jumpman Lane’s Slut Magazine(c) RDR Sent by: Jumpman Lane: What Spurred the Eros Kiddie Porn Scandal?

    8. I don’t show up at event’s and grief him intentionally and then brag about it in a blog.

    9. I have never made accusations of content theft/pedophilia/age-play against him.

    10. I have never been banned from SL, a plethora of forums, Ning or any other social media.

    SIX MONTHS THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON. If ANYONE can produce ANY contact, retaliatory measure or antagonism I have perpetuated prior to this “parody”, post it here, or better yet, send it to Mr. Lane. He’ll be sure to edit it for context and add it to his rag. This has not been anything close to a “battle”. It has been well documented and commented on as a personal vendetta under the guise of “Stand up against Stroker, he’s going to ruin your Second Life!”.

    I get that not everyone agrees with our litigation against Linden Lab. I understand I am somewhat of a public figure. Take all the shots you want, I have broad shoulders and thick skin. But leave my family and friends out of it. Only the most juvenile of mentalities resort to such tactics.

    In a moment of therapeutic retaliation, after 6 months of biting my tongue, ignoring him and going against great advice from my attorneys, family and friends, I deviously made a parody no less defaming than being burned on a cross. If you choose to perceive it as rape or age-play that’s your choice. Accuse me of it and I’ll see you in court. Such accusations can be the death nail for adult content creators. And, contrary to popular belief, I don’t depend on SL for all of my income. Eros, LLC is a legitimate, licensed and reputable company.

    I have AR’d all I am going to AR and it is clear to me that Linden Lab is not going to adjudicate a resident v. resident dispute. I’m okay with that. But I am not going to sit down for any more of this character assasination. He has now crossed a legal line of defamation and slander with accusations of pedophilia on the web, not just in Second Life. Was he antagonized? Absolutely! Was it childish? Damn straight! I found it particularly delicious after months of unsolicited abuse, when the tables were turned he goes bwaahhing butt-hurt (sic) to Linden Lab:

    @BlondinLinden heheheh Stroker is defaming me in second life! i filed ars and yapped with support! I need my Linden alt to look into thangs!

    @mlindenSL I’m being griefed in world i need ya help REAL bad!

    And all of this from a “self-confessed” Duke Grad?

    But then I suspected it all along. He can dish it but he can’t take it. Now I know. I claim no “moral high ground” here. I mean, fgs my entire entrepreneural career is questionable. I’m okay with that too. But I will NOT sit idly by while my RL company, RL family and SL friends are manipulated, slandered and defamed. That’s what attorneys are for. (pssst…here’s next months content for you..I can see the headlines now!)

    So file your AR’s..pontificate/ajudicate/cojole ad nauseum..You are all willing participants in his narcissistic game. I will return to ignoring him now. Thanks for playing. Nothing to see here.

    “the enemies of linden lab are pikers, sure! but we are after one thing: powah! and we mean business!” J.L.”

  29. nadir

    Feb 22nd, 2010

    That flickr image has surfaced before in attempts to defame CD — the viewer which took the screenshot was running an exploit to make certain avatars appear without clothing layers (confirmed by the many who appear in that scene which happens to be in the middle of main street). No doubt, this was created by disgruntled players and trolls who were banned from the sims for misconduct or failure to be a decent player; got plenty of those folk running around SL.

    Communities like CD, Hard Alley, etc. have not just survived, but thrived since 2006 or longer — wouldn’t have been possible if both community and admins weren’t vigilant.

  30. Cirus

    Feb 23rd, 2010


    And Bill Clinton did not inhale that joint he was smoking in his dorm room during his college years.

  31. [...] gal who done blowed up Pappy’s trailer when he were runnin’ fo’ mayor o’ Hard Alley. Here they [...]

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