Obvious Schism — Post 6 Box

by Alphaville Herald on 29/03/10 at 11:58 am

[During the comments last week, one of my favorite avatars volunteered to pose nude for Post 6 and I immediately jumped at the chance. I met Obvious Schism at one of the Post 6 Parties and have been a big fan ever since, so it is an especial treat to present this week's Post 6 Model, Obvious Schism. ~Timothy Morpork]

Obvious Schism

Hello Herald readers!

There has been a lot of criticism about the Post 6 feature, particularly about the lack of diversity in the avatars so presented and more recently about the motivations of the models and ethics of the photographer. So to try and redress the balance, and as promised, I offer myself here fully unclothed. I just hope I don’t get a panel of teak photoshopped onto one of my sides as its becoming an endangered species and I couldn’t condone its use in any shape or form.

I tend to hang out in the more popular sandpaper sims where I can mix with all the other wooden folk and swap tips for building really complicated avatars. We have formed a splinter group that specializes in pushing the Linden Scripting Language to its limits whilst at the same time going back to basics in terms of visual presentation. We find the juxtaposition of the two aspects highly stimulating so do come and join us if you have a few hours to spare. Often the talk there is about body image and stereotypical representations of form, so it’s well worth coming along. Sometimes we get so deeply engrossed in our conversations that we forget about building and just look at each other from different angles. If you had ever seen a piece of highly polished 4” by 2” glinting in the glow of a Second Life sunset you would know how easily it is to be distracted from your tasks. RAWR!!

Obvious Schism

I also like to capture RP in the Mainland Forest sims as for some reason, it just makes me feel at home to be in amongst all those trees. It’s a spiritual thing I guess, like going back to my roots. And of course for the more serious RP scenes, the advantage of being made out of plywood is that restraint devices can actually be screwed right into your body – so no chance of escape there! Unless you happen to have a screwdriver handy, of course. Which reminds me, I also have a small shop in Hardknott selling linseed oil products, fixings and tools. Check it out!

Obvious Schism

As you can see, I also do a lot of shopping, and probably spend most of my time in-world trying out different varnishes and paints. You’d be amazed at the variety of tints available and depending on the occasion, I can usually find one to suit the mood. I’m currently looking for a nice outfit to wear at my forthcoming wedding to a scaffolding board, though we haven’t set a firm date yet. So watch this space for the official announcement and expect there to be lots of little wooden boxes produced in the subsequent months!

Ok enough about me, so it’s over to you dear readers. Toodlepip!

42 Responses to “Obvious Schism — Post 6 Box”

  1. Sylauxe

    Mar 29th, 2010


  2. Skye D.

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Hehehehehe… Obvious Schism FTW.

  3. Senban Babii

    Mar 29th, 2010


    Post 6 Instant Classic!

    If there’s ever another Post 6 party, and I hope there is, you’ve got to turn up like this! If only because we’d have somewhere to put our drinks 8P

  4. Urizenus

    Mar 29th, 2010

    This gave me a woody.

  5. JustMe

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Just looking at those nude pictures gives me a woody !

  6. Scylla Rhiadra

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Um, since when have all three shots in Post 6 featured full frontal (???) nudity? Didn’t Timothy explicitly note in the last Post 6 that there was a long-standing tradition, by which he always abided, that the first and second shots feature the avatar dressed?

    Really, this is a new low for Post 6. I’m shocked, and not fir the first time. I wish Marilyn were back at the elm of this feature, to ensure that this kind of egregious violation not occur, and to generally spruce up the writing. Timothy, you should just leaf well enough alone. You’ve really made an ash of yourself this time!

  7. Marianne

    Mar 29th, 2010

    /me rolls over laughing… OK Scylla, I agree…. with all the prim clothes today the box could at least wear a bandanna….

    But I must say I like Timothy’s use of windlight this time. He really made that plywood look special, good job! ;)

  8. Gaara Sandalwood

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Bravo. Excellent job.

  9. Darien Caldwell

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Clearly photoshopped.

  10. Antonius Misfit

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @Darien: It is clearly *NOT* Photoshopped! All those right angles are purely natural and any noob who suffered box-on-head syndrome will tell you the same ;)

  11. Edna

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Actually, getting sexually excited over a computed generated box is not that far fetched if a computer generated character does it for you. I’m sure there has been plenty of Kleenex used since these photos were posted.

  12. Obvious Schism

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @ those getting woodies and/or fapping

    /me blushes and tuns to a shade of rosewood pink

    @ Senban


    @ photoshop conspiracy theorists

    It’s 100% real

    @ Scylla

    Woodn’t it be nice if all Post 6 features were like this?

    @ everyone

    Thanks for the great comments :)

  13. Senban Babii

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @Obvious Schism

    LMAO so you did! I’d forgotten about you turning up like this at Party 2 8D

  14. LOL

    Mar 29th, 2010

    Oh damn, I think Linden Lab owns the trademark for the wood texture… better make shure that you do not get a DMCA filed against ya.

  15. Miss J

    Mar 29th, 2010

    The last picture looks dim and I believe it washes out your face obvious schism. Timothy you suck! You can’t even take a decent photo of a box!

    /me end’s the obvious sarcasm.

  16. pythagorus

    Mar 29th, 2010

    That first picture reminds me of Waterhead “It all begins with a cube”

    But uh, look, the photographer apparently caught a couple of Cyan coloured UFOs hovering around Obvious, no doubt marvelling at the geometric excitement of all those perfect right angles. Ah….

  17. Shyayn Lusch

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @ Timothy – Brilliant!

    @Obvious Schism – I don’t think I could have done it better myself! BRAVO! Absolutely fabulous. I had a thing for wood before, but I think you’ve taken it to a whole new level! *fangirls herself*

    @Scylla – I think the full-frontal shots really make this Post 6! ROFL

    @LOL – Outstanding. I think you’re the kind of talent that LL would love to have on board. Perhaps you should offer them a free consultation and see where it goes.

  18. NebulaCS

    Mar 29th, 2010

    this is so wonderfully. your box repping! woo. as a former griefer i just find this witty. but hey why dont we have post 6 MEN or at least lonley bluebird covering up his e penor with a cd. come on what about the faggets that read this shit?

  19. Persephone Bolero

    Mar 29th, 2010

    I find this display to be sad and disturbing. The media continue to force us to think of beauty as a perfect cube. But most of us cannot be perfect cubes or live up to such impossible ideals. Some cubes are tapered -0.5 on the x axis. Others are hollow by as much as 95 percent! We come in many shapes and sizes, and it is wrong to objectify shapes to satisfy your sick sexual cube fantasies. Shapes are not your masturbation accessories!

    As a BBS (big beautiful sphere), the discrimination I face everyday is the source of so much pain and anguish. If you only knew the suffering we face, you’d see just how horrible you cube-lovers are.

  20. Scylla Rhiadra

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @Obvious Schism – Well, I don’t know that EVERY Post 6 should be like this. But I will say that this is the best Post 6 I’ve ever read. Period.

    @Persephone — I’m with you, sister. It’s nice to be on the same side of an important social issue for once. I’ve sent you a notecard with info on in-world counseling services that are available for BBSs like you and me. Also, a placard for our next information picket at the head offices of Cubemopolitan Magazine. It IS possible to both overcome discrimination, and feel good about who we are, FOR what we are. I know . . . I’ve been through it.

  21. Jumping Jack Flash

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @persephone bolero said…

    “As a BBS (big beautiful sphere), the discrimination I face everyday…”

    This scored you an unprecedented +10 from the Russian judge.

    Well played Morpork and nice box, Obvious.

  22. LOL

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @Shyayn Lusch

    …”Perhaps you should offer them [Linden Lab] a free consultation and see where it goes.”’

    I would rather have a colonoscopy at a teaching collage then volunteer at Linden Lab

  23. Obvious Schism

    Mar 29th, 2010

    @ Persephone

    I’m sorry to hear about the discrimination you have been subjected to. I’m going to smooth down my edges with some sandpaper as a sign of solidarity. Us primitive objects need to stick together.

    @ pythagorus

    Yes we were visited by aliens during the photoshoot. They had picked up a transmission from Treet TV and so were interested in how things are made in Second Life.

    @ Jumping Jack Flash & Shyayn

    Thanks! Lets meet up sometime ;)

    @ LOL

    The Lindens wouldn’t dare DMCA me. I’ve got so much dirt on them that they shit themselves every time I log on. Lets just say that we have a mutual understanding – they let me do what I want and I keep the information to myself. For now.

    @ everyone

    More terrific comments. Love you all. MWAH

  24. Pappy Enoch

    Mar 30th, 2010

    Am Helena in that-there box?

    The post am perfect, but Obvious forgot to mention the part about RPing a slave-crate in Gor and the stripper job down at the Varsol plant.

  25. Diane Garsdale

    Mar 30th, 2010

    With so much glorious nudity and in light of recent events, it’s hard to look at these pictures without expecting some worried relative to step forward.

    I hope this time the photographer remembered to get the consent of someone higher up the family tree.

  26. marilyn murphy

    Mar 30th, 2010

    it is very hard for me to criticize a post sixx. i normally applaud the diversity, and encourage all to participate. but in this case i fear i have to knock on wood.

    the poses were simply awful. poor schizm appears frankly wooden in all of them. look at the second pose for instance. that pose has the angles all wrong and he looks stiff and hard. it makes me want to nail him.

    the nudity is inappropriate in the first two, scandalizing the heritage rooted in tradition. he should have spruced up and worn at least a stain on a couple sides i should think.

  27. Senban Babii

    Mar 30th, 2010

    Got to love the way everyone can suddenly cedar bad puns inherent in a Fence Post 6 of this nature XD

    Actually, this just in!

    The JLU has recruited Obvious Schism To replace Maverick Grunfeld as the group’s Batman. Mr Schism is now looking to change his avatar name to Spruce Wayne.

    Oh dear, that one may not prove to be poplar…..

  28. James Larken Smith

    Mar 30th, 2010

    Quote – “As you can see, I also do a lot of shopping, and probably spend most of my time in-world trying out different varnishes and paints.”

    As a former paint & coatings researcher, this is most definetly that best Post 6 ever! I could get into this hotty!

  29. Sinead McMillan

    Mar 30th, 2010

    please, just let me state, gazen at this sexy prim as wel, hahaha – that since the kalel /jlu issue the alphaville herald as an journalistic entity improved to the very best sl-blog, indeed. cheers for that & carry on :-)

  30. Sinead McMillan

    Mar 30th, 2010

    …sorry for the typo, had a view good french wines

  31. corona anatine

    Mar 30th, 2010

    pics 2 and 3 -Very Magritte

  32. This is simply horrid!

    All erotic geometry must be expunged. This box provides a prime example of the utter depravity of Second Life.

    Fie, Fie, Herald! Whither hast fled thy formerly high standards?

  33. Diane Garsdale

    Mar 31st, 2010

    The end of the world must be at close, close hand when Miss Petunia begins to f*ck up her grammar.

    “hast” is clearly the second person SINGULAR.

  34. Levity Monday

    Mar 31st, 2010

    @ Diane Garsdale

    It’s “close at hand” — just to pick a nit.

    You’re right about the wrong use of “hast”, though. Sorry, Miss P.

  35. IntLibber Brautigan

    Mar 31st, 2010

    You guys are all missing the most obvious pun for a plywood centerfold:

    “I’d nail that!”

  36. Debi Dastardly

    Mar 31st, 2010

    Wow Sexy ……Nice one Timothy
    @Scylla…..oh hell never mind

    But I will say this:
    Never argue with an idiot they will drag you down the their level and beat you with experience. :)

  37. Good heavens. I stand corrected. I believe that “hath” would be correct usage in this instance.

    Well, it goes to show that civilized people do continue to associate themselves with this publication.

    Since they have both demonstrated superior intellectual skills and refined taste, would Miss (I presume) Monday and Miss Garsdale undertake a more pressing grammatical mission?

    Someone simply must halt Mr. Jumpman Lane’s murder of the Queen’s English with some harsh lessons, or, failing that, cut out his tongue and chop off his filth-encrusted fingers.

    You may decide which course is best.



  38. Levity Monday

    Apr 1st, 2010

    Oh dear, this is so disappointing.

    Where have fled the days that you fought your own battles, Miss P.?

    If I may make a suggestion: lead by example, teach by example.

    I did a little research on the man you propose I give a public bollocking and it turns out he is the publisher of a well-read magazine (an electronic publication no less, the one that can be read without the use of any hands).

    Why not submit an article in your impeccable prose? Surely such a gem would provide the contrast to make him see the error of his ways?

  39. Miss Monday,

    That is such a wonderful idea! It will certainly be a new project I undertake. I am at work, however, on a feature piece for Miss Mistral about my visits to several Linden Lab office hours, at which I raise vital concerns about the smut that is so rampant in Second Life, including–shudder–the vulgar hair-styles that should have been banned under the new Terms of Service.

    Crass hair is, of course, the harbinger of sin.

    Since Mr. Lane has such poor taste in clothing and hair, I shall slay two birds with one stone and confront the Lindens with the man’s many affronts to public decency and refined sensibilities.

  40. Betty Boop's Thyroid

    Apr 1st, 2010

    I’ve seen this happen on three consecutive threads now, and thus is born Boop’s Law.

    Boop’s Law (also known as Boop’s Rule of Lane Analogies or Boop’s Law of Lane Devolution) is a ‘humorous’ observation made by Betty Boop’s Thyroid in 2010 which has become an Internet adage. It states: “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability that the thread will devolve into a discussion of Jumpman Lane’s general level of suckiness approches 1″

  41. Prettyboy fred

    Apr 2nd, 2010

    I guess I am too jaded. I couldn’t fap. :/

  42. Archie

    Apr 6th, 2010

    Nice Grain,
    lovely curves
    well defined figure

    She’s a keeper!

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