Draft of M Linden’s E-mail Found In Recycling Bin
by Alphaville Herald on 14/06/10 at 11:47 am
Message from The Corner Office: This Ain’t No Love Machine
by Journey Yellowlist, Investigative Reporter
Greetings,
Thursday was a challenging but historic and important day for Linden Lab, and it completely blew my golf score, too, thinking about the angry mob soon coming for me. We undertook a gutting of our best talent strategic restructuring to prepare for a buyout strengthen our business and enable us to run away move faster and with more focus on money money money the things that matter. While it will have important ramifications down the line for Second Life, especially when I’m on the job market and prospective employers ask if I’m a Furry or Dominatrix in real life too, rest assured that there are no fundamental changes planned to our experience or platform. After all, there was no sense in polishing the handrails on the Titanic, either.
Our decision to restructure the company was based on our feeling that we were moving too slowly on important strategic initiatives before we sell the company, such as piling up stores of capital from naked fat men in basements, so we have decided to gradually fire the rest of our staff until it’s only me and an intern from UC Berkeley who knows how to turn the servers on and off. We have also streamlined customer support so that it can do even less as we piss off existing users while failing to gain new ones. These decisions resulted in significant job eliminations and this tends to be what press and bloggers focus on because those fags actually care about human beings, unlike the beady-eyed Social Darwinists who have steadily wrecked the rest of the US economy. Why should our firm be any different?
I am writing to you directly because I want you to know that Second Life – and Linden Lab itself – is in very good shape (for my retirement fund). As a company, Linden Lab remains financially very stable, rather like the Somali economy. I recall Dylan’s line that “when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.” Soon enough, that will be us. We will close this year with record discontent and hopefully record users (on other platforms). Second Life is sound, just like the Whig Party in 1856.
As a platform for all manner of bizarre sexual practices land scams, and drama-fests, Second Life remains as vibrant and healthy as ever. By bringing new people to Second Life, we are paving the way for even more disappointment when the platform folds.
It is during times like this that I throw things and drink too much partnerships are tested and I – as CEO – want you to know that we value our partnership with you and that Second Life and Linden Lab are solid. This kind of transition is difficult for any company, but it need not be difficult for our customers if they’d just shut the hell up. Our restructuring leaves Linden Lab in a stronger position for selling out to someone who might salvage this disaster.
Best regards,
Your CEO
Coke
Jun 14th, 2010
The ironic part is that they probably do talk about us like that behind closed doors!
IntLibber Brautigan
Jun 14th, 2010
Quite. It should be evident to anyone who isn’t still tripping on the kool aid that M and pals are still playing the AOL/EA Games playbook.
We are seeing a true juxtaposition in the media this past week between Linden Lab and SpaceX. Both high tech startup companies. One builds success by reaching for the stars and delivering valuable service at prices below industry average. The other builds a false appearance of success by screwing over their customers left and right in a race to reach the IPO/Sellout before the cashflow craters.
Gundel Gaukelei
Jun 14th, 2010
@Coke: After years of dealing with lusers customers I can tell you the bofh speak talk behind the curtain is rather likely way worse.
It's Unfixable
Jun 14th, 2010
@IntLibber – obviously completely clueless, Linden Lab is bloated with cash and they’re not worried about it. They’re not trying to push toward an IPO – why would they?
What they ARE doing is finding out what a lot of businesses these days are finding out: that this offshore outsourcing thing is more trouble than it’s worth. Closing their offices in Germany and Singapore is an admission of that. Paying 30 cents on the dollar for developers sounds great until you figure in how much time it takes to communicate and all the crap that results from bad communication, and it obviously hasn’t been working.
This means they have to do some major restructuring and severe some gangrenous limbs. Still pretty grave stuff, but as usual you’re demonstrating the same sharp business mind that drove your own tiny empire into the virtual dirt.
IntLibber Brautigan
Jun 14th, 2010
Unfixable Linden,
Obviously a Linden kool aid sock puppet, most of the people they canned were NOT located overseas, and they kept on board demonstrably corrupt and stupid wastes of space like Harry and Jack, who they have moving to SF.
As for my own “sharp business mind”, one normally doesn’t plan for ones biggest supplier to steal all your money and seize all your property. I suppose driving away some of their biggest customers via stealing their stuff is just “restructuring” eh?
Tux
Jun 14th, 2010
As one who successfully upset three lindens on Help Island. I can confirm, as Gundel said, they speak far worse. In fact Chiyo’s most irritating whining tones turn quite comical when shouting swear words at ‘the stupid fucking arsehole english hack man’ – Hahaha, too funny.
I am just pissed that Harry stays (for the time being). He is such a dick.
It's Unfixable
Jun 14th, 2010
Wait wait – so, you fail to pay your bills, and they stole YOUR money?
ROFLMAO!!
Karen Palen
Jun 14th, 2010
“Wait wait – so, you fail to pay your bills, and they stole YOUR money?”
You forged ration coupons and complain about being sent to a “re-orientation camp?” – diary of Anne Frank
Gundel Gaukelei
Jun 14th, 2010
@Karen Palen: Are you Glenn Becks vacation replacement?
It's Unfixable
Jun 14th, 2010
@Tux – anybody who pisses you off is obviously doing his job correctly.
Tux
Jun 15th, 2010
Perhaps, doesn’t stop he being a dick!
Patrona
Jun 15th, 2010
Does this mean we should all take our L$ and run for the hills?
marilyn murphy
Jun 15th, 2010
in 2003, the lindens claimed to be going broke and sold lifetime memberships for a limited time. the rumor and the speculation was that sl was going under. then came the tax revolt. then came the botched uploads, then came the {insert crisis here}.
my simple point is that for the last 7 years i have been hearing about the imminent demise of sl.
i do believe that circumstances could occur which would cause the lights to go out. my cynicism just comes from, gosh, isnt that just like last years crises?
Archie
Jun 15th, 2010
Excellent
(Mr Burns rubs his bony hands together)
IntLibber Brautigan
Jun 15th, 2010
Marilyn,
Actually in 2003 LL was on the verge of going broke, they were down to 30 employees and were burning through their last million when they hit on the idea of selling land and letting people trade L$ for USD. The rest is history. Everybody who came up with the ideas for that true freee market is gone now, even Philip is off playing with his Love Machine project. They’ve been replaced by people who know jack and squat about building a thriving dynamic free economy.
It's Unfixable
Jun 15th, 2010
As contrasted to IntLibber, who.. wait, we all know already.
Father Jones
Jun 15th, 2010
The only reason Linden Lab claims they are solid financially is because they earn millions of dollars on illegal gambling, still and speaking as of today. The firm buying them out is screwed once they realise they need to shut down the gambling maffia in Second Life and see their estimated earnings drop like a rock. Buying a company with crooks is the worst thing a serious company can do.
Pappy Enoch
Jun 15th, 2010
Hey, Father Jones! From the sound o’ them posts you am the LittleLostLinden o’ wagerin’ an’ suchlike. Gotta love a feller who got him a pony what can do only one trick.
Anysohow, I loves me some gamblin’ so if’n you gots any high-roller card-games wif them big-bugs just slide that-there info my way.
Craps are good too: Up the holler we rolls them bones agin’ the side o’ the Crapper.
Sinead McMillan
Jun 15th, 2010
karen is okay.
other thing is: the whole thing is a lame duck. nowadays.
this makes me angry.
and i dunno how to mirror it.
Curious
Jun 16th, 2010
@pappy
Any thoughts on Greenies leaving the grid?
General Drama
Jun 16th, 2010
jacklinden tweets:
I’m at Le Meridien Hotel (333 Battery Street, Clay, San Francisco). http://4sq.com/aCCjnv
Pappy Enoch
Jun 16th, 2010
@Curious–No more aliens a-comin’ by on flyin’ cups an’ plates or whatever the hell it are, after my famberly and the livestock for them butt-probe things them critters likes to do.
I telled them lil’ green rascals to go get Jumpman Lane befo’ they left SL, tho. That boy got a butt they needs to look after.