Kicking Second Life Addiction – A Life Outside The Grid
by Alphaville Herald on 24/11/11 at 9:58 pm
by Tenshi Vielle - founder & former publisher of Shopping Cart Disco
I joined Second Life in 2006, and it wasn't long before I was meeting folks on the grid and making a digital name for myself, something I never had when I was growing up. As a child, I was far too smart and far too shy to be bothered with any social aspects of life. Second Life, strangely, was my foray into a niche-type fame (or infamy as many of you may be apt to categorize me) from running a 2,000 to 3,000 and sometimes 5,000 hit-a-day website that operated solely on the gossip on the grid and attempting to fight the good fight -- and making enemies in the process.
Tenshi Vielle in Second Life (file photo)
My time spent on the Second Life grid was an entire escape from reality. In late 2005, I was pregnant, going to school, and working 3 part time jobs. By 2006, I had my baby and had joined Second Life after seeing an article in Wired magazine - and joining simply to laugh at the ridiculous hype this virtual world was getting.
I began making friends in-world, and logging in was a daily thing after my morning cup of coffee. When I wasn't out with my family, my newborn slept on my lap or in a seat near my feet. The burdens of my real life built up, so I threw myself into building something I could actually manage in Second Life - a small, stong website, a reputation, a cause to log in. I spent a lot of time supporting the artists of SL, large and small. They became my close friends.
When I found myself with one part time job and the baby, I found employment in the virtual world with a real-life company on a short term basis. It became more of an excuse to log in, because they were sending me actual checks with official pay stubs. My newborn was growing, I couldn't shake the baby weight between caring for him, my so-called depression, and attempting to care for my injured baby-daddy who had also moved in with myself and my family.
The burdens grew. Folks who didn't like me in the virtual world stalked me, called me all kinds of names, harassed me, blamed me for ruining their birthdays, even their anniversaries. It got ridiculous.
Shortly afterwards I was also moving in real life to find a job. The economy in my home state was tanking hard, and I was sorely affected. I worked a job as a janitor - yes, any port in a storm - and not only caught scabies that year, but pinkeye, two cases of the flu, and god knows what else. It was not a job I wanted to continue.
Logging in became more and more of a chore, and I had lost my desktop computer in favor of a laptop. In desperation, I elected co-administrators on my website and began dealing with social issues and helping with stories for the site via text message while at my new job. It was just too much.
I never realized I was so deep into Second Life until a tiff over administrative rights on the website caused me to dump my virtual best friend, which pulled a domino affect into other online friendships and caused me a lot of personal pain. I'd never cried over anything in the virtual world before - not the digital riff raff, griefers, nothing - but this was different and I realized I was far too invested with people I didn't even really know anything about.
My virtual life fed my ego in a way my real life couldn't - my word was important to other SL users. I could assist making a virtual artist, or help bring them down - something I attempted to avoid doing until I felt just cause for it. The group I fell in was small, cliquish and petty, sniping at each other and then being the world's greatest frenemies scripted by a bad episode of Desperate Housewives. Ostracization was a favorite technique of theirs.
I had more virtual shoes and clothing than I did in my real life - and I had, at one time, owned a lot of shoes and clothing in my real life. I had more hair styles in my virtual life.
After being homeless in real life for about a month, after getting kicked out of my "midway" place after moving (but thankfully keeping my newly aquired job) I attempted to continue work on the site as I had before, but couldn't.
My life was still a mess. In the course of three years, we rented an apartment; we bought a house; then my relationship went so far south that I thought I was at the cusp of hell. I sold my web site for $200 and used some of the money to pay for an apartment for a month so that I could escape my dissolved relationship and move on.
I kept my virtual friends up on what was going on in my real life and why I was absent, but my own life narration began to sound absolutely ridiculous even to me, despite the fact that I was living it. How could anyone go through so many horrible things and be able to talk about it online and believe it? There are so many sociopaths in Second Life who make up horrible stories (including medical diseases and traumas) for attention, but I wasn't one of them. I was simply logging what was actually happening to me, which was as hard for me to believe as the one living it as anyone reading it.
My virtual life is in shambles now. I rarely ever log in - I think I was last online about two weeks ago, for a half an hour. I couldn't find anything I wanted to do, and everyone who was online on my friends list seemed completely foreign to me.
Those friends I had in Second Life that I truly loved, I took with me to my first life. They are on my personal Plurk account, they are on my Facebook. I stayed at one SL friend's for a week after I left my relationship and my home. She allowed my son and I to shack up over there until other arrangements could be made, and even drove with me a good 100 miles to make sure everything was going to be alright.
Although my virtual life no longer exists, I prefer my real life. Second Life has become secondary, although I am not completely sure whether it's due to my real life becoming so busy (work and a small child) or if it's because Second Life, in general, seems vacant save for my old friends that still hang around. I now have a low profile and the virtual stalkers have moved on to other prey. I have no idea what is going on with the artists I used to help protect - I believe many of them have moved on from Second Life as well.
I firmly believe the worst and best thing about Second Life was how heavily it was propelled by its users - and how often it was held back by its developers.
As for Second Life in my real life, I spoke about it often while I was still involved heavily. Now it's like a dirty secret. My friend asked me how I knew one of my Second Life friends last night, and I hemmed and hawwed and avoided answering all I could until I could avoid no longer, and gave a very vague answer. It's not the friends in Second Life I'm trying to keep hidden; it's the fact that I was once so deeply involved in something that revolved so heavily around basic social psychology, and that I so easily handled it, that becomes embarrassing.
Those of you still hanging around Second Life more than 2 hours a day, I would advise you to please consider logging out for a while and doing something else. Go out, talk to a stranger, ask them about the weather. Keep your virtual life, but learn how to keep it proportionate. Video games only temporarily assist in making a person feel better. The secondary benefit is that Second Life, as a platform, appears to be tanking. Unless there's a sudden resurgence of popularity due to the open development available (with no support from the developers themselves) you are, so to speak, putting your money in a hole.
IntLibber Brautigan
Dec 14th, 2011
pinterest.com/martneen/awkward-family-photos/
When I saw this, I immediately thought: “Second Life Yearbook”
Reader
Dec 14th, 2011
the meat thermometer says this one is way past done.
Jumpman Lane
Dec 15th, 2011
Where’s the muck!
Ara
Dec 17th, 2011
I must say I am genuinely stunned by the backlash around SL, plurk, twitter etc from people I had thought were Tenshi’s friends. Especially from those who professed to be the ‘good girls’ – shows you how much I don’t know.
I wish Tenshi nothing but goodwill in whatever she chooses to do. I will definitely miss her.
candid
Dec 18th, 2011
@ Ara, the backlash is nothing compared to the backlash Tenshi caused to peoples reps and their business, what did you actually expect
Edna
Dec 18th, 2011
Merry Christmas everyone. Seriously.
Pussycat Catnap
Dec 19th, 2011
To Tenshi: Best of luck. I’ve been in bad times as well and its not easy. But it can get better. Its particularly tough these days, but a person can survive. I myself hit rock bottom in ’91 – homeless for a short stint.
When you’re in survival mode, something like SL is an undesirable distraction. Once you’ve got your feet under you again, and are steady there – look to return here or some other presence. I personally cut my ties with all but one person I knew before 91, even my own family until 96 (The one person I kept contact with was originally out of concern, as he’d fallen into a deeper pit than me).
Sometimes it helps to move on.
There are some folks who absolutely love to kick a dog when its down. I would suggest that those doing so consider a little soul searching instead.
Does it really matter if someone hurt you in the past? Is this really the time for such? Try reaching a hand out instead. Whether or not you’re Christian, consider the message of that faith’s founder: Love your neighbor is not about when times are easy.
Axel Oakleaf
Dec 19th, 2011
@Pussycat Catnap.
This,
I’ve been hated on for being a plushie and such and people seem to kick me when i’m down and such.
I think that the people who hate on me for it,should do some soul searching instead of attacking me and never forgiving me for stuff.
I was raised Catholic myself and i was taught to forgive your neighbor and stuff. What is so hard about forgiving someone?
Ara
Dec 19th, 2011
@ candid – ah so its payback, of course, why didn’t I see that. Considering the bitchfest that plurk is, i should not have been surprised. However I did expect more from people who claim to be mature adults. Perhaps this is what a virtual environment can do to you. Perhaps this is why Tenshi left. Who knows.
Bunjie
Dec 20th, 2011
@Axel Oakleaf
Taking a leaf out of “@Readers” book:
I was just passing and happened to read your comment, I had no idea he was a furrie and was being forced out of SL, and going by my current trends I’d likely only treat him a little more favorably as furries are my weak spot. {try not to take note’s kalel
}
At this point Axel Oakleaf seems normal to me though I don’t know anything other than what has just been posted under his identity, plus what I found in 1 Google search that I did to help me validate what you’re saying about him, but his name sounds familiar and if it’s from the JLU thing he’s certainly not someone I believe I’ve focused on.
I usually don’t Google names from here as that’d be a bit creepy but as you mentioned the plush thing I wanted to look up his name in case it was another attempt to fuck ‘no pun intended’ with readers / commentators minds through this site, and if you’ve been here and I’ve not noticed you at all, it’s likely you at least know how I like to point things out others might not have thought of while being a massive douche bag about it.
Self deprecating humor, gotta love it! :3 <3 let's blow some steam!
"I’ve been hated on for being a plushie and such and people seem to kick me when i’m down and such."
If you are who you say you are and I have no reason to believe you are, as I have the feeling you're someone else impersonating him in order to defame him by making statements that usually only griefers would obsess over, I'll try to address it to you through a 3rd party perspective.
That's only if he let's them and the real Axel Oakleaf seems to have applied some strength of character and decided he wants to stay inSL™ and ignore the groups that want him to leave, as he seems to have edited his forum post on LL's forums that explained why he was leaving to basically 'I've decided to stay'.
tl;dr some shit happened, a furrie decided to stay inSL™.
So he's on the right track where as unless you use the 3 sea shells you're not, especially here as names are not enough evidence of an expressed identity, although linking helps to quickly identify and ask a persona directly who is being impersonated it still fosters impersonation without another level of validation.
Comments can sit here for years and not be known to the person whos being impersonated, until it's too late and whatever's been said has sunk into peoples subconscious with no recourse for challenge.
Tateru Nino has a WP plugin that allows a person to authenticate a comment to the link using open-id which is what should have been installed on here when they migrated, that would help us shave off some of the miss understandings and doubts about who said what.
{note to LL: Dear Linden Lab post up and maintain a WP plugin for 3rd party blog sites so we can use our MySL profiles to authenticate our comments on 3rd party sites via open-id, and post them to our profile streams via trackbacks to mySL}
But a link and a number posted here and on a site only Axel Oakleaf could edit would authenticate you as him, but I doubt you'd bother to authenticate that statement.. and will likely avoid doing so because I don't think you can and because realistically what you just said as him could be taken as defamation of character in some bawwing circles.
Though if you're him well it's not something most normal people care about unless you're being defamed by it and have a sensitivity to things you're not engaged in being mixed with the first person perspective that other people view of you.
And it's not a bad thing but you know it can be frowned upon in some circles, inherently it's just another form of sexuality but we all have tolerance limits and society usually extends those to things far outside plushism and griefers don't.
The only people who should be bothering him is greifers and those can be dealt with by muting them and not taking it to heart, but if he's been around here / inSL™ and had the bad end of the stick he should by now have a high tolerance and thick fur for the comment incorporated bullshit that @'s his way.
To be clear from my end, if he was EX-JLU or some other failed vigilante recruit I have no interest in wanting him to leave and neither should anyone else, or based on what I said above are you talking about groups like the PN or other furries who don't like some quirkier parts of furrieism? that are trying to push him out?
I mention the JLU because someone replies to him and he is quoted as stating "some drama with the JLU" I didn't bother reading the whole thread as I'm not that interested in being creepy around him but on a side note his fursuits nice.
If it's the real griefers well they can go fuck themselves because if politics and or what ends up exposed through this site has learned us, it's that the person most often fighting strongly against something is either doing it themselves or a massive hypocrite on some level, and I feel I at least tell you when I'm being a hypocrite where as like the JLU/Kalel etc they wont or will attempt to divert the question from them.
Aka the "I don't comment on 3rd party sites" bullshit.
"I think that the people who hate on me for it,should do some soul searching instead of attacking me and never forgiving me for stuff."
Why would you still listen to someone hating on you and wait for an apology? this is SL you mute and move on or stick to hanging around with furries/humans who aren't douche bags..
If I've treated him like shit through here when I didn't notice he was a furrie I wont apologize, and while him being furrie is something I'd logically be more favorable towards I still can't apologize not least because I don't know how shitty I've been to him through here or if I've even @'d him in the past at all or if you're even him.
I don't mean that to be offensive but I feel It'd be more offensive to him if I was to treat him now with hugs and apologies than I had done previously, just because hes 'come out in context' although you'll likely get an extra <3 for being you if you are in fact the real Axel Oakleaf.
Will the real Axel Oakleaf please stand up? http://youtu.be/sRVd11yQGF0
Anything else would be me bull shitting him/you and I'm not down with that regardless of what I just tried to explain.
Here's the short version tl;dr some shit happened, a furrie decided to stay inSL™ either because the JLU, furrie, or furrie furrie haters have tried to push him out of SL & this guy might be the real Axel Oakleaf with vividly fluffy sexual interests or not.
But I don't care unless the real Axel is being defamed by it and sees this site as a source of the greifers or because someone who hates him is advertising a fact of his life or defaming his fursona.
And if not and if you're him and you've posted it here publicly with it linked to your name then it's not something you still feels gets to you like being called a "furfag" is just so lame, old hat and on some levels to some furries a complement, so why post it in the first place as if you suffer from this perceived insult? or it's a reason for anyone to kick you?
Perhaps the fact is and what you really mean is that if you are him and you publish this all the time as a known fact about you then it's the first thing that comes into their heads when they're being a douche bag, because it's the only thing you put out there as linked to your name? and if it's not an insult as you're used to it by now, how can it effect you as a trigger for them to go further to kick you down?
By now you should have learned to deal with it and mute abusive residents or you're hanging out in entirely the wrong places.
{To be honest I'm lost myself now, LOL this is probably far too long, oh and I'm back :3 <3}
Axel Oakleaf
Dec 20th, 2011
@ Bunjie
I’m Axel Oakleaf,and some people have been nice to me,while some have been mean to me.
Like one person actually threatened me with violence and stuff and told me to diaf. I should have kept the chat logs. I was a member of Gridwatch once,i’ve never been a member of the JLU.
Reader
Dec 20th, 2011
I laughed moar
miss j
Dec 21st, 2011
Chances are Tenshi like the rest of the ” I left sl in a self ego fed rant about how second life sucks now and how my reall is better now ” crowd is probably back on a alt.
James Doe
Dec 21st, 2011
@Bunjie,
So Axel is a person with an SL identity yet you don’t believe that it is really him?
So on that logic all those times asking me for my real SL identity was what?
I mean would you have believed me as well? Seems to me on our parts is useless to try to convince someone like you.
Seems to me you need to figure out what you are saying instead of writing walls of text and getting your self lost in your own comments.
Axel Oakleaf
Dec 22nd, 2011
I’m on Sl,only thing is links to Deviantart don’t work here. My name on there is Axeloakleaf,no space between the word.
Connie Arida
Feb 4th, 2012
Just goes to show that you never really know whats going on beyond the Pixel attitude
Lizzy Bloch
Feb 6th, 2012
second life ruined my 4 yr relationship, I ended up sitting on it 12 – 16 hrs a day and doing only that
Sad
Apr 12th, 2012
I came across this article when researching Second Life. My 21 year old committed suicide. He had the normal young adult troubles of not knowing what he wanted to do with his life, but nothing more that would make him end his life over. I had to investigate more. I needed answers!!! Well after finding phone numbers and calling his friends I found out that he spent majority of his time on Second Life with a different name, a virtual house, a virtual job, virtual friends, virtual money, etc. Come to find out he confided in these “avatars” and shared his inner most secrets. When these “friends” got into altercations, they would blurt out eachothers business on a video amongst their fellow avatars. Well one video went too far…. and now he is gone:( I could not believe my eyes when watching these videos. How people get so involved in this world is beyond me!